There's no more water
The wells all dried
I'm still ******* thirsty
But there's no tears left to cry

I havn't always been this way.
Hurt is my new friend.
In fact, it's only known me for close to a day.
About nine hours before the first ten.

I was born in the first second of the morn.
Twenty-four hours where my life of plight.
I hope you're not to torn.
Suicide is the victor tonight.

I was born with a glass cup.
My brothers and sisters,
They had plastic ones.

My older sister dropped her cup once.
She picked it up, washed it off, and filled it back up with water.

I too eventually dropped my cup.
I picked it up, washed it off, and cut my finger on the chipped rim.
I didn't understand why;
My sisters glass was fine -
     What happend?

One day I met a girl.
She had a glass like mine.
She showed me how to make it look like new - just hide the broken spots.

One day we were playing and i dropped my glass.
She picked it up, and cut her hand.
She left to get a bandaid.
I stay'd to run and play.

It's been 7 years.
Almost half my life.
The doctors filled my glass with cement -
So no more water would spill out.

She found a way to take her cup,
And dip it into plastic.
When she did she caught wind -
Glass is only for the problematic.

I hope someday she'll look at her hand -
That scar i gave to her.
Hopefully she'll not just remember me -
But forgive me for what i've done.
I never ment for this to happen.

She smelled like memories
 Her eyes a shade of trust
Those lips lathered in poison
 Her taste is more than enough

The song she sings at closing
 Is a tune well carried on
Originating in wallows
 She sings the song of sirens

Alas the day break ends the stretch
 She receeds for the world's awake
Her love is gone - replaced by pain
 Yet she will return again by night

I die everytime i see you.
And i see you every day.
I have a panick attack from the thought that you don't love me like you used to.
Im a drunk.
Im a ******* drunk.
Not a drop of alchohal in my blood but im always ******* drunk.
Im not what you think i am.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Please. Im ******* begging.
Please.
That wasn't me.
You know that wasn't ******* me.
I know i did it.
But it wasn't ******* me.
I have night mares.
Please.
Please.
I dont want you back.
I ******* hate you.
Why do i ******* love you?
***** dont ******* touch me!
All i ever wanted was that touch!
Please forgive me..

I've seen alot of sunsets
Since the last one I saw with you

I've thought alot of crazy thoughts
Without you to get me through

I've quit making so many inside jokes
Because nobody else was laughing

Today I woke up all alone
For the first time
I was okay with that

I drink away the pain because I can no longer cut it out but give me a chance and I will carve your name.
I think about the day because I no longer remember the nights but give me a chance and I will forget the days too.
I smile when I remember our memories because they have always been my favorites but give me the chance and I will forget them all.

Let me stop drinking.

Little brother if you're listenin
i don't want to talk about it
i don't want to mention
i wish i could go back to when
we were kids again and
if i could change the future
lord knows that i would do it
cause i'm tired of dumb and stupid
so many mistakes im feelin useless
i'm suppossed to be the bigger man
i'm suppossed to lead the way
i'm suppossed to have the plan
but there's things i can't explain
deep inside of me there's a pain
and it's not an excuse i'm just sayin
i really hope you understand
cause it's consumin me
so caught up on who i used to be
drownin all my demons
that plan was straight stupidity
and i know it took a toll,
i know i playd a roll
in your choices, your decision, and as i'm gettin old
i love you more than anything
I really hope you know
i'd give the world to clear those memories
take em right out of your skull
cause we got the same mother
but i don't feel like im your brother
i never did got to know just
how our parents told ya
that i'm movin out the house,
cause rehabilitation kicked me out
and they didn't know quite what to do
but i can't keep on lettin loose
they can't let me **** up my life,
not while i'm under their roof
and i can no longer make excuse'
startin to understand the truth
one thing i never thought about
was how i was affectin you
See i can take the liver damage
my brain can take the abuse
my stomach can throw up but
i only got one chance with you
and in a classic ****** fashion
that one chance i know i blew
i know that you forgive me
but that's not what i'm askin
a part of me wants to believe
that this is actually happenin
and i can turn the clock back
restart and make it not sad
and teach you how to be a man
cause our father never can
and i know it's not his fault,
he aint had a father himself,
there's just so much time lost
that's why everyone calls me josh
back then i had a longer name
and thats all i think about when they say
joshua, or joshie, or mention abbey place
where we grew up together
shared a room
and i taught myself to shave
those were the good years,
with blue pool,
at the blue house,
at a small school,
back before i was a fool,
back before i knew what love was,
but lord knows i loved you
lord knows i still do
i'm sorry

