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3.7k · Nov 2015
Feeble Anchor
AndSoOn Nov 2015
In hard times, I used to forget myself ;
Caring became my escape from reality.
They weren't here for me, so I became their remedy,
The anchor, the one thing I wanted for oneself.

Now that hard times are finally behind me,
They don't need the anchor anymore.
Too content, I'm not what they look for
Maybe because I'm not available like I used to be...

And I still wet my eyes for manipulative people
Because I grieve my so-called friends and the old me.
I accept, again, that I've been used by somebody.
My heart aches, again, ashamed of having been feeble.
2.8k · Mar 2016
Overdue Fatigue
AndSoOn Mar 2016
As I open my eyes,
My body starts aching.
The fatigue is my prize
For this overdue awaking.

I've overused my body
I gave too much away
To help others be
When I couldn't find a way.

So I lay here still
Because everything hurts
And I have to pay the bill
Now that what's left of me is inert
2.6k · Mar 2015
Softness
AndSoOn Mar 2015
Who said being wrecked doesn't allow one to smile ?
Who said **** like that !?*


Softness is not a weakness ; it is a strength.
Maybe one doesn't notice anymore but this world
is cruel. Softness allows people not to notice that cruelty.
A smile in the early mornings, a gentle touch when you feel down,
A hand after a fall, a hug when loneliness is one's only friend,
Love whenever one needs it. Softness. Courage. Caring.

Softness when one doesn't wait for a payback. When it is from
Pure altruism. Altruism, a rare quality that can quickly be a weakness.
Simply because that strength one must tame, is tiering. The courage to
give everything and not wait for anything back… Softness.
Sadly, to integrate that softness into one's life, it means that,
That one has been wrecked before, that one knows the cruelty of our world to be able to be caring, loving, supportive.

And then comes softness. When one can smile and still be wrecked. When one makes you the priority before oneself. When one can give you a hand after a fall. When one hugs you so tight all the broken pieces come back together. When one loves you no matter what. One's soft.
Softness. Is. Not. A. Weakness. It is pure altruism and pure caring.
It takes courage and bravery. It is a strength hard to handle. And it is rare.
Someone told be that I was weak because I cared too much, because I was too soft. That person told me that the world was going to eat me up. I don't care. My life doesn't matter anymore. The people I love matter and I'll be soft and caring and loving and maybe weak if that can keep them safe. I still don't think I'm weak: I'm just strong enough to notice cruelty and care about it.
2.5k · Jan 2014
Are you ready ?
AndSoOn Jan 2014
Who knows what it means
To feel lonely ?
Who knows what it is,
In the mystery,
Being left apart
With your broken soul ?

My unsaved mind
Is nothing more
Than an unsaved man
During a cruel war.
And if you were the one,
Can you make me smile ?

Look around dear !
I suffered enough.
What you see here:
Is it safe enough
For my weak body
And my lonely soul ?

I know you like me
But are you ready
To take care of me:
A wrecked body
With special needs
And a lack of love ?
2.0k · May 2014
Peaceful rain
AndSoOn May 2014
Have you ever felt this weird sensation of happiness ?
When it does rain, I feel it. I hear it. I watch it.
The sound of the rain is a peaceful noise, rare and fragile.
Its fragility make it beautiful and mostly essential.

In my bed, alone, I feel alive when there's a storm.
I feel protected. I feel this unexplainable feeling:
I love the rain for that. It is, for sure, the only element
That can make me peacefully smile.

That kind of people are called : ombrophiles
Like the rain forests, or plants that need rain to survive.
In that case, I'm a rain forest or an ombrophile.
My happiness survives thanks to the sound of the rain

I love its sounds but I hate being under
I can't handle being wet, being vulnerable.
But still, in my bed, a storm is my best dream.
I don't know what's yours but I hope it makes you happy as much as rain does for me.
1.7k · Sep 2016
So beautiful
AndSoOn Sep 2016
"There is nothing more beautiful than
A pink, orange, blue, yellow, purple sky of autumn."

