My future was sewn in the womb
I spent the former chasing my tomb
Wondering and wishing to be a groom
Here I am now, but was it too soon
To think back to that afternoon
Where I stumbled and found truth
Whilst still in my youth
Intoxicated thinking it'll soothe
The pain I made myself loathe;
No, I've aged and I've grown
I should know, that I should own
These mistakes that I've crowned,
And the hatred that I've vowed
To these thoughts of an entire crowd
So here I am, back where I clowned
My own love and heartbreak
To one stupid little mistake
Which led to my rebate
So here I am, still stupid and young

Before you walk away from
Everything;
Please remember
The way I loved you
Please remember
The way I still love you
Please remember
I'll always love you

A boy, aged eight
Asked his father a question.
"Was my birthdate,
The cause of your depression?"
The father only watched the boy
Which started to annoy
The child's thoughts
Like PTSD and gunshots.

A boy aged ten
Asked his mother the same question;
She said it was war, then
That it woke his inner aggression.
She said it probably took his soul
And one day again he'd be whole

A man aged eighteen's
asked a question by his parents
"Are you proud to have those genes?
And to be in our presence?"
He didn't have words to describe
The emotions he tried to hide.
He always sought recognition,
Not their judgemental superstition.
He wanted them to be proud,
But as expected, he bowed.

He left their presence, knowing:
That his entire life, he was growing.
To be able to handle the truth,
About his entire youth.
He was never adored or respected
His parents were to be represented
By him, and that was his goal;
NO! I Did not sell my soul

Your reputation, is not my responsibility
My future is
You can't accept that,
And I understand now.
It's time for me to leave,
This toxic representation
Of a Home

My demise
I cannot despise
I'll look it in the eyes
And accept my poem dies
I'll soar in the skies
For days
While nobody cries
And everyone strives
After their derives

When I met you I thought my life would change
I thought my life would have meaning
I thought I was becoming a man

When I met you
My life changed
Not the way I expected though

I stopped doing drugs and smoking
I found love and loved it
I found friendship and cherished it
Friendship betrayed me soon after
Love sent me on my way
I became a party animal
And drug addict

Highschool
When I met you
I thought my life would have meaning,
But my thoughts were deceiving
I was blind to what I was seeing
And lost myself

Tomorrow I'll send you on your way
And there'll be no way to make me stay
I'll never forget you
I'll never regret you
I'll never miss you
Tomorrow my life will change,
But wasn't that how all this started

I used to be adored
Now I am abhorred

Mum said be a doctor, but no
I didn't like school, glad to go
I became a mechanic instead
It caught my heart in 10th grade
I could do better in life, compared
To my grades, my life is made

I prefer a simple life
Where my biggest problems are finding the bolt that just fell down into a void
Where my daily irritations are losing a spanner or socket
My worst encounters would be a client that insists on knowing the problem
My best moments would be spending time with friends and family
My best days would be vacations

I don't want to be a doctor
And worry about a cancer patient
Or huge accident coming in
I don't want to be irritated by nurses or patients that don't listen
I don't want my worst encounter to be losing someone's life
I don't want my best moments to be having expensive things to show off
I definitely don't want my best days to be going home and sleeping early

I want to meet my opposite,
And attract to her beauty.
We'll find places to visit,
And travel around free.

I want her to not be afraid of being afraid
To not be afraid of not knowing
I want to know that we're made
I want us to be glowing
Her positivity
My negativity
Together an eternity

I wish I were richer
I wish I were smarter
Or in a better political situation
Send help
Please Send Help
South Africa is falling
The government cannot protect us
The government is too corrupt
The government keep making mistakes
Political parties in the country are killing farmers
Caucasian Farmers
Political parties in the country are promoting ****** of Caucasian men, woman and children.
Black Lives matter
What about the rest of us?
Don't we all belong as equals?
Send Help
Please Send Help
South Africa is falling
They're burning our buildings
They're burning the country
Our government prioritises money
Over the welfare of our people
One president to steal money and another to come
Send Help
Please Send Help
South Africa
Is Falling

I wanna see the horrors of this world and hate it
I wanna see the wonders of this world and love it
I wanna find love and cherish it
I wanna die young and regret it

My thirst for appreciation
Is like my hunger for prosperity
This restless relaxation
Is evolving into lethal severity
I wish for a love with no separation
Let me meet her in perpendicularity

Our different paths may cross
And our hearts may bond
I want a best friend, not a boss
I want a love that shines far beyond

Am I seeking an irregularity
Or just an unpopularity
It has to be possible
For it is only plausible

Life is a delusion of meaning,
We seek direction without seeing.
Death is deceived as the end,
For none accept it is meant.
The people will forever live a lie,
We're not meant to live, but die.

Infinite possibilities of history,
But one day it won't be me.
Ineffable beauty we all desire,
Nefarious cruelty we all will acquire.

The only greatness we will find,
Is that destiny is very unkind.
Cupid is ****** and love's a lie,
Another arrow, and I will die.

Let me feel love again,
To leave this world in pain.
I'm not a poet anymore,
But maybe I never were.

