I hate in betweens
Always have
I'd rather know
One way or another
The truth
Suspense is literal torture to my soul

But
For you
Only you
I shall try
To be understanding
To give you that space
To be the better person
To be "mature".

Even though everything
I mean everything that is me
Screams in madness
Fury rippling down my back
Fear settling in my stomach

All of me
If possible
Could shake you silly
Drive home some sense
Hold you tight and refuse
Point blank
To let go.

In hope
A teensy bit of it
That you will come back
To me
Back to these arms that miss your angles
Back to these lips that miss your own
Back to this simple sole body
That feels bone dry
Rattling empty
Without you
To fill her in.

So be done
With these emotions that pull you away
And come back to me
My friend
My love
My life.

Chaos is the weather of the day
raging its fury and madness on all beings

Every drop of sanity left is far more precious
than the diamonds we craved
reducing mountains to rumble in our greed

Standing by a hidden window
I witness the drops of sanity
slowly being swallowed by chaos' infinite army

Fear runs freely through my veins
gathering followers in each cell it passes

My trembling fingers can barely hold onto the curtains
that hide me from chaos' dark forces

Its too cold to even try to sweat out
all the confusion and fear that runs freely inside me

My feet once planted firmly on the ground
now slowly turn to liquid
melting my resolve to keep fighting

Just 20 feet up a dark forgotten building we hide.
The last few drops of sanity left
in a ferocious universe of death and decay
Our number is slowly dwindling too

I feel my mind losing its control
over any stray hope or might left within to survive

But then,
Hope quietly walks in
wrapping his arms like thick steel bands of resolve
strengthening my feet
and burning away the fear with its warmth

Hope pulls me towards his warm beating chest
chasing away the icy breath of fear
that took hold of my weak body

Hope slowly walks us back
to the lone camp bed
whispering words which fall
like soothing waterfalls
drowning my soul

Hope looks me in the eye
shooting all his strength into me
inflating my body with his resolve

Hope sits beside me through the
shrieks and cries of sanity being wiped out
protecting me from sanity's doomed fate

Like a warm ray of sunlight
Hope stands tall
keeping the final dregs of sanity aflame
giving just the warmth and strength needed to survive

Day by day I watch with rapt curiosity as
Hope plans our final escape
to paradise or hell all depends
on luck

But with Hope by my side
I need not company of chance and luck
who are strangers to my being

In you I believe
In you rests all my faith
and should we all be turned in tomorrow's rising sun
I shall be glad to have been wiped away
with Hope by my side.

Sitting beside each other
singing tales of our misfortune
wondering what life's chef
would cook up
a new disaster to be
served piping hot
with a side of irrelevance
that only one
who has eaten knows
its bitter taste

Take me to the Isle of Skye
Where cold winds can flow through me
Freezing away my poor choices

Take me to the Isle of Skye
Where the clouds merge into blankets of comfort
Where I can rest my tired head

Take me to the Isle of Skye
Where mystery and wonder dance delicately
Enticing me to join in

Take me to the Isle of Skye
Where the musical rivers sing sweet
An enchanting melody to get lost to

Take me to the Isle of Skye
So I can merge myself into its identity
And finally let go from the cruel clutches of humanity

Take me to the Isle of Skye
To disintegrate my soul into its beauty
My words just gentle whispers in the wind

Calling home the lost souls
To the warm embraces
Of the Isle of Skye

It started of with curiosity
New accents to acquaint to

It moved on to annoyances
Deliberate proddings to infuriate

It turned into fondness
Awkward humour to laugh to

It grew into likeness
A desire of life unquenchable

It strengthened into friendship
Another pair to add to the greats

It infinitized into soulhood
Arm in arm forever to be a joy

We never did things the conventional way. Experiences is all we asked for. Countless memories we were gifted with. Souls merged in an iron friendship to live endlessly

Past present future, it shall go on.

We are just a blur
of emotions, feelings and art.
We don't walk but float
from place to place.
Drifting in our own little bubble of
memories and stories.

Maybe women's day is more than just a trending hashtag?

Maybe women's day is about something deeper than brands posting empowering messages just to get likes?

Maybe women's day is more about appreciating the struggle of others that makes you privileged rather than a day to enjoy free drinks and cupcakes?

Maybe just maybe it's about spending the other 364 days appreciating your blessings and fighting for the rights of others to enjoy them to.

Let's take a moment to step away from the digital sphere and truly embody what equality for all means.

After all man, woman or child, the change starts with YOU.

Love is like the wind,
invisible to the naked eye.
Still making its presence felt,
in the soul of each being.

Comes and goes on its own accord,
no greed or lust to guide.
Caring not for the wants of men,
who struggle to cage it in.

