I've done some stupid things
I'll probably never forget
I've told away some secrets
I probably should have kept
I've heard some things I shouldn't
And been filled with regret.

There's no going back
I can't change the past.

This world is so centered on take
Love and romance:
It's never give or create

Love is seen as property
This broken world
Demands intimacy

Extracting from every being
Now love is nothing
When it used to be everything

This is my conclusion
We’re all in an illusion
Our minds go blank
Our thinking tanks
Have just refreshed forgotten.

By some imagination
All our thoughts are rationed
I believe
We’re deceived
A separate dimension.

What I’m saying has been said
What you’re reading has been read
There is no original
All we do is fictional
Our existence is a fantasy.

‘Uh-huh, sure, totally’
You think this is just poetry
I hope you realize
It’s your own demise
But you never will believe me.

When I was a younger kid
People were nice in all they did
They'd wave and smile on the street
To people who they'd never meet

And when we went to the store
Old friends would smile once more
Visits were commonly made
While outside the children played.

But nowadays people will stare
When you smile, they will glare
Where did old fashioned manners go
And all the people we did know?

The truth is that I wanna cry,
But instead I just shut my eyes, tight--
Pretend that everything is gonna be alright.

And people ask me if I'm okay,
But how can I answer anyway?
I'm scared of what they might say.

I lie and answer, "I dont really know--
It's just not my day and I'm feeling low.
It will be probably be fine tomorrow."

I'm tired of people but sick of me,
Wanting to be alone but so lonely,
Wanting to be alone but so lonely.

People have eyes but do not see,
Ears but they do not hear,
Hearts but they do not comprehend,
And I'm just a voice in the wind.
And I'm just a noise to them.

I get this feeling
This feeling inside
Whenever I see you
I want you to die

I want to break you
Into so many pieces
Just like my heart
When you ate my Reese's

You knew it was mine
I saved it many days
But you just took it
And ate it anyways

I'll hate you forever
To your final breath
I hope you suffer
A terrible death

RIP Reese's PB Cup 2018

When you start something
And you never quit
When you set a goal
And you work towards it
When you have a dream
But it’s counterfeit

When you try so hard
And you still fall down
When you get back up
And you look around
So you then realize
You’re in the background

When your eyes open
And you see the lie
When you feel so hurt
And you want to cry
When you be yourself
You suddenly fly!

Who cares if they hate
So filled with critique
You make no mistakes
Because you’re unique

The trees sway gently in the wind
A soft breeze blows through my hair
The sun is warm upon my back
In the lush grass, my feet are bare.

The river moves quite lazily
I dangle my legs o'er the side
The birds whistle various songs
It's here that I'm most satisfied.

With a sigh, I slowly get up
I wish this day would never cease
But now it's time I headed home
With on last look, I turn and leave.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like
To love someone with all your heart
To stare deep into their eyes
And never want to be apart

They say loved lost is better
Than never loving ever
So I guess I've got the short stick
Am I stuck this way forever?

Some people say I am too picky
And many asked me out
But I'm still waiting for someone
Who I can love without a doubt.

(But again I ask myself
Is that feeling of elation
Really a love so true
Or just infatuation?)

I haven't written in awhile.
Didn't realize that till today.
I think when I numbed the pain,
I must have numbed myself away.

If I just drive far enough,
I'll leave my worries far away.
If I just drive fast enough,
They'll eat the dust of yesterday.

But there's only one world to go around,
Only so far before you're found.
And once you've hit the end of the road,
Suddenly there's no other way to go
But back.

Screaming silence, deadly calm
Laying here with head on arm
Wishing that it wasn't mine
Hating distance, dreading time.

Crowded out, but so alone
Wanting him to come home
Missing touch, sound, and sight
Waking lonesome ev'ry night.

Painful as the lovers suffer
Would not leave for any other
Hoping, hurting, dreaming, crying
And with happy answers, lying.

Did you know I want to be
The girl of your dreams
I know that you love me
So much, specially

Knowing you will never harm
I feel so safe in your arms
Boundaries, you respect
You are almost perfect

But something isn’t right
I cry every night
It’s so weird cause I
Wanna be in your life

When I searched and sought
It was you I fin’ly caught
But what I do or what I ought?
I don’t know my own thoughts

Running without my soul,
My emotions have no control
I never know what I need
What is good or what is free

Seeing love has been risen
Feeding sins of indecision
Striking heart without precision
I’m living life in a prison

I keep up a face so kind
But if you look, you’ll find
I can’t make up my mind
To stay or leave you behind

So I stay and hide this crutch
Which I wanna tell so much
But can’t test my **** luck
Cause this **** is so ****** up

Maybe I need to persevere
And wait till we’ve met for real
Perhaps my heart, you’ll steal
And I’ll know just how to feel.

