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NicoleRuth Jun 2015
The wind was blowing through my hair,
Entangling it violently
All around were cries of death and
Blasts of body parts
But we flew past it all,
Only one target for us
All I could hear was the massive thumping
Of my nervous heart
All I could see, was his face
All I could taste,
Was the raging fear bursting inside me
Only one thought crossed my mind
Repeatedly
"What if I'm too late? What if?"
NicoleRuth Mar 2016
You ask me what I want
In an exasperated tone
A seemingly obvious sign I believe
Of your unwillingness to listen to my feelings

What I want?
I want you to walk through that door
With only me in your sight
Gather me up in your strong arms
Take a deep breath
Filling your lungs with my scent
And then kiss me
In a way you never have before
No holds barred
No care of broken hearts and bones

I want your lips to kiss my body
Your teeth to bruise my skin
Not in an attempt to lay claim
But in a desperate hope
To leave those marks as reminders
Of your unwavering love
Your crave for my body
Your want to merge with my soul

I want you to prove it to me
In a way words never could
Once and for all
Your real feelings for me

I just want you to be honest
Bare your self to me
Naked and proud
No hesitation to hide behind
And finally be able to make believe
In a way your words could never prove
That you love me
NicoleRuth Feb 2016
And I love you
Everyday
Even when the floods wash away humanity
I will love you
When the air turns poisonous and steals it from our lungs
You will still take away my breath
When the grounds open up and eat all the vanity we created
Your beauty will shine bright as the only thing that ever mattered
When the cruel fires turn to ash all emotion and care
Your touch will reignite my own unwavering love for you
When darkness will turn out the individuality of our souls
Yours will break apart and merge with my own
Pumping back the memories I almost forgot
I love you till the end of time
And till the universe rips itself apart
I love you when new life slowly sparks up
Atoms joining in a billion year pilgrimage
Till we finally find our bodies and reattach our souls
Strengthen the bond
And our love will  revive the unbroken promise
And live on infinitely
NicoleRuth Jul 2018
They hide in, the shadowy corners
In the right-angled crevices, they wander
Lying patient and calm, seemingly deceiving
Your failed attempts they’re always seeing

In the flickering dimness of old candlelight
They slowly start growing into your sight
30% beautiful 70% terrifying
A dance with them, worth the risk of dying

They come when you least expect
Reaching out when your misery they detect
Not with the gift of peace your heart desires
Rather with the fire, your soul requires
NicoleRuth Sep 2014
You sit there with your scotch

reminiscing in the beauty of

the past

Your gaze slightly unfocused,

skin glowing softly in the pale

light of the screen.

I sneak a peak at you before

gulping down my own drink

its iciness chilling me right

down to my toes

Goosepimples erupt haphazardly

on my skin, a warm sensation

rushing up the planes of my

body.

I feel the full force hit my brain

in seconds

throwing my vision off balance

for a few seconds.

I close my eyes and can feel

my heart beat trying

to break the bonds of my ribs.

With a hasty deep breath I

open my eyes once again

admire the beauty of

your face.

One I believe to have been

sculpted lovingly

by Zeus himself.

Your fingers brush against

my skin to gain my

attention.

Their touch ever so slightly,

igniting my own with an

unending thirst.

a thirst only your submission

can quench.

I can see your soft lips move,

words rolling off so gracefully

but I cannot hear them.

I'm lost once again, in the

lines of your face.

You look my way in confusion,

wondering the cause of my

abrupt silence.

A silence I usually filled with

my cheery thoughtless words

that amused you ever so.

Your eyes meet mine and

once again I'm lost.

Drowning in the pools of

those pupils that reflect

the deep sadness of oceans.

My brain stops functioning

going pitch black like the night.

Words weigh a ton

struggling to leave the safety of my lips.

I slowly get up, wobbling

in the daze of alcohol.

My eyes glued to yours,

strung together in an

invisible connection

I cannot decipher.

My hand reaches out for yours

trembling in anticipation and

fear of the unknown path I've

set forth on.

Your hand finds mine in that

pale light and holds it firm,

reassuring my movements.

Your eyes still fixed on mine.

I move too quickly in my

excitement

tripping on your carelessly

thrown t-shirt.

Immediately your other hand

shoots out

grabbing my waist painfully

in an attempt to steady

me.

Yet I fall nonetheless

straight onto your lap, the

plastic chair creaking in protest

at the added weight.

And then once again there is

silence.

A silence

soon broken by the

sleepy mumblings of a

passed out friend which

falls on deaf

ears.

Your arms snake themselves

around my insufficient waist

holding me close.

Your cheek resting against my

long neck with a sigh.

No words spoken,

None are needed.

My own arms sneak slowly like

caterpillars crawling up your

back and resting themselves

around your neck

With your hair brushing

against them softly

with the sway of the wind.

This all feels new but

comfortable all the same.

We sit like this for what

seems to be hours

just holding each other.

Our hearts beating against

eachothers chest.

Competing with the speed of

the other.

And soon too soon,

its time

for us to pull away.

Reality slips in without us

realizing its presence until  

its too late.

I try to keep it at bay

failing miserably in

doing so.

I can feel myself being

pulled away from you

but I hold onto you,

like a babe to his

mother in fear.

You are my life boat.

The only buoy of hope that

floats across my ocean of

misery.

I can feel the claws of doom

dig into my flesh.

Ripping me away, ruthlessly

from the saviour of my soul.

