I started smoking to quit my addiction
It's started to feel like my life is fiction
Where do i go to pay my commision?
I'm ready to go i've hit my limit
"What about everything you'll be missin'?"
Everything is born with a single mission
Survival of the fittest and reproduction
No deeper meaning it's how we're written
Earth doesn't need me in this rendition
Over populated and under provisioned
We need to loose a couple in this position
To most death seems so very distan'
Fearing death is like fearing ******'
Eventually you have to go so listen
Enjoy every moment you're given
Life has no meaning so enjoy your visit
Someday we'll all come to a finish
Extinction is enivitable so just go fishin'

It's hard to understand how i'm feeling. It's as if i'm the first person to ever be paralyzed from the neck down. Around me are people who keep telling me "just get up" or "go take out the trash" then getting angry when they can't understand why. All my friends think i must just hate them, because i never go out and do anything with them. Not because i don't want to, but because i can't.

It's as if i'm drowning in a sea, surrounded by mermaids, who don't understand why i can't "just breathe." These mermaids refuse to let me go back on shore to the other people like me, the people who understand, saying i'll ruin my life if i go back on land.

It's as if depression is viewed not as a condition but as an excuse.

I could always see her soul through her eyes. Those brown rings telling tales of passion. Love had never been so simple. Two kids, frozen in time.

When i first saw you, i saw your soal in your eyes.
A soal that took my breath away.
When i first held your hand, i held safety.
The touch that takes away all thoughts.
When i first heard you say "i love you", i was afraid.
True love is petrifying.

As i lay here in my own self hate, remeniscing on what we used to have, i feel empty.

I wish you would scare me.
I wish i wasn't fearless.

No matter what, i'll still think of you every morning. I can't control it. You are everything my mind longs for. Everything my heart begs for. Everything my body aches for. My feul.

I love unconditionally.
A love that could outlast infinity. Burning stronger than a planet of coal set on fire. Focused only at one, for only one loved back. A true love given, a true love recieved. But then everything changed. The oxygen left. I could not breathe, let alone show my burning love. She left. She returned, only to dump pollution. 1, i still loved her. 2, i didn't mind. 3, for old times sake. 4, i'll just start drinking. 5, i'm hate you. 6, i can't stop drinking. 7, i can't stop hating you. 8, you return.

As if nothing ever happend, i attempt to reignite the fire. A fire without oxygen. A fire without fuel. A fire without heat. A fire in a pool of water.

I used to love unconditionally.

Nothing makes me love like in the old days
Nothing but my old ways
You got me changing all my actions
Now you wonder where my passion
You wonder why i'm slackin
I don't love you like my past man
Cause my past man got put on blast, then
My emotions whent to trash
Now i'm living in the aftermath
Void of all except for clash
My heart's been torn apart and slashed
My brains been turned to **** and bashed
My personality turned into ash

My love whent with my soal when you put it over gas

The freak show is here
Grab your camera
Point and laugh
Join The Crowd

Don't try to help
Don't pretend you care
You'll just join me here
Entertaining The Crowd

Free to watch
But the price is high
You wouldn't care
It's just my life

Let lies cover your pain as you say you cared
You've seen the freak show but you've never been there
If your opinion is minority but your neighbours is gold,
who's life are you ******* living?
"Freak"- more like "Free"

"You only miss me when you're ******"
Like i only breath when i sleep
Or how i'm only smart at school

I don't miss you cause i'm ******
I miss you because i love you
I'm not stupid enough to tell you sober

My garden was once beautiful, filled with the most loveliest of colours. Red for the roses, of witch i particularly loved. Yet as the years go by, my rose bush has wilted; the reminance of nothing but thorns has given me inclination to replant some where else - in a better field, with stronger soil. Yet still i sit, holding on to this old friend, pretending what i loved still exists deep within. Dew drops on my leafy cheeks fall like drizzle rain on a sad sunday afternoon. If only i could learn to let go.

My glass parachute
I love the way you lie
Telling me it will be alright
Just to let me down

Oh, how careless!
Packing up these shards
Expecting not to get cut
I wish i would have listened

Chase, chase, chase
I lust for the thrill
Pump, pump, pump
Nothing like a little blood

**** love
****, love
I love the way you **** me
We're ******, love

Staring at you
Ignoring percaution
You have me captivated
I love ever last hellish second

I saw you today.
I smiled.
Reminiscing on you, and i smiled.
This is new.

