A season
has grown
in the room,
and a man
has sold
his body
in the cold silence
lamenting loneliness,
listen to the conversation
which looks like a shadow.
From outside the window
he saw the seasons about to change.
A sparrow is chirping there
welcome the mating season
coming soon.
Lovers
sit opposite
while kissing
on the park bench
let go of longing
away from the hustle
and bustle crowd.
Falling leaves in the courtyard fall scattered like joy
free from branches.
Maybe the time has come
he left the door
from all affection
the former.
A piece of paper he wrote
and a hanging note at the door.

"Which you have left here, you shouldn't have taken it out later."

A young bird learned to fly
Flapping its wings
The wind blew it away
The hunter shot him
Fall
So does his hope
He despaired
Life is too short for him

I still imagine what it would be like if one day I really could have her. Love her so close. As close as a breath of every fresh air I breathe in the morning. Get into the lungs. Then make out there.

It's true that I really want to be able to have, all the things that I might never be able to have.
So naive when we are learning to love someone.
O her face. O her eyes. O her nose. O her cheek. O her lips. O her long hair fell down her shoulders. So clear, that dreams are like reality.
She was so obvious. She was so real, I even felt something beating so fast and fast, like the wind through her hair.
Her smile made everything shattered back together, but no, not every time.

I still love her, that's the kind of love I would have said if she was really here. But she's not here. And I can't say that I love her.

She was so close, but so far away. She's far from my eyes. And she's so far away to feel my feelings for her.

Now I know
You’re flying high
Take my scars
Our feelings blow into the wind
Sometimes
I wish one day I could take your hand
Walk in the strange path that nobody sees it
I want to say
That you are always mine
As you’ve loved me
As you've loved me

I was woken up by a nightmare.
I woke up in the middle of the night
when I had fallen asleep
and a poem was finished.
The silence makes the painting 
in the air I breathe,
feel heavy, feel suffocating.
My throat is dry.
And on such a thirsty night,
a poem ordered an inkbox
and a piece of paper,
and I ordered a bottle of beer
and a cigarette and also a lighter,
and night ordered

itself for me.

A young lady die--
I get cries of words.
You are the next heroine!

Are we coming back again?
When you decided to come,
and I chose to go away,
In one dusk where we ended up feeling the most spacious
Whereas words cannot interpret the contents of our hearts.

She is young, and me too
We share our love in a bed
Talking about what if we live together
Talking about what if the world ends forever
And does our love still stand in the damaged heart?
She is young, with beautiful eyes, thin lips, a very cute smile,
and her long hair fall on my legs
She does not care about me but she really cares about myself
I talk about many plans after doing a beautiful thing
She talks to me that it is impossible
I ask her to stay in a long time for me but not for myself
I get many things to do before letting her go
But sometimes she decides to go without telling me before
She is young, and me too
So I write her in really true
I miss the way she loves me but not in herself

I'm bad at treating people sometimes, but I'm good enough to love myself completely. Who is right?

Beautiful is close to
b
   e
     a
       u
          t
            i
              f.   0.   0.   l
it's really
C O O L

She's so beautiful,
so I let her go from me.
Beauty is nothing.

Please take me in your dream!
And I can always be with you there
And I can always see you there
And I can always look after you there
And I can always hold you there
And I can always hug you there
And I can always kiss you there
And I can always hear you there
And I can always feel you there
And I can always do what you want do
Even though you want me to back the reality and realize it is only a dream!

Be grateful,
always love yourself every day.
Love your life now.
Be kind to everyone and to yourself.
Look around you,
and look at yourself now.
You have grown
to be a better person
than you were before.
You are a special person
and good people have surrounded you.
You are great.
Be grateful,
always do good to all,
also to yourself.
No need to think about things
that make you fall asleep with sadness,
you can definitely get through it.
Stay strong,
be strong,
you can.
You can do it.
You're a good and nice.
Be kind.
Be happy.
Show them your most beautiful smile.