It's the power of letting go
with a smile.
The selflessness to put aside
for the happiness of another.

Holding on to a promise,
for the hope of a tomorrow

Love?
Its a belief for the strong willed
Whose hearts are reinforced with steel
But attached with windows nonetheless
Large ones
To let them in
The ones that truly matter

But for us?
It is not love that awaits
It is not possible ever afters that lie in our destiny


At least
That's what they tell us
The brave ones
The believers

We are not destined for love they say
Too broken to be gifted eternal love
To weak to choose the right one

But maybe
Just maybe they could be mistaken
Just maybe they figured us wrong

Because we do feel love
We drown in it every single day
It may not be the purest kind
But it still is love

We give up everything for it
Our bodies
Our minds
Our souls
Just for that one love

Our love is not perfect
It never was
Always tainted by desire and lust
Filled with passion and dreams
Breaking and fixing us constantly

The believers mock us
Ridiculing our love
If it is not pure it is not real they jeer

But they are mistaken
Terribly so
the truth is we can love
Probably with more strength than they

Maybe that's why they hate us
Maybe that's why they bring us down

We can love
And we will
For the rest of time
Always and forever

You sit there at the window
Watching the rain wreck havoc on the aged trees
Wondering "when will your life begin"
Searching for that prince charming to gallop in
Snatching you out of your window
To take you back to his white castle as his bride

To you, yes you who sits and dreams
I ask did you ever try stepping out?
To feel the rain dampen your skin
And feel the piecing cold run shivers down your back?

Did you ever try to speak out
Voice your opinions perhaps
Maybe those hidden emotions
To the ignorant soul who knows not your existence?

Maybe just maybe if you stepped out
Lived a little
And stopped shunning things in fear
Maybe if you made mistakes
Had your heart broken
Tripped and fell into the mud
And had your dreams crushed to dust
Perhaps seen a loved one die
Maybe if you lived through the hardships of time
You could say you lived
You could say your life was worth something
Not to anyone else
But just you

In the end after all
It is yourself you have to live with

You were meant to stay
Right here in my arms

You were expected to give
With no holds barred

You were required to listen
To the ramblings of wonder

You were needed to kiss
With all the passion you could muster

You were wanted to hold
That fragile soul away from the wounded

You were begged to forget
All the previous misfortunes afflicted

You were hoped to love
Just like you did all those years ago

But you failed to do so
Fell short on every aspect

And so,
I need not
           Must not
                   Should not
                               Cannot
   Stay in love with you
   Not anymore

There she stood
Hidden in the shadow of head banging bodies
Fist up to the gods of metallic brilliance
Moving to the twang of the guitar string

*The girl in the pink dress always had a taste for metal

Dear Mr. Cat
Quite the adventures you and I have had
From needy cats purring
And bedrooms with water overflowing
What a frightfully weird story we seem to be writing

Our somewhat poor choices
Our every days
Don’t they amuse you?
For they do me and so much more
But that’s all I can say
For revealing too much
Would leave things better left untouched
Stretched too wide and far too open
For all to see
The silly vulnerability that is me

Oh Mister Cat
Why couldn’t this have worked out?
With your sweet silences and my childish pout
We could have drawn up our own world
One as beautiful as was bold
Filled with mysterious melodies and subtle guitar strumming
And endlessly endless chapters
Filled with my reckless wonderings

You and I Mister Cat
Have a bond so special
One I could barely begin to define
Every second spent with you
Was worth all the time
Impossibly divine
My silly heart chimes
Ignorant of harsh realities you’ve seen
Lost in the world of what could have been

But such things are better written than spoken
Wiser in books that carelessly left out in the open
For you are you
And I, ever changing
Far too young to be thinking of dating
Our time is now up
The bells claim with their clanging
So won’t you just kiss me
Be mine this one last time
Before you go back to swiping online?

I’m not important anymore
Not a priority he thinks
Whose feelings are worth noticing

You say it’s difficult
To get back to how we were
You say its hard to be
Just what we used to be

And honestly,
I don’t know
What to say anymore
I don’t really know
How to feel about this

It truly feels like the end
Of everything that mattered
Everything I ever gave a **** about
Lies smoking in the ashes

*

You’re breaking my heart
Into a billion gazillion pieces
Why can’t you see that?

Just for these last few months
Could you not try?
To maybe give a ****?

You’re blow torching it all
Everything that was precious
Even yourself

Burning away the pieces of you
I hold dear

Change is evident
Never to be avoided
Or run away from
But doesn’t truly mean
To break away

From those ones who’ve always cared
The ones who gave a ******* ****
Always about you

Who loved you completely
And unconditionally
For all that you were
And could have been

I guess this is you
It always has been you
Way deep down inside
The core that I pretended didn’t exist.