There is so many things more beautiful than you.
1.7k · Dec 2018
falling, failing ...
AndSoOn Dec 2018
a night, one warm summer evening
strong lyrics, songs we listen to,
thinking about each other, not wanting to admit it

one touch, one kiss
a lots of alcohol, no judgment, candid talks
not wanting to change, afraid to loose it all

hard, dark, twisted life
pain and sorrow, kind smiles and honesty
fear, terror, panic attacks

us, in a little box, far away for life
warm and cozy, alone, safe
on one's own and cold, sad then tired
1.2k · Aug 2016
Hopeless Dreams
AndSoOn Aug 2016
Let's say the world is magnificent
Elaborated, impressive, simply beautiful.
A world we dare to dream about
In which we dare to live.

So let's say it exists,
And that I live as you and me,
That the love we share in the future
We dare to share it in this world.

Let's say I'm not alone tonight,
And that I dedicate my life to them.
In this world I dared to have children
I dared to marry you.
The thing I want cannot be wanted in this world
Because it is way to messed up for me to dare to dream, at all.
1.2k · Nov 2014
Composition
AndSoOn Nov 2014
C’était encore un de ces mois incertains, indécis, entre l’hiver et le printemps. Comme s’ils avaient choisi de nous laisser dans ce froid fatiguant , tout en nous permettant de redécouvrir les couleurs de la nature, Mars, et peut-être Avril, étaient mes mois favoris. Par ma fenêtre, je voyais la nuit endormir en douceur le monde extérieur. C’était encore tôt. L’été s’approchait et la nuit se faisait de plus en plus tardive. Quelques fois, j’hésitais : étais-ce un supplice ou un bonheur ?  La nuit était pour moi un cocon où le froid, les cris et les colères n’étaient pas présents. Et soudain, le vent soufflait dans le jardin, forçant le bois de mes murs à résister, comme pour repousser cet air presque violent. Je souris encore en entendant le craquement du bois contre le vent. J’avais ce sentiment de paix. Peut-être était-ce moi qui redécouvrait les petits plaisirs de la vie ou tout simplement le bois qui me montrait son soutien et sa présence par un petit chuchotement comme un signe de vie. Dans ces moments, je m’enterrais dans mes duvets d’hiver que Maman allait bientôt remplacer par d’autres moins chauds. Que je détestais ces duvets si froids, si plats et si peu accueillants. Mais pendant le mois de mars, ou le mois d’avril, je pouvais encore me blottir dans les gros bras de ma couette. La solitude en devenait moins pesante. Il y avait moi, le bois, le vent, mon duvet.

Ce que je préférais c’était les orages. En plus du vent, les murs de ma chambre devaient combattre la pluie et le tonnerre. Ce concert de bruits naturels était un de mes meilleurs somnifères. Ma chambre était sous les toits. Elle l’est encore. Allongée sur mon lit, je me laissais bercer par la fatigue, perdant mon regard de plus en plus lourd dans les lattes du plafond. Le bruit de la pluie résonnait si délicieusement dans le cocon que je m’étais construit. La pluie sonne encore comme autrefois : un bruit de clavier ou de triangle. C’était un bruit exquis, rare et faible. Elle était là la beauté de ce son. Sa faiblesse le rendait indispensable. Les instruments à vent s’ajoutaient avec magie, suivis des percussions tremblantes créées par le tonnerre. Et l’orchestre devenait apaisant. Je pouvais sentir la pluie s’infiltrer entre les tuiles. Je l’entendais glisser comme au ralentit jusqu’à ce qu’une goutte imaginaire tombe sur mon visage.