The words here, I have said,
Are the memories I have bled.
Heal me, but never take my scars,
Feel me, for I'll be amongst the stars.
For death is darkness right?
In space, there is no ligh.
Forever, I'll float into the abyss,
And maybe find something to miss.

People never change;
they adapt or
learn to do things differently

-she

--I wish I gave this to you, I wish you would read this, and if fate would have it, you would. I wish these feelings would not still be true, but they are, and maybe... just maybe yours might still be, but it's been so long. Too long, but here it is--

Don't go, my Belle

I feel the atoms vibrating within my body
and named it your sweet touch
I see the stars, when your lips intertwine
in a silky embrace with mine

I cannot lose it, I love you too much
Forgive all my flaws, it's not a crush
I promise you, for in all my life
I'll find a way, for you to be my wife

I know that for if we'd be torn apart
The angels would weep
and I'd be cursed with no sleep

You are like my *******
and always stuck in my brain
Yet the thought of you keeps me sane;
So please, let's just go kiss in the rain
I'll take the demons from your brain

Baby let me hold you, and keep you safe
I'll fill, your blank half, to the grave
I'll always make you feel alright
never again, will we fight

I love the way you look in red,
and I love, you choose black instead
I love your nails, coloured blue
I love your "I love you"
I love it that your socks are green,
and your room is never clean.
oh baby I love you
and everything you do

Baby please... oh please don't go
for to live without you, I don't know
and when the rain calms
I'll hold you tightly in my arms

I'll hold you until we're grey
I just don't hope you'll ever say
I don't love you anymore

Let me catch the virus,
Let my lungs ache like my heart did
To get away from your blue iris
Maybe of you, my mind would be rid

Away from the hatred and fake love,
Away from the memories and mistakes
I'll be sky high, this time above
Just walking around, is all it takes

I'll keep forgetting my mask,
I'll lose all my gloves
Infect me, is all I ask
For I'm not the one she loves

Spread to me, and I shall keep you
Just walking around, is all I've to do

Is this life worth
What we think
Or utter to ink
Since our birth

Is it worth, religion?
For speak no suspicion
'tis a crime like treason
With none to reason

Is is worth love?
Climbing mountains so rough
Only to fall from high above
And be told life is tough

Is it worth excitement?
For 'tis not permanent,
Yet this fulfillment
Brings enlightenment.

Is it worth fighting?
Victory feels enchanting,
Whilst defeat, discouraging;

Your liver thinks you're too thirsty
Your mind runs off drugs
You'll be dead before thirty
Or killed off by thugs

You escape this reality
to where, what does it give you
You've only escaped your mortality
for your death is long overdue

You were humble, you were frightening
Now you stumble, and stopped with fighting
Where's the real you gone?
for this one's almost done!

You'll be dead before thirty
"Though will you live to thirty?"

I've been stuck in a haze
Between taking drugs and alcohol
and burning methanol

The fun
the sun
now means none

Repellent to being sober
I'll be so high man, **** the moon
During the day; 'till it's over
I'll be so drunk man, ******* soon

I'll take more and more and more
To **** this negative seed
More, More, More this haze I will adore
Till my nose and eyes bleed

Next day I wake
Ready to bake
New memories to make
New memories to take

Drown back, drown pain!
Before that seed comes back
To force me to repeat; again
Never-ending, until I crack

I don't feel the words I speak
I don't feel my heart beat
The smile in my story
Is gone like my body

I've been scarred too much
With this thing 'love's touch

You did this to me
This time I tried my best
To save the rest
Yet it would not be

The book of life
The pages now have text
To close my book is next
Though my story'd be silent
For this end will be violent

The torn pages
Were the worst stages
I'd wish no eye
To see the reasons why

I leave to the moon tonight
Maybe there I'd shine bright
This is the end of my fight
Close your eyes darling, goodnight

Yet

Of doing even a little effort
for too much gives no result
Is it time to resort
to measures worse than assault

I preach of loving yourself
yet I despise myself
One cannot explain oneself;
How much of an urge to **** this self

Her pristine blue eyes
of crystalline seas
reflect the clear blue skies
as she gazes at ease

She's being characterized
instead of sympathized
By her first actions
and by all fractions

Tickle me with your sweet touch
Deceivingly irresistible

Torture me with your words
Until it breaks me
Feed me your poison
Until it kills me

Hold me tight with your alluring arms
Until you strangle me
With your
Atrocity

Kiss me with your beautiful lips
With my closed eyes
I will silently enjoy
Until you swallow me
With my addiction
To killing myself with you

Poison me
Strangle me
Swallow me
I'm more broken
Than I'll ever be

Yesterday's tears
are tomorrow's fears
Today's pain
is tomorrow's gain
Yesterday's sad
is today's bad
and tomorrow's mad

Pain ends the same, in madness

I know you still share feelings                    (a)
Though, with different meanings              (a)
for I remember:                                             (c)

