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Life's a Beach Feb 2016
Go **** Yourself,
because I never will again.

Remember when I did though.
Remember all of it.
Remember my mouth, and how
good I am down south.

I hope you remember how
good it felt to
sexually assault me
Because for you
I will remain your Frustrated
Wankstain of a memory
I will remain a dream
you stole on borrowed time.

Because you definitely didn't deserve mine, or
I currently feel So ******* Free

Truth is:
We accept the love we think we deserve
and you were ******* greedy

and I am ****** glorious
So, from now on, I'm gonna go ahead and use my love
on those who deserve it; including myself.
Fuckity-Bye, you abusive, manipulative, selfish arsewipe.
Have fun ******* yourself,
knowing that I did it better.
:) :) :)
Incredible moment of realisation today, bought on by my ex throwing a tantrum that was obviously aiming to make me feel upset. His cruelty made me ridiculously happy, because I've realised that he lost me. He did **** this up. I was accused of not loving him enough, but I did love him enough, he just constantly wanted more.
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
Thunderclouds breathe between my lips as
I place my forehead to your skin to steal the pigment from underneath lazy lids

I'm a dragon I laugh

That you are you smile

And you pull me closer to take the climate I've offered you.
The eye of the storm cosier  
For the warmth of your contentedness

The softness of our skin
Enough to melt the cold
Of a blizzard

Our gentle sin
Always on the tip of thawing out
Yet never quite leaving.
A wisp of smoke without a fire
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
Today I wrought a terrible thought,

I imagined
cutting pain tracks
underneath eyes
so that tears
with salt.

Grievous Assualt

I'm not sure which is the worst
That I thought it
Or that I sought it
An old intrusive thought of mine. Seemed too awful to post at the time.
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
It's taken me a while to realise
But simple doesn't always mean happy
Back then was simple,
We were simple.
Two in love
The other two in lust
It was nothing to make a fuss about
But we were simple
Because the rest of my life was complex
You were my escape route
And together we made a distraction
Just big enough to stop a ****
And together we helped to map out
My naked body
Which, before you, I didn't think anybody could want.
You made a tangled mind feel

And now that part of me is complex
I've lost that group
That laughter
That lightness
But, what I have now,
Who I have now,
What it's made me
I wouldn't switch it for the world.
That choice is simple.
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
Do you have any idea what I go through?
You don't, and I
know you don't, because I never tell you.

Ever wondered why?

I have what seems like a million stacks
of paper pressing on my chest, and
all the ****** memorised facts
are fighting in my head, compressed, I
feel a bit dead. What this person said, what
that person said, my eyes aren't green
anymore, they're red,
and yellow,
and pink,
a highlighters tint tattooed into
my neural net, yet I don't feel
confident enough to bet it won't
wash off.
Yet each morning I still
brush off my shroud of too
little sleep, because I can't fall asleep
when I'm alone and when I'm sad I
moan to shadowy paving stones, as I
walk a march to the station to
and fro, and I secretly wonder, "does
it even matter where I go?", and every day
I'm just that little bit more slow, still keep
counting chances in my head, but when I
dance my heart can still
hear the lead I left at the
side, which resides with me
I fall asleep on textbooks and
I wonder how this
became the focal point of
my existence, every now and
then it meets my resistance but
every time I squash it down, I wish
I dreamed of the crown of
innocence that once brushed upon
my head, but now I feel I'm guilty
instead, because every smile
is a second wasted. Instead I
dream of
and death,
and funerals.
And I watch as the
ones I love are lost, I
can't remember the
last time one of my dreams
was soft.
I can't remember.
This sacrifice isn't small, I haven't
actually listed much of my fall, but the
tallest order of all isn't even the
grades I must get if I can
finally submit to the
fact that I might be
worth it.
I'm leaving the first person I
have ever romantically loved
to do so, and just the idea
bruises my bones,
because, at the same time
as being miserable, mad, and
he has helped me be the most
happy, no more, filled, complete,
as I have ever been.
I have thrown my soul at
his feet, and he has
kissed it.
And if I leave him, I will miss
it, a part of me I finally found, will
resound like a long forgotten
tune, my new found flower
unknowing where to bloom.
He has not made it easy, I have
watched him torture, hate, and cry
to himself, I have watched him
wish himself past help.

I will always have her, nothing
can ever take her, she
is me.

But he,
he makes me fear the breeze.

I love you too, but if you think you
see a brick wall then you obviously
haven't looked to see how tall
it is,
I've run out of bricks.
All that are left are sticks,
feel free to scratch in an "You
owe me" but, you see, my perceived
"cracks" have triumphed, I'm
sorry to be the bearer of true news.
I'm sorry I can't sit up with you,
I have in the past.
I'm sorry I can't right now panic for you,
I have in the past.
I'm sorry I can't listen right now,
but I have,
multiple times in the past.

So leave a message after the
tone, and I'll get back to you
when you want a wall to moan at.

Maybe I'll chuck you a brick?

(p.s sorry if this was too "emotionless")
Old vent, definitely was in a foul mood
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
My greatest fear is probably my strangest secret
I'm scared of feeling nothing
This is not just a casual grammatically incorrect statement
I fear nothingness.

I fear a taken breath without the joy or
pain of living which joins with it.
I fear not wanting
not loathing
not feeling
I fear Nothing.
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
Say my name
no better
pant it
I was infancy until
you sank your lips
onto mine
possess me
climb me down the evolutionary ladder
turns out it's better to
be primal than to be
oh I'm wasted
in your breath
in your stench
I'm drunk on your
a drug
but we haven't drunk
or eaten together before
so now we're rabid
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