I love
your skin
under
my skin

twitchy
and
alive

And so it was that time passed by,
                               the years came and went,
  and every minute seemed like the first,
every look, renewed.
                Every vow was new.
Even when the only words left to say were
              "I Love You"
       it seemed as if they were always being said
   for the first time.

I could have drawn constellations
with the dots on your skin,
but you made me write a goodbye
letter instead.

It feels,
most if the time,
as if I
will apologize
forever
for what goes
through
my mind,
or just
for being who
I am...

... Whoever that is.

I want a love who
loves me dearly,
I want a love who
loves me well.
.
I want to be taken
by the hand,
I want to be guided
out of hell.
.
I want a heart that
is beating wildly,
I want a perfect match
for mine.
.
I want a flame that
lasts forever,
and slowly burns me
from the inside.
.
I want a dream that
goes on forever,
I want it to always
be the night.

I love the way
your breath tastes,
and how it
feeds me life.
.
I love the way
your hands talk,
and the things
they say to me.
.
I love the way
your eyes smile,
and how they
always match mine.
.
I love the way
your legs shake,
and how strong
they always are.
.
I love the way
your chest listens,
and sets the pace
for my own heart.
.
I love the way
you move your toes,
whenever you feel
you're so close.
.
I love the way
you hair falls,
and it hides your
face from the world.
.
I love the way
your back moves,
and how it feels
so warm and strong.
.
I love the way
your neck beats,
and how it
helps me exist.
.
I love the way
your mouth stutters,
when air and words
fight to come out.
.
I love the way
your body combusts,
because mine does
the same for yours.

I, sometimes, crave for something
To call my own.
.
I, sometimes, crave for someone
To call me their own.
.
But what I crave for the most
Is for someone to call myself.
.

I looked into my father's eyes
and they were frantic, panic-stricken,
pupils blown and all.
.
I looked down to my father's hands
and they were trembling, unsteady,
they reminded me of home.
.
I focused on my father's breathing
it was erratic, irregular,
it probably reminded him of his life.
.
I remember him wheezing out
"I think I'm dying, this is it."
trembling hands pressed against his chest.
.
And I kneeled down in front of him
my knees steady and unshakable,
and I hoped he was jealous.
.
I remember I looked at him and said
"No, father, this isn't your death
it's simply consciousness"
.
I can still taste the sick satisfaction,
the sly grin as I reckoned,
that those were probably the same for him.

It is the weakness of the flesh,
the sweetness of the sweat
on your skin
what will be the end of me.
.
Because no matter how strong
I am,
you make a quitter of me,
I quit my values and my mind.
.
And it is all worth it, for you,
for the taste of your body, of
your skin,
for the slickness of your lips.
.
Its the sensuality of your eyes
that ignites me entirely from
the inside,
its even hotter than lava.
.
You set my hands on fire
and I can't wait to see the red hot
scorch marks
that I will leave all over your body.
.
It's your tongue making its way
from my lips, to my shoulders and
to my ear,
that makes me fall on my knees.
.
And it is with your every breath
that my entire world goes away,
its shattered,
the pieces lie under your fingernails.
.
I'm left overexposed and alone
lying in bed naked dressed only
with regret,
because of this I have to remain silent.
.
You are fire and I am gunpowder,
you make me explode every time
you touch me,
and I know this is all wrong.
.
You will take me everywhere
from pleasure to agony,
from glory to ruin,
but I know we will meet again.

I woke up one day, in an empty bed,
even though your body laid next to mine
and I couldn't move, I tried telling myself
that I was still under sleep's spell.
.
I closed my eyes, shut them tight,
asking the skies for another try
to have the strength to keep my head straight.
.
But time stops for no one, it carries on,
and with your laboured awakening
my world, a fractioned world became
and from my heart, a vital piece fell.
.
You opened your eyes without seeing
and my body grazed without feeling,
and in a bottomless pit my soul fell.
.
With your eyes closed you sighed,
and inhaled a different air than mine.
And with your eyes, from mine,
you couldn't your reflection find.
.
Without thinking you raised from bed
and I laid there, abandoned, behind,
without a pulse that said I was alive.
.
With a heavy step I followed in your footsteps,
imitating a shadow, looking, longing,
without understanding the spontaneous rejection
suffering from the coldest involuntary exile.
.
I followed your footprints throughout the day,
watching you from afar, your posture so hard,
there wasn't a smile, a laugh in sight.
.
I couldn't understand the reason why
your gaze was so blank, distant, empty eyes.
Or why was your smile missing, you were so sad.
.
I walked with you all day, near and far,
but the blankness from your eyes stuck,
you ate without taste, without being satisfied
and drank without thirst, not knowing why.
.
I noticed the hunch in your perfect posture,
the lack of rhythm in your walk,
there wasn't music that could cheer you up.
.
I figured I wasn't the only shadow in your back,
that your heavy walk was a result of that.
I wished I had the power to free your heart,
even when my presence you decided to disregard.
.
Watching you, the world seemed slow,
the air was thick and the oxygen suffocating.
It never occurred to me that I could leave.
.
You closed the entrance door behind you
and slid down with your back pressed against it,
when you hit the floor and sat down, you cried
but when I tried to come close you dodged my touch.
.
I couldn't understand what was going on,
my soul screamed of desperation, of frustration,
I was all but begging for an explanation.
.
After a while your tears dried, you finally stood up
with your back still using the door as support
in order to give your still trembling, weak, legs
the time they needed to regain strength.
.
You took your time to fix your countenance
and looking at yourself in the mirror, you breathed,
I didn't make another attempt at approaching you.
.
At night, when it was time to finally return to bed,
it was my sweatshirt that you wore for that task,
I saw one final, lone tear sliding down your tired cheek
before you allowed yourself to surrender to sleep.
.
Walking through the hall I looked at the mirror,
and it wasn't until I couldn't find my reflection there
that I remembered I wasn't there any more
.
I couldn't keep you safe.