As if i wasn't good enough at baseball
I threw one through your window
Last month i hit mine
Nothing killed me more than
Planning to smash through yours
And with these holes in our houses
All i want is to go camping with you
Tell you how much i want to rent a condo
And you can help me pay for it
We'd only need one bed
How i long to dream together

Yet i threw away
I shatterd us
First my heart
Then yours
Because we don't work together
Love and life don't always match
Our highs were space ships
Our lows were mermaids
Our hearts were perfect matches
Our minds were mortal enemies

You kept me captivated
You kept me intrigued
You were my intellectual opposite
You were my curiosity

Yet

We couldn't understand each other
We couldn't co-operate
When i said left you looked right
When you said up i looked down

Heart over mind
Mind over matter

To my greastest challenge,
My best accomplishment,
My favorite memories,
And my hero.

You made me,
You broke me,
You loved me,
And you healed me.

I miss you.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Heart over mind
Mind over matter
You broke me
You made me break my own rules

When i was a kid
I thought i was the ****
Alchoholic wanna be
More ****** up
Than you or me
Who am i?
Is this a dream?
Blissful wishful
Wanna bee
9th grade
Started ****
Depression made me
Lead to lean
Clean cut
Double cup
Every night
I'd get ****** up
Who i was
Is who i am
But less drugs
Am i a man?
Just hidin it
I'm still a kid
Crack my top
Pop my lid
Underneath
You'll see what's hid
All the things that
I done did
Never wanna see again
Those memories
I need stitches
This bleedin wont
Start stopping
Now the dripping's
Got me dropping
Got me pleeding
Barely breathing
Touched my head
Felt the pain
So ****** up
My fall to fame

Let actions form from emotions
Let emotions form from actions
Let actions speak louder then words
Let words be your only weapon
Let words never seem enough
Let not enough become too much
Let too much settle with no home
Until one day when
we Let emotions form not only from actions
But from words
we Let words express our actions
And actions take their places
we Let emotion form those actions
And create all the words
we Let ourselves stand up
As words alone never could

something bout the night and the sky
the stars and how they shine
a place without no lights
your face and them eyes
how they get me everytime
leave me lost inside your mind
seem to seep inside my soul like
this summer warmth and your glow
hold me close never let me go cause
where the heart is where the home
and mine is held inside your palms
I'll keep throwing rocks at your window
like that we the kings song
cause without juilet,
there'd be no romeo
even if you left I'd be blessed
for the memories inside my head
telling me this life we live
as bitter as it gets
can have a better ending to it
of the stars you're a shooting
and of course I'll be using
all my wishes on you mistress
cause this mission I've envisioned's
the begining of a long winded
trip into the end of time
as long as I'm alive you'll be my dime
forever on my mind
one of a kind
sincerely signed, cloudii

I was driving down I-85 when all of a sudden I got stunned by a view over a bridge and nearly slammed into a feline leaning against the railing, lost in the view. Lordy, my engine shut down real quick. Neither of us were damaged, but rather impacted. I said my goodbye with an apology tagged along and whent on my way home. Every day i drive that strip, seeing the view, passing by my old friend. Never again did we collide. Every time i passed by, my engine stalled. I wanted so badly to honk, swerve, pull over and talk, anything.
     Yet i kept on driving.

im no jesus but i can turn water into koolaid. take a hit of this blunt then i'll forgive you of your sins. show me how to swim on land and i'll show you how to walk on water. im no god, but luke i am your father. just go a little farther down the road so i can pretend we look related. i just masterbated. it feels pretty good to be athiest.

