Can I hide here with you ?

For I don't know what to do,my fragile soul's in half and my head and heart both choose different paths, let me hide here with you, away from public view, where their eyes can do no damage where my mind remains unravaged.

You cannot break the broken, you can't live in the past, throw that memory away, you cannot let it stay, oh I wish I had the power to change every wasted hour, to knock down this growing tower under which I fearfully cower, in my ball of self regret.

             
                    I can remember:

                Tears that I have shed.

                 Lies that I have said.

                 Pain I have inflicted.

              Oh how I feel conflicted.


But know now this, for it is true, for all the things I can't undo, I'd never regret loving you.

What does happen in the night?,
where restless youths beg for a fight,
where women with all dignity lost, will sell you their services at a cost,

where men will pay for their hunger to sate and tell their wives they're coming home late, where knowing wives are sat at home, waiting by the telephone, hoping he has done what's right, but that's not what happens in the night.

The children cower in their beds, the fear of the night sat in their heads, imagining monsters, causing fright, but that's not what happens in the night.

The children do not know, why mothers eyes are red, why father is not home, tucking them into bed, but father is still searching for that which will excite, for this is what happens, in the absence of light.

At night I imagine you're arms enfold, as it's me I know they wish to hold, at night I weep for words unsaid for kisses un-given and emotions misread, I weep for the fact that you want to love me, I weep for the fact that I am what I be.

Between day and night, choose fight or flight, hide out of sight, shield from the light.

Cocooned in our beds, words trapped in our heads, a poets mind is forming, ideas begin their swarming.

Not conforming
              Lines deforming
                        Minds contorting
                                       Rhymes consorting.

Glaring at the sun as the sun glares back, losing sense of time, my minds lost track, words are all that's left as I piece them in my brain.

                     ˙ǝuɐsuᴉ ʎpɐǝɹlɐ ɯ,I
             ssǝupɐɯ sᴉɥʇ ʇɥƃᴉɟ ooʇ ǝʇɐl oʇ

.                        Thin as a rake
                         No food intake
                      Endless heartache
                        I won't partake,
                     More time does slip
                         Life on a drip,
                      Alone in my head
                       Confined to a bed,
                    
                      My time is passing
                    Unwaivering fasting
                       Mother is crying
                       Body atrophying,

         To my family lying,
                                 That all will be ok.

Though this body will not see the sunrise of another day.

Warmth is what we crave, our hearts fuel to the fire, caressing one another's flesh, taking each other higher, fight my bruising kisses, let me tease you as I mar, that which I do worship, every heartbeat, every scar, cage my hand inside yours, hold me tighter than you dare, constrict around my heart my love, it's open and it's bared.

Beneath this stone there is a heart, it does not beat when we're apart, it does not move, to you I'd prove, my heart remove, its yours to take, but for my sake, to dull this ache, to fill this space that i did make, exchange me yours, there is no clause, there is no test, in me invest, you're heart bequest, our souls coalesce, our love confessed,

                      Forever blessed.

.       What can you do, fight being you?
        Who can I be, if I'm not being me?
      Where can I go if I don't belong home
      Where can i turn when I feel so alone.

I cannot confide, I have too much to hide
I cannot push further what's deep down inside, I protect you from me and the troubles I bring I won't weigh you down I won't let you drown.

I will not let you share the worries that I bear, I will not let you see, the cracked doll that is me.

Numbers,names,faces, what makes you, you?, Is it what others view?, Can you change what others see, make them realise that I am me.

Here I lay, trapped in dismay, the waters rising, I've lost my way, you've run from me, I knew you'd flee, I wish you'd seen the good in me.

I know I am broken, the cracks I can see, I should've tried harder to be who you need, that person is gone, a life lost at sea, you know who I am now, you know the true me, you must understand that this love cannot be, for i am the demon and the demon is me.

Trapped on my pedestal lofted up high, shrouded by darkness, dreaming of sky, let me dance for you're enjoyment, let me pirouette and spin, release me from my prison it's you're jewelry box I'm in.

Wastes of space, we the scapegrace, blank expressions, poker face.

You're my ace, ahead in the race, they're second place, a futile chase.

Stakes growing higher like an untamed fire, their inevitable pyre, situations dire.

Those who were bold, i watched their hands fold, those who seemed braver, i watched as they waivered, as they fretted and regretted, i watched their faces fall, like a delicate house of cards, gingerly balanced, standing tall.

But i have nout to fear, for my secret ace is here, hidden up my sleeve, to which i dearly cleave, they all want to believe, as losing's what they fear, but losing's all they'll get, while my secret ace is near.

Today I felt the urge to fall down a flight of stairs, and when I say fall
I mean,
           jump,
                     plummet
                                   and plunge.