Je n’arrivais jamais à complètement apprécier ces moments. J’avais tant envie qu’ils durent à jamais que je résistais au sommeil jusqu’à en souffrir. La fatigue avait cette force que la pluie et le vent ne possédaient pas. Elle pouvait me rendre si lourde et si crispée. En m’en souvenant, je la trouve en quelques points perverse. Elle est à la fois celle qui vous endort et celle qui vous maintient éveillé. Je ne pouvais que garder les yeux ouverts tellement l’envie d’écouter ces sons merveilleux m’obsédait. Mon corps se fatiguait à défaut de pouvoir se crisper. Et je devais abandonner, dans l’espoir que le beau temps ne s’attarde pas. Malgré cela, je pouvais encore rester là, à peine présente, perdue entre la léthargie de mon corps et la vivacité de mon esprit. Je pouvais imaginer avoir les yeux ouverts, les oreilles attentives. Enfin, la paix reprenait le dessus.
Inspired by Proust
1.0k · Sep 2015
*Feelings*
AndSoOn Sep 2015
They are not that many
And it's already too much for me
Their name is heard so often
Supposedly for our heart to get soften

As they took my heart as a hostage,
I am loosing sleep and courage.
They frighten me, daily, nightly,
What is the ransom going to be ?

I either will be scared to life
And hide myself behind bars
Or I'll open up… Even though
I'll get hut, for what I know…
994 · Nov 2015
Everything, Anything ...
AndSoOn Nov 2015
I have everything I've always wanted
But the feeling doesn't go away.
My eyes, my heart, my head are exhausted
I'm not used to feeling okay.

And those moments, when I feel like crying,
When I close my eyes and feel alone,
They haunt me down, and I'm shivering,
Scared that those problems will always be my own.

Life has never been perfect to me
And I don't believe in miracle.
How crazy would it be to be free
Of feeling afraid, lost, horrible ... ?
943 · May 2015
An Unrealistically Optimist
AndSoOn May 2015
As pure as water can be, in an affluent and wealthy country,
My soul has a Cornelian dilemma when it comes to purity.

How can we be good people when we live so easily?
Innocents are dying of thirst and I take a bath every other day.

Does it really count if one buys organic and fair-trade items,
When it is that easy, that accessible, and they are still hungry over there?

But what else are we allowed to do, that is not too compelling?
What can our money do, when all it does now constrain others?

I try every day to be as good, as pure, as I am able to
Though I still feel futile, small... and unrealistically optimistic.
I wish everyone has the same chances, the same possibilities, when it comes to one's life. Our world is still so unfair, but, I still believe in us. One day, we'll all be equals despite our skin color, our sexuality, our gender... even our species.
938 · Mar 2016
Des Jours Comme Ça
AndSoOn Mar 2016
Y a des jours où ça n'va pas
Aujourd'hui est un jour comme ça.
On a beau se dire: "Souris".
Il y a des jours qui sont ainsi.

Oui mais non, moi ça ne va pas.
Des jours avec, et des jours comme ça.
Aujourd'hui, je pleure et je ris
Le plus souvent seule dans mon lit.

Y a des jours qui sont comme ça.
Des jours où rien ne va.
Et pour moi c'est aujourd'hui
Et ce sera demain aussi...
it's like a song when the only thing I can do is cry
910 · Aug 2022
Slow love
AndSoOn Aug 2022
All I wanted was to fast track the pain
When you made me slow down
In a world where everything goes by
At the speed of light

Following your rhythm allowed me to heal
Even tough I missed writing, you taught me
That all takes patience when it needs to surmount
The trials of life

I’ve known passionate love, trahison, heartbreaks
But I never knew I deserved a slow love
A partner caring enough for my wings
So I could fly freely and supported
897 · Apr 2016
Let It All Go
AndSoOn Apr 2016
You can just let go
You can let it all go
No one is gonna be mad
We will just be sad

Missing you is gonna be hard
But you're gonna run in heaven's yard
Letting you go is even more
Nobody will resent you, we swore

You are finally hiding your eyes
Even so little, you are so wise
You closed them, and smiled
And we love you, little child
756 · Jan 2014
Prose
AndSoOn Jan 2014
Le jour n'est pas levé, mais je regarde le ciel comme s'il était ensoleillé.
J'ai pleins d'espoirs et de rêves. Pas seulement pour aujourd'hui, mais aussi pour demain.
J'ai les yeux mouillés d'une rude nuit pleine d'étoiles filantes.
Je ne veux rien, je ne veux que moi. Je veux tout. Je ne veux rien.