We ran across streams of moonlight
Racing each other in a childlike excitement
Mine stemming from the newness of this
Yours from the injected high you gave yourself

Through the woods, we raced
The moon playing hide and seek with our eyes
With every step, we learned more
Lacing words together you gifted them to me

We stopped just short of the deeper end
Stepping into a shimmering pool of moonlit rays
Clearing our minds of doubts and inhibitions
You stepped forward and offered me your hand

Your fingers hung in front of me
A hopeful promise of something…. More?
But I took a sudden step backward
The claws of my dark past holding me firm

You pulled me in though with determination
Letting your lips rest against mine in hope for a change
But with controlled fingers, I pushed you back
A smile gracing yourself as you let me go

“I will wait” you promised
Unknowingly binding your soul with mine
We walked back calmly now, more aware of everything
Arms linked and words shared while I struggled to still hold back

Next morning I woke up in a hasty excitement
Last nights hesitancies left behind in my dreams
Walking up to breakfast trembling in a crazed nervousness
Yet once again, fear seized me and I stayed away

This dance continued, endlessly
One reaching out to the other desperately
Searching for a reminder of that moonlight run
Sighing in regret at our human insecurities

Tired of the worlds of confusion we brought alive
We stepped away, never giving hope to a dream
One we both once dreamt in unison
Tracing it across eachothers' arms with starry promises

It was too late we reasoned
The world after all, didn’t give second chances to such wishes
Shooting stars avoided us as a sign of our failure
So we scrubbed away the burning fires we had once traced

Now, we lay in the arms of others
Looking up at plain ceilings in search of our lost stars
Wondering the dreaded ‘What Ifs?’
Sleeplessly racing back to our dreamy havens of you and me

So close but barely meeting as we stumbled through life
Holding close harsh rocks that couldn’t compare to our burning stars
Forging forward in a crazed determination to forget
Only at moonlight looking up to secretly whisper unheard confessions

A gentle whistle of letters let flow
Ignored by the trillions of slumbering bodies
Only eavesdropped upon by the creak of sneering branches
But lapped up by the moon in an endless waiting of..

A red-headed sprite
With a deep love for all things music

I offered 2 years to the gods of brand communication
Only to discover a passion to question everything

Springing into the world of harsh advertising
I still retain my love for ambiguous alliterations

Paired with a glass of single malt whiskey and some Chinese takeout
I’m excited for this new journey into the Universe of Planners

I knew exactly who my husband was going to be
In 6th grade
Daniel Radcliffe star of harry potter
Heart throb of all tweens
We definitely were destined
He was my first true love
One I prayed for every day

Yet as I grew up
Puberty changed things
Love changed
He was now skinnier
Indian
And got beat up a lot
Love needed my protection against bullies
But could always blow my mind with new music
Love wasn't the smooth talker his brother was
And was too shy to hold my hand
But made a permanent seat for me in his soul
Board exams ended and love left me

Only to surprise me once again
Love was fairer now
More childish than before
Love's hair was shinier than my own
And knew none of my 80s songs
Love taught me to doodle
And found pleasure in small pranks
Love never took anything seriously
And always had time to show off

With another round of board exams
I deserted love this time
The pain of being the other one
Far to great to bear
Far greater to forgive

Soon enough it was time for college
As I walked into class full of nervous excitement
There sat love on the first bench
The newest version
A skeleton of the past
Filled with new words and strokes as cover
Love was more different now
Quieter than before
Preferring the company of nature than those he ****** called his own
Love was sweet and thoughtful
But could never open up his heart
Love knew where this was going
But ran away from it in fear

And so love stayed away
For almost two years
Lust slowly tried to take its place
Stealing bits I only saved for love
But I banished it away
Its dark presence my once insecure heart no longer needed

And finally
Just like that
Love stepped in once again
In an avatar I'd never seen before
I almost didn't recognise love
As it stood before me
Scars and happy memories mixed in his tears of insecurity
Love wasn't strong enough
And always needed my assurance and trust
Love was the smartest man I knew
Whose loved verbal bouts dripped in sarcasm
Yet love managed to save my soul
From the depths of dark evil
Pulling me out ****** into the sunlight where we lay naked
Healing our broken pasts
Love contradicted me in every way
His emotions and affections a conflicting paradox I couldn't untangle
But in the end love, could not handle emotions
Love walked away dumping all his promises into the sea with the remains of our friendship

And I realised
I did not know what love truly was
It came and went in so many different forms
Never the same
Never the boring
It walked in the door arms filled with happiness and possibilities
And walked back out soon enough
Leaving a cold silence behind

Love is a contradiction
Of everything we believe in
Remoulding our perspectives
Like a soft ball of clay
It breaks and rebuilds us
With every fated visit
Destroying and creating newer versions
Of ourselves
Stronger versions of ourselves

Maybe this is what love was destined to be
A teacher for our souls
A soothing balm for our wounds
A definite spark to our courage
And an infinite universe for our imagination

Logic dictates his soul
love has always ruled mine..

