You might need to estrange me
Because the way I observed your nape
Made my inner vampire arise




-LynnAA

Aime moi comme si les feux de l'enfer s'éteindront demain.



----------



Love me as if the fires of hell will extinguish tomorrow.



- LynnAA

It is a moment of weakness
It is a moment where I forget to love myself for a fraction of a second
It is a moment where I recall the past to fill up an empty moment in my present
I do not want to go back
I told you, and I'll still tell you,
I would rather choke than feel again everything I have ever felt every moment I told you I loved you
No, this is not a goodbye message, it is not a love note, it is not about you, it is not me grieving
It is me, a year later, stronger, older, wiser, kinder, happier, freed and waiting for more freedom
Even so, I will always colour the center of my mandalas dark red



- LynnAA

My anger is so vulnerable, so fragile.



- LynnAA

Consider me nonexistent, as if I belonged to no womb.
To you, I am nameless, I am odorless.
I am a mass of flesh you've never touched.



- LynnAA

I imagined it falling down the toilet seat, and I laughed.



- LynnAA

I was standing in front of you.
You taller than me.
I was looking down.

"If you're not happy, you can leave."

And on these words, my mind became numb.
And I pictured us:

You and I
Far from each other
In a wide room surrounded by big windows
And I'm walking away from you
And my heart took a sudden leap out of my chest towards you
And it kept pulling to the point where I couldn't walk anymore
And I was yelling my lungs out at it but it wouldn't listen
And I was pulling it back to me but it kept going towards you just like nickels go to magnets
And you stood there watching me fight with myself
Not coming to help
Neither leaving to help also

"Say something."

I look up to see you
My eyes swollen and my heart trying to find its way to you out of my chest.
I clear my throat and sigh.
Only then you hug me.
And I let you, knowing that, one day, I will be strong enough to pull my heart into my chest and leave you looking at a wide empty room while the light leaks through the big windows to cover the red tiles of the floor on which you are standing.



- LynnAA

I can't tell people about you.

They won't understand how my pupil dilates at the sight of you
They won't understand how my happiness resides in your face
They won't understand my silence when you choose to devour books instead of my neck
They won't understand the twenty minute ride back home with your hand in mine against my chest
They won't understand the void your arsenic-like words left me in

And I cringe inside
Because, just like people, you won't understand neither.



-LynnAA

She's mad
She's mad
That woman
Who always showers herself
With floral fragrances
Who waits for the wrong moments
To tell the most important things
Who laughs genuinely loud
In the most uncontrollable way
She's mad
She's mad
At being the woman
That she is




-LynnAA

No. I will no longer be ashamed. I won't fear anyone's opinion anymore.
The process of letting you go is a hard road for me. And I will talk about it.
Nothing is more difficult than seperating out of love.
At the time I needed you and you needed me and nothing stopped us, we didn't want to stop.
And today, I must tell myself that it wasn't "love" that kept us going, it was only two empty people that filled each other at the time.
There was love - only you and I hold and understand - that served the lust and the infatuation that fueled our urge to be together.
And when this urge wrapped itself around our necks, I accepted us ending in a separation anchored with silence.
Today, streets and roads and houses and villages and trees remind me of you.
Tomorrow, the same streets and roads and houses and villages and trees will still remind me of you, and everytime I'll miss you or think of you, I will go there hoping I'd see you.
Because boy you were beautiful, and a mess and soft and lost and I couldn't handle you anymore, I was suffocating.
I am mad at you but thank you for letting me go.



- LynnAA

"Tickle me! Tickle me!" says the sky,
And the wind plays with my hair.



- LynnAA

She turned in a circle around herself
And her skirt flew everywhere
Revealing imperfect thighs

She was moved by the music
She danced and danced
Not caring about any pair of eyes
Laying on her blemished body curves

And he was gladly looking at her
This time he didn't care about her bare thighs
Because in the way she danced
She exposed her **** soul

But then again
What beautiful thighs
He thought

And then
She collapsed on his lap.




- LynnAA

Doux et amer
Du café avec de la cardamome
L'odeur du garam Masala
Et l'air du paprika
Framboises, myrtilles, mûres et cerises,
Un cépage fruité de la méditerranée
Les oliviers nous ombragent et je regarde le soleil se coucher sur ta peau
La nuit se prend à mes paupières
Et je me laisse aller à l'odeur de la mer, à la chaleur de tes rêves et à la lourdeur exquise de ta tête sur ma poitrine.