The pain keeps on growing

until I can feel it in my

very veins.

Burning my flesh away

in an infinitious fire of

sadness.

There's nothing more I can

do now.

Once again I've been trapped

by Hell's very own furnaces

of hopelessness

that burn to cinder even

a microscopic shred of hope

that could cool off a cell of misery

I live with

each day....
NicoleRuth Feb 2015
This is wrong I whisper
And you agree
Yet your hands refuse to move away
Remaining firmly on my sensitive waist
My face a mere inch from yours
Breathing in the same heavy air

We remain still
Connected by our heat
Held in position by those arms
As we gently begin to move
A graceful pace at first
Every movement sending ripples
Scurrying down my back
As I fail to stifle my groans

You gently whisper
That I'm your best friend
''We should stop'' is all I shoot back
And you nod in reluctant agreement
But our movement never ceases
The pace just increases
The rustle of clothes more defined

I pull away in guilt
Our laboured breathing filling in
The silence of unease
''This is wrong''
I mutter again
More to myself than to you
Angered by my own lack of restraint
''So why can't we stop?'' You reply
Piercing me with those eyes
Even in such a pitch black darkness

Your fingernails graze my skin
Ever so softly
And once again we begin
This slow dance of desire
Neither of us able to rein in
These disastrous feelings
Slowly your fingers begin their journey
A new one down south
All I pray is to forget sanity
To defy reality
And just feel
Every movement
Every motion
Every emotion

Yet once again we pull away
With more determination this time
Frustration gracing our bruised lips
Struggling to gather up
The scattered pieces of our conviction
We finally settle down to sleep

Just sleep
We reason
Sharing one flimsy sheet of cotton
Our skin brushing against each other
Ever so softly
As we hope to loose consciousness
Your arms encircling my waist
Possessively so
Your nose nuzzling into my sensitive skin

I turn my face to yours
A good night resting on my lips
You lean in and kiss me
And suddenly I'm on fire
Your hands moving everywhere
Burning trails into my skin
Our heat mashing against each other
Your teeth biting away my resolve
All I can do is pull you in closer
Feel every arc of your body
And give in
To our actions

And when our movements finally cease
Fatigue settling in our bones
You pick me up and hug me tight
Kissing my neck gently
''You're my best friend'' you whisper again
And I smile in tired relief
Falling asleep easily
Encircled in your comfort
With a final whiff of your scent
As I drift off into the darkness alone.
''You are my best friend and that's all that matters to me.''
NicoleRuth Jul 2014
You fluttered your tiny self through

my garden window,

chirping your singsong tune merrily.

Each morning you sat by that

same window,

your sweet tunes my first music of the day.

All day long I waited for the next

morning,

just to hear your sweet notes.

Yet one day i awoke to silence.

Rushing to the window it was cold,

without your cheery self to brighten it.

The same way you brightened my

each day.

No more music was to be heard,

as the morning wizzed by.

You had flown away,

to a place unknown.

A place I could not follow.

So I sit by that same widow

each day,

to sing the notes you sang.

'*** it didn't matter that you left,

what mattered was that  you stayed.

even if just for the shortest period of time.

And it is that I remember and sing of

each day.
NicoleRuth Sep 2014
When you are sitting all alone in
the dark with a broken heart,
You Matter.

When you are ignored by the cool
kids in class for your weirdness,
You Matter.

When you sing songs of love which
fall on deaf ears,
You Matter.

When you are made fun of by those
who see to have it all,
You Matter.

When every single thing in your life
is messed up,
You Matter.

You matter to someone,
You matter to me.
This is for my best friend . Just because the one you love turns away leaving you broken. don't you worry. you are not unworthy or not important. you are the single most beautiful person i know and i love you for it.
NicoleRuth Jan 2016
After awhile you realise
In the end, its just you
All those times spent mean nothing
Those human priorities  
That meant so much to you
They feel nothing for you
Its all about what's in your wallet
No care of the feelings that stay hidden
Within the deep dark quarters of your heart

In the end
It's up to you to do what you must
To reach those dreams you dreamt
All those years on a tears ridden bed
People will use up all your life source
A simple recharge for their own
You have to step up and stop
Stop the unconditional love

It's time
They knew your worth
It's time they feared your power
The strength and talent that resides inside
One you forgot you had for years
It waits to be called upon
To rise up and rebuild yourself

You deserve all you dreamt of
And with a sprinkle of self belief
And a splash of courage
Those dreams will finally
Merge into the fabric of time
And transform into a reality
One you worked your body to death for
The one you were destined for.
NicoleRuth Jan 2015
You were always the young boy,

holding fistfuls of dreams,

that bled your innocent hands,

abandoned by those you trusted.

You were always the cool dude,

with ideals far superior.

Desired by many a vain person,

but never for the real you.

You were always Mr. Excuse guy,

whose tales of drama spun wildly

entangling the world around,

Yet not one who sat and just believed.

You were all this and more,

in every step of this life.

Commanding attention everywhere,

but receiving not which you bled for.

But to simple ol me,

you were, are and will be

A wonder;

by thought, word and deed.

You will always be

just to me,

the one boy

who set me free.
NicoleRuth Feb 2015
You were my ray of sunshine,
brightening my hectic days.

You were my pillar of stone,
a protector from the rising storm.

You were my ocean of comfort,
enveloping me in your unending love.

You were my tornado of madness,
******* up my dramatic moments.

You were mine
and baby that's all I cared about.

— The End —