You lay down your head on my knees as was our ritual
my arms a pillow of comfort around you neck
in the dim light of the screen we sit
moving pictures showing the inner turmoil of our hearts
i brush your hair back softly
unconscious of this display of affection
the drink of the age old monks long since taken over
the controls of my body
in silence we comfortably relax
each sailing in the dreams of alcohol
all to aware of the person beside
your hand gently takes hold of mine
your lips brushing against my fingertips
a rare display of what you always try to hide
my body gently shivers at the delicate softness of those lips
that whisper airs of dreams on my bronze tender skin
i cant help but look down at your face
hiding my desires under a veil of short hair
praying to the gods for a control i no longer possess
and as you choose the most inappropriate moment
to open those lips to display a facet of your wealthy knowledge
my lips rush forward to silence them
beseeching you to retaliate in anyway you can
all i want is an action an emotion a declaration
i feel myself giving up as i move softly against your silent lips
that haven't moved since my admittance
i pull away in shame knowing that once again I've lost
another battle defeated in
another conquest unconquered
but suddenly as quick as lightening your lips move
this time to crush themselves forcefully against mine
knocking out all the breath inside my lungs
your heat transfers to my skin and all i feel is fire
surrounding our bodies
pushing us to melt into each other
your strong fingers hold my small face lovingly
as did Michelangelo the face of David
moving with the same passion as he
but your goals far less noble
your hands twist themselves in my hair firmly
as the roots do to the ground
holding me in place
not letting the possibility of me escaping slip in
every movement every touch every kiss
releases those carnal moans inside me
that longed to sing to your tune
we fall into each other
tossing away the barriers that still try to keep us apart
we rip tear and shred away our modesty
feeling skin upon skin
burning our desires deeply into each other
scarring ourselves in our passion
i can feel every drop of hate love fear
and insecurity you feel course through me
clinging to you for support
as you ravish and eat away my inhibitions
every strangled sound escaping my throat
only to further motivate you
tears of happy sadness erupt endlessly as i
feel you peel away darkness
to let the light within shine
blinding the both of us in surprise
i return each move with equal ferocity
selfishly locking away your beauty as my prisoner
marking you to be mine forever
we chain ourselves to each other
securing the locks so to never break away
and when i finally look again into those deep pools of darkness
i see a reflection of promise and hope within
sealing our fate for eternity.

Goodbyes were always his forte
Packing and moving on came naturally

Loving was her gift
Unconditional forevers her belief

A man of the world was he
Logic and reality his travel companions

A beautiful soul was hers
Brightening away the darkness of others

He looked at the world with untrusting eyes
Keeping away the possible Heartbreakers

She saw beauty in the darkest of times
Her world full of possibilities she believed

And one day these opposites collided
With a force that shook them both
And in each other they found perfection
A myth he had long since given up on
A dream she always hoped for

Happiness was to be their everlasting gift
If only they could have held on

But his realities crept in
Bringing to light the fears he ran away from

Insecurities riddled her soul
Constant reminders of loved ones lost

And once again with a burst of flames
They parted ways, one now became two

Their humanity their only weakness
But each other their biggest loss

They stood firm on past decisions
Refusing to dwell in old smiles

*** what had been one was now broken
And no wish could ever fix it back.

Sitting together cross legged
Our naked bodies just inches away
Lungs breathing in the same stale air
Hearts beating at a slightly erratic pace
Mine vehemently moving forward
Determined foolishly to make the most
Of the possible slipping final days

Looking up
My eyes gaze upon his body
One I believed to be the epitome of beauty
Stopping finally at his face
I sigh with resign
A lone tear making its way down my scarred cheeks
It’s not fair I think
This possibly being our last time
For I doubt I’d let him stay once it was over

So I look back at that face
With a determined promise
Memorizing every line and curve
From the soft yet strangely spikey hair
Wild eyebrows that tell stories of his travels
Warm eyes overflowing with love
For a foolish dying girl
A nose with a shadow of a joker
Hiding in its contours
Deep dark lips that whisper my name
A prayer for him to hope for more time

This face with its sleepless dark circles
Warm browness and scraggy beard
I hold in my weak spidery fingers
I want this to be last memory
Before the darkness engulfs me
So when I open my eyes each day
You’ll be by my side no matter what
I think with a childish hope

My words become incoherent
As weakness seeps swiftly into my body
Reducing my strong resolve to dust
I fall back into an ocean of tears
On your arms cannot pull me out of
They take you away and strap me in
Only the cold pinch of a needle
Having the power to soothe my wrecked soul