---------------------


Sweet and sour
Coffee with a hint of cardamom
The smell of garam Masala
And the breeze of Paprika
Raspberries, blueberries , blackberries and cherries
The fruity taste of a Mediterranean wine
The olive trees offer us shade and I gaze at the sun setting on your skin
The night conquers my eyes
And I abandon myself to the smell of the sea, the warmth of your dreams and the lovely heaviness of your head on my chest.



- LynnAA

Kiss the beast and he turns back into a human
- just like you,
I hit you straight in the heart and the human in you turns into a beast.



- LynnAA

I can know when a woman
Is laying naked in your bed
Looking like a Greek Goddess
Or a Roman painting of a Goddess

She looks at you with eyes filled with lust
As the dim light uncovers her velvet skin

You are hypnotized by a painted beauty

I want to imagine you making love
To that ancient loveliness in your sheets
As the velvet turns into silk
As the painting comes to life
As the Goddess slowly degenerates
To become the sinful human being that I am.




-LynnAA

"I don't want you to leave.
Stay.
Stay with me."

He grabs the folds of my skin.
He hides his face in my being.

His love is a crack into my utopia.




- LynnAA

I am bigger only when I know how big I am instead of how little other people are - and that is your problem, you don't know how big you can be and the only way for you to know is by belittling every person you potentially fear.



- LynnAA

All that is blind, bites*.



- LynnAA

He was sleeping
When she walked in

She smiled

She took her dress off
And her bra

She walked towards the bed
Slid under the covers
And hugged him

With a leg over his waist

She uses her skin as a trap
To catch men and drug them
With their own lust until they
Surrender to their hallucinations
And fly away on a trip
To her body
As she touches them softly until
Maybe
Their bones get filled with dopamine
And their mouths get to taste
Her beating heart under her *******.




- LynnAA

Get up
And leave my bed.

My pillow smells like you
I'm suffocating.

My sheets are warm
They're burning my skin.

Take your gray I-Shirt with you
And your Tom Ford perfume.

Don't look back at me
And leave.




-LynnAA

... I'd like to stay up till the sun rises, doing nothing and everything, being nowhere and everywhere but I can't, because who I am not forces me back home.



- LynnAA

She is dressed in her pajamas
She breathes nothing but the smell of the tastiest food you will ever taste
She sips coffee three times a day
One in the morning after her breakfast
One at noon before her lunch
And one at six o'clock in the afternoon
Always with cardamom and a hint of sugar
Her hair is always *******
She wears three pairs of socks when it's cold
Her favourite companion during the day is a TV set
And at night,
When her husband and two kids are home
She already smells like food and cardamom.
She takes a hot shower
Wears a clean pajama
Puts on three new pairs of socks
And slips into her bed
While murmuring the lyrics of her favourite Spanish song



- LynnAA

I want to be kissed by an older man.
A man who has been with many women, who knows how to touch them.
A man who would make his women smile from all the pleasure he injects in between their well shaved skins.
A man whose lower lip would meet their necks, dragging its way up under their ears where he would whisper to them all the bad things he would do to them.
And they would move their lips toward his to arouse the only osmosis that will make out of them his little virgins.



- LynnAA

La douce brise chaude nous emballe dans une prison translucide. Toi, moi et mes couleurs qui se répandent sur ma paume.
Et une intense lumière noire traverse le mur, assez forte pour aveugler nos yeux, mais considérablement fragile pour pouvoir étouffer les couleurs de ma main à présent étalées tout au long des murs de notre prison.

--------------------

The hot soft breeze is holding us in a translucent prison. You, me and my colours that are spreading on the palm of my hand.
And an intense black light leaks through the wall, strong enough to blind our eyes, but too weak to smother the colours on my hand that are now spread all over the walls of our prison.



- LynnAA

You are only an image, an image of who you'd like to be.
Yes, your image doesn't resemble you.
You project strength but your eyes gleam weakness.
You stand tall, but your acts are hunchbacked.
You bore me.