I wanted to feel something, a pain that wasn't already carried within me.

I could imagine the weightlessness I  would have felt as my body relaxed,
how time would have appeared hampered as if altered by my sudden descent.

That numbing pain as each step would buffet my spine and finally the  ominous silence that preludes my last breath while my misery pools around me glistening for all to see.

though sadly...


.             I live in a bungalow

My insecurities are mine, you try to heal but do not feel the insecurities that I conceal, I store them deep within myself, inside a jar upon a shelf, wear a smile braced like a Sheild, protect yourself, fight not too feel.

But you have broke me, mind and soul, kiss the imperfect make me whole, and in return I'll let you see, her who I so wish to be, I'll let you love what I cannot, for you are what I've always sought, perfection in its place a man, with loving eyes and gentle hands.

.                  Bite tear and shred,
               This impulse in my head.

            For the pleasure i do destroy,
               Oh how my fingers bled.

Pretty little teeth, like knives in a pearly sheath, their vicious imprint lingers in the wounds upon my fingers.

                     Bite tear and shred,
                This impulse must be fed.

           No pain too feel it's in my head,
       No pain to feel nerve endings dead.

                    No way i can conceal,
                   my flesh that i do peel,

my Blood starts to congeal,
        my skin it slowly heals.
                        
                           Fresh for another day,
                                    to take my mind away.

When restless​ fingers lead lips astray, in this oddly calming, destructive foreplay.

Take you're worries with you, carry them on your mind, never confront the past, too scared at what you'll find, add it to the mountain that's growing in you're head, you cannot change the past, what you've done or what you've said.

But I can shape my future, and mould my path anew, for in my future there is hope because now I have you.

Smiles are deceitful my eyes tell the truth, what more do you need my face is the proof!

Look closer than that I am but a shell, brimming with Rage, my own personal hell.

believe nothing you see, not even me, for I am the demon and the demon is me.

When will you understand who I am? Will you ever? I hope never, maybe I can hide forever and pretend my mind's together.

When will you see behind my facade, my concealing foundations of which I have laid, the cracks are spreading, I hope you don't see, that I am the demon and the demon is me.

My dad once built a shed out of old doors

Each odd colours he'd collect along his travels, when one grew tired and porous another would take its place

Even the floor was doors

I dreamt of opening them to secret places and posted letters through the slots hoping it would reach them

But they never opened, and all that remained was my father grey and aged in his shed made of doors.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, these words have always made me ponder, would you love me more with the space in between, if i moved far away where i couldn't be seen.

where i could only see you're smile in the presence of a dream, if so those who bid me wake would return me to my ache.

where I'd reach for you at night wondering why you're out of sight, wishing I could hold you tight and know everythings alright

Ive never read a poem that speaks of two hearts that beat even stronger whenever apart, or seen plays of young lovers who flee from eachother, who adore from afar, and forget who they are.

I can feel you're phantom kisses and hear you're absent heart, i relive the happy moment to sooth time spent apart.

Halt! Cried the lovers who tried to reason with the moon, please do not slumber and allow the sun to rise, for moonlight is the only time i see my lovers eyes.

But the moon said to the two it is not in me to stay for my lover is awakening and she brings with her the day.

I am this monster
This monster of rhyme
I hide in the shadows touched by no-one but time
From the deep we have risen and still we do climb
Myself and my conscious this monster of mine

Oh how nice it must be too sleep, to lay in a dream that's mine too keep, to play in a land of my minds own construction, to nest in my bed's slumbering seduction.

But dreams were never meant for me, for when I'm in bed my mind never feels free, its trapped in reality how dearly I plea, howbeit dreams were never meant for me.

Too fearful of what my mind can conjure, fresh tortures to use as the monsters grow stronger, they saunter and strut in the prison that is she, for sweet dreams were never meant for me.

I always try too hard to make everything I do look effortless, I am my own puppeteer, too scared to cut the strings incase I crumble to the floor heaped and pathetic.

I once was the most beautiful poem

But then I exhaled, and with my misted sigh I let go the words that held me to reality

And I flew.

I wish that I could cry for you,
But those days have long since passed and my eyes have shed their last

I wish I wouldn't lie to you,
But from my lips it slips and from my forked tounge, venom drips

Can't fight the tears that aren't welling

Can't wallow in the past and keep dwelling

Maybe you'll find time, to wallow in rhyme

Cause Misery's the poetry I'm sellin

Let god into you're heart they say and put you're faith in him, but what they don't know is that I'm a demon and the devil's already in.

That eternal sleep is what I seek, I dream for a world and a life less bleak, there's truth in the poetry that I speak, for I dream of a life worth living