You
arn't woth getting to know
Don't even think about people who

are beautiful
Everyone thinks you
are worthless
No one will say "you

are the love of my life"
"you

matter more to me"
No one can

love you
I

hate you
I can't
no matter how hard i try

take even one look at you
My heart skips a beat when i

laugh so hard
because you make me
feel ashamed
I hope you never

love again
I will never

forget you
I can't

I am a caged beast of rejected soals.
I sit in a forest of death as i watch a beautiful bird land.
Then i watch as the bird sits.
Stares.
Right into the eyes of a lion.
I scream.
I yell.
I ******* beg.
Please.. I cant loose another..
But the bird still sits.
Right before the death of the bird, a feeling i lust for so deeply, the bird turns.
It looks at me,
As if to say, "i shant not fly nor run away, for this beast i face is of pure hate. The malignity of extinction I can not fear, for i am the speacies of the lost and weird. I am beasts of prey turned into prey of beasts, the hungry lions who will not feast. I am the prey of beasts witch turn beasts of prey, beasts to beasts who are beasts to prey. For when the world will come to end, when time ceases and begins to bend, a beast is a beast, defined by life, we are all the same in destinys fight. Beasts are beasts in this jungle of hate, so let love replace the beasts today."
Within a second, seeming forever slowed, the bird flys right under the lions nose.

We are all beasts.
Weather you are a beast to beasts, a beast to prey, or a beast in a cage,
We are all beasts.
The bullies are attacked by those who want to help the hopeless, when the biggest bully of the hopeless are the hopeless themselves.
I don't want to be a beast.

There was a man with massive plans - he was going to change the world. He laid it all out, started his route, then remember he never began. His great great grandfather was shot and became martyr to the racism that's still alive.

I watched a show with a ninja who killed for gold and i didn't care. I watched a show where a movie theater was shot and i got real scared. But just like the ninja i didn't believe - that could never happen to me.

I whent to walmart to pick up some milk and saw a man with a gun to a head. They gave him the cash and whatever he wanted in hopes to not end up dead. I've lived in this town for nearly 18 years - born, raised, and lived.

This is Belmont, the town i grew up.
I could be on cnn.

A birth defect gone un-noticed has unbearable results. I would much ratather be incapable but not knowing there is more than capable but unmotivated.

Viniger in my mouth leaves the taste of your name

The eternal drought brought upon by wasted tears has left me in a state of rememberance. No matter how high i get, your dripping love still has my mind captured. The wonders of your touch still keep my heart in trance. Your name no longer leaves my mouth in longing but in defeat. The night has grown to last all day.

Lets try something new.
I don't think i'll right about you.
Instead of red, the color of dead,
I think i'll write about blue.

See i have always preferred blue.
It doesn't seem so, but it is quite true.
Drugs and ***** represent the shades of blues,
But this is nothing new.

I could sit and cry,
I could try to die.
I could wallow in pitty,
And forget my pride.

Or i could live my life,
Even if i'm high.
Care free, carefully,
Experiencing new tragities.

The bottom of a bottle doesn't seem so scary when your thoughts are full of fright.
Take my too my special tree and tie the knott up tight.
Sober i can feel the pain so sober i take flight.
Dangling for infinity makes the bottle quite alright.

Love is not a game
And i'm certainly not winning
I chase your piece around our board
In this game you're not even playing

She touched my lips
With her nostalgic kiss
Then blamed the alcohol
When morning hit

Don't tease me
Don't play me
I'm dying inside

Don't please me
Don't save me
There's not enough time

Whenever you come around
My life turns upside down
I'm tired of loving you
Please let me down

Repremands for experiencing out weigh living in fear of punishment.

So gentle, so innocent. Young butterfly, i love your soul. Carry that nector, and carry it careful. Without you, life lacks beauty.

I dream of a day where days fade away into nothing but obscurity. The time flies faster than a bullet shot on a train heading south bound to florida.

I dream of a moment. Not a second long or a minute long but weeks long. Years long. The entirety of a life span.

