Does it end here;
in my hands;
where it began,
inside my mind,
where the war
would be silenced
******
Or would it be pausing
to once begin
when I have no defense

Life has lost colours
Love has lost emotions
Winter has lost cold
as
Summer got cold
Love became ***
Life became grey
as
Wood became smoke
Stone became dust

Wrath so bad the sun hid from it
Wrath so bad
even darkness
tried to hide
within the shadows
Wrath only a woman
that once poisoned a man's heart
can release

The angels wept
with no single conspiracy
The demons crept
with woeful jealousy

White lies
Made of broken cries
Mournful eyes
Morphing to despise

Looking at the world with a broken lens
As another innocent ends

I sit and think
The future
The memories
The present
The past
I sit and think
It's forever lost

I lied when I said:
I don't like myself
I don't love anyone

for

I loved myself with you
I love you

then

Everything changed in an instant

It was like being impaled
or torn into two
My heart instantly mailed
by the words of you

I reject it
I need it not
It just gives me problems
The pain I'd rather not go through

Nightmares are beautiful
a daily damaged dream
with no single clock
yet feeling time ending

I am not your Romeo,
nor your Antonio
You are the beauty in power
and the sweet after sour
The sovereign of my heart
from the utmost start
To where we are now
From down there below

We are free doves
Where none loves
Only flow with the wind
Where darkness clinged
White doves come along
With too many white lies
Black doves, move along
With such depressing pre-lives

I remember her, with a smile
and a sore heart, in that while
I remember the first day
I saw you in that way
I remember our first touch
as I'll remember her such
I remember our first kiss
as it is my final wish

She broke my heart,
but I remember the start
Her heart was ever sore
with yet an untold lore
I remember her so sweet
as I do our final greet
She's a broken young lady
a great heart, that's shading

The poet:
Write about the sun
during the dark
then writes of the moon
in the afternoon
Writes on a blank page
'till that page's full

The poet:
Reads over his(her) words
as if they're chords
then sit in sorrow
and wonder
if he'll(she'll) write better tomorrow

One of the happiest days, was when I first saw you

The saddest?
Well that would be the day I had to say goodbye, but didnt't
It would be the day
I destroyed it all again

I see many poets' words
where some of them are chords
written for the lords
and written by the nords

Many of these words are depressing
Others are mostly addressing
someone, or something sad
written by another young lad

Words of endless motivation
that sets in motion, a whirl
topic'd all depression
written by a beautiful girl

All these words together
is what makes me mostly dread
what is set in forever
and will be all that's said

You made me the happiest
With all your beauty
And perfection
You made me feel beautiful
And perfected

Everybody hated us being
Maybe, for we were perfect
Or 'cause you were too good
I was just too happy
Tough there were fights...
Those fights
Showed your
True colours
I'm sorry for bringing those out
Just know that
After 8 months
Of us being apart
I can still say that
I love you, always,
Was that not the promise?
The world is happy again
They see the old me, regain
And you under his strain
Goodbye my lover
You have fought in my mind
Fought with me side
By side
And back to back
Goodbye my lover
You have left my war
Poisoned my mind
And took my heart with

To tell people to not
Try to commit suicide
When It's my perfect plot
It's just a riptide

It's actually a beautiful noun
Though a dreadful verb
Like a stupid clown
Driving over a curb

There is no goal
It's all too unkind
Having no soul
And a dying mind

I wondered if I'd see you when
As I thought I missed you then

I'm extremely frustrated
It's difficult to explain
As well as infuriated,
but why complain?
Friendship deteriorated
And ended in pain

You struggle with your pain
Yet still helped me anyways
To reach more to gain
Even if no one stays

A sonnet dedicated to you
With a new happiness born
Yet you're filled with blue
As your wiery heart's worn

I know your soul's torn,
But I'm here to repair
Your rose, not only a thorn
To live with no despair

I know how you've been shoved
I know soon you'll be loved

As the evening reaches the hour of dark, and the lights inside cut out
Wed together as every star is visible
Bound to remember by the first-hand audience of two
Her gown and his pants hugging one another on the floor
As their lips may gently embrace with their ever so soft and perfect caressing
Un-married for not a sin
For the stars cross one another and they may intertwine
Sealed fate and opened gate
Together they may come,
But alone shall one leave
Forever they may part,
Or together they may start

To my first love
That I let go
Free like a dove
With the wind you flow

To my ever sweet bestfriend
I will always love you
To whenever we may end
I've done all I can do

To my old buddy
If only we'd ride
I wouldn't have to study
Or set you aside

I wouldn't have lost the creed,
but in my mind it planted a seed

It was a normal day
That went this way:

We, two besties forever
Made rules, to be broken never
Actually promises to last ever
So they'd be covered in leather

I broke the first promise
Followed me trying
To recreate her solace
And cheer her crying

She broke every promise, first
My thoughts lead me to think
She developed a thirst
Only fed by ink

