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I still type,
Those things,
We would say to eachother.
They all go,
In my notes,
Because I cant say 'em to you.
I still pretend,
That it's okay,
When I'm only kidding myself.
Call me stupid,
Maybe I'm ignorant,
But I wish my notepad could type back.
I really dont know what I was going for, the things we used to always say to eachother are now nothing but words in a notepad for me, my only way of coping. I didn't choose for things to be this way, so not saying them is nearly impossible, I just wish at least once... I could hear them back.
Dear Me,

Why are you like this?

Not like how others see you or how you present yourself to others but how you really are...

Why cant you ever be strong? Why must you falter when youre needing to be strong?

How can you break so easily and find it so hard to piece back together your broken being?

Is this who you want to be? How you want others to see you? What will they think of you?

So many questions... So few answers

You no longer know who you are do you..?

Sincerely,
me
Dear Me,

You're a liar...

A fraud...

A fake...

You think that words can always fix what it is you have done not thinking about the affect your words have.
Was there ever a time you stuck to your word...?

I didnt think so...
Tell me this,

You have said you will be there, that you will never leave...
So what was this morning? What was last night or the morning before?
How can you sit there and tell yourself AND HER that you wont leave, that youre there when we all know youre not...

You left this morning, you broke her, you ruined her mood, her day... you left
How does that make you feel?
You said you would stay with her till she slept but at 1 you gave in when you recieved no replies...her internet had died and she stayed for you...she stayed till 5...but you left

You are a liar...

Can you forgive yourself?
Cause I dont

Sincerely...
me
Look in the mirror
What do you see?
Its different, huh?
Different from yesterday...

Of course it is

You always saw the good in others...
... But never in yourself
You're an amazing person
Deep down you must know it
So why say what you did
Yesterday?

You're funny

People love that, it makes them smile
You brighten up their day

You're Kind

The world needs more gentlemen like you
You give faith to the world there are good people

You're compassionate

Your girlfriend loves you like no one else because of who you are and much you care and look after her. You have a massive heart

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me"

So tell me...
Why are you the only who can't
See you for you?

Sincerely,
me
The only person I have never accepted was myself,
It's in this I write to myself knowing I need to change that.
Sorry I havent been writing
To you much

Ive been so busy
Caught in a timeless rift
Sorting out my hectic mind
Chaotic life

How have you been holding up?

...oh... You could tell I was lying...?
I guess its true...
You know me better than
Anyone else

Ive...
Just not known quite what
To say
To you

You forgive me right?
I dont know what
Id do
If you couldnt forgive me

Hang in there,
Sincerely
Me
I am God's one, and only mistake.
If our lord is perfect, why would he curse the world with my existence?
When i exist solely to bring pain and suffering unto others, what kind of sick joke was he playing at?

I hope one day my parents realise, that although i was the only planned baby they had out of 3, i was the only mistake they made in having. Im sure my parents are real proud of the monster their son becomes around woman. Im sure they're proud of their verbally abusive, short tempered, selfish and cold son...

I hope that one day peoples open their eyes and see the truth for whats inside me and not what i show them on the outside, i want them all to look at my grave one day and be thankful that the world was rid of a demon that day, that satan had finally recoiled and taken back his child.

Life is nothing but a series of moments that exist to remind ourselves we still feel something.

Right now all i feel is pain, drowning, and anger, i hate this body, i curse this mind, maybe if i wish upon a star, i can go back in time, and stop things from going this far
I found this draft, saved. Thought I'd share the little relevance it has now
I will never forget that day
The devil took your breath away
~
I held you in my arms to beg that you stay
Promises and goodbyes, all but caught up in the fray
~
I will never forget that day
The devil took your life *away
Did you know?
Everytime you smile, your eyes get a little wider and more full of life. That almost, just almost, there may even be a faint twinkle in 'em

Did you know?
The shy girl who turns on her skype video camera, even after shes been crying. The girl who tells me she looks a mess... gives me 101 reasons to fall in love with you again.

Did you know?
Every single night, I message and wish you goodnight & sweet dreams. Each night before I sleep, so to do I, tuck that toy kitty you gave to me - the one which meant so much to you - in on the otherside of the bed and kiss it goodnight. That is helps me sleep better.