With a struggle I open my eyes
Barely managing it for a few moments
Disappointed with plane whiteness
I give in to the awaiting darkness
They wheel me out to my doom
The decision had been made
The papers signed in finality
With a stroke of ink they had decided my fate

Wheeling me out to sterile cruelty
I drift away helplessly
As inhuman white beings surround me
Slicing my body open
Now finally with inked permits
To take away a part of my soul
Stealing all the colours and faces from me
And subjecting me to an infinite depth of black

My body survived
The cancer had finally died
Yet I felt no proud survivor’s strength
Only the hollow emptiness of this new dark world
I could think of
Voices called out of the dark
Warm arms reaching out to hold me
But their faces no longer could appear
They all were the same to my darkness

Until I heard him walk in again
His quiet orders for others to leave
Rang through my ever inquisitive ears
His soft rustles confused my mind
Until I felt his warm body engulf me
His lips whispering his prayer
Calling my fiery soul back from the depths

My sightless eyes felt a surprising wet
And from the dark depths a face appeared
One I feared had forever left me
With a cry my spidery fingers held on
Drinking in thirstily his warmth
My mind now singing into the darkness
He’s back
And in that terrified moment
I knew it was not the end

With a determined ****
I pushed my body off the comforts of my bed
Arm reaching out uncertainly for a support
With my weak hands engulfed in his
Legs gingerly touching the bare tiled floors
I jumped off
And took my first step
Towards a renewed life

One year later
Staring at past scribbles
I wonder
Do you remember our memories?
The old cruel words and actions thrown recklessly
A product of our youthful insecurities
That pushed us away
Almost an eternity it felt

One year later
I sit down to continue
A story I penned for us
An idea or perhaps a hope
Drawing up a new future for us both
One where we didn’t have to remain apart
One where life pushed our souls back together

One year later
I realize with a certain vague sadness
Those words penned down
In old ink pens were not for glory
Or written with an aim at success
Rather a tribute to us
An innocent girl’s wish I guess
To create a reality with you in it

One year later
Things are much more complex than they ever were
We’re back together, in a way
Not how my meticulous mind had wished it to be
Not how I had ever thought we could end up
We’re back but still apart
With a crashing sense of clear reality
I realize
What was could never be again

One year later
It is a bitter sweet remembrance
New words penned down
About the same old wild beings
Into the adult world we tumbled in
New memories and decisions undertaken
Discovering new facets to life
We grow again

One year later
I still love you
And your affections remain the same
Moving forward on uncertain paths
Still apart
But in a way,
Always together

She walked in with hesitant confidence
This date the first she tried
Starting out with a simple hug
Pretentious coffees and books to keep their company

The next time they sat in a wondering silence
Speeding through cities for that perfect drink
Disappointing ambiences ruining conversations
But leading to intense cab rides filled with drunken touches

She planned out their next meeting
Hours spent scrubbing to perfection
While moving screens held their gaze
Their heated thoughts were finally let loose

She was never a follower of convention
Societal rules an enemy she despised
But for him she'd try the travelled route
Letting herself flow with society

Though a relation designed in commonality
She saw him as something way more
His smiles making her heart beat faster
His touches  enticing her soul to want more

This journey is one shes willfully chosen
Perhaps this once not needing to be no. 1
For he brings out forgotten dusty emotions
And perhaps a possibility of real soulhood

Many would remember me by the friends I kept
their laughs and snorts always evident
Others would remember me by the friends I lost
their ignorance and awkwardness not so innocent

Many would remember me by my absolute silence in sessions
Others would remember me by those one on ones with my animated expressions

Many would remember me by the scars of suffering I bore
Others would remember me by that awkward smile I always wore

Many would remember me by the quiet calm nature I portrayed
Others would remember me by my sarcasm and the weird humour I displayed

Many would remember me as an artist of mediocrity
Others would remember me as an artist of simple originality

But if I ever had a say
At the end of all things

All I'd ever ask you is to
Remember me pray only as an artist
As one who looked beyond the lectures of boredom
As a person who was lost in the beauty of words
As a girl who fell in love with colours and emotions
Remember me always as a lover
of words and art
But most of all
of life

Life right now for me is
like a raging sandstorm
every word
every moment
every experience
is billowing past me in a frenzy
nipping cuts on my tender skin
strong reminders of a nearing end
when age old ties start to loosen
when battleworn relations start to crack
everything seems to pale
to the dark void looming in so near

You would never be just a notch on my bedpost
You'd be the scratches and scrawls
My constant reminders
When I lose my sight
When I no longer hear your laughter
and my memories turn to dust
My fingers will trace those marks
Everyday
and remember you all over again

When we're together
It's like escaping to a magical land
Locked in a stuffy room
Our desires reigned recklessly free
Keeping away the harsh realities of our lives
Passionately intertwined as one
In each others own madness

Your fingers are minx like
Dancing across the fretboard with thoughtless grace
Strumming your thoughts through our kisses
With a sharp twinkle in those quiet brown eyes
Every song feels like reliving an old memory
One you plucked fresh from my soul

I love the way cigarettes rest on your lips
A classic addition some would say
But in it I see the self made man you are
The way your fingers elegantly roll tobacco
Baffles my clumsy mind

Could a mortal be so beautifully designed?