All I could do
Was to stand
And stare at
What used to
Be my galaxy
Become dust
And crumble
Into nothing

I sat and thought
when I was younger
I feared whatever lurks the dark
I feared a man with no remorse
I feared men on substance and influences

I fear that child now
for I've become
everything that I feared
and in the terror
of knowing a child fears me
and will one day become
me
i am afraid

Was it your alluring eyes
Or your mellow lips
Your crisp mellifluous voice
Or your ever sweet embrace
Your addictive love
Bound with
Your comforting embrace
Or being caressed
By your short arms
That left me, hiraeth,
but it got me
And it grabbed me good
Till this very day
I'd wish for a "hey"
Though
Not the priveledge for me
For a priveledge only for he

Remember
Giving up
is easier
than
letting go

I thought of it again
and it seemed slightly
sweet and what a bright
withered memory it left
Some parts of me want it
Something inside me is
aching to go back there
Bothering me to find
the right people and
find my way back in

I've fought this battle
In my own mind
I was a sheperd to cattle
Trained by kind

The war of the dictionary
Every word in conflict
Where my heart's stationary
And impossible to predict

The perfect illumination
Is the apiphany
Of my every creation
and becomes my symphony

When my words are together
I'll be satisfied forever

She said he's an angel,
he knew his demons well
She said he's perfect,
He knew she's perfect
She said she loved him,
He loved her so much
She said she'd love him forever,
He loves her even after

{~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}

She said she hates him,
He said he loves her
She wished him dead,
He wished him dead
She pushed him away,
He puller her closer
She moved on,
He let go so slightly
She's with him now,
He respects them
She forgave him,
He spoke to her again
She hates him,
He hates him
She's gone forever
He lives wherever
High enough in his own reality

Our love was meant to be eternal,
But our love
Was wishéd upon the sun
Bound together as the sun shines
Unbound forever as the sun sets
 
Our love was meant to be eternal,
But our love
Was not wishéd upon the moon
Bound together as the moon shines
Bound forever, for the moon sets not

I never say it,
I really can't show ,
Though I always mean it,
But welcome to now

I do love you,
From every wrinkle,
And oh yes I do,
To every crinkle

You're a great mother,
Even without your hair,
You shaped me a brother,
So proud, to even share

If I do manage to send,
Know this poem doesn't end

Received on February 14th, valentines day
Not meant to be this way
Just for my soul to train
The cup she gave me
my valued  possession
turned to the thing
blocking progression
I drink from it
Filled with rage
Wrists un-slid
again, this stage
Keep it to tease
the beast inside me
for if I throw it away
I would be the same
that I was the day
I broke her
and threw her away

I imagine an amazing meadow,
where we'd stay for hours
you'd wear your silly yellow
and we'd sit among'st the flowers

'Tis only a dream
or so to seem
you, my only seam
lost within the stream

I see he's ready
I'd wish him not
to take the shot
I see he's, steady

In this dream, I see you there
Your screams, In this nightmare

I think it's a strange world we live in dear
Such different places to visit
More adventures to conquer fear
Opportunities that do not limit

So many different choices
So little prodigious wonder
As well as so many different voices
That followed me as I went under

I think of life as different houses
I've built mine of wood
instead of stone with couches
so me moving would be understood

My element is not a home
For it's dark, and I'm not alone

Centered as always, but focused was true
Determined as always, but focused on you
Unwritten words in my head
Turn unspoken instead

The darkest of places of every corner in my mind
Has morphed you into something unkind
I've wished that time could rewind
So I'd remember those beautiful words

I grant you to gently peek
Careful, for there demons creep
I wish you not to blindly seek
For I've gotten them to peacefully sleep

You may think you can handle
My mistake to reflect
For you'll never again be stable
Your qualities will deflect

I've been falsely honest
Inside lies Diablo himself
You have not yet earnest
your way to the shelf

Her hands perfectly followed my seams
and ripped it apart with my screams

There's the boy she never noticed
There's the boy keeping it in
There's the boy trying
There's the boy lying
There's the boy crying
There's the boy
Behind the mask
Broken at last
Extremely ashamed
And vividly tamed
Behind that mask,
Is a killer;
A breeding psychopath
Behind that mask
You look at
Into the mirror

I've heard before
Love hurts
Be careful

I've felt it before
Love hurts
And ******* I was careful

I've heard before
Love no more

I loved before
Today no more
Nor hate, nor prate... nor
It feels like a chore
For I'll love you no more
Like I've failed before

I knew it't hurt
                                
                           Just not as much

We all have a story
Share yours with the people
who understand

I miss you more than my words can utter
and I miss you, more than any tear could clutter
Nor my liver nor lungs love me
Nor my brain that'd been damaged
by the sugar of sin
Check the heart I gave you
After I gave yours back
*******************
I miss you
so much

