I'm afraid to kiss you
to lock our lips
and taste you.
I'm afraid that I will love you
and then you will leave
like most men do.
I'm afraid it won't be enough
to make you stay
and that desire you've always had
will finally go away.
I'm afraid of the damage
you will do to me
before I finally
let you go.

baby
how did you fool my heart
into believing that you were the home
i had been searching for
when really
you were the one
who left me homeless

maybe
when you left
those scars
on my heart
i became
a beautiful poet.

the day I lost you
was the day my knees
begged the floor
to try and lift my body.

She stared right into those eyes
that she still saw galaxies in
and whispered
"I'm leaving you."

there was a mirror in my room
with eyes that only observed.

its seen me bare, naked.
its seen me clothed, covered.

its watched me grow, become.
its watched me fade, breakdown.

and when i shattered,
so did that mirror.

With just a glance, it seemed as if I knew,
Everything about her, but my predictions were far from right.
She saw through me, my soul, and her faith in me grew,
But, I made her a promise, in which I broke without a dose of regret that night.
No hope, surviving in a world without noticing my one desire; happiness.
But, my heaven sent an angel to change my unworthy heart.
Yet I made the mistake of taking her kindness for granted.
God, she was a piece of living art.
Underneath the constellations, is where love stood and pain was felt,
And so much love was there when she confessed a terrible truth.
Cancer tangled in her cells, and as blue tears fell from her eyes,
I knelt on one knee and asked her hand in marriage.
In days, I no longer saw a never.
My angel, who returned to heaven, left behind, a forever.

I'm afraid
to look at you
because maybe
you'll be looking back
and I'll be reminded of the
ways my heart learned to love
the person you pretended to be

you're there
holding, with gentle hands
breathing, with a soft pace
kissing, with tender lips
listening, with kind ears
speaking, all these perfect words
but i’m still scared to love you

if he does not make
the effort
to love you entirely
then he does not
deserve you
at all.

forgive me
but i still think of him
while you hold me

maybe you love her
even when you say you don’t
and maybe you miss her
in every way when you’re alone
but tell me why
when you hold me close,
for a second, i believe
you love me the most.

Breathing is simple
Inhale, exhale.
Exhale, inhale.
However sometimes
it can become so difficult
and cause you to forget
but you,
you remind me how to breathe
how to keep breathing
how to not let go
how to keep fighting.
You are my reason
to try
to fight
to love.
To do everything
To do anything.
You are my reason.
You are my heart.
I love you.

my body is over flooding with heat,
from the temples to my fingertips,
as i lay, alone, on a damp sheet that's only cold.

my hands graze over the lips that once kissed your cheek,
to wipe away the water and forbid the taste,
when it sinks into the cracks it meets.

my skin, it's begging, a touch, a sign from you.

a simple clue can fix everything. right?
you think we aren't fixable?
is that why my fingers ache?
my neck wanting to break?
the prints that so desperately shake?
this heart is mourning for the part of you it once danced to.

xo

i still remember the way
your skin
felt against my lips
the night
I fell in love with you

i don’t like to dream
because when i do
i dream of you
and you being in my dreams
will cause my head
to be full of you
and when you are in my head
i can fall asleep at night
probably thinking of you
so when your memories
flatter my conscience
my conscience
will choose you
to dream of tonight
and that maybe
in a perfect world
you dream of me too

there are times
when i want to hold you
here in my arms
close to my heart
and then there are times
when i dream about us
and you
mainly just you
but the ways i want you
and in that time
you also hold someone else
in your arms
close to your heart
and i realize
that is the only time
i couldn’t feel
more broken
knowing you
will never be mine
to love

if love
ever hurts
or breaks you
apart
please
just please


keep breathing.

Blue eyes
Glancing over at him,
Admiring his beauty.
So deeply in love with him
But, a word hasn't yet been shared.
He longs for another.
Breaking, shattered.
Such a strong grasp,
around my heart.
Just to love him
To cherish,
every atom that sculpts him.
Gives me a reason
to keep my broken heart,
Beating.

tonight
i freed my heart
from those high walls
that got taller
when pain savaged through my veins.

tonight
i confessed my love
to you
and you left me
in silence.

tonight
as
i break down,
these walls of mine
will collapse
and leave me in surrender.

when i speak
to you
my words
become soft
and vulnerable
because
the last thing
i want to do
is leave you hurting

the most difficult fact
of it all
is that
even though
they treat you so poorly
you still want them.

taking advantage
of her patience
is abuse

this distance
you forced
upon me
burned my heart
to ash

and even though
you left me as dust
i still begged you to stay
but instead,
you blew my ashes away.

once in a while
ill look up at the stars
and wonder
where you might be
just in case
that maybe
they’ll look down
and see me
from way way above
from beyond all the galaxies
and throw a shooting star
that’ll grant me my wish
and bring you to my arms

i promise
that one day
you will wake up
and forget
their absence

i promise
every hug you ask for
will be filled with love

so when i wrap these arms
around you
and pull you close
to my heart

im giving you
all the love
i can possibly give
in just those five seconds.