Who was she?
This heavenly lady
A woman of passion and boundless love
In whose steps Shakespeare did stalk

Endless pages filled with inked words
Words of despair
Declarations of passion
Screams of want
Driving himself into a frenzy
As he scribbled each play
Searching
Looking for the right words
Those perfect letters to utter

Which could bring her love to him
All it took for him was one look
But for her
Golden goddess among pathetic humanity
More was needed
Much more was required

So did Shakespeare venture
Deeper into the power of letters
Struggling to pave the path to his goddess's heart

The fates sadly had another story in mind
For young Shakespeare's legacy
He was not to be gifted they believed
His goddess of perfection and over flowing love
Instead he was to be a beacon
Of hope
To all torn lovers who dared to walk this earth

A shining light to guide them
Treat them with belief
That some day
One day
Love would truly prevail.

She sits in the corner
Laptop splayed open
Searching
Searching for reasons to live
Maybe someone to love
A moment to smile for

Going through latest social trends
Sifting among piles of plastic smiles
And bright blue hash tags
Desperately looking for something
Someone genuine
A quote perhaps to believe in
A link on happiness maybe
To follow

All she receives though
Is disappointment
Immersed in a world obsessed
With shallowness
She realizes that all she needs
Everything she searches for
Is right here
Inside her soul it resides
The will, the strength, the love to survive.

Sometimes I wonder
if I really mattered to you
Sometimes I wonder
if you even cared
Or was I just a pretty flower
brought to make you smile
One you never took care of
walking away from me as I cried

Imagine a world,
one with everything you know
coming to an end.
All those faces,
both familiars and unknown
perishing.
What would you do
if you knew,
your world was dying?
Who
would you save if you could?
and who?
would you leave,
for deaths heavy jaws to clamp on?

Remember all those memories?
The ones I noted meticulously?
The ones you scratched in the planes of my body?
They're vanishing
Like yesterday nights fuzzy dreams
Remaining just as vague after thoughts
Of what had been a detailed dissertation

I no longer remember what it felt
When you engulfed me in your arms
I don't understand anymore
How I felt when you looked into my eyes
I no longer know the feeling
Of you kissing my cheeks
Or if we ever in fact did kiss
Did your lips ever feel mine?

I do not know anymore
It seems you have served your purpose in my life
And no longer are required to be remembered
Maybe this is natures sign
A shining poster for me to see each day
We weren't the one
Not for each other
And trust me its okay
It will all be okay.

his lips met mine in a hasty inconsideration
as he moved on from me
energy coursing through his veins
a destiny long foretold
waiting for him to fulfill it

his arms sought me out
against the infinite possibilities keeping us apart
tracing to memory every insignificant curve
a final wordless farewell
as the impatient future ****** him in

his body felt so close to me
a mere inches away in my mind
as i watched from afar
the cosmic powers lending their blessings
as he walked down that lonely path
fulfilling the promises of ancient men

without a backward turn he left
leaving behind his broken human heart
a small sacrifice he believed
to save the millions
who had long since awaited his return

only one remained conscious
of the humanity that still lived within him
disregarding the divine claims of foolish wise men
she watched in a trance like horror

the humanity within expelled viciously
his energy expanded bursting into a powerful flame of terrifying beauty
and in a flash nothing remained
the destiny had been fulfilled
a prophecy finally complete

yet as the world rejoiced wildly
a new found existence to celebrate
only one remained quiet
shuddering sobs slowly giving way
to a deathly silence that lasted unendingly

she closed her eyes from the evil sights
of selfish men rejoicing
and thought of the one who had brought them salvation
whose selfless love revived them
but more so
she remembered the boy she loved
who now was forgotten by human existence
save her soul
whose vow to always remember remained true
to the last breaths of her body

and further still
as her soul left the wretched existence
with a renewed strength
to search forever the ends of the universe
for the lost beloved soul
of the chosen boy

He picked them with care
Love not being the only reason of choice
Conditions always had to be met
In his case
But with an expectation to break them

He picked them with a collector's precision
Carefully sifting through their qualities
Ensuring only the best remained
With their own true uniqueness shinning out

He picked them to be his anchor
A new facet to add to the list of qualities
Building up his own individuality
By slowly slicing away their own

He picked them deliberately
To steal away parts of their souls
In the end leaving him fuller
While they lamented over an unknown loss

It is a continuous cycle.
You meet someone.
You grow close.
Slowly with time you heal each others wounds
Sew up all the open gashes
Fix together the broken pieces
Only with time to open new ones
Smashing the fragile pieces to dust
Carving your own memories with knives
Onto each others scarred skin
And once again
Moving away as strangers
It is a cycle
The scarring
The healing
The scarring once again.

