It's ***** in your shirley temple
sweet like syrup
give me life so simple.
Dad once told you
your mom went mental
punishment for being gentle
mindlessly experimental.
It's not true
she just wanted to leave him
because the baby came and
he won't stop cheating.
Life is hard
you took a beating
I will salve
and stop the bleeding.
Cut my shirt
it's sacrificial
cover up
loud wolf whistle.
Pigtails bouncing
childhood giggle
I'm your girl
your hellfire missile.
Chop the tree
and hang the tinsel
this year is better
almost sinful.
Guilty catholic
death feels massive
give me something
to feel passive.
Life is so short
it just passes
we're too happy
on our *****.

Air is full of micro plastics
I don't care
forgot my mask is
hanging in my
high school classes.
Gone true beauty -
false eyelashes.
You're a show car, you're just so classic
let them ride
when you're high on acid.
Swirling visions
swift collision
I saw you there
in a sick prevision.
Sweet slow dancing
in your kitchen
give me your hand
and let me fit in.
I could save you
cinematic
it's meant to be
nothing tragic.
Saw you crying
in the attic
wasted breath
and wasted talent.
Kiss your check
you're not a has been
tastes like salt lick
compulsive action.
I see you in a
main attraction
replay every
interaction.
Obsessive in
a healthy fashion
filled with longing
full of passion.

Regret every
check I cash in
economic low and
nothings lasting.
Mid life crisis
find your vices
look at you with
blown out iris.
Someday we'll find
a way to fight this
belief of justice
violently righteous.
Simple cheek kiss
idiotic kindness
purposeful blindness
in the face of hard times
someone guide us.

Plump ripe fruit
taken from the vine with a bit of guilt
is it better to turn her into pie
or let it rot and wilt?
I am unnaturally and unnecessarily human
made of sugar and spice
surely this berry would be of more use
fallen on the floor with the bugs and the mice.

Glittering sea glass in the windowsill
I remember the ocean
but I'm lonely still.
I don't want to find happiness
through a tight packed pill
give me a value,
and put it in my untimely will.

I found a way out once
and now it's all I can think about
cold black metal
stuck in an open mouth.
Couldn't punctuate the sentence
now I am without
a plan or a passion
its all gone south.

I'm sharp like a bottle struck on the wall
I remember everything
can't forgive at all.
When will all this damage and tossing
do some good
when will I be handled softly
like pine becomes wood?
Looking for a statue of success
where a mother's first disappointment
once stood.

My life is a blooming pool of burgundy,
maroon
gasping in the face of doom
dying on the **** of 70's carpet,
tears soaked right through
and you are my exit wound.
Some piece of me that is missing
a hole of despair that needs a fixing
eyes wide open, in terror
stuck glossy and still twitching.

Dearest wax figure of Bundy
when you love, why must you take?
Bring girls home on a Monday
only for them to never awake.
Despite what you say
it is not an act of fate
your manly hands are ******
and within them, lays the stake.

Your fingers reach out
making themselves known
in every shadowed alley
I've watched the news and cried
you've drawn another tally.
Only strong within the cover of the night
you cower away from crowded streets
pray it all looks right.
Someday, justice will find you
and she will win the fight.

Took a day trip to the beach
just to bury my head in the sand
Restless is the water
changing is the land.
We're miles away from each other
you're holding onto my hand.

Stare down at the shoreline
something fuzzy waving a warning in red
but I only ever learned about surrender
I'm bored and off my meds.
Your dark sunglasses are reflective
it's all going to your head
I had a thought, so terribly perceptive
it's just something that I said.

Deep and beaconing ocean
is cold and I am unprepared
choking on my way back to the surface
getting sick on the drink that we shared.
Fruitless journey back to our spot
you could save me, wish you cared,
but you do not.

Talking together about something so strange
you say you like me and the way that I smile -
like I'm kind of insane.
Kiss you like I miss you
like there's an itch in my brain.
I like your bright nirvana eyes
and the way you never seem to change.

I want to touch the back of your throat
to feel you at your weakest
when I am needing you most.
I want to be in your brain and in your body
like I am the parasite
and you are my host.
Invite me in
the door is shut and
my patience has gone thin.
Everything has it's purpose
down to original sin
you don't have to look so nervous
I only want to be friends.