You are not mine.
But i smiled.
Because now i will never be yours.
Only mine.

You might hate me.
I don't mind.
I was your punching bag.
And now  i'm all mine.

I smiled today.
The thoughts of you are going away.
As the train prepared to **** my lifeless body,
I smiled.

You took everything when you left.
Now its my turn to leave.
This beauty is all mine.
You will never take this from me.

As the grass grew
I cut it
I didn't think about it
I just shaved it
Again
Again
Again

Have you ever been outside?
It's slow.
Have you ever seen the grass?
It's slow.
I watched the grass for an hour today.
I didn't see any change.
Yet somehow the grass kept growing
Just to get cut down on saterday
Because when grass stops growing,
It dies.

Every week when i cut the grass
I looked in the mirror
I shaved my beard
I didn't see any change
Weeks whent by
I didn't grow
Am i alive?

i can feel you -
everytime i put a hand on my chest.
i feel your breath -
everytime i can't breathe.

we made a dynamic duo, me and you.
you where the batman to my robin.
you where the harley quinn to my joker.
now you're the rachel to my harvey dent..

we where the best of friends.
you caught me when i fell.
you stopped me when i jumped.
you showed me the beauty of being loved.

we where so close..
it breaks my heart to think of the miles.
i miss you buddy.
thanks for being my hero.

The smell of the night make the feelings come fast
Cup full of dels bring the memories back
Im chillin and trippin
Your touch i am missin
Up under these stars my soul found a new mission
Ive already submitted myself to submission
I text you i call you
You bring no response
What the **** happend?
Are memories lost?
Did you forget who brought you up off the falls?
Made you feel happy
And after it all
You said you"d love me till death due us part
Yet im still relapsing
While you party hard

You said together we'd conquer it all
You were the one that made me so strong
*******
I miss you
Back at it again
Caught in the feels that were all just pretend
Why can't you see that this is my end?
Without you i cant seem to find who i am
A lonely boy walking under these stars
Pretending that you still were
(Pause)
who you are (pause)

But you're not.
You're gone.
And i'm still motha ****** here.

At 2 a.m. on a warm summers night, the thought of you still lingers in my head. The smell of that musky roof top brings back more than just memories. It's been years since the last time we've spoke yet i can't help but feel as if i still love you. You were my first. Somewhere, sometime, you'll see these skies and think of me. I'll be sitting here, thinking of you. Reminiscing under lonely stars.

We were in the cell
Coated in shades of orange
I was afraid of her
She was entertained by me

We were in a park
Together, planting flowers
I was entertaining
She was entertained

We were just realesed
Laying in that familiar place
I was madly in love
She wished she could say the same

I was in a cell
Coated in shades of grey
I was madly in love
She had ran away

I finally achieved the woman so many ****** nights and ****** poems were wasted on. I thought this would bring utopia. The hardships have left a taste of malignity in my mouth. I don't want to be in "heaven" any longer.

I feel within me an indescribable warmth.
It is the first kiss; the first love.
The first hello and the last goodbye.
The butterflies that flutterd for days.
The indescribable longing for more.

I feel within me her.
She was my first girl; my first hug.
The emodiement of perfection.
The butterflies that flutterd for days.
The one that stole my heart.

As I lay I stare
Surrounded by the flowers
Blowing gently in
The tall grass
That waves back and forth
Brushing up against me
Like your skin once did

The slight cool breeze
The sun's perfect heat
A comfort on my eyes
From the clouds in the sky
My silent symphony
The closest synonym

