Depression takes a lot from you; your time, your memories, your
opportunities.

It takes things you didn't realize you had to lose
It takes your health, your drive, your mind
It takes your silence

Once the defending noise starts it never ends
Once one thought is formed the rest come like raindrops in a storm
Once you hear the words it tells you never forget them
Once the silence is gone it seems like the noise will never stop

The moment I knew I was getting better when I listen to music and

Every note, instrument, and vocal that played I heard  
uninterrupted
Every sound felt like a concert in the back of my head
Every thought I had was my own
Every single thought that was formed was given permission to
exist

I am grateful for a lot, my family, my friends
I am grateful for the time, memories, and opportunities I get to
have again

But most of all

I am grateful for the silence in my head that let me own my own
mind again

In accepting anything
life has given me,
I accepted everything whatever life gave me and might still be given,
in good faith again I shall receive.
For I've learned in strife
along the treacherous road taken
and in much lack
"We cannot have what we want to but whatever is given to us."

And I can sincerely say
I received abundant treasures timely in the spring time of my love life as
meeting you changed my world.

Untimely unintentionally unknowingly later on lost
everything
When the lost was found
it was Mother's Day
a revolving door suddenly opened up!
rendering all treasures lost
be found
but only if I spoke within the window of time openning.

I being in shock was mute
Mother's Day to do it was dire
to me cruel to rejoice or win
let along marry to change my life and Earth
I didn't change powers between rich joining marrying poor
So 25 years later
this virulent pandemic
intimately affects me deeply so.
as change arrived for all Earth!
How am I to blame?
The giver liver of my loots was
a chronological genius
failing to see I was made
by many a foe
fated to become a chronological disaster of another kind
amnesia played a roll extreme pain both physical and psychological clutter foes
very easy to cure
with just one hug and many questions not rendered.
I needed protection
understanding trust.

He and his antorage left me behind instead of fixing
my ill fated failures
and still my beloved King
for all the bittersweet blessings and all evils entwined crushed
with his presence alone
couldn't close the gap.

but love is many a blessing many a spender thing
all effort understood a healing
medicine became
I sincerely remain
ever thankful
ever greateful ever healed
to have loved and lost
lost found again and again
to regain sanity amidst
a hellish world too early thrown
by the evil in bad people's hearts.

And truly feeling ever so blessed
ever honored rebuilt in so many ways recovered amnesia
my mind became fortress
by one man with wisdom and foresight to bet on my future
that I choose life
even death protects me now
Cimi is me and Etchnab knife
is a gift from birth by my Aztec -Mayan calendars saving me cutting pain of ice and fire
as it arrives and I transform.

Although my beloved moved on
he read my story poem being truth
as better then wisdom
my old true love understands
my long un-requited love
was once for too long
his very own

I forever love the man who ransomed me on Mother's Day
for we share one soul
one heart one single thought...

..twin souls just forsaking flame.

~~~~
Karijinbba
03/24/20

I thank you for your patience
And all our conversations

I thank you for your time
You're the tequila to my lime

I'm greatful for your laugh
As we wonder down this path

I'm greatful for your love
You're the hand to my glove

I'll remember that you said
Sundays are spent in bed

I'll remember how you sigh
Every time we say goodbye

Its you i won't forget
As your path to death is set

Its you i will carry far
Always living in my heart

As i stay unto the end
Before your soul ascends

I'm thankful i could love you
And that you also love me too

My father's sister Salome crossed the rainbow bridge she was my French and native link to family root I found after 28 years appart
My daughter Rose drove us to a nearby ocean front to apeace
my grief, breathing in the gentle
sea breeze and sitting on the sand together
Other people enjoyed beach activities too
I had water in a paper cup
but no food remained in a bag,
when a crow unexpectedly landed alone by my side
no other raven/crow were seen.
perhaps attracted to my silvery long hair flying maybe from
my daughters house 1 mile away from Marina where I often fed crows and ravens cat food.
This raven/crow's feathers glistened in magestic dark bluish green hues. I'd caress its plumage but didn't not to ***** it
it wasn't my purring feline!
It deared trust me further  though pointing it's beak at my cup of water and it drank thirstily as I held it joyfully to its beak gently quietly as it drank;
then it pointed its beak
to the empty bag so I
appologized moved in regret
for no more food was in it.

My girl took photos of this awesome moment but she
never mentioned its greatness again my Rose simply said something unexpected to me
"don't feed crows in my home"
Jeff does't like them around!
and I felt her tongue's needle
also in my heart!
Such rare moment in time
a universe in itself!
time had stoped!
with a hungry raven/crow
this tender moment
lived only in my memory
without the pictures taken
untill now sharing one crow's gentle greatness and courage
to land close to one human
seeking food.
The graceful raven/crow's
encounter!
Rosie's own loving mom,
instantly reveared and
trusted BEST by a greatful intuitive trusting creature
a raven/crow!
How special it made me feel!
to choose me by the sea.
How deep my girl's comment
stung that since married
Rose behaves indifferent
where once tenderly moved!
wrongly misguided by
strange racist bad people 
Rosie"s hill billy superstitious
ignorant white trash in laws.
My evil ex's sister ugly snake
in every Mothers paradise
a "fat pig" she calls herself a Mansons advocate almost
turned me into a murdered pregnant Sharon Tate!
Lizz in the habit of arranging
calls to my three girls in laws, sons in law, my old boss at various employment
bussnessess a hate crime of old
saying my name and cursing them so I get fired then telling my girls nobody liked me at work either! brain washing them
and assassinating my character!
Lizzz since age 12 a drug user ******* to control rage in her brother two pees in a pod
my ex once told Lizz in a moment of lucidity;
"you'll never be half the
woman my Mexica-American beautiful wife is."
Since then my life is hell
No. I don't blame Lizz shes mad
I blame myself trusting her
hearless impotent brother
my grown girls are under their spell they mingle with vipers now
Surely even a courageous
greatful raven/cow has
more grace and common
sence to trust me Mom
to nourish and care for it.

This is my life in the big
apple USA
who wants my script!?
it's up for sale!
povery is a *****! please hurry.
or I'll be famous after death!.
~~~~~~~~
By:Karijinbba
All Rights Reserved
Revised 4/2/19
(excerpt from my memoir!)
(AA/Bba/Asg. (proudly)

I know you still share feelings                    (a)
Though, with different meanings              (a)
for I remember:                                             (c)

Your heart gazed into my ego                      (d)
Your crystalline eyes                                    (e)
with pristine seas                                          (f)
Melted my heart, like that of ice                 (g)
Your lips, rewrote my affection                  (h)

Things might be different                           (i)
Though I might now be an insurgent       (i)
for if I re-render:                                          (c)

Your lips, told me to go                              (d)
on the most obscure days                           (e)
in a world of dying trees                            (f)
with no breath, like lab mice                     (g)
I tied a noose, with my rejection               (h)

I am changing.
I'm not greatful nor have I gained wisdom from what happened to me.
But I am tougher, my barrier is stronger.
I know who I am, and I'm no longer afraid.
No more ******* and lies.
I see through it all.
So take your best shot, I dare you.

Another year gone by,
Atleast for 7 months the debate about who is older will not be heard.
Ohh boy!
An I so glad.
Its just silly to be wishing you a happy birthday,
But whatever,  you deserve it.

Wishing I could spoil your day so badly.
But luckily I ain't around.
Little-Old "bro" God has sustained you.
Wishing you a long life
And heaven at last.
May the good Lord guide and bless you.
Reminding you that every day leads to you being a man.
May you live to see your children's children.
(And also mine too).

A blissful and a happy birthday to you
With lots of love and care.