Dear Mother,
I'm sorry I'm not enough
I'm sorry I'm not smart enough
Not pretty enough
Not talented enough
I'm sorry I'm not graceful
I'm sorry I'm sensitive
I'm sorry I'm not
The daughter you wanted

Dear Father,
I'm sorry I'm not enough
I'm sorry I'm not a boy
Not a basketball star
Not top of the class
Not strong enough
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I'm not a genius
I'm sorry I'm not
The child you wanted

Dear Sister,
I'm sorry I'm sad sometimes
I'm sorry I'm not the ideal big sister
Not very pretty
Not silly enough
Not open enough
I'm sorry you got stuck with me
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I'm not
The sister you wanted

Dear Neighbor,
I'm sorry I'm annoying
I'm sorry I'm not social enough
Not doing what you're doing
Not easily excited
Not happy enough
I'm sorry I'm the only one your age
I'm sorry I'm not athletic enough
I'm sorry I'm not
The neighbor you wanted

Dear Family,
You don't care
But I'm sorry
I'm not enough

Dear Friends,
You don't exist
But I'm sorry
I will never be enough

Dear world,
I'm sorry
I wasn't enough

So I'm leaving
*Goodbye

How is it,
That a mere thought
Cuts deeper
Than the sharpest blade?

And how is it,
That the sight of you
Hurts more
Than the deepest cut?

I had a strong heart
Strong mind
Strong immune system
And a bright soul
I was strong

*How did this happen?

But I was gonna...
But I wanted to...
But I...
But...

You said you wouldn't leave!!

If joy were a person
It'd be you
Dear sister

If kindness were a person
It'd be you
Sweet friend

If peace were a person
It'd be you
Kind soul

If goodbye were a person
It'd be you
Old friend

If hopeless was a person
It'd be me
Cruel world

I can fake a smile
Quite well

I can laugh when
I really want to cry

I can scream
So quietly you'll never hear

I can cry
Invisible tears

I can live
While dying inside

And I can hide
While standing right there

As you can see
I have quite a long resume,
Oh God,
Of why I,
Of all your children,

*Should be the next to come home

I am like a fossil

I built my stone walls
Nice and sturdy
Around my true self

And slowly
Very slowly
The true me disintegrated


And as I faded away
My rock walls stayed strong
And soon a that was left
Was an imprint of me in my stone walls

And I became a fossil

The worst part
Isn't the pain
Though it hurts

The worst part
Isn't the sadness
Though that's horrible

No,
The worst part
Is the emptiness

That feeling
When you don't see the step
And you fall down

When you try to sit down
And someone's moved the chair

When you reach for support
Only to find it's abandoned you

That is the worst part
Of saying goodbye

Would I love that?
Well,
I don't know
I'm not trying to be rude
I honestly don't know

What does loving something feel like?
I forget
I don't even know if it's possible for me
I forget
I'm sorry

So would I love that?
I don't know
I honestly don't know
I'm sorry
But that's the only answer I can give you

1, 2, 3, 4
I can't do this anymore

5, 6, 7, 8
Little too little, little too late

9, 10, 11, 12
Into thoughts I'm forced to delve

13, 14, 15, 16
Invisible tears stay unseen

17, 18, 19, 20
Everyone laughs, this is quite funny

They're watching the counting girl
Start to
F
     a
            l
                  l

Guess there are no more numbers

The tears falling down my face
I gently stroke my dog's ear
And whisper,
It's gonna be okay

But I know I'm lying
To both of us
You are not okay
I am not okay

But you are my trusting puppy
And you snore quietly next to me
As I fall apart
Trusting me to make sure
That everything will be okay

My english teacher says
You **** at writing

My math teacher says
You're gonna fail

My history teacher says
Go to sleep

My science teacher says
Just get out

Yet they still want me to learn
*How am I supposed to do that?

You know
You just know
It's that moment
The moment blade pierces skin
You know
You just know

Your whole body
It just knows
That's the moment
Yes,
The moment

Your hands start shaking
But for once
Just once
Your mind is clear

You know
You just know
That moment
The exact moment
That blade pierces skin
The moment
You were waiting for

*You just know

Mother oh mother,
When may I go?

