Nightmares. I hate them.
They keep me awake,
They torture me.
They won’t let me wake up.

“Sleep! Sleep!” they say.
“Stay awake! Watch out!” they taunt.
                  So tired….

I’m falling…it’s so dark.
I grasp air, scramble for a hold.
                               I find it!

I scrape my hands and hit my leg
The jolt and the pain wakes me again.
I can’t sleep.
It’s not safe in the dark
Ah! I can’t stand the light
Nightmares…******! I hate them!

My dearest, yes, that’s it.
My darling!
My love, he keeps me safe.
He’ll talk to me; comfort!
No, he’s sleeping.
I cannot bother him.

Sleep.
Nightmares.
Falling….
                              ­          No!

My love…yes, there it is.
He’s so warm, I can feel it now.
Mmm, my darling;
he will not let me fall.
He will always hold on
Despite myself, despite my temper
Despite my rants, despite my antics.
Through all the…the…
Anger!
Frustration!
Overexcitement and
Fear!
Distress and worry!
Paranoia!
**** those nightmares!


I can’t help it.
I’m sorry.
I just….
So much feeling.
I get…
Jumbled.
I get…
Mixed up?
I don’t know

He helps me.
Holds me.
Loves me, even.
                                              How?

I cry and scream,
I back away,
He follows.
I’m sorry.
I just get so jumbled.
He holds me.
I’m so tired…

Sleep, oh sleep….

I close my eyes
And I’m falling.
It’s so dark, hands are grabbing for me.
The light, I want to find it
But I can’t! I’m being
                                                      Chase­d.

******!

Nightmares, I hate them!
Why can’t they be quiet, go away…
SHUT UP!
LEAVE ME ALONE!

I’m so tired
I just
I Get so
Jumbled.

Up and Up and Up
And I can’t stop
I’ll fall.
                                                           The light, why is it so bright?
Nightmares, voices, people, monsters
Get away all of you!

No,
Not you.
I need you, don’t go
Please.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean it.

It’s the nightmares
I feel like I’m falling,
Like I’m being chased
These things, they’re everywhere,
And the light, it’s too bright
And I get so jumbled
I can’t help it.
                                                             ­               I’m so tired.

“Sleep! Sleep!”
“Stay awake! Watch out!”
Will the taunting ever end?

Darling…wake up….
I can’t wake up.
I’m being chased
I can’t stop, or else
                                                            ­                                                  I’ll fall.

I know you're not meaning to, but
you're really starting to make me feel, well,
less than beautiful.
Unattractive,
unappealing.
Irrational thought I know, because
16 years of dance at least
means I'm concealing a good ***.
Also, if you were done, it'd
feel done.
You wouldn't stroke my thigh
or let me sigh when you stand
to curl over me.
I know your body wants me.

But your mind is starting to freak me out.

The love is there, but I'm too
aware of a platonic fall,
please take me all. Take me.
I shouldn't need physical justification,
but I want it,
I want you.

I want to feel all of you again,
go back to when I helped you map out
the inside of my skin, let
you break within
Know me nights cos I can
leave your skin soaked in
Devil's tears
I want you to misspend my years
or
I fear I will regret them.

So, please know me again.
I can promise an ****** is
generally better than a youtube video.

I search and search for something to define this emotion i'm living with.
Type and write to sort out my racing mind,
never to find the answers.
It's frustrating of course,
but also beautiful.
To feel something so unreal it makes you transparent,
vulnerable to the person making you feel this way.
It's love you may say,
but much more than that.
~
The lips that dance with mine,
breathe air into my lungs,
giving me life.
The words that are whispered into my ears,
are fuel to my heart,
making it speed.
The arms wrapped around me,
send me to palces unimaginable.
Lands of being safe and total trust.
Worlds of comfort and warmth.
I finally know why things never worked out with anyone else, because this is the person that takes me to new heights and gets everthing just right.
I guess you can call this love,
love from a poets soul is different
than everyday people.
artistic and twisted, overthought and true.

Whenever I'm mad
Or angry, or frustrated
I picture a knife.
I don't know why, no really,
But it's like I want to stab.

Every night when I go to bed
I toss and turn
Can't rest my head

A man that stares outside the glass
The night that never seems to pass

Who is this man
I do not know
The air is still, a distant glow

This man is dark but he isn't bad
Reminds me of my unknown Dad

He holds a smile thats oh so bright
And when I start to fall asleep
He disappears and says "goodnight"

Red turns to white,
                             Slowly, but surely
The wounds close,
                             You regret
But not forget my friend,
                             How can you?
Soon you will move on,
                             But one thing will stay
Erase me with your mind,
                             Your little white lines

When you asked if I'd like to get coffee, I knew if I went
that it would be the last time that I would see you
for the first time. I went anyways.

After I saw you there, sitting with your friends,
I realized all my previous conjectures were fashionably wrong.
Things started to become clear when your knee
settled against mine, and our eyes locked fatally
for the first time.

It was then I began to fathom that I wanted
to touch you how you turn the pages of a book
when you're lost between the words.

It occurred to me that you could read
the names and dates and causes
of death off a gravestone, and
I would still sit and listen to the way
that your voice collides with
all that empty space.

The one thing I knew I would never be able
to do was put you into words. Yet here I am,
trying anyways.