- LynnAA

Why do we want to keep each other caged?
Why is it a norm for us to feel pain after a separation?
The only way to love you is to set you free. No. Not physically.
I set you free when the thought of you doesn't burden my heart.
I set you free when I understand that what we did was an act of love coated with our human needs.
I set you free when I leave out of love.
I set you free when I know that by leaving, I love myself and only by loving myself can I love you.
I set you free when I believe that you have freed me of you the day you first laid your eyes on me.
I set you free when I understand that freeing someone is letting go of our needs that we hang on to so effortly.
I set you free when you are no longer a need.
I set you free so I can be free.



- LynnAA

You linger in my mind
Just like nicotine would linger in my system if I ever decided to smoke



-LynnAA

She sees some sort of beauty tainted in the smell of almost a pack of cigarettes.
And little drops of his favorite coffee stained his body and resided as freckles that showed the amount of kisses she would leave on his wild skin - if he'd let her.
His innocence resides in his virility - if virility was ever innocent.
And for him, she is just the portal to heaven to which he holds the key.
And that key itself led him to other heavens, sometimes to a few hells, and some other times to nowhere.
With her, he might go nowhere.
But if she decides to take him on a little trip, his key will lead him to a journey he's never been to - her.




-LynnAA

People say "**** them with Kindness," but I would say offer flowers to their inner wars.



- LynnAA

She had her back uncovered
Light leaking into her pale skin.
She decided to wait there
Maybe her bare bloom
Will bring him back
Once more.




-LynnAA

She walked in
And every
Unit of
Time and space
Became a
Concept
Of his
Imagination.

He looked
At her
Eyes
Wide open
Studying the
Female-like
Constellation
Starting
To form
Every single
Star
Colliding
Into another.

She was
Something
New
Pure
Shattered
And rebuilt
And he
Saw it
With eyes
Wide open.




-LynnAA

Even if your face is bathing in sunlight, you will close your eyes and sleep.



- LynnAA

Just like you woke up one morning to lose your job, one day you will wake up to realize that probably this isn't where you want to be:
This isn't the only language you'd like to speak, this isn't the home you'd want to live in, this isn't the country you'd want to die in, this isn't the man you can sacrifice immense things for, this isn't the emotional spree you'd like to feel, this isn't the job you'd want to spend the rest of your life in, this isn't the freedom you are looking for, this isn't the only amount of knowledge you'd like to acquire, this is not your only family, this is not your only adventure...
And life will come back to your mind:
You revive a desire to study abroad. You believe you're living in your new rented studio in Prague, you see yourself studying by day, waiting tables in the afternoon and sleeping under warm sheets you bought yourself, at night. You live the adventure, you believe you left love here to find it again there. You know it'll be hard but you'll love it. You'll grow, you'll take care of yourself, you'll love, you'll cry alone at night, you'll learn to survive, you'll laugh with new acquaintances. You'll be stronger. You'll be independent. You'll be who you've always wanted to become.
This is why, always believe, that no matter how hard life can hit you, you know, in the back of your head, that this might not be the life you'd like to lead anyway. So hit life back harder and embrace your little dreams, construct them brick by brick and then go live them.
Never be afraid of letting go. Never fear starting anew. Life is full of surprises and if you haven't had any yet it's because you're only living the wrong one.

Be free.

Sincerely,
Your Desired Life

I hope, one day, guilt will eat you alive
Until you wake up every night screaming my name




Yours no longer,
LynnAA

November rocks me to sleep and on every 1st of December, I wake up at 5 a.m. with a skin scarred by light that turns into fire and warms up my winter flowers... Well, I guess everything changes.



- LynnAA

Dessine moi des moutons, des nuages, ou des astres, des êtres indignes, une atome de phényléthylamine, un inconnu dont je ferai connaissance, une lune gibbeuse en plein jour
Dessine moi, dans un lit, dans tes bras, sous la lumière des étoiles en une nuit d'une nouvelle lune, après une ****** embuée, après t'avoir embrassé, au reveil de mon jour d'anniversaire
Dessine moi tout ce qui te déclenche un battement de coeur
Dessine moi quand je fais battre ton coeur



--------------------



Draw me sheep, clouds, or stars, unworthy beings, a phenylethylamine atom, a stranger whom I'll meet, a gibbous moon in broad daylight
Draw me, in bed, in your arms, under the light of the stars on a new moon night, after a misty shower, after kissing you, after I wake up on my birthday
Draw me everything that triggers your heart
Draw me when I set off your heart