I remember the first time I watched the great Gatsby.
Your legs propped on my own,
Sailing in the land of happy dreams
You slept.
While I watched the most heartbreaking movie of the 2014.

You never realised how much that movie meant.
Never conceived how much  
Words and acts could drive a person

It was at that moment
As I watched Gatsby fall
His dreams shattered and his heart ruined
That I was hit with the reality.
Last nights drunken actions were more
Than just movements or simple words.

To me atleast
It all meant more
Deep down inside
Than you could ever have understood.

And though you hardly ever mentioned
The ongoings of that particular night,
It stayed with me.

And as Mr. Carraway spoke
Those last tantalising words of love,
I promised myself.
One day I shall tell you.
One day I shall have the courage Daisy never did.
To admit once and for all,
To the universe that I love you.

You know what's harder than falling for the bad guy?
Falling for the others
The seemingly nice ones
The good guys

The signs are all there afterall,
Everyone can't stop raving about how wonderful he is
The ideal nice guy

And for a moment
Just one moment of blindsidedness
You believe it
You let it consume you
Revelling in the positives
Lacing together each moment spent together
Into a beautiful story

The perfect beginning, middle and end
Designed intricately by yours truly
A potential work of art
Destined for greatness perhaps
Isn't it?

The pride of your masterpiece
destroys you
Engulfing your sense of reality
Blinding you from the truth
The falsehood of it
A piece that depicts nothing
Nothing but an illusion
Another dimensional reality
One you don't  live in
And probably never will

And sometimes
In those rare moments of silence
It comes back
The crushing harsh reality
Your foolhardy choices laid bare
And you admit
Quietly to yourself
For who else can your true self be revealed to?

Maybe
Just maybe you were wrong
Those masterful strokes of perfection
The gleaming knighthood of it all
Just a lie?

A veil drawn over your sense of truth
So strong it blinded you
Completely
Drowning you in its falsehoods
The shores of reality no more than a distant memory

You know what's worse than falling for the bad guy?
Falling for the right one.

I still search for you
Across the waves of internet
I keep a weather eye out
For any sign or sound
A hopeful indication of something
Perhaps even a slip of escaped care

I still search for you
Across the dark dungeons of my heart
Snaking out hidden memories
A desperate need to hold onto them
The forgotten warmth of us
Now just a withered out candle

I still search for you
Across every dimension possible
Looking perhaps for a better time
When us meant something worthwhile
When flawed emotions didn't cut down our bonds
A time when you'd see me the way I see you

I still search for you
With a self resigned disappointment
Accepting the truth of our toxicity
Hoping someday to truly let go

2478 friends on Facebook
4.6k followers on Instagram
2.1k followers on Twitter

Thousands of likes
Digital affirmations to an insecure soul
Hundreds of retweets
In agreement of a pretentious quote
Innumerable hearts sent
Wowing the 'hippy-artistic' Mac picture

Every portals overflowing with attention
Yet not a single shred
Not a drizzling drop
Of genuine care

We spend our lives peeping into the digital windows of others souls
Comparing. Mocking. Craving. Envying.
Physically distancing each other with every WhatsApp call.

Until one day
Staring at a dead blank screen
The deafening silence choking her
She wakes up with a gasp
Sifting through the thick cobwebs blinding her
To see the nothingness
Not a trace of warmth left behind

Finally, the silence steals away her awareness
The emptiness blinding her soul
Pushing and choking
In the end
A mere corpse remains
Still chained to the online life support
Just a being
But no more a soul

The sound of silence has always been deafening
The quietness being a song of one’s reckoning

Confusing eardrums and hurting our brains
A weird pain it is, one impossible to explain

The sound of silence has always lived inside us
A quiet power we all refuse to discuss

Escaping the locks and walls we built
Mirroring our mistakes and reminding us our guilt

The sound of silence will always make itself heard
A call of danger, one never to be ignored