I did not know that I was too young to think about life was much better and easier than we could hold on something tight when we did not have ability to try more and more, but still did it little by little.

I did not know that I was easy to fall in the same place in my own mind and needed more loves  than breaths and needed more life than lives, and needed more rooms than this universe.

I did not know that I was afraid of being brave in nothing.

I did not know that I was killed by the time, I was only a young boy with no weapon to fight and I was forced to join this battle.

I did not know that I was alone with myself, talked too much, and said, "The strongest will fall and die".

I did not know that I was only of the last part in every story that no body wants to.

I did not know that I was only too fall to feel, too calm to realize it was too easy to be a real.

And the rain always
accompanies us too, with
tears falling behind the windows.

Don't let the tears fall.
I can no longer hold it.
I am damaged.

Please say my name
and you will remember me again.
I don't want you
to be far from me
like children who are starting
to grow up and forget
their little memories
of running away
from the falling rain
like adults.

Some cigarettes
that you have smoked
will tell you;
this is a life
where you must not give up
and keep trying
and hoping
for every good
that grows
from your breath.

Come and dance with me--
in the rain
we were here before
listening to the tears of the water
pouring down all without cover.

Come and dance with me--
a man who hates waiting
looking for another season
to share a love
with a big smile.

Come and dance with me--
spending all day with the joy
happy after and never say 'goodbye'.

And
when the eyes come back
to shed tears,
I hope
it’s not a cry of remorse,
nor to let go.

I love dancing in silence,
the way I feel the music.

She's gone
left so many
wonderful memories of love.
She's grown
between
dawn and dusk.

I sit and write a poetry
For the day I should it be.
Seeing people come and go
From my corner of the window.

I always sleep in there,
The dream I get in my mind
Like a fairy tales,
That I'd to find.

Oh, the sun burns my blood
And became a fire,
A flame get me to shoot
And around me hire.

Take me fly in sky!
No wings did I use to play!
The wind brings me so high
And I can see you more bright.

Oh, the world I used to be lived
In the beautiful things I always see
At the rainy days it brings me a belief
For more time to be the character in my fantasy.

I will die alone
as a collection of books
abandoned on an old cupboard,
as a display in all kinds of libraries,
and only some people understand,
but fewer of which we can possibly count as good memories in writings,
even as poetry.

I will die alone,
and remember all forms of joy the latter, as a creature that ever lived,
as a flower which will not bloom again beautifully in the same place.

Blossom for a moment in my heart, here,
although things are never certain,
what will be after you bloom fragrant
and beautiful.
Maybe something will come off, wither, then disappear.
Maybe something will be lost, vanish, and never come back.
Blossom where you want to grow and people will like you,
not because where people like you then you have to grow.

I even read
your famous poems
that many people
have read.

I even read
it many times
and got lost
in it.

I even thought
I might
easily remember
all the titles
of your poems
in every word
and I have also
been able to
understand it
little by little.

I even started
writing poetry
for myself.

I even sat
for a long time
just to think of words.

I even want
to be like you
or maybe more.

“Am I enough
to be able to achieve
what you once
achieved?”,
I tell you
in front of
these poems
of mine.

“I want to be myself”,
he told me in this poem
now you're
reading.

Dear past self.
If you read this, you might realize that you have been through a lot of difficult things.
Look at yourself in front of the mirror so you could see yourself that has grown into a strong person.
You might have gone through so much pain and scars that you are no longer trying to cover up.
You have had enough and even more than enough.
Let time give you a chance to meet with happiness so you can see that the world is full of beautiful people.
Let them surround you, fill your days with meaning, and drive away your loneliness.
Let them be proud of who you are now.
You are extraordinary.

I believe
I can be
What I want to be
So I stop

A man
smoking alone
in his room.
The clock
keeps watching
and singing all night.
You can feel them
and try to ignore them.

