True loyalty is hard to find and harder to earn
Once its broken there is no mending it
Only through the flames of strife do we find ourselves
L*etting go of someone who is true to you is the biggest mistake you'll make

Nothing I can say is gonna fix things,
No use begging and pleading.
Ill be right there when the phone rings,
Without you, my heart is bleeding.

I'm just a pathetic cry baby to you anyway,
Weakest at the times I'm meant to be strong.
Not going to just sit there and cry like you say,
I'll bite my tongue just to prove you wrong.

If ever there were a monster, it is me,
For the way I've treated you, it's true.
I'm the worst boyfriend there ever was to be,
Those unforgiving words that are stuck like *glue.

The sight of you brightens my day
Hearing you stops my heart for a beat and,
Unto this world I am reborn in your arms
Over and over
Day in
Day out
Time and time again
I am reminded what It means to love
You make me whole
Complete me and
For that
I love you will never suffice
To she
Who holds my heart...



*Thank you,
        I love you

To* Refuse to let her slip away...
Write To pass another day...
Love is all there is to us...
On her arms should our love be spelt out...
Arms** to remind her everyday...

Happiness
Happiness
Happiness
Bam *******
Forget your happiness
You dont deserve it

I dig
You dig
We dig
He dig
She dig
They did

.

There are few times in your life,
That you can say you're close to something massive.
In which you've almost achieved something truly remarkable.
For some, the final moment of college,
The baby countdown, but for me...
Today marks the the beginning of the countdown to the end

This day, 11 months ago I happened to stumble upon someone I never knew would become such an important and big part of my life. Never did I expect the shy girl I'd met online in late December, would make such a tremendous impact on my life.
First came the awkward "hello"
Followed by a sincere introduction
(In which I'd be guilty of miscalculating gender... oh will I ever live that one down hides in shame)
It's one of the most beautiful things to fall in love
Even more so to feel the butterflies in your stomach grow everytime you see them come online.
Talking to you, became the only thing I wanted to do!
I'd rush home from school to jump on and game with you, talk with you and laugh with you whilst getting to know you all the more better.
We would spend hours on school nights, living in the happiness of eachothers company.
It is truly something, when you can look at a name on the screen as they  type, and realize you are
Completely
Utterly
and mind numbingly in love with someone based solely off who they really are
No looks, no sounds. Just personality and who the person is for them
You see I fell head over heels for you my love, you were perfection
It wasnt until a few months later that I caught a glimpse of what you looked like and honey, it was like seeing an angel in the flesh and boy did I fall hard for you. Call me obsessive, call me addicted. You were the only thing on my mind.

March 9th 2015,
"I know I say this alot but thank you. Thank you for always being there for me when I'm down in the dumps, to be quite honest, your the person I've grown close to most in my entire life. Thank you for l-liking me, y-you don't know how much it means to me...I-I'm really s-shy I know and t-this may make you feel a-awkward... b-but...I-I like you too h-hehe and I d-don't say the actual L w-word because it's embarrassing... I just wanted to let you know you mean the world to me..." - Sweet words that changed my life and I'll never forget them

Today marks just, one month from our one year anniversary.
Something I never thought I'd get to experience with anything,
Let alone someone like you.
I love you so freaking much,
You, my other half, complete me and I cannot thank you enough for everything and anything.
I'm sorry that it had to be celebrated,
With you at school
and 4hours of driving between us
But that makes it no less special because wherever you go
You'll always have me in your heart **
                                                              ­                                                *~ Ryan

Somedays...
I just feel like losing my voice
To be voiceless
I don't want to speak

That's not you
It's me
I can't bring myself to speak
To silence myself
Subordinate myself...

Someday...
I feel no one listens
As though I simply am invisible
If I wasn't there, would they notice?
If I simply wasn't

I want to become a mute
There is nothing I wish to tell you
So don't look at me with your sad eyes
I simply wish not
To speak
Please...let me lose my voice...

I dont think I can quite give you the Image in my head..
The nightmares that plague my tired mind

They haunt me, terrify me and leave me clenching my throat for air
There are many but only few get me this way

There you are, myself trapped behind transparent glass...
I bang
I scream
...the only thing that seems to break is me...

I can only watch on as the horrors of your past unfold and the pain in my chest worsens and worsens
I gasp for air trying to control my own dreams, if thats what they really are
My knuckles are ****** my eyes swollen but I still cant break the glass
I slump to my knees sobbing and whimpering, broken beyond repair

I awake in the morning, my body still trembling
You are the first person I talk
Yet I smile, pretend like nothing would ever be out of the norm'

I can break down many walls, you broke mine, I let you in and it was never a mistake
You broke down the walls I threw up to "protect myself" when all it was, was to shut the world out
I could never thank you enough
So why...can I not break the one wall in front of me..?

*At night I lay awake
Tossing and turning
Forcing myself awake to distract from the sadness in my head
One day I will save you
One day I will be there
One day...I'll get away from these nightmares...

I'm so sorry...

Guess
Ultimately
It's
(the)
Little
T**hings

Nothing in my life quite compares to that feeling.
That sinking feeling inside myself.

This feeling exists because it is a vacuum...
Something from deep inside myself was removed and all thats left
Is this gaping hole ******* me into darkness.
Never was I okay with hurting you
or upsetting you
Cept now I crushed the dream you held onto dearest

Now I cant breathe
I cant think
I cant feel anything else
I feel dead inside truly and cannot bring myself to do any right

Where will you be..?*

Tell me brave knight,
As the path in front of you became twisted
Did you falter?
When the skies turned puce, withered
Scattered. Were you afraid?

Along you rode, high and mighty
To what did you find nearing the end
Nothing but trials
Tribulations, set before you to prove your worth
Was it here that your spirit died?

