My mind is weary,
My body sort of aches,
I want to ask you for comfort,
But too afraid of the stakes
We haven't had a conversation
In a couple days,
Not a real one at least,
So I haven't been able to say,
That there's something not quite right,
With the way that we are,
You're acting like me,
I mean the way that I was,
You ignore me online,
And avoid me in the halls,
I don't mean to be rude,
But what the **** do you want?
All this backwards **** is crazy,
Are you doing it in spite?
I thought you were happy,
When you left my house that night
and it wasn't even that long ago,
Your mood swings are sever,
I don't get where it came from,
Or why I'm even still here..

happy birthday to me
and everyone else who took their first breathe today
we're the chosen ones

Theres no
Love, just
Our flesh
Surviving off
Each other.

-

and I am content
to keep dreaming
forever until death

Insanity is
Beautiful. It's
The ultimate
Ignorance to
Our reality.

Right now
At 2 o'clock in the morning
You're probably sleeping
Alone

Right now
At 2 o'clock in the morning
I'm missing you terribly
Alone

Tonight was a metaphor for my life;
When I keep telling myself that I can't do it
There are people there who tell me I can
Who will help me through it
And as long as I am open to listen to them
And accept their help
I can do what I thought
I'd never be able to myself

I never asked to be born this way
Maybe if I was consulted I's be okay
But I wasn't - I don't know what to say
My times running short, my choices limited each day

* * *

You said you think I'm brave
because I can speak my mind
I don't think I'm brave
'cause if I were I would've taken my life

* * *

I'm a coward of the worst kind
One that uses a mask to hide behind

* * *

It's so easy to forget when I'm with you
You make me happy just being alive
But the moment you leave
and I'm left on my own,
My thoughts scream at me
and there's no where to hide

* * *

*Practice make better but I've
     been practicing for years.
Nothings gotten any better, in
      fact all my fears
Are only getting stronger, and
     I'm fighting back tears
'Cause they say practice makes
      better, but I don't think I could take another year.

I've tried pushing it away
This feeling I crave,
Of being held by him in a way
That I've come to understand he can't..

There's just something about
A forbidden-yet-no-so caress of his fingers
That lures me in further
To a state of unsatisfied being..

I could let it slip and damage his ego,
I could let him know in a soft voice,
I could do it myself when he's not around,
What I want above all though,
Is for him to realize himself..

This isn't going
Anywhere,
Time to give it up?

I'm alive, if that means anything
I don't plan on dying soon
though anything could happen
from now, to noon

in a week I might be dead
and you wouldn't have a clue
anything could happen
to me, to you

-

Is it so wrong to not be friendly?
I beg you, please go away
I'm fine, truly, I promise
I just need my personal space

I didn't know I had
A N X I E T Y
I thought I was just weird
Now I see how much of me
It's destroyed over the years
I don't go out anymore
I'm always sick with fear
I didn't know I had
A N X I E T Y
Now it's all I hear

-

you get everything I said
an indirect attempt
trying to confuse you is the only chance I'll get
everything.. it echos in my head
your blank stare has me trembling
with anger and regret

I'm too scared to speak up and do something,
No matter how much I want to apologize,
And try to mend what I ****** up.
It's easier to just be on my own and stick to myself,
Then to trust myself to be a good friend,
Because honestly, I don't think I am.

Same song, different verse
History always repeats itself.
Just give up and leave me alone
I'm not worth your help

Sometimes I write because I feel I should
Sometimes because I can't let the words go
But other times, the most important to me
Sometimes I write because if I don't, I'll explode..

The poetry that is the by product of this
Is usually emotional charged to some degree
It's unstable, it's reckless, it never gets to the point
But really, it's what defines me
I always believe these are the best poems
They're raw, believable, and true
But it makes me so sad to see that no one else
Seems to think the way that I do

I'll read someone else's poetry,
About how it hurts too much to go on
No structure, no sense, I love it to death!
But one more thing,
No likes or comments
I think *Why?!
How could the 200 people who read this
Not see the burning emotion in every line?
Sure, there's no metaphors, no similes,
But it's real ******! This, this is their life!
This is who they are, stripped bare to the bone
They let us all sneak a peak
In a desperate hope that just one will understand,
Reach out, prove they're worth their keep
And nothing? No congrats?
No Don't give up, stay strong?
******* people, this is what you live for!
Humanity- where has it gone?
I bet if you saw her story on facebook,
Tied to a pretty picture of a broken girl,
Telling you to 'Like' it to save her
From her equally broken world,
You would call her beautiful for trying.
You would find thousands of comments
All identical to yours.
Because there, everyone is always watching what you do
But here, this is a more private world.
That's why she shared her story you know,
She thought she could be protected here
But just as she thought, you all proved again,
That there is no one is this world who cares.

Who knows what she'll do,
I liked it, told her I'm here to talk if you need
But I doubt she'll take me up on it
Because who goes they're whole life
Living on the belief
That they're alone, only to find they're not
And believing it right away?
I wouldn't message me.
I wouldn't message you either,
But it's the gesture that counts, it really does