Thoughts to words as God to book
Meanings fiercely ripped and took
No way to know 'complete and real'
Unless you’ve felt what I feel

All for love, come what may
Defeating ev’ry disarray,
Fortitude in prime display
That is love, as people say

Yet bearing no such passion
I pretend in awful fashion
All the words I speak as true
Are to convince myself, not you

In endless fraud I try to show it
Behind the act I do not know it
If love is fuel for hearts aflame
Where is my burning pain?

As reason to science flows
So logic from emotion goes
Philosophers at their best
Could not define this human mess

I did not want to believe
That this play was writ by me
Manipulation by mistake
I’m a fool, your heart might break

These subtle regrets slip by
Reminding me of my lie
How I want to run from this
Reverse it all is my wish

Just two weeks had we spoken
When the ice was barely broken
If we’d not made that mistake
Maybe we could be soul mates

But ask too soon and move to fast
And lose it all, regret the past
There’s this feeling in my chest
I never should have answered “yes"

Missing ego
Burned esteem
Lacking confidence
Insecure extreme
Living lies
Blinded minds
Hearts vandalized
-
If only we could see through our lover's eyes.

Silence has many voices
It can be beautiful
Calming
Thoughtful
Or it can be angry
Awkward
Suffocating
And yet it has no sound

Do diddly dum dee do
Diddly dum dee dee
Do diddly dum dee do
Diddly duddly dee

I saw a man
And he was handsome
Handsome as can be
And so I says to meself
I'd like that man for me
Diddly dum di di
I'll take that man for me.

But that man,
Alas, was taken
Taken as can be
And so I thinks to meself
If only he were free
Diddly dum di di
I'll make that man be free

Do diddly dum dee do
Diddly dum dee dee
Do diddly dum dee do
Diddly duddly dee

So I finds
His ain woman,
A lassie fair and sweet,
Grab her by her flaxen locks
And bind her pretty feet
Diddly dum di di
I bound her pretty feet.

But that lass
Alas, was young
A maid of just sixteen
She says, "I ne'er had no kiss
Won't ye have some mercy?"
Diddly dum di di
"Please have ye some mercy!"

Do diddly ... etc.

Me unloved heart
Was touched right then
And so I looked at she
Kissed her gently on th' cheek
And threw her in the sea
Diddly dum di di
I threw her in the sea.

The man I loved
When he heard
Of me awful deed
Swore to **** me the same way
Me death was his new creed.
Diddly dum di di
Me death was his sworn creed.

Do diddly... etc.

So when he seized
Me wild hair
And bound me to the knees
I said to him, "Do not forget
Tha kiss ye owe to me"
Diddly dum di di
"Tha kiss ye owe to me."

He leaned in close
His lips near main
And looked me in th' ee
He whispered then, "Ye go to hell"
And threw me in the sea
Diddly dum dee dee
He threw me in the sea.

Do diddly dum dee do
Diddly dum dee dee
Do diddly dum dee do
Diddly duddly dee.

A tousand years
I've burnt in hell
A tousand more I'll need
But with me love by me side
I won't regret me deed.
Do diddly dum dee dee
I won't regret me deed.

Why do I feel inspired
When I'm left worn and tired?
Why does poetry fill my head
When I'm wishing I were dead?
Why does my writing only gain
When my life is filled with pain?

I think my heart is breaking
I feel so dumb, so dead inside
And when I think of you
I cant stop the tears (I've tried)

It's not because we broke up
Its not the romantic pain
But because we're best friends
And suffer from this change

Last night when I was alone
I cried behind closed door
Used up all the toilet paper
And soaked the bathroom floor

It hurts not talking anymore
You meant so much, still do
But it also hurts to talk at all
Knowing what I've done to you

I feel like there's a wall between
Which I erected by mistake
We're still friends as you said
But now everything feels fake

Both of us, we're awkward passive
Like we're avoiding truths inside
We both want to tell each other
What we feel required to hide

They say heartbreak will come
From any love that's lost
And so I've found it to be true
As that's what leaving cost