Your heart gazed into my ego                      (d)
Your crystalline eyes                                    (e)
with pristine seas                                          (f)
Melted my heart, like that of ice                 (g)
Your lips, rewrote my affection                  (h)

Things might be different                           (i)
Though I might now be an insurgent       (i)
for if I re-render:                                          (c)

Your lips, told me to go                              (d)
on the most obscure days                           (e)
in a world of dying trees                            (f)
with no breath, like lab mice                     (g)
I tied a noose, with my rejection               (h)

You tried to help,
But I kept on breaking you
Over
And over

Three years ago my eyes were caught
My words were not abroad
My life had many empty pages
My heart had many empty stages

Two years ago my eyes were taken
My heart was not mistaken
My life was re-written, on all pages
My heart was a concert, with full stages

One year ago, my eyes were mournful
My heart felt painful
Marks left of torn pages
Silence again, with no stages

Today is the day in between
Yesterday was the day to mourn
Tomorrow I will be reborn
I hope of love, never before seen

She's an angel among all the stars
She's a healer of all one's scars
She's the usual customer in bars
She has wicked, poisonous claws
She's the winner, of all draws
She's the breaker of all laws

Did I pass the test oh sweet sorrow
Should I close my eyes till morrow
To see if I need a heart to borrow
I'll search for a path to follow
Within your heart that's so hollow
Oh sweet life, what do I owe
To see your beautiful face tomorrow

If I could choose
I'd go back and love you all over again
Though did destiny not tear us apart?
Did fate seek us to meet again?
Did cupid
Intend on pulling his arrow
Stuck in our hearts?

I dreamed a sweet dream last night
and for a moment all was right
We were together again
and we kissed in the rain
Your hands were stroking my back
As I was kissing your neck
We were perfectly cut out
in a vision soon to be about
********
I dreamed a bitter dream last night
We were together again
With all love and pain
Kissing in the rain
Eyes blinked, you out of sight
Eyes open, empty arms in bed
I wish we'd be together instead

I want to help you
I may not involve
Though I wish I could help
Though I wish I didn't even meet you
I have a lost for all words
Holding my hand over my heart
Hearing it slowly beat your name
Till it doesn't

Did you ever truly love me?
You sure as hell don't anymore

Innocent souls, meant to strive
Dark demons, allowed to live

Casualties that had it all
That should've kept it all

Words escaping
This ravaged reaping

Dear holder of thy heart
Please protect, the priceless
It might need some glue
So fix it for you

Dear holder of thy heart
Please revive, the unending love
I tore it, twice apart

Dear holder of thy soul
Please know I love her
Letting her go
Was worse than trying to forget

Dear lover of my true love
Take care of her
For I love her till this day
Treat her well
Like I should have

Dear husband of my true love
Love her, adore her, and always keep her
Let her strive
Let her live
She's a wild soul, concealed by a broken heart

So fast I couldn't hold on
No darling, I didn't let go

What would be my fixation
It never worked, feeling sensation
It only filled me with frustration
leaving me with temptation

Breaking my concentration
Simply by losing my validation

My state of mind
has grown very unkind
If only time could rewind
I'd have picked the right side

Hey, did you hear?
Sandman called yesterday
He asked me why my dreams are dead
He asked me about my nightmares
and how he couldn't change them into dreams

Hey, did you hear?
Sandman called yesterday
He asked me if I wanted depression
He's selling it on special
By the cost of a broken heart

I survived the wrath of depression
once again
Was I too scared to cut deeper
for once
Was there not enough blood
To bleed
Was the blade too blunt
To cut
Were my tears too much
To see

I dreamed to use the talent of both my hands
You beat the idea down
Lying to my face
Breaking my biggest dream

I dreamed to use the talent of my hands and feet
You beat the idea right back down
Lying to yourself
Breaking my final dream

Don't bring me a single flower
or even dare to cry in the shower
My life was lived to the most
as I will end with a silent toast

You forced me back into my shadow
You forced my pain onto my sorrow
Where were you as I grew up
There you are as I've grown up

Shade my colours, and cut my feathers
Tear my light, and break my heart
Break my mind
For I know you won't handle a minute
Inside my mind
Only seconds can break you
More than years have
Done ruthlessly to me

Though I wish it were a marriage

Then she stopped
She broke me

By your first embrace
To your final refrase
I will let you sustain
What in my heart remain

Remember, my heart slowly grows
Where as yours just fondly flows
As the rose is the winter flower
I will love you by every hour
Great times or bad
You'll be my favourite sour
I might be just another young lad
That came into your life,
Though I'll make you my wife

From when you first wept
To your final step
I'll hold your hand, all the way
As I'll do it every day

Love, what sweet despair
and what mournful joy
Is love, having a wife
To hold at night
To kiss after work
or
Is love, changing the lonely shower
into the ******* hour
To hold at night
To make love with after work;
Though:
Is love, the poison of our hearts
and the fuel of despair
To cry at night
To drink after work

The winter air, everywhere
Our hands, intertwined
The world around us, quiet
Our eyes, gazing
The people, watching
Young love, careless

Then I remember,
it's a memory