"I wish I had a boy."
"I wish that someone loved me more than the crashing waters of the ocean.
More than Art and the beautiful music.
More than the stars in the sky that twinkle like diamonds at night.
More than life itself."
Then a voice that seemed to come from the sky said these two words,
My heart is nothing too you
You held it with your trembling hands
Careful as to not hold too tight
I held yours carefully too
However you held too loose
Your grip weakened and let my heart slip right through
The bloody chunk of flesh fell without excuse
You let it break and shatter
All the memories and love I stored
Splattered across every wall in front of us
To you my heart didn't matter
When he left my mother told me something.
She said it's okay and this will pass
He's nothing compared to you
But as I laid there
On my bedroom floor
In the room where he claimed me
Where little girl dreams were shattered
I didn't believe believe her
Instead I screamed about how I hated life
How he left me like dust on my fingertips
Like the ash of my burned down home
Two weeks later and I'm a shell
Of who I was
Of who I am
Of who I'll ever be
My ribs poked out like piano keys
Just waiting to be played
And my collar bones
Oh they were waiting like glasses
Glasses expecting hard liquor
That I of course drowned myself in
The day her name left his lips
I was done for
I wanted to become nothing but earth and essence.
But my best friend cradled me
She promised I would find love again
That this hurt, no matter how bad it is,
Will only be temporary
I didn't believe her
So I rebelled against them all
It was only me
4 months later and I'm sitting in the car
My best friend sits beside me
I'm genuinely laughing
And she looks proud
Then she tells me how he's talking about me.
From my big black boots
My infatuation with peaches
To how I harbor guitar pics on every inch of my body.
I relapse into him immediately
I wanted him so bad
6 and a half months later and he tells my best friend
That he hates me
My name swims out of his mouth on a raft of profanities.
But it didn't hurt as much as I thought
I think I grew
Little by little I became the new girl
The one that writes again and breathes the air a little deeper than the others.
6 and half months plus 3 days
I caress my fingers over my body
The shower beats down on me
"I want to be your friend" I whisper to myself.
He was nothing but a thunderstorm
But I am more than he
I am the sun
I am the heavens
I am the thing everyone revels in
And I made it through hell and back
And now I can finally say goodbye