Le jour est levé, mais je regarde le ciel comme s'il faisait nuit.
J'avais pleins d'espoirs et de rêves. Pas seulement pour ce matin, mais aussi pour demain.



The sun is not up, but I'm watching the sky like it was sunrise.
I'm full of hopes and dreams. Not only for today but also for tomorrow.
My eyes are wet of a rude night full of shooting stars.
I don't want anything, I just want myself. I want everything. I want nothing.

The sun is up, but I'm watching the sky like it was night.
I was full of hopes and dreams. Not only for today but also for tomorrow.
756 · Feb 2016
Trapped In Lost Thoughts
AndSoOn Feb 2016
I feel trapped
In a mind unable to decide
In a body not capable of saying no
In a torrent of unreachable thoughts

I am trapped
In a unwanted life and situation
In a perfect relationship
With a man I admire

It's a trap
Because it went too fast
Because I feel it wasn't a choice
Because I don't know !

And I feel lost
In a world too big and too small
In a place where I meet him everyday
In a room that is supposed to be home
754 · Sep 2017
To Please
AndSoOn Sep 2017
I have looked, over and over,
I've screened my body
I don't like what I see.

I stopped eating and blamed myself,
It changed bit by bit
And I still do not like it...

I have been told I'm too much,
I'm too dark, too broken
I want to change my image.

I stopped talking and blamed myself
People do like me more this way
But I started writing again...

Then I understood :
I don't have to please others
When I'm the one living with myself.
AndSoOn Aug 2015
I am tired, physically
Feeling my mental exhaustion.
The rhythm of my life takes me
Where I would rather not go:
Places embraced by a fog of fatigue,
While I experience moments of weirdness.

It taught so much, about myself, about us.
It took so much, of my time, energy, and personnality.
Is it enough, and does it worth it ?
Because giving myself to others is scary....
Am I able to retrieve what I gave
When I am free of responsibilities ?

I am not certain, because I feel loneliness.
I feel that there isn't that many people like us.
I feel we are left to ourselves, and being not able
To ask for help, when it comes to recomposing.
Recomposing ourself. Resourcing our batteries, so,
When our weekends end, we could go back to helping others.
649 · Apr 2015
"Home"
AndSoOn Apr 2015
Where I am supposed to be safe and sound,
It is where I am everything but fine.

I have a homeless heart, filled with mixed feelings,
And a house full of ungrateful human beings.
They make my house seem dark and twisted
And every time I am home, I feel homeless and tired.
I hope to feel fresh, and loved, and surrounded.
But my heart needs to flee again, to be well.

So I wake up late, and go to sleep early, to flee the darkness
Of my house, my supposed-to-be home, my nightmare.
So I leave early, and come home late, to leave the darkness
Behind me, buried in the warmth of my bed that is no longer safe.
So I love, as much as I may, the moments I share with friends.
So I count my breaths not to panic again, and I hide, hide, hide,
Deep in my mind, the scares, the scars and the dark thoughts
That haunt my soul every single time I spend in my house.

But I can still protect my secrets and myself from the world
In the cocoon, this safe I built ; in my bedroom, my sanctuary.
Still I need to move it far away from here, where I'll be able to be.
Where I'll be safe and sound, and everything but sad.
Then I'll fly like bees, free, and protected by myself.
I'll fly far away where buildings scratch the sky,
Where months ago, I found my home and heart.
629 · Nov 2015
Guardian Of Your Walls
AndSoOn Nov 2015
And he would say:**
"I'll be here everyday,
Be certain I'll be
The walls of your heart,
Its lock and its key.
I promise I'll be
Guardian of your soul,
Like queen to her bee.
I would close your eyes
Keeping your beauty
From any other guys.
And there'll never be
Another depression
If by your side, it's me.
So I'll always be
The one standing proud
Next to you, baby."
627 · Apr 2015
A Mother To Those She Loves
AndSoOn Apr 2015
In her mind, she is an innocent girl.
Still, on the outside, you see a woman.
She may look advised, strong, even human,
But she is some fragile and untouched pearl.