- LynnAA

I want to pick you up on a weeknight and take you down to Beirut, to alleys and streets you have never been to.
I'll take you to my favourite place for a happy hour drink, and after 9 p.m. we'll share one of the best bread loaves you will ever taste from the bakery I love the most.
Then you'll see me dancing while driving, for the first time, to one of those upbeat radio tunes.
And we'll end up in Jbeil, at the beach, running into the water for a late night dip; splashing each other and screaming like little kids and kissing each other every once in a while like the lovers we are in this very moment.
Then we'll sit by the shore and play games till we dry up.
And the clock will remind us that I should take you back home, wishing I could stay with you for a couple more days. And I'll try to make you stay in the car and you will hug me very tightly and then you'll forcefully leave because it is almost 3 a.m. and I still have a long way back home.



- LynnAA

It's raining and it's cold.
Let me wear your favorite sweater
And let me put on warm socks.
Forget about my pants.
Play a Radiohead song.
Take my hand.
Pull me close to you.
Wrap your arms around my waist.
Move us to the music.
Don't break your hold.
I'll bury my head in your neck
And your hands will slip under your sweater
So they can slide on my bare skin.
I'll plant little kisses on your neck.
I can feel your standing ovation.
Your hands will go down my thighs
Bringing them to your waist.
I'm hugging you with my whole body.
You continue to move us slowly to the music
And your lips devour mine.
You bite them.
I bite harder.
The Roman Columns are standing tall, and strong.
And La Rose is painted with morning dew.
Tonight, it will rain on the Roman Columns
And La Rose will unfold just like at the break of dawn.




-LynnAA

Ça sent la vanille et la noix de coco.
Allons danser ce soir.

----------

It smells like vanilla and coconut.
Let's go dance tonight.



- LynnAA

Once more it was you
This itchy thought in-between my legs
This greed, this insufficiency
This urge to run away, the force of habit of coming back
Once more to you, with you, beside you, on you, in you, under you, on top of you, next to you, close to you, to you, you, you, you, you.
Never satiated. Never will I be.



- LynnAA

The waves found the shore, at last.
Poseidon laid a kiss on my heart and went to rest and I took a walk down the shore, singing him a lullaby, wearing Rhodus' dress.
The sand is soft and warm.
Terpischore found my arm and invited me to dance with her the dance of survival. We were stepping in the water, splashing our skin and laughing so loudly, so happily, that Poseidon smiled in his sleep.
The sand lured me again. I laid on it and felt the salt drying upon my skin under the warmth of Helios.
The sound of the waves soothed the blood in my veins.
I closed my eyes and rolled in my usual foetus pose.
Hypnos found me as the sea softly landed on the shore to cover me up.



- LynnAA

Usually,
If you had told me this to my face, I wouldn't answer.
I'd look at you and maybe smile
Or I'd look around you and maybe smile as well.



- LynnAA

Some people seek attention the same way they forcefully drink coffee to be able to **** in the morning.



- LynnAA

Talk to me. Touch me. Be with me in the same room.
You never got to know me. You don't know me. Don't assess me.
Erroneous. Biased.
Don't avoid me and start drawing images of me you created in your head.
Don't wish me away if you have never been near.
Don't disappear and believe I'm still the same.
Don't hide behind walls and look at me through a hole you carved yourself.
Stand before me. The view is better and clearer up close.
And I have a tulip for you.



- LynnAA

We stain our lips with red wine so we can taste each other pretending that we want to get drunk.



- LynnAA

I see pictures of us

At a party
At a friend's marriage
At a concert
On the sand
On a cruise
In a tent
On my bed
On your bed
Under a tree
Under a waterfall
On a high rock
In cold water
On my balcony
In your car
In my dad's car
At an old ruin

Eating Balila
Running on pebbles
My lips on your cheek
My lips on your lips
Our eyes closed
Holding flowers
Drinking wine in a bottle of water
Naked
Dancing in the sea
Riding your back
Wearing your sunglasses
Looking at me sleeping
Looking at you looking at me
Splashing me with water
Running after you
Wearing your jacket

That is all I have
Pictures of us
Where you always reside
Where I can always be with you.



- LynnAA