Did you know?
I hear my name on a daily basis. Often too many times I feel - thank you mother - and yet its only when you say it, that it makes me smile. Its so much more personal, so much more meaning to hear you say my name. 'Tis a shame I struggle to find the right time to use yours. I do love your name.

Did you know?
"The number of stars that you can see on a clear (moonless) night in a dark area (far away from city lights) is about 2000" and despite each and everyone of them... you shine just a little bit brighter to me.

Did you know?
There are 21 letters in the english alphabet... If you take out the letters "U R A Q T"
Or that perhaps it is that there are 26 letters in the english alphabet, yet all I ever need is "I O U" my life, my love* ♥

Did you know?
Out of all the art galleries in the world, they are worth nothing, because the most beautiful work of art I've seen... is you when I wake up next to you.

Did you know?
People drool over celebrities, famous people and idols. But to me, they're worthless. Everyone gets to see them and fall in love with them. Only I get to see you and be in love with you, and only you. Love me back.

Did you know?
If I had a dollar for everytime a thought of you entered my mind, I wouldn't be sitting from my computer sending this to you. I'd be in your arms and living the rest of my life by your side.

Did you know?*
I miss you my love... I miss you so much, and I love you, so much...
Just wanted you to know that above all else. You mean the world to me. I do hope you get to see this, which I'm sure you will. I hope you don't think this is cheesy and stupid.
♥ So tell me... Did you know? ♥
God I hate this place,
I hate the space between us.
Lost in the grey unknown,
There's still so far to go

I gave you the part of me,
The only one that you could see.
Tell me it doesnt mean a thing,
Breath in, breathe out

Someway, somehow
Say it all, say it now
Or dont say anything...
"Don't Say Anything" - Sleeping with Sirens
Do Re Mi,
Life is as bad as it can be,
Do Re Mi,
What is wrong with me?
Do Re Mi,
Enough with this misery,
Do Re Mi,
The pain I don't want anyone to see,
Do Re Mi,
I've lost my rhythm,
Do Re Mi,
My songs fallen apart,
Do Re Mi,
I'm way off tune,
Do Re Mi,*
Life is as bad as it can be.
I wanna poke your cheeks,
and tickle you when you're mad.
I wanna kiss and hug you when youre sad.
and when you're happy,

Its because there is nothing that is bad.
You're beautiful no matter what mood you're in
I would love you a different way for each
I'd love you thick and thin
I wont deny all the good we shared,
Was overshadowed by the bad.
It's lying here remembering those times,
Thats whats making me really sad.
~ ♦ ~
I walked away from the only person,
I've ever felt so strongly for.
Things we did together will last,
Such things don't end upon exiting the front door.
~ ♣ ~
There are times I question the integrity of my decision,
Asking if I'd made the right one.
When push comes to shove in this moment,
It was something I felt had to be done.
~ ♠ ~
This does not mean that I do not desire,
Meaning I still wish I had you there.
If only it had been better,
I think this love could've lasted my dear.
~ ♥ ~
It's surprisingly harder to utter a simple phrase,
Something as simple as "I love you".
Perhaps it seems that I don't wish to speak it,
But believe me, at this point in time, I really do.
~ ◘ ~
For paragraphs and monologues,
I could write till my hearts content.
All things aside, in attempt so you'd understand,
Our time apart, should be time well spent.
I can't say I ever foresaw things going the way the way they did. Nor can I say that either decision was going to be a worthy one. I guess, time will tell us what is to happen. Things are too much for me at the time being, so for now, itll be no one im seeing ♥
There is a lock to my heart.
You alone have the key.
It shall forever remain yours until death do us part.
A symbol, a metaphorical resemblance of what you mean to me.
For you my love
Everything I've ever said, I meant with all I had,
This love isn't something that you get from just anyone.
Each day I fall in love with you over and over,
Relishing each moment in which I share with you.
No one could ever replace you my dear,
I am yours,
Till the very end and after.
Y*ours forever and after my love. Together for eternity.
As if a poem could get any cheesier or I could be anymore cliche we pull this from no where xD
In each and every moment, there is good and there is bad,
For in each moment, we can be happy or we can be sad.
Every day has it's dawn, every rose has it's thorn,
You never know quite what to expect from the moment we are born.