I miss all those days we spent together
i miss the way we spent all night watching old movies i never heard of
i miss the next mornings when i had to poke you awake
i miss the way you snored completely ignoring me
i miss the days we spent drinking beers at our new york
i miss ignoring your incessant ramblings about everything
i miss the way you always annoyed me till i blew up
i miss the way i childishly cussed at you while you laughed on
i miss the way you gently wiped my tears and listen to my problems
i miss our plans for surviving possible zombie apocalypses
i miss your chivalrous gentleman self glaring at pervs on the street
i miss the terribly offensive jokes you cracked that never were that funny
i miss the way those same jokes somehow crept in and made me smile
i miss the way you turned me from an old monk to a beer lover
i miss the plots we created to destroy our tormentors
i miss how you always knew more than i did but never considered me stupid
i miss how you always try to take in my criticism but refused to accept it
i miss how you believed in my artwork and never let me forget it
i miss how you talked like an absolute child about your latest femme escapades
i miss how you always pretended that you don't care but remembered every small detail i mentioned
i miss the way you accepted all of me without a spot of hesitation
i miss looking into those intense eyes of yours in wonder at the boy you were
i miss creeping you out by getting extremely close and laughing at your expressions
i miss sleeping uncomfortably beside you as you roll around in rem sleep
i miss you tucking me in when the pressures of the world were too much for me to dream
i miss dreaming about our futures making wild plans about brands we wish to own
i miss getting completely hammered with you and being so publicly weird
i miss your complete honesty no matter how much it hurt
i miss softly kissing your forehead as i put you to bed after our drunken adventure
i miss everything you used to be
but most of all
i miss the way you hugged me
holding on tighter when i tried to pull back
subtly sealing your promise to always be around
i miss you boy
more than you can ever know.

"I can't relate to the people in my class"
"I've liked him for a long time"
'Why doesn't he love me?"
"He kissed me you know? On new years"
"I'm so glad you're my friend"
'Who needs boys when you can have bros for life?"
"You guys are my best friends"
"Im so glad you like him"
"When can I meet him?"
"Can I do the Penelope Cruz dance in front of him?"
"I heard what happened at the party"
"How could you be so selfish"
"I'm never getting the guy I like to meet you"
"You're such a *****"
"I'm so much hotter than you"
"We will always be bros"
"Don't worry you will find someone better"
"I'm so happy you like him!"
"He sounds wonderful"
"I met him on tinder!"
'He's so cool"
"Can I please meet him?"
"I really like him"
"You're okay right?"
"I told him you're my best friend and I could never hurt you"
"I'm in an open relationship with that other guy"
"I hope it doesn't affect mine and his relationship"
"We made out that day"
"He said I was the best he ever had"
"He isn't talking to me too"
"I don't care there are better fish out there"
"I knew you liked him alot"
"I was selfish"
"I didn't care"
"I was fascinated by him"
"I'm sorry"
"I'll never do it again"
"Why won't you answer my calls"
"You're humiliating me"
"You have no right to judge me"
"You're the last person who should have a problem with this"
"Stop making this an issue"
"I never judged you"
"I did nothing wrong"
"I don't care what you think"
"Please talk to me"

This feeling is new
Though the emotions were always felt
Fingers framing your face
Eyes locked in heated maybes
The words came fumbling out
Unprepared or planned for
Though future lies unpredicted
A dark vortex of possibilities
A hopeful flame sparks up
Fearlessly facing the unknown
A fools heart in the making
With a determined soul

I think it's beautiful
The way your hands are sturdy and calloused
Not the gentle softness illustrators are known for
These hands have felt real art
Built from the ground up
Days of mixing, moulding and texturing
Breathing life into deathly white parchments

I think it's beautiful
The way your arms are slender yet firm
Dusky brown skin holding rippling strong muscles
Strengthened slowly
through years of bullying and soul searching
Their unsymmetrical realness known not
For their harshness
But for the gentle notes they strum
Weaving elegantly with the quiet moving pictures on screens

I think it's beautiful
The way your shoulders always stand strong
A declaration demanding the eyes of every being in sight
Their angled rigidity know to be surprisingly nimble
An immovable pillar for the melting of your body
A constant transformation into unknown characters

The hidden bumps of tired hands
The rough ridges of calloused skin
The angled sharpness of chiseled bones
Hidden works of art
Flitting secretively under the armor you wear
The priviledge of their appearance
But a few can bear

It was always you and me
Us against the mundane cruel reality

We carved ourselves a haven
within the harsh reality of human nature

A bubble that fit just us two
Filled with dreams of a better future

A cave filled with warmth
That became our world of happiness

But that never was enough
You ventured out to seek new possibilities

I was left behind all alone
Still lost in a past that no longer existed

So I too now take my first steps out
Into a different world from the one I knew

The journeys that lie ahead of me
Seem terrifying yet surprisingly intriguing

Giddy with new excitement
I venture forth an experienced warrior of life