Her mind, hidden by her soft looks and eyes,
Has been darkened by her thoughts, by her life.
Others ask for advices on their strife
Knowing she is as altruistic as wise.

She considers herself unimportant,
Others being more deserving than her.
Overtime, one can see she's a mother;
Always there, it became your true constant.
AndSoOn Aug 2015
Tomorrow, I will finally start living
Truly, fiercely, without any dark thoughts.

Tomorrow, I may finally live my life of no importance,
Enjoy the wind, breezing through my golden hair,
Love the different colors the sky can show me,
Embrace the love from kind strangers I will meet,
Adore all those stunning sounds Nature can play
And I may be liking myself, carrying out my promises.

Tomorrow, I promise to finally start living
Truly, fiercely, without any dark thoughts.

But let this be tomorrow, let me doubt tonight again.
Used to those dark thoughts, I could feel myself vanish,
In this happiness I dream about, and fear at the same time.
Let it happen tomorrow, let me wake up with a smile,
One that will surprise me, astonish me by its strangeness.
Let the unknown pleasure of being pleased and alive come, tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I promise I will live, truly, fiercely,
And leave those dark thoughts at your door.
608 · Jan 2016
Crying like Me
AndSoOn Jan 2016
It's been a week,
and I'm still crying
For no good reason,
just because I'm me.

That's new to you,
and you're lost in my feeling
The one that pushes,
me into my depression.

Be sure I see,
all the efforts you're doing.
Be sure I know,
it's hard to when you don't understand

And when you held me
in your arms tonight,
A bit of the pain
went away.

And when you held me
tonight,
I finally understood
what didn't make cry
606 · Apr 2016
Rose
AndSoOn Apr 2016
If I'd a little girl
I would call her Rose
Because it's light
And the world is missing some

I'd tell her to love
And simply be simple
And humble
Because the world needs some

If I had a little girl
I would call her Rose
Tell her to simply be herself
So the world can understand

I'd call her Rose
To flower the beds of our dead,
To bring a simple, kind little thing
In a world missing so much love
The world would be a much nicer place with less stupid rich egoistic people and more simple kind caring loving ones
598 · Jan 2014
You
AndSoOn Jan 2014
You
If only you knew
Those feelings I have for you.
If only I knew
Do you miss me as I miss you ?
If only you knew
The sadness in my eyes when I think of you
If only I knew
Where does it go with you ?
If only you knew
The black side of my mind that is you
If only I knew
How to not believe in you ?
If only you knew


*I love you ?
587 · Sep 2015
Those Forgotten Dreams
AndSoOn Sep 2015
We all have dreams
Some we remember, some we forget,
Some we hold on to.

I have sensitive dreams too,
Just enough of them to make me one of us.
I dream about love, cuddles, kisses.

We all have the right to hope,
Hope that those dreams make sense,
And still hoping when they come to reality

Because we never see them come true
Loving having dreams, we often lose focus.
And the dreams we dream about, fade away.

They slip away, in front of us
Because we aren't paying attention
To those dreams which came true

We all have too many dreams,
Some are too small, some are forgotten,
Some are reality now, most are too big.
581 · Dec 2015
Seashores
AndSoOn Dec 2015
Along the shores of your mind,
You were passing by, watching the stars.
In the sky, the storm made you blind,
And your emotions became your prison bars.

The waves of feeling are still flushing away hope,
And all you are seeing is blue.
The memories are gone, so you scope
For a nicer view.