for cas ~/ 20 1 7 with the class / 6 on the 10  was the day i saw you last / never thought id walk the stage / never thought you'd walk away / now im runnin every day / seems a step head is where my problems play / hopefully instead of in the sheets in wich we used to stay tonight will be the night i end up in the grave / im ****** Poppin pain pills / just to pass the days / painful ways / whats the point of life if we all pass away / smokin jays / high is how i like to stay / lets my mind run away / not gonna lie / im feelin so blue ~/ think i wanna die / when im here without you / never met a woman that / loved me like you do / **** / ever hear the one about the ***** lettin loose / somthin somthin somthin an~ now the ***** blu / try an crack a joke an hear the silence in the room / when you went away had no idea on what to do / feelin like here lately i been loosin all my moves / the smiles at the party man that mask is never true / i lost my since of self / traded in for wealth /  **** a title belt / problems stay in stealth / i need my ****** baby to keep me livin safely / kept the devil waitin now the due's is what he's taken / i said you must be mistaken see my life already vacant / so he took my one safe haven / yeah the drugs whent with my lady ~/ **** ~/ my life is crazy ~/ my mind is always hazy ~/ clouded with the deprications / getten ****** lazy  ~/ i need to get back out an quite depreciaten / lettin go of contemplatin / **** the need of validation ~/ yeah ~ /think its time to leave you in the past ~/ for cas ~/ my love / no more love ~/ forever always fallin fast ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last

They drugged me to remove depression
Now i'm a druggy just to feel it again
I'll get down just to have direction
I don't know how to deal with being empty

I left her because i didnt feel a thing
When i left i didnt feel a thing
I ****** around and never missed a beat
My heart pounds on like it wasn't ment to be

Nobody understands when i tell the truth
Nobody knows when i tell a lie
I dance with the devil because i don't value life
When people question they don't get why

These thoughts in my mind make it hard to think
So i try to laugh to take away the pain
People always left red in the face
Comedy comes from the darkest place

I don't want to be alive
I don't care if i'm dead
But i find it very hard to die
Without a gun to my head

I quit my swallows for the swallow that the doctor gave me. Never thought i'd see the day they told me getting high would solve my problems. It don't even work no more. I need my self medication.

I've gone from 2 cups to candies.
Whoops.
Took a few too many.
Looks like i'll be chasing ghosts
   ~From when i was a kid.

It's not that you don't love me,
I know that you do;
It's that you didn't love me
Back when i loved you.

Time affects existance, therefor ideas do not exist. Gravity is more delicate than ideas. Give me your money and i will give you bread. Give me your time and i will give you ideas. Evolution began with a daydream.

I saw a muse today.
She didn't see me back.
She was thinking about her muse.
My muse, too, infact.

Hey there ******* get the **** up out the chair because i know that you're not perfect but i don't really ****** care. Today you gon be perfect - quit cha *******, get to smurkin. Get to lurkin ******* you're about to do some hurtin. The meanest ******* looks him right into his eyes when he takes him of his soul and then destroys him of his pride, cause the meanest ******* aint a ***** - he won't go hide, he won't go cry, he'll stick it through, yeah, he'll fight until he's blue. Because the meanest ******* got the ***** of ******* steel he doesn't talk he uses fists and thats what shows that he's for real.

My oldest friend
In those few moments
We share the same breath
Everything is suddenly okay

Your touch is enough
To make everything else numb
Your love is a drug
And I'm still addicted

Time is but a myth
A thought begins to drift
The past I do miss
Though it won't exist again
It still gets under my skin
Reminding me of
The taste of your lips

The city sleep but
im still awake
runnin through my mind
not a canidate
you're the president
i don't want you there
But you resinate
Remember when
You were cryin on my bed
cause i caused you pain
The fact that you still loved me
Is so insane
But
one too many times you
felt this way
even after all this time i'm
still ashamed
wish i could explain
~
Yeah
you were layin on my chest
it was pourin rain
you told me that you loved me
got me shivering
Years flew by still
i felt your butterflies
so down on one knee
swear to god i almost cried
~
Swear to god i almost died
~(64)
Swear you're still my pride
swear you're still my bride
swear i always loved you
Bed's colder on your side
swear if i could change the past
get back to better times
i would leave before it started
cause our future is a crime

our future is a crime
our future is a crime
the way that you once loved me
still playing in my mind
this mental penitentary
stuck me in a bind
Struggle every day just to
keep myself in line
Or keep myself in check
checkin out a bottle boutta
stuff it down my neck
checkin out a model
just like all of my regrets
can't see what's right in front of me
looking at what's next
Greener on the other side
learn to be content
livin in regret
livin aint the best
Dont be mistaken
i aint suicidal yet
just miss my baby girl
Still better than the rest