-A friend that does that high pitched scream when she sees you wearing something pretty

-A friend that uses a calculator as a phone and knows they dialed your number wrong, but still has the weirdest conversation while asking why you aren't answering.

-A friend who throws a tantrum when you hug a guy that has feelings for you

-A friend who hangs out with your ex-best friend and you want to die because you love her too much to tell her not to hang out with that person

-A friend who snorts like a pig when she laughs

-A friend who calls the guy she likes and, forgetting that it went to voicemail, has a laugh attack and wheezes

-A friend that comes over your house and starts searching your house for food

-A friend who is a total *****

the moment
your heart
pounds in pain
because of the way
they refuse to love you
is the exact moment
you need to stand up,
walk out

and find someone who will.

the memory of your lips
touching my skin
was the only reason
why I slept well at night

little boy
with a mind full of magic
don’t float off too far
it might just be tragic

the stars tonight
will light up for you
but little boy be careful
you might just float through

if you happen to wander
deep into space
gravity would miss you
but it’d hope you’d find grace

there in the universe
little boy you would be
dancing on the stars
it couldn’t feel more free

but little boy
whom I so love
please come home to me
from way way above

is it your mind
that wraps itself around
the desire you have
to love
and be loved in return
or is it your heart
that still believes in fairytales
and fools you
to invest
all your strength
into a love
that will never ever last
but either one
is just as bad
because both of them
will leave you  
just as broken
as you began.

And little did she know;
Before she rejected him,
He promised, to give her his
Whole, entire, heart and
Everything more.

i remember how you forced me out of my
pure and happy self.

when i had so much happiness to begin with
and you became all that it was.

and when you left, so did all my happiness
and i was left there
to grieve
every single day
pleading to god to heal my pain.

and he did.

i don't savor your name through my lips anymore.

and the memories are no longer my world.

i don't give two ***** what you think about me

because your opinions are no longer priority.

but you see, now all i feel is love for myself.
because i remember all the pain and dying i went through
just to get over you.

I can't breathe anymore
darling you were the air
my air
and you left me
my lungs
my everything
and now I'm dying
I'm ******* dying.
So leave and don't you dare return.
Let me die
so when I fall and hit the ground
I can scream out your name as the pain disintegrates the last piece of my broken heart.

I will collapse.


My soul will escape and my flesh will die.

I shall let my spirit mend
and be born again.
But this time I will breathe
through the grace of God.

i have such an urge
to tell you of all
the beautiful poems
i had spent nights creating
in memory of the day
in memory of the way
i fell in love with you
how madly i wanted to love you.
special enough
to carry a whisper of your name
deep within their meaning
a whisper of how much you meant to me
a whisper of how much you mean to me
so impossibly beautiful
that it makes me afraid
so very afraid
that you will scan
my written words
over and over again
with the same hazel eyes
the same eyes
that i saw galaxies in
the same eyes
that i still see galaxies in
and see nothing
but lost letters
on a sheet of paper.

you know
it's not worth crying over
when your head
begins to ache
more
than your heart

there's an ache in my soul
that i have never felt before
and as every second passes,
it kills me a bit more.

there’s a moment
that waits for me
each and every day
at the corner of anxiety
and fears i’ll never display
it holds a bouquet
of dead crippled flowers
in hopes that i would possibly stay
to pull
and latch
plunge and scratch
itself deep
into my veins
to take everything i love
and collapse me
so that when i’d wake
i would shed my hope
and wish to fall
away to a world
where i’d finally be gone

you were the first person
whose hands held her heart
but love
she bled to death
and not even
a dose
of your unfaithful *******
could heal
her burst.

i put my hand on your chest
to feel the heart
that once made me collapse
and remember what it felt like
to want to love someone

every tear
that falls
down my cheek
is because of you

i remember i tried to hurt
almost every single day.
make my brain want to flirt,
so i could break in that way.

i would force my eyes open,
and not let them shut,
till i believed i was broken,
and pretend my heart, cut.

i would like
to schedule an appointment
with you
any time of the day
while the sky
is still blue
as long as you’re honest
subtle and true
and don’t slap on words
in replacement of glue
but don’t be mistaken
for i don’t have the flu
but rather cracks in my heart
maybe one or a few
so do what you must
with your bolts and
your screws
for who else may i trust
to give me a heart
this brand new

just like the sun
so loved the moon
to let her breathe
and take his day
i love you
in that way

thoughts of you won't quiet down
and its left me to expose my frown.
lonely nights seem to be getting longer
but they say, "time will make you stronger."

now i lay here alone,
shutting down my entire phone,
for my suffering became real
when you told me how you really feel.

the only hands
that are worth
holding this heart
are my own