Never believe that you are anything less than my forever.

I am this monster
This monster of rhyme
I hide in the shadows touched by no-one but time
From the deep we have risen and still we do climb
Myself and my conscious this monster of mine

I wish that I could cry for you,
But those days have long since passed and my eyes have shed their last

I wish I wouldn't lie to you,
But from my lips it slips and from my forked tounge, venom drips

Wastes of space, we the scapegrace, blank expressions, poker face.

You're my ace, ahead in the race, they're second place, a futile chase.

Stakes growing higher like an untamed fire, their inevitable pyre, situations dire.

Those who were bold, i watched their hands fold, those who seemed braver, i watched as they waivered, as they fretted and regretted, i watched their faces fall, like a delicate house of cards, gingerly balanced, standing tall.

But i have nout to fear, for my secret ace is here, hidden up my sleeve, to which i dearly cleave, they all want to believe, as losing's what they fear, but losing's all they'll get, while my secret ace is near.

At night I imagine you're arms enfold, as it's me I know they wish to hold, at night I weep for words unsaid for kisses un-given and emotions misread, I weep for the fact that you want to love me, I weep for the fact that I am what I be.

i drowned once and to this day i still struggle to come up for air.

Trapped on my pedestal lofted up high, shrouded by darkness, dreaming of sky, let me dance for you're enjoyment, let me pirouette and spin, release me from my prison it's you're jewelry box I'm in.

Can I hide here with you ?

For I don't know what to do,my fragile soul's in half and my head and heart both choose different paths, let me hide here with you, away from public view, where their eyes can do no damage where my mind remains unravaged.

Everything has history, take this table, it's legs worn and chipped, it's face stained and ripped, it's fragile frame is shaking, from woodworm now it's breaking

Take this girl, her smile worn and chipped, her face tear stained and stripped, her fragile frame is shaking for her heart is slowly breaking

That eternal sleep is what I seek, I dream for a world and a life less bleak, there's truth in the poetry that I speak, for I dream of a life worth living

Here I lay, trapped in dismay, the waters rising, I've lost my way, you've run from me, I knew you'd flee, I wish you'd seen the good in me.

I know I am broken, the cracks I can see, I should've tried harder to be who you need, that person is gone, a life lost at sea, you know who I am now, you know the true me, you must understand that this love cannot be, for i am the demon and the demon is me.

Behind doors I cannot open with keys that never was, i feed letters through slots hoping they would reach him.

I dreamt that he would consume them and one day emerge, whole.

But the chrysalis never broke, and what couldve been never was.

Warmth is what we crave, our hearts fuel to the fire, caressing one another's flesh, taking each other higher, fight my bruising kisses, let me tease you as I mar, that which I do worship, every heartbeat, every scar, cage my hand inside yours, hold me tighter than you dare, constrict around my heart my love, it's open and it's bared.

Let god into you're heart they say and put you're faith in him, but what they don't know is that I'm a demon and the devil's already in.

I need to be led, say what's to be said, show me how to be as the answer I cant see.

Teach me how to learn, show me to discern or how can I expect to be the true reflection that I see.

We live in our chaotic harmony it all seems so clear, we cut our teeth on others weakness cowered behind our fellow fears.

I dance between the spaces you create, the air you shift, my music.

What does happen in the night?,
where restless youths beg for a fight,
where women with all dignity lost, will sell you their services at a cost,

where men will pay for their hunger to sate and tell their wives they're coming home late, where knowing wives are sat at home, waiting by the telephone, hoping he has done what's right, but that's not what happens in the night.

The children cower in their beds, the fear of the night sat in their heads, imagining monsters, causing fright, but that's not what happens in the night.

The children do not know, why mothers eyes are red, why father is not home, tucking them into bed, but father is still searching for that which will excite, for this is what happens, in the absence of light.

Numbers,names,faces, what makes you, you?, Is it what others view?, Can you change what others see, make them realise that I am me.

Take you're worries with you, carry them on your mind, never confront the past, too scared at what you'll find, add it to the mountain that's growing in you're head, you cannot change the past, what you've done or what you've said.

But I can shape my future, and mould my path anew, for in my future there is hope because now I have you.

My minds in the gutter surrounded by clutter of that which I throw away, each night it returns and still my heart yearns for sleep that wont keep me awake.

Halt! Cried the lovers who tried to reason with the moon, please do not slumber and allow the sun to rise, for moonlight is the only time i see my lovers eyes.

But the moon said to the two it is not in me to stay for my lover is awakening and she brings with her the day.

Our souls will remain within the husk of our mortal sleeves, never to interlace, and it shall be a divine and universal mercy

My insecurities are mine, you try to heal but do not feel the insecurities that I conceal, I store them deep within myself, inside a jar upon a shelf, wear a smile braced like a Sheild, protect yourself, fight not too feel.

But you have broke me, mind and soul, kiss the imperfect make me whole, and in return I'll let you see, her who I so wish to be, I'll let you love what I cannot, for you are what I've always sought, perfection in its place a man, with loving eyes and gentle hands.

.       What can you do, fight being you?
        Who can I be, if I'm not being me?
      Where can I go if I don't belong home
      Where can i turn when I feel so alone.

I cannot confide, I have too much to hide
I cannot push further what's deep down inside, I protect you from me and the troubles I bring I won't weigh you down I won't let you drown.

I will not let you share the worries that I bear, I will not let you see, the cracked doll that is me.

I always try too hard to make everything I do look effortless, I am my own puppeteer, too scared to cut the strings incase I crumble to the floor heaped and pathetic.

I once was the most beautiful poem

But then I exhaled, and with my misted sigh I let go the words that held me to reality

And I flew.

My dad once built a shed out of old doors

Each odd colours he'd collect along his travels, when one grew tired and porous another would take its place

Even the floor was doors

I dreamt of opening them to secret places and posted letters through the slots hoping it would reach them

But they never opened, and all that remained was my father grey and aged in his shed made of doors.

Just because you die in your dreams doesn't mean it has to be a nightmare.

These poems are just words I write to help pass sleepless nights, for when you're hearts not close and the sky has lost its lights.

Smiles are deceitful my eyes tell the truth, what more do you need my face is the proof!

Look closer than that I am but a shell, brimming with Rage, my own personal hell.

believe nothing you see, not even me, for I am the demon and the demon is me.

.                  Bite tear and shred,
               This impulse in my head.

            For the pleasure i do destroy,
               Oh how my fingers bled.

Pretty little teeth, like knives in a pearly sheath, their vicious imprint lingers in the wounds upon my fingers.

                     Bite tear and shred,
                This impulse must be fed.

           No pain too feel it's in my head,
       No pain to feel nerve endings dead.

                    No way i can conceal,
                   my flesh that i do peel,

my Blood starts to congeal,
        my skin it slowly heals.
                        
                           Fresh for another day,
                                    to take my mind away.

When restless​ fingers lead lips astray, in this oddly calming, destructive foreplay.

Today I felt the urge to fall down a flight of stairs, and when I say fall
I mean,
           jump,
                     plummet
                                   and plunge.

I wanted to feel something, a pain that wasn't already carried within me.

I could imagine the weightlessness I  would have felt as my body relaxed,
how time would have appeared hampered as if altered by my sudden descent.

That numbing pain as each step would buffet my spine and finally the  ominous silence that preludes my last breath while my misery pools around me glistening for all to see.

though sadly...


.             I live in a bungalow

When will you understand who I am? Will you ever? I hope never, maybe I can hide forever and pretend my mind's together.

When will you see behind my facade, my concealing foundations of which I have laid, the cracks are spreading, I hope you don't see, that I am the demon and the demon is me.