Live in the day boy
don't live for tomarrow
Love what you have
don't forget it's all borrowed
The past is the past
and the future's tomarrow
All you have is today
won't you put down your sorrow

Memeories haunting
I'm already dead
Half of a year yet
You're still in my head
I just want you gone
But my heart's full of lead
You have moved on
Found a replacement
Four ******* years
You moved on in a tenth
I'm lost without you
I need my Cas

I regret every second I am asleep because nothing hurts more then waking up to find out it was all a lie.
You are not mine.
You don't love me.
It's not three in the morning, you're not asleep beside me with one hand on my chest sending chills of fire straight through every bone, every vein, every single cell of this wretched body.
I am not sober, hearing your voice tell me that you could gaze into my eyes forever, thinking about how badly I want your soal to coexist with mine for the rest of time.
Your breath may not be mine but my thoughts are all yours.
Your touch may not be mine but my memories are all yours.
My infatuation is all yours.
My love is all yours.
My insomnia is all yours.

It's been a while.
All the flowers in our garden are dead.
Our children have moved out.
We barely talk.

It's been a while.
The sky is still damp.
I have to many hoodies.
My fingers are cold.

It's been a while.
I'm still the same.
I saw you the other day.
Everything has changed.

It's been a while.
Not long enough.
I fell in an instant.
It's hard getting up.

It's dark, even though all the lights are on.
I never thought i would end up in this room again.
Trapped, by my own **** self.

I was told to quit drinking, quit the robo.
So they gave me differant, "okay" drugs.
I'd rather be high or wasted.

Why wander aimlessly through this maze?
Whats the point of drawing inside the lines?
Nothing matters when it's over.

Just an other puzzle takes it's place.

I was walking down a broken sidewalk
Heading no where in particular
Always alone, never lonely
When suddenly I stumbled upon a rose
A singular rose
Grown between the cracks
In my broken sidewalk
I stopped to gaze
Afraid of her beauty
She smelled of poison
I plucked her stem
Together we walked
For about a block
Before suddenly,
She wilted.

I see her on the other side of the street.
Growing strong, bold, beautiful.
She's in a meadow, with her kind.
This side walk has never been so lonely.

A drip dropped down my window today.
 I dabbled in doubling the distance.
  The yesterday of tomarrows before,
    Left me stranded in the way.

Love is but a word
Four letters on a page
Said a loud or written down
To me it's all the same

Love is but a feeling
The flutter in the gut
Hold my hand let's walk the sand
Till this feeling's all but none

Love is but a lie
A hope a dream a wish
An uttered word a feeling assured
Till worn and flavourless

True love is but an action
Something that makes no sense
Giving your all expecting nothing at all
In return for your loving gift

With eternal sentiment i sent you a note. "Dear lover, you have my soul." Yet as i sit waiting for response, i relize i wrote the wrong girl.

My life is just like my poetry.

A dissapointment.

You never supported me when i would show my true colours. All you wanted was for me to fly your flag. Play by your rules. I can’t tell between friend and foe any more. This civil war has been dragged on for far too long.

I am a fire.
A mighty fire.
I burn on passion.
You bring me hell.
Hell,
a fire pit of eternal pain.
You bring me a passion that hurts more than any other ****** up lie i have been lead to believe.

Love.
Joy.
Happieness.
Wanting.
Care.
A willingness to sacrifice everything to see you smile.
- The definition of passion.
You give it to me in over doses.

I love you.
So ******* much.
I hate this passion.
Because i am nobody to you.
Just another guy.
Another relationship.
Another "love of my life."
Another ******* lie.

Just a guy from the past.
Living in lost time.
Reminicing to a place Where he felt cared for.
Where he felt that passion.

Passion.
A beast to conquer all.
Brought down by the smallest of things.
Brought down by lies.

My fire is brighter then ever with you.
I love it.
Your touch burns down clouds.
Your absence brings the fire men.

Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe I don't love you.
Just the love you gave me.
Just your passion.

