Only the stupid come out of the woodwork and this smart stay deep within.
Book of Murphy chapter 3:30

If you're going to stab a voodoo doll, you might want to make sure it doesn't look like yourself.
Book of Murphy chapter 3:07

If you're going to pull the arrow out, replug the hole with your finger.
Book of Murphy chapter 16:02

If you wish to **** in the wind, you might want to close your mouth.
Book of Murphy chapter 16:03

If thou wanders the world with the wrong philosopher,
thou might fall off the edge.
Book of Murphy chapter 13:08

If thou is going to make friends with the cannibals bring seasoning to trade.
Book of Murphy chapter 13: 05

Only the paranoid will rule the underdark within their little bunkers and the wise will stay within the sun's light.
Book of Murphy chapter 13:04

When standing on Occam's razor thou shall, not try to tip the scales in their favor.
Murphy's laws chapter 13:02

Well that was awkward
and uncalled for.
Book of Murphy's laws chapter 13:01

Murphy's law shelby are shepherd,
we shall not tempt,
for to tempt is stupidity and irony.
Book of Murphy's Laws chapter 13:13

Little Leprechaun I don't want your gold in your little black *** and don't want your wishes with your sketchy after thoughts. I would just like your heartfelt friendship and a little luck.

I look down out of my second story window to see the jam as far as I could spy. It looked like a lake to me, oh what a spot this is turning out to be. The smell of strawberries in the air was the only wonderful thing. For earlier that day I had seen my friend eaten by the strawberry fiend. It reminds me of the blob in a movie I've seen. To my surprise party of little rubber people in a little Glass boat we're coming to save me. Wrapped in trash bags all over their body and up to their heads, they were all sitting in a very large fish tank moving full speed ahead. One yells, we're here to save you my very good friend. Put these bags on and jump right in. As I jumped right in the tank spring a leak. If we don't get out, we're going to feed the **** thing. One of the little rubber people described it me. I helped the Little rubber people back into my window and declared. I guess we wait for rescue my friends. As the building begin to quick and Shake. And that's how a strawberry scented death got me and my friends as a dinner date.

May the Angels get their share,
And the Devils get their due,
and what's left in the barrel is made for me and you.
God bless the Brewers too.

May the devils have their due, and the angels get their share. Long live the home brewer of meads and brews and other godly delights that came from the yeast.
Here, here, to the dreamers that made the flavors of barley, hops, and malts.
Here, here, to the honey the fruits and maples that make the mead so sweet.
So raise your glass and tip your steines to the brewers that made life a lot more easier to shine.
Ziggy, zoggy, ziggy, zoggy, oy, oy, oy.

Tap, tap, tap, upon the windows frame,
scratch, scratch, scratch, upon the door it came,
I hear the scraping on the cabin floor outside my door,
I hear the hooves as they loudly fall and,
the heavy breathing not that far at all,
but when the little girls voice does come from behind my door,
she does say please kind sir,
be a friend and let me in, so i can get my doll.
The smell of fowl milk and trash does waft across the midnight breeze, and then I hear the scream,
as I realize I forgot to lock the bedroom door,
and that was the last night I was evermore.

My torch light glints off the shiny orange gem, that lies next to my friend Jim,
The poor ******* picked it up before he could flea, and now I feel it pull towards me,
The radiating heat is so soft and sweet I can feel my feet shuffling towards ultimate defeat.
As I reach down to pluck it up, the first feel of it is such a rush.
The power of it is to great, I'm going to faint my soul is no longer mine to hold and cherish it resides within the gem, now I'm with my true friend Jim.

I feel the sand slide between my toes, as the Dune begins to cascade down to the darkened hole below.
I see the darkened Malestorm swirling and taking the sand beneath my feet, to the horror in the Deep.
It's teeth are white as bone, it's breath as rank as death.
The Dune is slipping between my fingers, my God it's death.
I Feel the teeth clamp around my waist as the pressure becomes too great, lord save me.
It might be too late.
As the sand overtakes my fate.
Once again the dunes are silent and wait for next meal date.
Too bad I didn't make it out I'm afraid to say.

Come and play said the wind to the leaves one day...
Cover the meadows and we will play...
Put on your coats and scarves and go out to the chill air.
Autumn is here oh such a beautiful red, Orange, and brown autumn day.

40 years we have lived in the light and baunty so bright,
then comes 40 Years of darkest night.
Our town sleeps one last time in our lovely homes before we set off for the land of safety and light.
The twilight is here to the town's dismay,
the horrors come forth from the darkest pine-forest beyond our friendly place.
The town here's the evil waking in the dark place beyond and sounds the horns to board the ships that will carry them to safety from this soon-to-be horrid place.
We left a lovely town in the shadows of death,
we will return in 40 years to reclaim what we have left.
Good luck to those who stay behind for we are the lucky ones that flea from the coming endless night.
Those who stay will face their ugly nightmares,
but fear not for we will be back to bury your bones beneath our lovely Town in 40 years.
Whether you're brave or stupid we shall not know.
Death awaits you beneath the snow.
Good luck you poor soul.

Clickety clack did you hear that, the kobolds are back!
More kobolds you say, I'll frighten them away. I will keep the little lizard folk at bay.
That's good that you say that you're willing to keep the creatures away because here comes the 5000th kobold I've seen coming this way, oh God it's going to be a long day.

Don't touch that it's lava it's hot!
Don't worry I'm resistant to Lava you see I can do what I want and it won't hurt me.
So step into the lava and prove it to me!
Oops, I roll a 1 on my die!
I guess that means you fried!
Bye ,bye.