When things are going good, they're going great,
Never underestimate the cold hands of fate.
At any instant can a situation flip,
In each and everything we do, it is a lucky dip.

We can look back and see, how things were before,
Yet once again have things changed, now whose keeping score?
In a second things went from good to quite bad,
Lost in the moment, now nothing but sad.

I will always wonder whose fault I am to blame,
But, in the end, I and that person are all but the same.
We are, but the same person you see,
The wickedness in him, is the wickedness in me.

Never underestimate the cold hands of fate,
You never quite know if you'll be too late.
Don't take anything for granted,
Keep your feet firmly planted.
Never stop fighting for that which means most,
Forever and ever my dear friend...repost.
In an instant things can change.
This one line can apply to many a things.
For each and every person we relate differently.
But there has come a time in our lives when fate struck us kindly.
In such a turn fate has stricken us
Like hot rain in early autumn
A hot, thick heavy scent filled the space
Momentos of all she'd shown him
Expressions flashing across his face

A creature as fine as this one
Should be treated with utmost care
Skin turned fire that burns like the sun
Stroked, carefully caressing you my dear

Nothing lewd, if only just as sweet
A formal expression of love
Our future together is right before our feet
Love is free, like that of a dove

You are my one and only little miss
I wrote this poem about our first kiss **
I'm really into sonnets at the moment and it's been a while since I posted so I hope you enjoy!
Once upon a time, you had a knight.
He protected you, day and night.
Strong, kind and as charming as the moonlight.
Your best intentions, never left his sight.
~
Once upon this time, you have a mistake.
He did all he could, to ensure your heartbreak.
Cold, unnerving and as conceited as a snake.
Your best intentions, left far in his *wake.
Yep, people change.
Sorry I'm not the man I used to be...
I got hit by a train
Falling in love
Which is kinda the same

Yet my fears lie beyond this line

I ran into a wall
Falling out of love
Which leaves nothing at all
I am far from perfect
As far from perfect as I am from you

I am tall
More over im intimidating and imposing, it just means I have further to fall

I am not at all bright
Lacking common sense I can never see the answer written in plain sight

I have a massive heart
Its worn on my sleeve. Vulnerable to everything, forever abused and falling. apart

I am far from perfect,
As far from it as I am to *you
So why is it you're perfect to me, but we can't find a way to make it the other way round?
The powdery snow flutters down,
coloring the mountain ridge white
The two inside a run-down house in a desolate village
huddle together in the winter night

“It’d also been snowing the day we’d met,”
you murmured with a smile
And I’d hidden my face flushed from the hearth
within the shadow of your large sleeve

With a breath of joy,
I sang of spring’s arrival along with the chirping birds
“Your voice is beautiful,” you told me,
and that alone, just those words, made me so happy

“If someday, I no longer had this beautiful voice,
would you still, even then, love me?”
“Of course,”
you said, smiling gently
as your large hand softly stroked my cheek

One leaf-lit summer afternoon,
you collapsed from illness
Our poor married life
couldn’t afford the medicine to cure it

The next day, along with the following,
I did nothing but intently weave
I wouldn’t let your life
fall like the short-lived autumn leaves

The seasons flow by
The bell crickets mark the end of summer with their cries
“Your fingers are beautiful,” you told me,
gripping my wound-covered hands,
but yours were much too cold…

“If someday, I no longer had these beautiful fingers,
would you still, even then, love me?”
“Of course,”
you said, coughing
as your large hands caressed my hurting fingers

Day and night, don’t stop weaving
Hurry, hurry, I need to buy the medicine…
Just a bit more, ony a bit more; before the autumn leaves fall
Until these fingers can’t move… Until these feathers are used up…

“If someday, I were no longer a human,
would you still love me?”

The truth I feared left unable to be told,
I softly pluck the final feather alone…

“Of course,” I say, smiling
I promised I’d embrace you when you lost your wings
And that crane which had beautifully taken flight that day,
I’ve never forgotten, and still remember, even now

And just like always, I love you
A story, written in song sang by Kagamine Rin and *** - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_4Ut1DI4wA

I couldn't help but find myself in tears over this
When* all things have been said and done,
When together we would laugh and play.
When time is up and we've had our fun,
When you're gone you're really far away.