Be mine, be with me forever
this obsession that grows
you will not successfully sever
until I am done with you
the feast and the pleasure
and I've taken all that I need.
So hungry, I'm all alone
I just want to feed
you are the forbidden fruit
sometimes,
loving feels just like greed.

Lost childhood
a shattered snow globe on the floor
enchanting glitter and broken glass,
swirling in a mass, I find no cure.
Swept up the shards
that faintly jingled while being discarded
cut myself cleaning the mess
and it scarred
a surface of me that must stay hardened.

So independent
I can live on my own
don't know what is best
but it's better unknown.
I am shaped the way you had me sculpted
I've got a sharpness deep inside
here's the woman that has resulted
from a young girl's need to hide.

Mom
I brought a portrait photo of you
with me to art class
the teacher said
I looked just the same
everyone always told me I was like my dad
I was so happy to be beautiful, that day.

and I know you've said you don't understand poetry
so I'll say it easy
I love you so much
I hope you don't hate me
for what I used to be.
Forgive the broken snow globes
I have already forgiven the memories.

Your mom still calls me pretty
even though I pretend you don't exist.
I know I've loved you forever
built a house and a bed out of sticks
then burned it all down
like a candle to the wick.
Look at you with such admiration
and I start to feel sick.
Sealed by doom, in 2017
healed by your lips.
Seeking out a brand new lover -
it's you that I miss.
Made out of nerves like second hand china,
always shattered like this.

I hope you'll choose me
repair me, take me to your place
know this rejection is something
I must finally meet face to face.
Calling on your landline, late and weary
it's like screaming into space.
Drove around in a circle
because you always know what's right
with the windows down, I'm blinded
your smile so unbelievably white
and I wish I could stop feeling
like I'm such an ugly sight
maybe then you'd want me
and I'd have less to write.

Plaid apron on, don't stop to think.
I cooked all Thanksgiving just for them
dishes are now piled in the sink,
staring a bit too long at the carving knife.
With the countertops glistening with spillage
I'm wondering what I want from life
some sort of contentment, I cannot envisage.
My dad hates his job
my mother loathes her body
and I've learned everything I know from them
every loan and distracting hobby.
Imitation is the finest form of flattery,
I compulsively copy.

Candles flickering,
smells like pumpkin and clove
my sisters arguing in the living room
a *** boiling over on the stove,
it's scalding water seeps right into my mind.
I have no place here,
I hear the ticking time.
Turkey was fattened up all year
and now our dogs crunch on the bones
wonder what they are wishing for
are some things better left unknown?
Brown leaves are falling, with a final breath
they say it will be a hard winter
I'm not sure what is left.

I remember stories, told through grey smoke
recited slowly, under shadowed eyes
as the old, dry toad croaked,
in a rickety melody by my side.
Forgotten romancers would carve
hearts into the husk of pine.
One was told,
time after time:
Two lovers, a yellow scarf,
we are both the same, headless and blind.

Lose all sense when we meet up
I pray you'll rescue me
chase away my sorrow and bad luck.
Rain always seems to pour most
once I'm building my shelter
my poor face as pale as a ghost
and my urgency, burns like a summer swelter.
I need you like the river needs it's bending
to love you is natural,
a broken bone must go on mending.

So take your weathered hands
lead me to the forest
I cannot see, but I feel its stirring.
The finch and the blackbird, chattering chorus
brain dead trusting, so alluring.

Tonight
the moon flashes a cheshire grin.
I've been walking miles and miles
just to see where you have been.
I'm by your house, I'm at the old creek
places we used to love and we used to speak.
It's a reverie, it's an illusion
emotions from a fire that burns to expulsion.
Chasing away the demons and the regrets
you've crucified my frame
and I know you cannot forget.

To think,
I've been talking with you in dreams
I need to meet you again
and figure what they must mean.
Going to bed early
and losing so much sleep.
I'm dancing with you all night long,
come on, answer me.

The coyotes were killed off years ago
but they still howl the same
and sweet dew settles on green, green grass
soon as mourning doves call your name.
I've been ready for forever
but you still want to play games.

Your lips whispered a curse
and brushed against mine.
Soft, like sparrows' wings,
inebriating as wine.
I know I am lost now,
wandering so many city streets
wondering if you'd find me here
and take me off bare feet.
I am calloused, I've become raw.
How can you, so far away
remember me at all?
The street lights are turning on now
it will soon be dark.
Tell me how
to live without a heart.