With evil claws and teeth I chew the little wicked knights I slew. They enter one by one, as I burn them down to the ground for fun.
My fiery breath I breathe to melt their shields upon their feet and open my maw to eat my treats, oh what tasty meats.
Bring me more gold my shiny fearless little hunks of meat for I am to be feared the dragon which is revered.
I cannot be slain I will not be tamed for I am the red dragon that is renowned in fame.

Brownies, Bogart's, or Borrowers within my halls,
  pitter patter of small shoes in my dusty walls,
I hear the ranting and mumbling of his voice echoing in my rooms,
The scraping of his small tools fill me with gloom,
the knocking, pounding, and banging at night make my nightmares come to life,
so if i was you, I would plaster and grout every small hole you find about,
for it is not a good thing to have a small being running about your things,
so save your frustrations about the tiny thing and call a exterminator and do the right thing.

Open your door and turn on your lights. It's time to give candy on this magical night.
Carve your pumpkin with a happy grin, then light the wick so it shines bright within.
Voices whisper out in the street, you should go up to the house and say trick or treat.
So you grab a bowl of candy delights to give to the children of the night.
As you dropped a handful into their sacks they all scream with wonderful delight.
This is why we all love Halloween night.

My Jack O'Lantern has a Jagged toothy grin. It is a candle burning with orange lasting light to keep at bay the spirits of the night.
I put you at my door to keep the fear from coming this way, knowing that the demons will be scared off on this special day.
You are my lucky ward to fend-off the demon hordes.
So please burn bright for me the rest of Halloween night my fearless beacon of gentle falling light.
You are my saving flame, warming my heart and giving a feeling of delight as you save me from the scary night.
Thank you Jack O'Lantern for your might against Halloween night.

Little Samantha McGee was climbing up a tree.
Branch by Branch she went further and further up with glee.
Till she got to the top, it was quite a drop.
Poor little Samantha McGee lost her grip on that tree.
Down and down to the ground she went yelling, "oh dear mother please catch me."
But it was not to be, for you see it was all a dream.
Little Samantha McGee won't be climbing in any other trees.

Late, late one night, I heard a faint scream it woke me from a horrible dream.
I raised my head from my soft pillow I hear a faint sobbing across the meadow.
I went to the window to see what was wrong when I spied something lumbering along.
I thought to myself, poor woman is stuck in those toothy like Jaws.
  As I heard that desperate faint scream as they entered the woods on the way down to the stream.
As I put on my boots and ran out the door, I grabbed my shotgun, it was against my door.
I heard a scream within the woods so distant and faint it was frightening to know that it was so bold to run in full force into that unknown.
As I reached the woods, I stopped to think, what shall I do when I meet up with the thing?
No thoughts came to mind so I ran in time to see a woman screaming through the pines.
Help, help me please the woman did scream.
So, I followed that ant to its mound just a little away from the town.
It climbed to the top and without a second thought it slid right down into that deep drop.
So, I climbed that steep anthill just to the top and I peeked without a thought.
I could hear her screams within that deep dark hole being ripped apart from her head to her toes. The screams were so loud that they echoed right out of the hole.
So, I picked up my gun, and I ran down the mound straight back to my lovely little old town.

"The Queen, the Queen,
The Queen does come forth," yells a girl from St. Anne's to the patrons in court.
The Queen's procession wraps around the lake right over the bridges and up to main gate.
The criers are ringing their bells.
"Make way, make way," yells Saint Blaise.
The next to come forth is the Kriegshunde of old yelling knockviter to those who would be bold.
Steel Bonnet came next, clinking and clanking like a rusty steel mess.
Then the footmen came forth with pikes so high that they slice through the trees with a fright.
The Mariners came shambling past, those sea-loving folk, you know the ones without anything that floats.
Then the flags of all companies converge in front of the nobles we so deserve.
As you see the drummers called Rolling Thunder precede the Queen's chair,
  and a patron yells, "Is that the Queen of the faire?"

My juicy cheeseburger,
my steamy cheeseburger,
As I open my wrapper I plainly can see. How I am going to scrape off all that delicious cheese?
All my friends watch in amazement, and horror as I shove that cheese paper in even more, and I tossed my cheeseburger away from my tray.
It takes time you see to work off this delicious buffet.
As, I scraped my teeth over that wonderful cheese, I look up, and soon see my cheeseburger has been pilfered from me.
So, I scream and I rave, and I steal her cheese paper right off of her tray. Then I start all over again, much to my friends' dismay.

Feeling of dread as I fall in bed, as I squeeze my soft pillow to my head.
I feel loneliness growing within my chest.
The cold thoughts of women within my past, stocking my dreams till I wake up in a scream.
My hopes that my dreams will be confined to the past so I can move on from my dreadful task of trying to find love within this lonely time of mine.
My heart has fallen on hard times.

Evil old witch,
Evil old witch,
I see you bad ugly evil old witch.
You tried to shove me in that evil old oven of yours but I was much to quick, you fat ugly evil old witch.
You tried to feed me frosting and treats but I spat them all back out at you, toot sweet.
I hate you, I hate you!
I scream at that evil old witch, I hope your house goes stale soon, you fat evil ugly old witch!
I hope you get entombed within that ugly old house of treats.
Your a evil old witch,
Your a evil old witch,
I hope the forest trees fall on top of you and your crumy gingerbread house too.
I'll be back,
I'll be back,
Then we will see who pushes who! You fat ugly evil old witch I really hate you!

In the howling waste even the darkness has a voice. It taunts and beckons, it begs, and calls. It slithers it's way into your thoughts and if you listen to it you may be lost within. You'll never see the light again.

The things you want to find,
you can't set out to get.
They will come in time,
to seek is to regret.