What would I do without you here.
What to do when I lie alone.
What am I without you dear.
What is there but contact by phone?

Why is good always before bye?
Why must this be so hard to bear?
Why among stars does you name span the sky?
Why is a great distance something to share?

Who are you without a me beside you?
Who told us that love wasn't free?
Who you are shows through in the things you do.
Who said we needed anything but you and me?

Where are you headed after departing?
Where is strength among sadness?
Where fall my tears in which are starting?
Where does one find you in thy *madness?
A poem about long distance and a partner who recently visited but now has departed.
I look forward to seeing you again, but…
What am i to do now that you're gone?
Fly
Fly
I wanna fly
High up over these walls I've built up inside
I wanna fly*
Put back all these pieces of my broken heart tonight
I am sorry mother
I am sorry father

I never meant to make you worry, or to cause you pain,
I realise that whilst I may have been thinking, it was not with my brain.

"
I came back a brand new me you helped see me through" - Eminem

I have had my ups and ive definately had my downs.
Its time I smiled through the frowns and watch as my hopelessness drowns.

~ Every dawn is a new day ~

Hold me tight, in physical comfort or in metaphorical essence, hold me close to your heart and forgive me for being so lost

I love *
*you
Ihave many phobias
Many fears and worries
All too many to name
What scares me the most
Isnt saying something wrong...
**...Its not having anything left to say
I have lost the ability to write,
I've lost the way, and frankly it hurts
Sometimes
No matter
How much you hurt
You abuse
You mistreat
And how much
You push
Someone in your life...
They seem to always be there for you.

That is true friendship
Im sorry
It took me so long to see this
Im sorry
I have treated you as i have
Im sorry
Im useless
I really do care
I really am sorry
You've always been here
Xie'xie YiXuan, means so much to have someone like you
Figure it out for yourself,
It won't be interpreted the same way
No one ever seems to notice
The grimance in my face
From the pain in my heart
~
These so called friends
All around me but
Not playing their part
~
Left to my own to deal
As it always shall be
Suffering such sorrow
~
I sit in my room
Silently waiting and praying
For a better tomorrow
~
Try if I will, try if I might
I simply dont exist
Confined to my bed
~
*Roaming around
This lonely ghost town
I'm better off dead
Yeah... Im existing...wouldn't call it living...
Maybe, im too good at faking...
In that moment
I knew the definition of broken
Of loneliness and that of despair

How quickly the wind swept you
Off yout feet
Until before I could react
You walked out of my life

No time had I
To grab your arm
Nor mend the holes
You simply left me to my own
Removed me from your contacts
Ceasing anything to do with me

It was then I realized the error of my ways
You showed me who I was
Someone who:
- Mistreated you
- Never loved you
- Always made mistakes and never made up for them
- Was no different from anyone else
- Regarded you as nothing
- Would leave you now and find someone happily tomorrow

- Is a monster...

Yet nothing I say now
Will bring you back to be
I say ill change but when have I ever
Its cold and dark without you

I miss you already...
Am I on your mind?
Ill never forget the day
You simple were
*Gone
And I'll, be foretelling in time,
no matter how hard I try,
I'll always be a wasted life.

So this is my goodbye

Wake me when I,
have the courage to die.
Cause I'm too modest to try.

I am a wasted life&
I'll be fortelling in time

**That this is my goodbye
I want nothing to do with anything right now.
Don't bother, cause i won't exactly be
Just for a moment,
I felt as if I was able to breathe.
Just for a moment,
It was like I was someone else.

I experienced
For the first time
Something I would only describe
As...
Happiness

I felt it for a moment as I lay there, exchanging words.
Natural, raw and emotional
It felt right, like it could do no harm.

All good things come to an end

Just as quickly as it came it was snatched from me
The air ****** from my lungs
What once was, now an empty void
Desperately trying to fill itself.

But even for that moment
I felt as if I was able to breathe.
Just for a moment,
It was like I was someone else.

I experienced
For the first time
Something I would only describe
As...
*Happiness
Even though it only lasted a moment, thank you for making me happy. It had been so long I'd almost forgotten how it felt to smile like it meant something.
Tried telling someone
Those things you keep deep inside?
~
Tried telling someone
You dont belong in this world?
~
Tried telling someone
Being you, isn't a good thing?
~
Tried telling someone
**They'll never understand...?
I don't wanna feel this miserable beneath the happiness
Ease my restless soul
Mend my aching heart
It will yearn for you until death do us part
So tell me,
What is this place?
This house is not a home

Solely because you are not in it.