No matter how many times I've taken this path
I always get lost in my wandering
full grown girl, but I feel like a half
missing you and always pondering.
The gravel is course
sweat gatherers on my brow
like a stuck object meeting an unstoppable force
logical incompatibility, we are now.

Foolish vacation
deforestation
into the lack of everything.
Goodbye summertime
goodbye railroad signs
goodbye life giving green.

You used to follow me to this sanctuary
you'd stroll and I'd stay stationary
alone and stalked by your fantasy
diseased since January.
I feel guilty, for having such sick thoughts
holding you for ransom in my brain
hope I don't get caught.
Yesterday you called me insane,
Wednesday, I was a vision, suppose you forgot.

I'm making myself sick
always mean without meaning to be
repairing fatality with a stitch.
Made of tooth and claw
and violently scratching at an itch.

Do you think deer on the highway
causing major collisions,
still get a heaven
are they afforded such visions?
Of paradise with no interruption
for a creature that brought on such destruction
but never meant to harm a living thing.

I'm floating away
and everything around me feels heavy
please tell me why
I'm always spoken to
before I am ready.
I want to be loved
can't seem to put in the work
bottled up my emotions,
here is my cork.
So many strange words and feelings
here is my quirk.
Give you my soul and my body
here is my hurt.

Don't think I'll go on, but I can
my mother is kicking me out
and I've never had a plan.
Fizzled out with your opening
crushed like a soda pop can
so insecure, pushed you away
because you know just who I am.

On such a breathless downward spiral
and I think I'll stay here a while.
baggy shirts and sunken eyes
has become my style.
I'm a muddled, mangy mess, no surprise
I think I'll just stay a child
be soft in my stride
for just a little while
until I learn to get by.

Pinky promises
and praying to goddesses
a picture of your friends on the sagging shelf
and I know I love you
so much more than you could ever,
ever love yourself.
We plucked wild bluebells
and got sick in the winter-time breeze
I'll pick you up
when you fall down
I'll patch up the scrapes on your knees.

Sugar coated candy
turned into your mother's brandy
still over indulged
but I will be here
year after year
you'll always have someone to hold.
Takeout boxes,
a key in your locks and
always a place for me in your coral sheets
we roam the city in outfits too tight
we hold hands in the streets.

Only a fool
when I'm in your room, lose our cool
laughing as our middles concave
with your hand in mine
I've always felt so brave.
We were girls together
and that will never change.

I'll be nothing in your backseat
resting your hand on my upper thigh.
So high when I'm feeling your energy
and down with a lower case lie.
I'm searching for rain,
in an endlessly cloudless sky
gazing through your drought ridden eyes
and gasping into ground, always dry.

It's so gentle that I bleed
strawberries, lip balm, summer breeze
things I always thought I'd lost,
joy was too quick to take its leave.
Be my sugar, to the lemon that I squeeze
be my greatest chase, after all
we are free.

Past the tattoo parlors and broken freight trains
scared we'll run out of town before long.
Rubbing you out of my mind like an ink stain.
I'm not sure I've ever really been strong
can't find where I stand and you remain,
you tell me, what is right and what is wrong.
Wondering, if like mine,
does your face ever grow red
like a rising Aries dawn?
Always unsure why I showed you my tan lines
when you're so alright having nothing on.

Bottle of herbal gin
but I'm already drunk off this,
your easy stride and devious grin.
I don't know where to begin
laying under magnolia and stars
like childhood friends.
Giving you all of my secrets
my break and my bend.
Please don't ever go sober
and leave Dallas again.

I love you so much it hurts
like breaking a berry from her vine.
Flickering ember of basil incense burns
every memory on your shrine.
I ask the figment of a universe
when will you be mine?
Give me something good enough
a dream of us, a sign.

You've been wanted for so long
how can you hide away inside?
I miss your beautiful face
and I miss your stubborn pride.
Want you to replace
my fantasies,
with kisses so intense,
like a rising summer tide.

So many cards have been broken from the deck
the lovers, an empress, death
I was so beautiful, now I am a wreck.
Look at what you've done to me
my long hair, flushed cheeks, and nothing next.
All I needed
was to leave my lipstick on your neck.
Something to terrify you
into heading my way, West.

Second guessing my goodbyes
cursed us back in February
but now it is July.
Found myself hot and running
full sprint, shirt unbuttoned
back to you,
you are something.
Something to chase
and something to hold
a flame worth protecting
a memory, not yet too old.