I dream of a cloud. My empire in the sky. Where she and I can ride and fly and nothing matters but the love in her eyes.

I can't believe i'm actually thinkin bout leaving you. There's not alot i'm afraid of but that's some **** i'm unprepaired to do. I never thought i could see and end where i'm not right next to you but i've cheated yet again and so i think i've ended up ending up without and end with you. I'm a fool. I never should have fell for you. I hurt the ones i love so never will i lay sight to you. I'm sorry for all the things i've done i never ment them hurt to do . You're still my little baby girl even if you hate me please don't hurt yourself. All that i want is to see that smile on your face but there's things that i can't give you so it's best if i put some space. Ain't no way i'll say this to your face. It'd **** me if i was in your place so imagine how it feels to be the one that was suppossed to be your protector b! You were my ****** family! You built the walls of this house all around of me! I never ment to hurt you but thats all that i can seem to do so later i'll take a shot or two and let the pistol wring a few until my skull's split into two and maybe then i'll forgive myself for who i became. My ******* fall to fame.

On the brink of lies holds a whipped hearts confession -
Here in my arms is the girl of obsession

Yet pain is void from her beautiful lips possesion -
Love has returned to beat my depression

Fake people in a fake town, wearing fake smiles, hiding real frowns. Plastic toys in a garbage bin like people in a school (where  education ends.) Drill the facts and **** creativity, paint the plastic and bull doze the nativity. Humans in a system like monkeys in a cage. Yet this is how we are expected to behave.

Snow fall in a desert would be a new type of nice. Yet i just keep raining on my own paradise. Let the winds guide me to my cubicle downtown, where fake people smiles turn into real people frowns. Yet "life is good!" wrings high from the voices, just who's in who vile screaming senseless rejoices. The sun will die, and with it our lives. What is the point when we all end in time? Why do we sing when the christmas tree burns? When little suzzy was ***** and thing three killed before born?

The world is dark like the back of the moon. The dawn is coming though not to be soon. I work to bring light, but what about you?
Let the fake fade when you decide what to do.

I feel like im running in a circle chasing dreams

I loved pain
Pain loved me
I let pain in
He did too
Pain loved him more
Pain left me
Pain consumed him
But pain soon left him -
When pain got bored
Now me and him hate pain
Because pain loved everyone -
Too much
Pain play'd games -
Too much
We loved pain -
Too much

A common enemy makes unification
Me and him have unified
Bestfriends are so much better then pain
Because that's all you are -
Pain

If a flower had the choice to grow, do you think it would?

I wouldn't.

With knives to the heart you destroyed my mind, crippling whatever peace i had left. Yet here i am, running back to you.
Running back to the feeling you give me.
Running back to the past.
You're my worst enemy,
Yet my greatest friend.
I'm addicted.
*******.

Imagine that randomly through out the day, your legs quit working. No matter how well you explain the science of it all, nobody really understands. "Why don't you just.. idk, stand up?"

Imagine that randomly through out the day, your nervous system shuts down. No matter what you say, explaining time and time again the science of it all, nobody really understands. "So you're telling me that you can't feel? That's stupid. Just start feeling. You're fine"

Imagine that randomly through out the day, you feel like killing yourself. No matter how many times you try to get help, nobody really understands. "Nobody just feels like killing themselves. You have a good life, you're happy. Just cheer up a bit."

If my disability was physical instead of mental, everyone one care alot more.

I know.
It takes more than a minute to burn down a forest.

What about a sappling?

Pluck the strings on my dandelion guitar
Like fingers don't get sore
And petals don't run out
Sing solemn songs of my lightning in a bottle
I pretend forever never ends
Somehow you found the finish
I will race until I die
Never escaping my runner's high

We were a dandilion
Together we grew
Seperated by the wind
To begin our new lives

Clumps together
They fell in patches
Yet i sit alone
No where to call home

I love you for who you are.

I love the way you fight for what you believe is right.
I love the way you can't hide your emotions.
I love the way you bounce on your toes when you get excited.
I love the twinkle in your eyes when you get happy.