Seeing a bright light, across border,
You run for it and the dark fades away.
The sun on your skin, feeling no disorder,
You try again to swim in the unknown bay.

The weather is calm again
And you finally foresee something.
And the water is so clear after this hurricane,
That you can feel and see what is coming.
569 · Jul 2015
Where Do I Go From Now?
AndSoOn Jul 2015
I know,
I have friends.
Still,
I feel alone.
I know,
I kind of have a family.
Still,
They keep running away.
I know,
I am loved.
Still,
It keeps getting less and less.
I know,
There may be light left.
Still,
I leave in the shadow of my life.
I know,
I can still find positive aspects in life.
Still,
It keeps being harder and harder.

So,
Where do I go from now ?
I know,
I keep going backwards.
Still,
I hope the wind will turn,

And I may be truly smiling again,
In a few days, weeks, months or years.
549 · May 2016
Fake
AndSoOn May 2016
How well can you fake a smile ?
Could you beat me at this game ?
Cause I've had years of training,
But I'd gladly pass my crown.

Tired of being tired
And so angry at myself
My heart needs a break, or else
I might let myself drown again

I don't bother anymore
I just fake my happiness
Loneliness replaced my friends
And I don't care anymore...
549 · Dec 2018
Luciole
AndSoOn Dec 2018
She said: you're the light within yourself
Keep the fire burning
You are going to sparkle through your life
And I'll be there to watch
Your one true love is the one person you won't live without because you became family the minute you met.
516 · Nov 2014
Real or not, I'll smile.
AndSoOn Nov 2014
You may be real,
You may be not,
I may be a fool,
I may be a dreamer …

If you're real, I beg you ;
I'm just a girl who's trying to be with you !
If you're not, I'll smile.
I just had the most beautiful dream of my life.

If you're real, I'll tell you,
Everything.
How bad I am, how lost I am,
How lonely I am.

And I'll try to be honest,
I'll try to be true.
Because, … what do I have left to loose
When I've already lost everything.

I'll smile,  I'll smile at you
Even if you're real, or just a dream.
I'll smile because
*It may be the thing I have left.
510 · Feb 2016
I'm Not Perfect
AndSoOn Feb 2016
You're perfect
And I'm not
I don't know why
Or how
But I can live
Without you

I love you
And it is not
Enough
But I tried
I tried so bad

And I still can
live without
You
494 · Apr 2015
Bedtime Story
AndSoOn Apr 2015
Like a little girl, locked in her ivory tower,
I am lost in my thoughts, all alone.
The expiry date is exceeded and I'm no longer that baby girl.
As the adult woman I am supposed to be,
I am lost in time, hoping someone will rescue me.
Someday, I'll no longer be a nice and young woman.
Someday, it will only be my wrecked soul and tired body.

Still, inside, the little girl is waiting.
She does not care about that expiration date; she believes.
She believes she has a lot to offer to that cruel world outside.
Each night, she grabs her Teddy and cuddles it.
She looks at her window, at the stars, and believes.
One day, somebody will come and take Teddy's place.
Someday, some prince will come and tuck her into sleep.

On another side of my mind, the woman wants to be wise.
She needs to stop dreaming about a prince and get up.
Music in her ears, she listens to true lyrics and sits back.
Why did she never had that same chances of true love?
Why is everybody so in love, or even broken up?
So, the woman opens her eyes and plans things she'll never do.
She plans how to get on her feet again, how to be a grown up,
How to live, learn to have fun… and meet her prince.

*And I believe.
Also, I dream.
But most certainly, I hope.
And that makes me weak enough to go to sleep.
491 · Aug 2015
Already Today
AndSoOn Aug 2015
It is already today
A today nobody wishes is that day.
It is already boring, long, painful,
A today we endure as fools.

We all behave like lemmings
And you follow like sheep, without even thinking.
Where is your critical mind?
Or am I the only one caring about our ****** up kind?