I aint slept sober in a couple days
no wonder why, we split our seperate ways
and that ****'s still on my mind
like will you pick up if i hit your line?
Was it really cause you're gay or was it just our time?
I don't think i can handle nights like this
thinking bout the bottle as an alternative
cause i know i wont sleep but atleast it's not as ****
i know i told you that i quit
and swear to god i was so proud of it
but the sweet release of not feeling a thing
is really tempting me to take a sip
or take a swig maybe chug a bit
maybe two, just for kicks
now im feelin fly
right in my sheets
but i still kinda wanna die
cause my two brain cells left
thinkin bout that feelin i would get
when you were layin on my chest
half brain cells dead
and im still ****** depressed
gave you back my wring and my only picture left
i don't want those memories,
Stuck, trapped in my head
runnin circles like was it all pretend?
Whose to blame?
I know i aint the best
but bonnie i swear, clyde's still right here
we can run away and chase the sunset
or go on down to the board walk, where we last met
get on that ferris wheel, cause i know it wasn't open yet
just don't say goodbye
cause i dont have a next
all i have is an ex's texts that left a mess in my chest still i check and red the dead roses in our envolopes i screen shotted just to choke back tears on later
maybe it's for worse, but maybe it's for better
is the past a curse, or is it a tether
to the ones that ment the most
so we know who we are, how we got there, and all the scars

You told me we were a mistake
an accident that casually happend and
we were nothing but lonely friends
that fooled around time again
but that look in your eyes
from all those lovely times
makes me want to believe
that it wasn't just a waste of life
it wasn't just a wasted drive
down to florida to see my grandparents
out by the ocean side
you make me feel alive

I never knew what it ment to really have a family
but *******, you were my everything
i could make you happy
if you'd only let me in
We would make each other smile
through all the thick and thin
and the closest i get to that these days
Is with a sedatitive
but that won't hold me tight
and tell me everything'll be alright

The first time you buy a painting, it is the pride of your house. You put it on display because this painting made your day. But as days turn into weeks, you get tired of Mistique, the painting of your dreams. You take it off the center spot and put it in a bathroom lot, where its beauty gets defaced and its colours start to fade. But Mistique is still standing. By month ten you've been through more then one painting, and Mistiques sitting in some old bend, remembering it's friend, just waiting for the end.

You're looking for some dread but found Mistique insteand and remember that first friend, who's torn apart by now. You tape a glue and colour it all new but on the inside,

Mistique is already dead.

Don't let your dreams get to far - remember you can't get the gold if you don't know just where you are. Id trade a leg and arm just to get the golden touch, of her heart. I lost a peice of me when she left - she made me bleed and now i feel i need a surgery or a drug or some kind of thing to make me feel like i am next to she - the one that got away. Never will i forget your face. You put me in my place and now i'm stuck forgot how to give a **** about myself. They come first. The ones around. It hurts me way deep down when i see a face i love put on a frown. It's more than just a brown it's a burn. I almost like the way it hurts. Conditioned by repition put me in this disposition so i write this written. I put the decision of who i am in another person's hands. I've lost my promised land. Lost my human rights. I've given up the fight for my life. Can't sleep at night. Round and through - pull it tight - get it done right - the tricky bit is when you get up into it and you start question if the noose is worth the conditions - can't stop now - won't start slippin - stick to the plan - you cant comply to lifes demands - if you dangle there's no repremands - step on down and be a failure yet again - no i can't - i won't do it - head whent through it - **** i blew it - the rope i knew it - broke in two, it - snapped at the base - landed on my face - hit the ground - still choking out - grab my kneck n' pull it out - **** what now - lets over dose like an auschewitz kid just got some chow - take enough to **** a cow - woke up in the icu - full of tubes - right here next to you - the dissapointment shows right through - don't deny it don't even try to hide it you know i know when you're lyin.

Now hush baby brother, dont you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Gotta toughen up my little buba, i told ya
I'll always be with ya in your mind
You'll hear alot of things but hold onto my good side
Dont forget you were my pride
It may feel a little painful, when the rain falls
But i promise the sun will always shine

"Doing nothing's never nothing when it's something with you."

Clocks talking their tick tock disturb the innocent mind of hers.
With nothing but the undefined lying ahead she screams.
The chatter grows louder as the 8th voice grows closer.
Unrealizing her past is a painting on the wall
    Gazed upon by the talkers near by
            The clock falls off at 7:55
                    Shattering on the floor.