If only you knew
where I learned to hate myself,
I would tell you
when I've become good at loving things
that is beyond my control right now.

Don’t leave me alone
Don’t leave me alone in this way
I am too afraid to come back
And also to go to seek another
I forget that I had done with you
But everything I can remember is only the days I spent with you
And now it goes without you
The smell of you which the wind blows through my nose is my favourite fragrance
I love all about you
Don’t leave me alone
Don’t leave me alone in this way
I am here to wait for you
Don’t you want me as I've stood here?
The days we spent together
Now is going to be sweet memories
Did you see me as you see a reflection in the water?
Is it all you can see now?
Please don’t leave me alone
I am still here
Waiting with all love

Indonesia, 19th September 2021
Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho

Give me a second to die.
Maybe
I will realize
that my life was special.

Don't be afraid, ants!
I will share sugar for you,
the sweetness of life

Don't tell me if you are sad because I finally get you.
I get you out of my mind.
I get lost.

Don't try me in the first time, she said
There is nothing to do
when I never do it
in the first time
Sometimes feel better
Sometimes feel bad

The night
will always
be the night
It never be yours
It never be me
It never be ours

Don't try me in the first time, she said
I try to fix everything
what I never fix it
Somebody tell to do right
but I never be right

Don't try me in the first time, she said
Because she never does it
and I never let me do it
in the first time
and I am not in the first right time

You are loved,
even by yourself.

Even,
nothing is more important
instead of dropping the body on the bed
just to know yourself
with dreams too high.

Like dead leaves,
and shadows,
and all the things we find each other
in our heads.

A little light and pretend to forget.
A little disappointed, still not gone.
Then stare into nothingness,
and remember you
for every eternity.

What we need
just a swarm of explosions
which is enough for us to always measure
and then compare.

It turns out
words just to be taught,
then propped up
until death.
Fall.
Then we hug again.

Even,
in the lowest place I still drown!
Please help me pull over!

Even the rainfall,
the mind grows high to the sky
tell you flying by.

You may lose your feeling to write a poem, but you never lose your feeling to love someone who never gives you a love back.
It's okay not to be loved by someone who never gives you a love back.
Maybe, there are many people will judge you by your fool things even you spend many times by loving one.
But, it's true and it's you
even they never know your feeling,
because love still will be love.
Who cares about them,
they do never know
because they never know
how love will be fallen
or how love will be risen.

Why some people always ask me what the reason I fall in love with you is?
Is this because from your eyes, maybe?
Is this because from your face, maybe?
Is this because from your cheek, maybe?
Is this because from what I never know and I never tell to you that you have to try to know, maybe?
I fall in love with you
It means that the way I talk to you or the way I treat you better it is all for you that you deserve
Some people cry because they don't have a love back
Some poeple be happy because they have it back
Are some people know that I fall in love with you more, maybe twice?
I feel I am alive when I fall in love
I fall in love sometimes
I stay to fall again in the same place of yours
Maybe, your heart
Maybe, your eternity
That's all I will rise from your prosperity
I am happy and also sad
But I never let demon fed
Because I feel I am not dead

I may let the rain fall today
so I can take you out from away.
We will walk slowly
because we just have an umbrella
to share each other.
The more you run away,
the more you get your body wet.
Close your eyes
and hold me tight.
Everything will be won by fight.

When our love
that we want to
doesn't have
another season,
I wish
I would not
leave this heart
with crying anymore.

Just take it easy.
Love your life now.
Be better.
Do better.
Grow better.

Everything will be okay,
if it looks in your eyes,
but there is war in my mind.

at the far corner of the house
on a shoe rack
i found myself worn out and dusty
about various twist and turns
stacks of my old story one by one of the shelves one by one
the bottom shelf contains a sad story
follow the blue melancholy
each stack has a different meaning
but all the same, about a trip
and in a pile of shoe racks,

i felt
i had been forgotten