𝔾𝕟𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕕
𝕄𝕚𝕤𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕖𝕟, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕥𝕣𝕖𝕖
𝕊𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕣𝕦𝕚𝕥.
𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕦𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕙𝕖 𝕚𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕕𝕞𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕕.
ℙ𝕖𝕣𝕗𝕖𝕔𝕥 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕦𝕥𝕪 𝕚𝕤 𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖'𝕤 𝕠𝕩𝕪𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕠𝕟,
𝔸𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕗𝕖𝕔𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕠𝕗𝕥𝕖𝕟 𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖
𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕝𝕪. 𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕚𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕨𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕚𝕤
𝕆𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕙𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕠𝕥 𝕒𝕟𝕕
Tₑᵣmᵢtₑ
Dᵤng, ᵢt
Wᵢll nₒt
Lₐst lₒng
Bₑfₒᵣₑ
Cᵤt dₒwn.
A̸͇̋̓̔n̸̤͔̞̜͓͊̿͑̾̇̅͗d̵͙̥̻̓̒͌̅͊ ̴̡̟̝͎̞̺͔̟̂̈́͊̒̄s̴̢̳̗͇͓̰̰͕̣͘o̷̢͈̞̭̽̂́͂ͅ ̵̨̧̨̦̼̫͎̉̇̀̂͒̉͒̒̀͠I̴̩̘̭͚̖̊̆̎̋̄̈́͆͛͒ ̴̧̼̮̰̏̾̒͌̆̈̀͋̚̚t̵̡̼̲͈̗̩̭̪̰̮̀͊̓͝h̵̪͙́̑́͗̽̐͛̚͝i̵̹̲̥̪̻̥̗͋̑̌̀̽̽̄͝ń̷̾­͙̩͐̎͊̚k̶̻͋̒̀͊̈́͊̕ ̵̧̛̙̦͙̜͚̖̖̲̗y̷̲͕̝̺̾̅́̀͗͆̈́͋͝o̸̢̥̹̺̎ư̵͓̱͙̗͙̫͓͎̓̇̈́̀̆̃̃̋ ̸̡̦̘̱͙̱͕̤̞̅̈́a̴̘̲̅r̷͍̯̽̏̈́͝e̴̛̞̙̚ ̵̡͈̖͙̹̺͑͌̑̃͋̄͗͝b̶̧̩̞̘͈̀͆̇͘e̶͓̬͐͛́a̸̤̩̻͈̟͕̩̅̈́̿̍ų̸̹̩͈̖̠̯̦͒̄̄t̸̛̎̓̕­̠͎̓͒̍̚͜ȋ̷̠̱̩̤͔̰̔͘f̶͈̜̖͑̈́̎͘ù̶̧̨̬̩̪̞̐̿͛̇̎͜͝ḷ̴̡̻̠̜̻̉͐̔͂͠ͅ.̵̽͛̈́̌͝͝­͈̗̳̖

Death has driven us far apart,
Music brings us back together.
I'll always love you in my heart
And sing our song forever.

Memory is both a pain and balm.
It drowns me in a sea of grief.
Then I find amidst the calm,
Music brings tears of relief.

I wanted to write something for you
For when you're off late at night
But I don't have the inspiration
That's needed for me to write

It seems the only thing that works
To leak what's in my heart
Is to write in verse and rhyme
Though my poems aren't that smart

And honestly I kinda doubt
Whether you like or tolerate
The kind of things I send to you
Which I never do quite right

I wanna tell you everything
That's inside of me contained
But I somehow I must do it right
I don't want to give you pain

But I also fear if I'm too quiet
I'll hate myself some day
And the path I'm taking right now
Seems to go that way

I honestly hope you're right
That I'm walled in what I do
I hope you find some love in me
If/when you break through

But the truth I must confess
Is that I'm full of fear
What if there's nothing inside
And my doubts are real?

Should I break up with you
To save us later pain?
Or should we continue on
And see if I change?

You deserve a better girl
Its who I wanna be
But I can't force my heart
And love you honestly

Everything I've said is sincere
You're wonderful, I swear
From your love to your patience
You're amazing beyond compare

I don't know where I'm going with this
I hate myself for doing this
I'm no better than a peice of ****
I wish you would soon believe it

My bravery is spent,
My courage is gone,
My confidence is rent,
'Cause everything went wrong.

How can I beleive
And how can I dream
When there's Nothing left for me?

The only Happiness I have,
The only hope that I'll find,
Is accepting what is gone,
And leaving Hope behind.

Sometimes there's a hard line
Between Realism and Despair,
But other times that line seems to disappear.

I miss you more and more with each passing day.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say.
That's the beauty of it. But beauty is pain,
And I wish for awhile that it would go away.
Thinking of you always, I'm drowning in my grief.
I cry myself to sleep, where the comfort is brief,
And when I wake again, I find there's no relief.

I miss coming out of class and looking down to see
You on that bench, been waiting there for me,
One hand in your hair and the other in a book.
Now the bench is empty, and it pains me to look.
I miss running down the stacks, greeted by your smile
And you leaning backwards. And once in a awhile,
I'd be there first, and you'd greet me from behind.
Try as I might, I can't get you off my mind.

I miss so much about you that I don't know where to start,
From your head down to your toes, from your brain into your heart.
I miss holding hands and I miss holding each other.
I miss your intellect and our dialogues of laughter.
I miss your bouncing walk and your iconic gesture.
I miss your furrowed brow of deeply thinking thought.
I miss your boyish grin, and your misty eyes which caught
Me off guard, and brought me to a dead halt.
Oh, I miss these all and more, almost to a fault!

Oh Jon, I love you so much, increasingly so.
Sometimes it hurts so much that I don't know
Whether we're right for each other. But then,
It only hurts this much because I love you. Again,
I love you more and more because of who
You are, and nothing more. If only you knew
How much you mean to me, you and only you!
And some days it seems we're on parallel tracks,
Going the same way, but our understanding lacks;
And so we cannot touch, no matter how we try.
But the thing is that we do, together, you and I.
And we'll never stop trying, forever, you and I.