Today is that day, cry on it.
And we are ****** at ****
**** we created, made, encouraged without thinking
While we kept being fools with no reasoning

From that day, there isn't a plus
Children are more likely to die before us
Sky is blue now, but what about tomorrow ?
What about when today is tomorrow…
489 · Feb 2016
Did he suffers ?
AndSoOn Feb 2016
Our actual presence here is mystery
And do we really want to know
Why we live, why we die ?
Is it really worth it ?

I'm confronted to death all the time
My work englobes taking care of pain
But I can't manage mine
And now, I'm the family of the dead.

What do say to someone who's now alone ?
Where do we go after we're dead ?
"Did he suffer, when he died ?" How do I know ?
And why do we really want to know ? What if it's yes ?

What is life ? What's the purpose of living?
Don't you wanna try, living a dead's life ?
What does he see now, where did he go ?
I just wish him to be in peace.
He died. That leaves me with a lots of questions. Sorry, the structure is messy, just as my mind right now.
489 · Jun 2017
I Hope
AndSoOn Jun 2017
I hope you're okay
That someone holds your hand
Just to remind you
You are worth it

I hope you're loved
That someone calls you up
Just to say "good morning"
You deserved it

I hope you're joyful
That someone hugs you every night
Just to make you feel
You are whole again

I'm sorry it isn't me
But I'd be useless
To help you get up when
I'm the one who brings you down
477 · Sep 2017
Not a Bad Word
AndSoOn Sep 2017
Life expect you to fit in
But you feel like afterthought
As you were not meant to win
Summer led you to a naught

Then, we welcomed the cold back
And they all left like the birds
Even though it is all black
Alone isn't a bad word

The light will come back in waves
'Til you grab it for your sake
I promise you ; join the braves
And you alone will not ache
453 · Jan 2014
Tired
AndSoOn Jan 2014
When I'm so tired but I don't want to go to sleep
I just fight against myself, trying to stay awake.
Into my mind, I just watch, I 'm falling deep
Into my body, but still, I feel no ache.

When I'm so tired that I don't feel anything
I just try to inspire me and let me dream.
I may be a bird, even with a broken wing
I may be a storm, even follow your stream.

I'm a butterfly who lives one day long
I'll die every nights, I'll reborn every mornings.
My life is a carpe diem, but not so strong
I fake everyday, I'm fake for you beings.

You, earth, God, Jesus, Allah: observe !
Whatever you name is, my lord,
Give me back what I deserve
There is nothing more than I can afford.
447 · Aug 2015
All In
AndSoOn Aug 2015
In the shades of my life,
You've been the light I've been waiting for.
Your hand on my thigh,
Your head against mine,
Us cuddling through the dark night,
This late, one morning, on a journey.

I'm so afraid, to be broken again.
But I tell myself your touch is worth
Worth a billion fears and a billion years...
Your eyes into mines,
Your smile when you try to titillate me
Your jokes, as funny as they are.

It reflects you. And I'm all in.

And it's not much,
It is just me: a broken girl who fixed herself.
It isn't much at all,
And you probably deserve more.
But my mind isn't right since I met you
And I keep thinking of you.
446 · Oct 2015
Stressed
AndSoOn Oct 2015
I've got this ball inside my stomach
I've got my breathing rhythm so high
I've got giddiness, like I'm going to die
I've got the heart, like it's having an attack.

I'm trying so hard, and I speak too fast...
So, I'm creating trouble, and I'd like to be careful
I'm not mean, always trying to be respectful.
But who am I, trying to change the past ?

Even when I know I'm not alone,
I can't stop thinking I'll be left
And I'll be lying down, bereft.
I'm broken as ****, it will be known
445 · May 2016
Hometown
AndSoOn May 2016
I heard my mother cry today
Any sounds can't be worse then this.
Again, it pushed me down all the way
So tears flowed down my cheeks

She is my hero, strong and loving
And today they brought her down
So I'm here, writing, and crying...
Because I'm far away from hometown.
AndSoOn Feb 2016
You loved me so much
You refused to believe who I really am
And you belittled the true me
To make me at your false image of myself

I loved you so much
I started to believe that art, poetry and me
We were becoming really futile
And I lost myself in the process of pleasing you

You didn't understand
And you did not really try
I was not angry then
But I'm just angry now.