Why do you love me?

"Look at all you've done for me."
"You treat me like a queen."
"You've changed so much just for me."
"You helped me in my bad times."

I did things for you. You love me for what i did. You changed who i was. You didn't love me for who i was. You loved me for who i could be. For who i am.

What have you done? You don't help in my dark times. You made me quit talking to everyone who did. You made me loose all my friends. You made me feel useless.

You love me because you can use me.

Why do i love you?

I love june.
A feeling not even death could take.
A feeling inside me, brought only from you.
The perfection of beauty i get to call "baby."

I touch your beautiful face.
Then i remember.
Thats your picture.
This is december.

They said "the world is yours to take"
Then put me in a school
And told me every move to make
Show'd me all the rules to break

Be like a normal kid
Do as he just did
I'd like to be myself for once
"Growing up" - keeping creativity hid

Do you feel that?
The feverish split second you decide the night is when you feel most alive and creep quickly, quietly, your heart hastening with every faulty step creating a domino effect of blood pumping mistakes that only you notice because only you are looking for them.
Of course you don't.
You grew up.

Lier.
You said you loved me.
Im only playing ninja.
But you are too grown up to play.
I hate it.
2 hours on a bike in snow higher then my thigh with an ice coverd road and nothing but regret.
You told me to do this.
Why did you lie?
I hate liers.
I know you still want to play.
You show it when i kiss you.
Growing up seperated us.
You are just as ****** up as me.
Don't lie.

Deep inside of me is a voice. Normally i can drown out it's constant talking. Lately the voice has been getting louder and louder. I feel as if soon that voice will spring free. My soul will scream to the sky and let loose the deamons bellowing below. Desire will consume me; my old friend has forced his hand.

A sky, once filled with your clouds from hell, has been replaced with my smoke stacks of lighting - ready to burn down everything you have built.
Dispite how you have ruined me, i refuse to ruin a house built on straws.
Despite how you crumbled me, i won't leave you when you need me most.

That's the differance between me and you.
That's the reason you no longer deserve me.

please don't you go
please please don't you go
fall in love with me
fall in love with me

don't you do it
don't you ever go an do it
im okay today
don't you go an ***** it
I can't stay away
and girl I know you knew it
you abusin how I'm
head over heals for you
head over heals for you
head over heals
every time you leave you know I real
pick the pieces up
one by one
put the puzzle back together
then when I think I'm doin better
you walk back In to the picture
you know I wish I could forget you
I wish I wish I wish
where my shootin star
clouds out tonight
and I cant run that far
ain't no gas up in my car so
come a little closer
let me hold you
let me fall apart
you my casanova
you a feelin poker
you a wall of art
I'm a dog without a collar
I'm a fallen soldier
I'm a hallow heart
I can't I can't I can't
I can't let you go
I can't take it anymore
please don't please don't
please don't you go

Down a dark alley,
Your lies have taken my soul.
Life has become grey.

The stars never shined so bright
Until you were on their other side
Now here I sit on lonely nights
Winding back the clock to a time
When stars didn't shine so bright

And as she spoke
His heart ticked away
Shooting fire through his veins
As if the embers she once ignited in him
Had never gone cold
As if everything in his life
Was leading up to this moment
Her soft spoken words
Echoed for years to come
Those three words he'd heard before
This time he knew it was the last
In a single breath
She built and destroyed his world
Then disappeared into his memories

Depression has me longing for the day that you walk out of my life again because atleast then i'll know why i'm hurting. Life drains me of my soul; you are pumping a desert, demanding water. I love you with everything i have. I hate the way you abuse it.

I have always been alive.
Before i was born, i was inside my parents.
A possibility, destined to become creation.
Before my parents, it was their parents.

I will always be alive.
When i die, i will decompose.
The rock cycle will rejuvinate the earth i occupy.
I will become one with the ever loving earth.

Matter is neither created nor destroyd.
Life is never taken nor given.
Why stay hurt, beat down, broken, when i can become something much bigger?