Mother oh mother,
I'm locked all alone

Mother oh mother,
Why won't you unlock me?

Mother oh mother,
I'm dying inside

Mother oh mother,
When can I be free?

Mother oh mother,
You aren't my mother

Mother oh mother,
You're the witch in the tower

Witch oh witch
Why keep me here?

Witch oh witch,
Who are you really?

Witch oh witch,
I just realized--
You're me

Me oh me,
Why can't I be free?

The rocks will wear away
Trees will burn to ash
Lakes will evaporate

Nothing stays

Buildings will deteriorate
Clouds will pass by
The tide will go out

Nothing stays

Fires will burn down
Leaves will fall
Snow will melt

Nothing stays

People move on
Joy will leave
You have left

Nothing stays

**Everything leaves

Just keep breathing
Just keep smiling

They'll never suspect

Just keep talking
Just keep laughing

They'll never know

Just keep crying
Just keep bleeding

They'll never see

Just keep hiding
Just keep hiding

No, stop falling

You can't let the suspect
You can't let them know
You can't let them see

*Oh no,
She's gone

I'm dying
But I'm not dead

I'm fine

I'm bleeding
But there's still blood

I'm fine

I'm suffocating
But there's still air

I'm fine

I'm falling apart
But my core's intact

I'm fine

*I'm lying
I'm not fine

It's not that bad

It's just like when you were little
Jumping off the diving board
Yelling, "Daddy, catch me!"
And feeling scared
But knowing you were safe

Except, you know
There isn't any water
No one is there to catch you
And you feel anything but safe

Okay,
It is that bad

I'm screaming
But you can't hear

I'm hiding
In plain sight

I'm running
But getting nowhere

I'm dying
Yet I'm still alive

And most important:
**I want to die
Because you don't care
But won't carry it through
Because I'm afraid of hurting those who care

Watch & learn
See the sun?
It leaves each night
So the stars can shine
It is greater
More powerful
But it gives them a chance

Don't be greedy

Watch & Learn
See the moon?
It shines bright
Despite just reflecting the sun
It is beautiful
And has power
Yet it's a mere reflection

Take pride in yourself

Watch & Learn
You see the trees?
They lose their leaves each fall
Yet they're not sad
They are strong
And resilient
And they grow more leaves

Do not give up

Watch & Learn
Nature has the answers
If you only
Watch
And learn

When I first began
I was a human

I learned to fit in
And became a reflection

I started to fall
Now I'm a shadow

I see the ground coming up fast
Soon I'll be just *nothing

I know a lot
More than you'd think
It's because I listen
And remember
And you speak freely
Not caring if I hear

Because no one ever notices
The shadow of a girl
At the back of the classroom

I just want...
To look in the mirror
And not be disgusted

I just want...
To use my voice
Without telling a lie

I just want...
To wake up each morning
And not regret it

I just want...
To sleep at night
Without the nightmares

I just want...
To be able to think
And not want to cry

I just want...
To smile again
Without being fake

I just want...
To look at my wrist
And not see blood

I just want...
To live
For once in my life

*Is that too much to ask?

I want to dance through the
Ribbons of the wind

To listen to the
Music of the trees

To hear the
Song of the ocean

To watch the flowers
Dance and sway

And see the stars
Twinkling high above

And know my place
In this beauty
Just like when I was little

Anyone who thinks
You don't smile with your eyes
Has never had to fake joy

Now would be a good time
To simply
D
     i
         s
             a
                  p
                       p
                            e
                                 a
                                      r

Help me

I'm dying

I'm drowning

I'm freezing

I'm falling

I'm burning

I'm suffocating

I'm something

So please, please
*Somebody help me

Smiles that don't reach my eyes

Blood that's not accidental

Thoughts that are taking over

Tears that could fill an ocean

Fear that's filling my heart

A heart that I cannot trust

Nights without rest

A body overcome by exhaustion

And the pain it takes to hide this