Because when I ended it
You lost yourself in the process of leaving me
And you're trying to get to me,
To the idea of me, yourself thought I was

So understand someting:
I am a true independent self
I am a tortured artist, writer and poet
And I ******* love who I became !
We broke up
He keep thinking I'm lost without him. I keep getting angry at him.
431 · Nov 2015
Scary
AndSoOn Nov 2015
I'm in love with a man
One who doesn't speak too fast
One who thinks I'm precious
One who knows how to wait

I'm in love with a man
And I'm feeling free to be me
And I'm feeling loved for being me
And he makes me feel like I'm enough

I'm in love with a man
He knows I can't talk about It
He knows It will upset him
He knows I'm so fragile, I might break
430 · Oct 2016
Quote
AndSoOn Oct 2016
L’amour est le bras qui soutient celui qui trébuche, mais aussi la main qui s’ouvre pour laisser prendre son envol à celui qui a soif de liberté.*


[ Elaine Hussey ]
My mother wrote it on my birthday card. I love her.
425 · Jul 2015
He and She aren't a They
AndSoOn Jul 2015
She is alone in a life that was chosen for her
She tries to accept the consequences of her existence
He was alone before his eyes met hers
He tried hard to keep a correct distance

But what if, in another reality, they were meant to be
But what if, in their dreams, they dedicate their lives to them
But if only their together was not only a dream but a reality
But if only, in this ultimate reality, they could speak as a they

Life is unfair, most of the time, for infinite reasons
Alone is her only solution, even if he exists
He knows it, too well sometimes, for the same reasons
And alone she will be, even if she knows he is missed
AndSoOn Jun 2016
Tonight I miss home
I miss my friends
I miss myself
I miss being not alone

At my window, looking outside
I wish I could jump
Fly above the lake, mountains and seas
Join the big Apple...

Because I hate when it ends
But I just wish it to end
So I can move on
Across seas and oceans
AndSoOn Apr 2015
I like those days, when I'm eager to see
The world changing and I following it.
The light is pale, vulnerable and free
And I'm adjusting, trying hard to fit.

I have been through long crisis, and messes.
Even then, the hardest ones were the best
Since I woke up stronger, with no regrets,
Full of weak hopes, and a soul free of cleft.

I like those days, when I'm seeing myself
Healing, recovering from unfairness.
I'm fighting to fit in, against myself,
Prejudices, judgments or sternness.

I will fight until I will fall again.
Because I know for sure life is unfair:
I've been a witness, and I will feel pain
And hope for best in the deepest despair.
402 · May 2015
Let Them Fly
AndSoOn May 2015
Your mind is full of words,
Your stomach of butterflies
Let them out, let them fly,
Let's open your mind to the outside

Try hard to be fine on your own
Your sadness will melt away, I promise,
When you understand you're not alone:
You've got your own back, my love

Let's open your heart, darling,
And let the world play with it
It will be broken, but also loved,
By those sweet butterflies and smart words.

Life has a purpose, don't doubt it
You'll learn enough and do your duty
You'll love, hate, cry and even scream
And you'll live, once those butterflies are free.
339 · Jan 2019
Let's dance
AndSoOn Jan 2019
I used to dance alone,
Along so many people, lost in the crowd,

I used to look for myself, trying to
Create my life's guidelines

They say it comes when you are least excepting it
Ask no question then, and let's dance together

So we began to dance, completely intertwined
Afraid of the upcoming day and reality

I was not expecting you

We have not met so I could write better, or cry less,
We met so you could see yourself like I admire you
03.01.19
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