Why am I here?
I should be home
Snug and comfy, warmed by the fires of your love

Yet I seem to be here and youre very much there.

If my home is where my heart is
Then Im a million miles from home
Simply put there isnt love here

Its like a null void not having my heart inside my chest.

My residence is merely a place for this lost soul to die
I feel nothing here, nothing but sorrow
Youre not here to wipe these tears from my face

Instead I picture you standing there and get homesick.

I want to go home, to that familiar place, inside your arms...
It was there I felt I truly belonged.
A place to call my own,
And a place to call home.
Babygirl
My heart goes out to you
I wish I was kissing you
But instead I find myself missing you
Now more than ever
If I can be honest,
How come I always break my promises to you?
If I'm not afraid,
Why am I so scared to move?
I'm barely breathing.
And if I can be honest,
How come I always end up so far away from you?
You made me a promise,
*And I'll always hold it true.
Honest - Thousand Foot Krutch
Sick of crying,
Yet tired of trying.
Yeah I'm smiling,
But inside I'm dying.
The more I tell myself yes
The more reason I'm led to believe no

The more I tell another yes
The more reason they're led to believe no

The more I tell us both yes
The more reason we're led to believe *no
I promise
I'm not saying yes to lie
I'm not saying yes to build false hope
I'm not saying yes because I need to
I'm saying yes because I have to
It has to be a yes...
...so why does it feel like a no?
You ever wished upon a star and hoped to be somewhere else?
Ever wished you could have a certain something?

For those who might'nt understand let me paint something in you:

You are a wonderful person. You're not the popular kid but people love you and who you are. You have a bubbly and friendly personality. People love to be around you and you love to be around others.
The love of your life loves you with all they have in theirs. They mean the world to you and you would do anything for them.
But, when things seemed great they became ill or they became really upset. What are you to do? You are their partner who would do anything.
You'd stay by their side, you'd hold them close and tell them it's gonna be okay and do all you can to support them....right?

What if you couldnt? What if you had to sit from afar knowing how they feel or their suffer and be powerless to help or console them?
If you couldnt stay by their side, couldn't hold them tight and reassure them...?

I can't...and those who know the pain know the struggle
But
We work everyday to make it work
No matter what, at any cost
We make it work.
Thank you to those who read it all.
It doesn't make much sense i know
the ramblings of a mad man but long distance relationships (which i hoped you picked up on here) are the hardest of things. But this day and age anything is possible and love is love. Unconditionally
You might already know this, but then again you might not
But what I wish to say, runs through my mind a lot
I think that smile of yours, is enough to outshine every star,
Its pure and genuine, it expresses all that you are.

Shall I continue?

I find that soft giggle, heartwarming and sweet,
Everytime I hear it, it sweeps me off my feet.
~
You struggle when it comes to loving yourself, so let me help you,
Every sound I hear from the other end, is enough to prove my love true.
They are sweet, they are kind and make me feel lucky.
From moans to giggles, tears and sniffling or even when your tummy's feeling yucky.
~

You are perfect

I've finally found my angel, and that is you my dear,
Our love is the strongest, whether we're far or near.
You know I have your back, forever by your side,
Forever and always, to wipe those tears you've cried.
~
The thought of you alone, tears me up inside,
Knowing that one day, I'd give all to make you my bride.
I never mean to leave you, and I will always return,
Sometimes for the worst, do such events turn.
~
In the end I know, everything will be worked out,
Come now my dear, no need to cry and pout

*Forever and always, I am eternally yours,
To guide and support you, see you through these wars.
Forgive me at my worst and love me at my best,
I cherish each and every moment, and I shall love the rest.
These poems are cheesy, and they frankly represent me.
Perhaps this has no place here, perhaps it does.
Bite me ^-^
It's funny, the more I hear
These uncertainties need no more fear
All truths become that solely one
Miserable tears question what I've done
I've only ever seen such wounds at war
Not surprised if I catch your gaze on the door
I've outlived my usefulness, I'm just the guy that was never there...
I reside within a storm,
Its howling winds batter and bruise my being.
There is no sunshine, only rain
My body is numb, caused by all this pain.