I wonder if death is the pen
in the story of my life
and that life is the paper
like the canvas of an artist
I wonder if the pen burst
or if I have a creative author
I wonder and wish even more
that my paper can just end
and my story can be published
in your library of life
I wish, oh I wish
the paper will befriend the pen
like the beauty tamed the beast
and the sugar of sin held him tight

To all the goodbyes
I say goodnight
To everyone that dies
I hope it's bright

To everyone;
With a razor
Hand of pills
Tied rope
Dangling keys
Extreme height below
Finger over a light trigger
Electricity at hand
Open propane tank
Empty plate, with full glass

Stop, think about who you're leaving behind
I know my words aren't going to stop you, but just read
Did you bother to write and leave a note?
Is it worth it then?
Saying you're sorry, knowing you'll leave someone behind?
Stop. Think about why you're doing it
Do you have nobody?
Think about your opportunities that'll fly past
The chance of ever meeting someone?
Did you lose someone?
Think about if you'll actually see them again?
Being bullied?
Fight back, with whatever you have
Life shoved you down?
No, I'm not asking you to get up!
I'm telling you to get your *** into a nap
Think about all the possibilities that might not be
Think of all the opportunities and people in the future
Think of your legacy
Think of anything except the pain
Now balance the pain and everything else
Want to jump? Skyfall
Want to shoot? Paintball and games
Want to hang? Bungee
Want to overdose? Take 10% of it and party
Suffocate in propane gas, or blow up? Cook a nice meal, invite a friend or family. Surround yourself. No friends and family? Find a friend, build a family.
Want to speed wrong side of the road? Speed on the right side of the road and get carried with the wind, do it over again
Want to cut yourself? Cut off the pain and wrong influences
Electrocute yourself? Rather save electricity and watch a good movie with friends or family. Have none? Watch a movie alone, play a game online. Make friends, build a family
Want to starve yourself so you can get drunker and finally forget it all, when your liver gives in? Eat a lot more, blow off some steam at the gym and build a body that girls/guys would like, attract them and make new friends. Drink with friends.

I've tried many things, some of them didn't work out, or I couldn't stay awake longer. Create new dreams if the old ones died. Work hard for them. Achieve something
"At least leave a ******* legacy behind" is what my bestfriend, Steph used to say
"You can get out of this alive, but maybe a little ****** up, but anything damaged can be repaired" My bestfriend Josh used to say
"Life can carry you away without what you thought you needed" my bestfriend Divene used to say

Even more quotes from people I've lost in my life, so I ask you just think about it all
Still going through with it? Remember it's a one way ticket

Draggéd into this hole
That temporarily makes
All the empty whole
Celebrating without cakes
Alone in drunken sorrow
Who's tears may I borrow?

Someday far away
Before I'm old and grey
I'll be alright again
For seeing you means less pain

How am I?
I went from alright
to bad
I went from bad
to worse

See the sad thing of it all
I'm unsure if right now
Is going from worse to good
Or Going from worse to worst

It's unclear to me how things can get worse
It's unclear if it'll ever become better again
Shouldn't have dragged you
Into the mess that's my life

You'd ask me if I'm depressed. I'd tell you no
Why can I be depressed when I have what I wanted

You'd ask me if I'm suicidal. I'd tell you no
When you fail in something too many times
You give up

You'd ask me if I'm happy. So used to lying. I'd tell you no
How can you be unhappy, when your smile is filled with love. Eyes with sadness, but your heart's not there and your emotions thinned?

I grew a stone in place of a heart
Just to give it away again
Regret I do not, for I've nothing to lose and everything to gain

Colours are shaded differently
Lives can change instantly

Cigarettes and alcohol couldn't hold you back
You wanted to break my mind
I allowed you by being kind
You knew that eventually I'd crack

Diablo... they used to call me
It's not who I wanted to be
It wasn't a choice
I was chosen

I wish I could go back to that day
To whom would it favor?
Only those I hurt
Only those, I...

I wish it were me instead of you
It was a war in there and I got out
I never should have
The war out here's a lot more difficult

Those white lines seem so sweet
Those red eyes seem to fix it all
What helped most, the amnesia?
White lines, I need ya
White lines, I got ya
Solemn Sold Soul Said Satan
Solitary solitude, shed shears
Temporary takeoff, tense tears

Darling what your words have claimed, is true. I have grown an affintity for you, and, but a mere fatuation would undermine my emotions for you. You could be as poor as the dictionary can describe it, but I would have no dispute with breaking bread on a futon in a one bedroom apartment, for my darling I would have you to share it with. I cannot explain in any way or word what linkage I feel towards you and what imminent, unborn quandry, disagreements or dilemas we might face. I'll be over and above to put those problems to their knees, shut them down and subjugate them. Eye, there will be exceptional recherche, eye there will be dissatisfactory and atrocious, but I vow to never slant in our interconnection. I'll stand by you during quandry and I'll stand by you in a war, because not only my heart that loves you so dearly, my soul has grown quite fond towards you, that never before have. And in all verity, I have gone far more than fall in love. I vow to preserve and protect thee love.