Loves hate that burns inside
How long before you were choked on your own tears?
Before your darkest of fears stripped your honour
As the ground beneath you began to break and vanish
Did you wish to turn and run? You continued
As everything around you fell to the
Dark abyss, can you say you remained strong?

As it all fell
Where were you?
Tell me brave knight...
After it all, would you keep pushing forward?

I thought humans learnt from their mistakes?
Perhaps I'm the exception to the rule?
One would think you'd learn not to put so much trust in others,
In the end.... They'll abuse it.

When my best friend turned around and stabbed me in the back,
Hacked into everything I knew, everything I owned and used it all as blackmail against me, I thought I knew how it felt to Hurt
To feel genuiene Anger towards someone.
I of course was wrong...

Now, couple years down the track, I put too much trust into someone I now know I should never have. He turned around and stabbed me in the back and broke me. I though I knew how it felt to be Crippled
To feel like everything inside me Shattered
Single handedly ruined me and my life, shattered my trust in people and when there was no one there to support me... I fell deeper into the abyss. I sought refuge and support from the people I still held trust and faith in
They too abused my trust in them and broke me further, By now my pieces are too small to fit back together.
A shattered mine and a crippled soul but...
Everyone has problems. Everyone is hurting right?
I shouldn't complain, shouldn't tell you my problems because they're not your problems and why would you want them?
That's absurd

No matter what I say anymore, it is with an ill will
No matter what I do anymore, it is with an ill will
No matter how I feel anymore... it carries with it an ill will...
I am nothing but what people tell me I am
I can't begin to list how others make me appear anymore than I can begin to list how I appear in the mirror...
There is no thinking positively
There is no "It gets better"

When you're me...
...Even the saddest of emotions turn to anger.

If I could go back in time*

Even perhaps, say 48hrs,
HELL! I'd take 24...
Itd be to do many things

But I'd make sure I told myself
To just ****

Why do you write?

I get overwhelmed easily and words on paper and on a screen are highly effective means of externalising that

I cant read others poems often without crying and am inspired to write of my own

Writing calms me and although at times its already too late, it stops me from doing or saying something ill regret

So I write for sanity
Peace of mind
For clarity
To express myself
Set myself free
Empty my head
Get over myself
People to see how I am
To hide away
Not show myself like I am in poems to people

Why* wont you return my messages
Why do you worry me sick
Why would you disappear like that
Why would you succumb like so
Why...

You promised me
You wouldn't do anything
You would stick whatever may come out, You as well as me
You...

I always knew you weren't okay
I always asked and you'd never let up
I always tried my best to maintain contact
I always would've talked you out of it
I...

We are capable of withstanding so much
We are not immortal
We are fragile, sensitive and weak
We are human
*We...

You said you loved me and I smiled like never before.

You said I was an idiot and I never held it against you.

You said I was the sweetest boy on this earth and I blushed so hard my cheeks hurt.

You said I was stupid and I sighed inside knowing it was true.

You thanked me for being there for you and taking care of you and I said you needn't thank me.

You said I hate you.... I broke down and cried...

I hate me, not you.
I never know if you mean the words you say...

I look around
But all I see is grey.

Grey like the clouds that plague these skies
Grey like the gravel beneath my feet in which I trudge
Grey like the fog that clouds my judgement
Grey...like the beards upon my elders, bleak and withered

I try to feel
But all is nothing but bleak... miserable... and empty
Everything I worked so hard to accomplish is nothing but embers in the wind
I didnt do it just for me, no. I did it for us, though it seems I failed...again
I couldnt make our wish come true, and now... Now I cant make you happy anymore... I miss your smile...

That one dream
One wish
One hope...
...*has been crushed

These words these feelings they burn inside,
I cant take them so I run and hide.
I act on impulse not rational thought,
Saying stupid things for all I wrought.

I regret every word and can't take them back now,
Wishing I'd never said nothing as if I knew how.
Stupid mistrakes, one after another to you,
Sorry isnt enough to console my boo...

I bash myself as you do too, I feel bad,
When you're the one who ends up sad.
You don't do this to me, don't blame you,
Its my fault here and the things that I *do.

You* are my definition of perfection
You are the reason I smile, at the single thought of you
You are beautiful
You are talented
You are sweet and sincere and all that comes with
You are funny and know how to have fun
You are adorable when youre tired and cute in between

I think the part I love most about you, in my own selfish way...is that you are mine

We are forever
We are as much a couple as we are a team. "The Dream Team"
We are perfectly fit together, you and I
We are able to work through it all
We are forever and always

You are not some toy, you are not a trophy in the sense I own you but I feel like a winner everytime I look at you because I feel honor to have you and that we becomes *us

When shes standing there
Upset with you cause
You left her,
When she needed you most
You left her,

Would you stand and fight?

When shes crying in front of her
Broken because
You left her,
When she wanted you so badly
You left her,

Would you tell her to get over it?

When shes trembling before you
Torn inside because
You left her,
When she swore she missed you more
You left her,

*Would you get up and leave?

Tell me once
I won't listen

Tell me twice
I will shake my head

Tell me a third time
I will glare at you and get angry

Tell me a fourth
I will start yelling at you

Tell a fifth and final time*
*I will snap and tell you to shut the **** up and leave me alone and to explain on what grounds you would have the right

Whenever Im grieving
Upset
Hurt you
Sleepless and restless
Tired
Crying
Lonely

I can be found in your top
It keeps me warm
Safe
Happy
I feel loved
The smell is intoxicating and i love it

I hug your teddy
It smells of you
Feels like being close to you
Oh how I love it

I want to give you something
Meaningful
Worth it
Warm
Loving.
To remember me when you feel the same
For when we fight and we both know
I love you.
Will always remain