Cant you hear, cant you hear that thunder?
The only place I'll be with you is 6 feet under.


Debris of what one was litter the skies,
Your fragile world held together by nothing but my lies.
There is no solace, no ray of light,
Slipping further, no end in sight.

Cant you hear, cant you hear that thunder?
The only place I'll be with you is 6 feet under.


The storm rages on reeking havoc around me,
My world flung in darkness with no ability to see.
Don't come near, or you'll perish, torn apart
Ripped limb from limb, thats only the start

*Cant you hear, cant you hear that thunder?
The only place I'll be with you is 6 feet under.
I
I
Am so truly
Deeply sorry
I cannot say it enough
Will I ever stop being a failure?
Will there come a time that I do something right?

Cause right now...
I cant live like this.
Feeling this way...
Knowing how I am.

When all I seem to be is a child.
Unable to look after myself,
You shouldn't need to waste your time on me...
I waste enough of yours already.

Sorry I'm impossible to deal with...
I just hope I'm not too big a ***** up...
And you can still love me no different come morning.
I wanna be here and i wanna help but i seem to do the opposite
Not once but twice, have I broken your heart,
With each time, a little more I regret playing a part.
I messed up last night, but fixed it today,
Now I've messed up again with nothing to say.

You can't forgive me, but I dont want your leave,
Perhaps it's true we wear our hearts on our sleeve.
Man I'm a ***** up, I hate myself now,
I'd do anything to fix this, but I can't think of how.

We're not better off gone, that is a fact,
Having messed up twice, leaves me sick to my tract.
I am this monster that I see in me,
Perhaps It's better if I leave you to be....
Not once but twice in the course of 24hrs have I broken the heart of the girl I love most.
Be gone with me now as I feel so subhuman, I am a monster a **** and an ******* of a boyfriend.
I'll never deserve her, shes so perfect for me, perhaps a monster isnt meant to love at all...
In your eyes,
I have found my home.
In your heart,
I have found my love.
In your soul,
I have found my mate.
With you,
I am whole. Full. Alive.
You make me laugh, You let me cry.
You are my breath,
My every heartbeat.
I am yours
You are mine,
Of this we are certain.
You are lodged in my heart,
The small key is lost.
You must stay *forever.


You are my inspiration,
And my soul's fire.
You are the magic of my days,
You help me laugh, you teach me love.
Each day I rediscover you,
You are my greatest gift.
I am yours
You are mine,
Of this we are certain.
You are lodged in my heart,
The small key is lost.
You must stay with me *forever.
Can something
That in which is already dead
Truly die..?
~
Can something
That in which is already broken
Be broke..?
~
Can something
That in which is already hurting
Feel pain..?
~
Can something
That in which is already missing
Be lost..?

Bit by bit
I begin to see clearly
The answer is yes...
So many questions and thoughts
There never seems to be enough answers
Enlighten my soul
Don't let me die peacefully...
Let me endure the pain I so carelessly inflicted on you
May I know just torn apart your heart must be

Don't let me forget...
Everything that was said, and better...what wasn't
I wish to remember just how much each syllable stung

Don't let me unsee...
The state you're currently in
Please allow me to gaze upon the destruction I have caused
Let the chaos burn itself into my eyes

Don't let me walk innocently...
Monsters don't live happily ever after
They can't play the night in shining armour

                         *
*Because the wickedness in them
                                Is the wickedness in me...
                               Monsters don't get to love
**** it
Just **** it all
I'm done
There comes a time in every mans life,
When he must acknowledge his insolence.
Understand that he has no point to argue any longer,
That all he is doing is going off on a tangent that has no  meaning.

*You needed better than me.
Someone I just couldnt seem to be,
Now you've fallen away from my grip,
All I can do now is sit here and watch us slip.

I'm sorry I never tried
I'm sorry I only cried
So many times I fall, I'm falling, I fall apart.
I'm so concerned with pity things, it drags me farther down.
Why do we run from things we're scared of?
I see it now it's all so clear.
No, there's no turning back from here.
Excerpt from
"The Left Side Of Everywhere"
- Sleeping with Sirens
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