It's been 5 years
but I still wish you'd touch me again
bring life back to my skin.
My eyes will grow wide like a deer's
blood rush to my ears!
For you I am prey,
and I hope you know, my dear
no one has ever seen me that way
never been permitted to stay
and to smell my humbling fear.

20th birthday
I've forgotten when to breathe
and my mother is my only friend
the last one yet to leave.
I am feverish skin
to March's first chill breeze
tripping over, again and again
afraid to pull my hands from my sleeve.
20 years old now
a full on woman in sheep's clothing
but I don't know how
to live life without loathing
love, and bills, and here and now's.
Myself, pulling on a window that's already closing.

Brother moon,
do we dream the same dreams
in the valley of black sheep?
My lover's eyes are the size of you
and I yearn only to sleep.
Beneath the freckled sky, be easy
forgotten, you and I.

Brother moon,
do you weep for sister sun
the way I weep for you?
Can children still on Earth a' run
when you cast your soul's great blue?
Bother moon
will you take me, come afternoon?
To my house of lonesome joy.
Brother moon,
do you dream my dream?
Or are you just another boy,
basking in my gloom.

You were my Queen of rust
with your china doll hands and terracotta hair
lady of want and broken trust
friend of wild dog, promised to be fair.

A bush fire against a summer's rain
you are every little ache and pain
Open eye as the clock races by
a ghost town
torn down
again and again...

Let yourself dream in the mystery of sundown
but, where has your lover gone now?
Off to a land lush with the green of sycamore
the promise of something that again, has been found.
She has no use for a dessert or
a woman made of many shades of brown
when there was so much more color
before you came around.

Lost the taste for weakened gin and things like him,
lonely frozen months and lying in the warmth of his seat.
Forgiveness was my nutrients,
forgiveness was what kept me here,
forgiveness was my meat.

I had picked that skeleton all but clean and dry,
watched it crack and bleach with days gone by
sat gasping 'neath a summer's sky
and wished that I too, could die
feel the hollow grow of my eye.

Still that silver truck never rolled over the big dust hill
so I had to take up and leave
guide my weary soul to another man that yearned to ****.

Poseidon mourns with the mumbling sea,
froths and foams and falters,
for everything I long to grieve.
Silver tears fall, the fruit of tree.
I grow her from the cut of me,
watch her take up roots and leave.
Wait, while she becomes all I thought I'd be
and steals the silence from my memory -
abandons peace for chase of ecstasy.

I joined the worshiped in their gentle garden
and trampled every orchid, bright and sweet
just to prove I could win such pardon,
live to die another week.
We were all of warm and wild
skin feverish to lonely sun god's touch.
My tongue took blood of grape so mild
I found myself -nothing- in the middle of much.

I stare into your copper penny eyes
fresh from the sandy shore
and wonder, oh wonder
why don't mine look like that anymore?

Where the Applewood used to grow
and cotton blew lazy in the August breeze.
Back when you still kissed my cheek,
a time I allowed myself to breathe.

White house on the corner of Lover's lane.
Shaded, by the dapple of your lies
whispering of how we'd one day
look through its stained window panes
and plant red dahlias on its sides.

That birch wood is rotting now,
beetle has made it her home.
And I still recite unheard wedding vows
even after you are gone
and I; alone.

That broken eggshell,
smaller than the thumb that rests in my palm.
In a place where baby's breath grew,
quiet as linen sheets, peaceful as psalms.
Remember when skin scraped as child fell.
I knew that street, those callused feet
all too well.

I felt my soul was sealed up in that rotting tomb,
and now where had it gone?
With the ceramic pieces littered from her ghostly womb.
Hazy summer days I spent wrong.
Never thought, love passed on so soon.

I let it crinkle beneath the leather of my shoe
walk so gently on eggshells when I'm with you.
Have you any idea what you do?
hand me your tender moments, and gentle kisses
so few.

While I trace my fingers along my own body
until I am numb once more,
you are softly smiling
in the shade of an old cypress tree
creeping up her front door.

You would sit out and soak;
still refuse to see the rain.
Live out those dreaded summers
from the lonely view of a rusted windowpane.

I played house
while you played my Daddy's games
guilt and trip ugly words from your mouth
still, by night, to call my name
when the sky turned to narcotic dust.
So I sketch constellations of us,
ones where, about each other, we feel the same.