I hear his laugh
and the world stops spinning.
No one ever told me how good it felt
to just be happy.

To take a look at your life
and know what's happening.
Even if it's still the beginning
things can change so fast.

I never thought I'd move out
I always believed I'd be sad forever,
that I'd end up settling for someone
who always hurt me and made me cry.

Today I'm happy.
I can see my future unraveling.
I am in love with my best friend,
and I don't know what will happen tomorrow...

But I know it will be okay.

We never talk anymore..

I spend lots of time writing poems
I probably write two a day,
So it sounds silly to me
I don't let many see
All the writings
That I create
Everyday

My heart raced so unsteadily as I read the sentences that you sent to me
I know that you love me and I hope you know that I'm in love with you..
I'm aware that some of the things that I write (some being most) aren't all that happy, I can get stuck in dark places sometimes and have problems while trying to find my way out of them but I think I'll just stop worrying for a while and try to be happy, especially if that means being happy with you.. I don't want to give you any reason(s) to be upset or worry so I'll try my best not to.

Is it wrong to feel mistreated?
To never be accepted?
I believe there's something wrong,
and I'm trying to stay strong.
But I'm not sure if I can deal with this anymore or any less.

I'm a horrible person

Remembering things we did together,
always makes me feel better.
Whether I'm angry or sad
when I look back, I end up smiling.

I can understand the need of a feeling.
Of that- feeling.
A feeling that makes you want to stay alive.
A drive, stronger than an illegal high.
Maybe it's the only reason you're wanting to survive
these heartache filled stages.

Why have you stopped writing
little nothings that hold such big
meanings?

I long to read your words and
hear your whimsical voice and
the sounds that escape your
mouth when you laugh.. Just
tell me what I need to say to
bring everything back..

I know right now you're surrounded
by the darkness; lost within your mind
and what's around you that makes you
want to (maybe)  cry?

I'm trying to be supportive and stick to
your side- I'm sorry that I'm at a loss
for words; and that I'm not sure why.

I'm supposed to know what to say, aren't I?

I want to hold you in my arms,
And shield you from your fears.
I hope you know I believe in you,
And just how much that I care.
I'm sorry for the things that occured.
Will you let me hold you once again?
I won't let go this time. I promise.

Sinking deeper, and deeper.
Slowly floating under.
Fading away.
Please don't say those things again.
I don't want to hear them.
Don't you understand?
It kills me knowing..
That I hurt you.
I won't let it happen again.
Even if I hurt me in the process.

It’s burning up around me,
every time you glance at me I try to hide.
Because I know what you’re thinking inside.

Even if the golden jellyfish are disappearing
I'll always have one with me.
The best one out of them all,
has never left or let me fall.
If I sank deep enough before,
their lake would've consumed me;
left me poisoned and faded.
but with him I'm unafraid
I'll drown in his arms
before I worry about pointless things.

Today has come to an end,
and I'm feeling rather content...
I held your hand
and I heard your laugh.

And as we were standing,
I didn't want to let go.
I wanted to hold on to you...
You, I'll always follow.

My eyes are stinging
I feel tired now,
Just let me lay down.
I want to be alone.
Do I really though?
I want to be held.
I'm fed up with myself.
I mess up everything,
Always.

A wave washes over me
I tell it to go away,
It's so overwhelming
Feeling feelings everyday

I want to relax
But things feel too good to be true.
It's so nerve racking;
Waiting for things to fall through

I'm slowly cleansing content from my feeds
I'm so impressionable, it disgusts me
but I want to use it to my advantage
I know who I want to become,
So I'll only look at things related

When I look at the poems from my past,
Sometimes I smile.
Then I feel mad.
The age I was, becomes so apparent to me.

The younger version of me feels some kind of, well, something.
Each time I take a trip down memory lane
It's hard to not feel something when I remember the pain.

But when I look at the situation today,
After all that I've encountered...
Each stone I've flipped over, and
every waterfall I've checked behind,

I feel so mad at you.

Even the poems we wrote back and forth,
They're so childish, you reference cartoons.
I would have done anything for you,
You plucked me out of my broken world and threw me onto the rift.

I fell asleep at night telling myself stories about an empty apartment with a mattress.
It's so uncomfortable now to look back at.
The fact that you were the hope I had for my future.

It's not okay and I'll never stop thinking this way.

I feel your hands
all over my thighs,
as you rub and caress me
I feel my heart rate rise.
I try to think about something else
but I simply can't be bothered right now...
You're all I'm wanting right now.

I just want to disappear sometimes.
shut the blinds, and roll over
until I can sleep no longer
I'm tired, of always worrying.

I'm not so tired,
I feel kind of strange.
I wish you were here with me,
But I'll be okay...

Even though we're far apart,
you're the one that holds the key to my heart.

do you ever feel lonely?
they say that it's healthy
but I'm unsure of that.
Despite my liking alone time
too much of it can hurt me.
It makes me feel so lost, and empty
until my tears fall endlessly.
After crying I usually find solace,
but this time I just want to cry more.
Which makes me feel *pathetic.

It's as if you've released a chemical inside of me, and because of that chemical I'm happy.

The distance may be far right now,
but the marks on her heart remain
and she longs for the day
they will be together again.

I lay in bed, drained
I hear the thunder
preparing us all
for the rain.

I look at my wall,
at the Jellyfish that hang.
My heart flutters and I smile
as I remember who is always by my side.

Do you not realise that your words affect me?
Harsh or sweet, raw or overbearing.
They always have an affect.
When I see your smile,
My heart connects.
Please don't reject,
Me.

You act as if I've disgraced you in every way possible.
Little do you know,
I don't respect you,
I hate you.

I will remember how you kissed me*
is just a line from a song that I've
been listening to for hours wondering
if you've been listening too I wish you
wouldn't have made me miss you like
this- it's not normal for me to want to
be wanted and looked at like I matter
to someone..

I tell myself I want to die
Push myself harder until I fly
I'm going so fast,
Don't look up at who's next
to me, I'm too busy
I don't want to see or accommodate
the people I've always pleased
coworkers, family and strangers around me
I will stop smiling at them all
and unwind the ribbon around my
face and body, I'm done
I don't want to pretend anymore
I'm sick
Of not knowing who I am
Because each time I show myself
I get convinced I have to be someone else
For them to love me, to wanna call me,
to ask to see me
they have to need something
so I'm done
I'll keep whispering to myself how I wanna
Cut and run
Just push the button thay explodes it all
and melt into the floor
I hate it

Heart sinking.
Lips trembling.
Tears falling.
Thoughts crumbling.

Friends happy.
Parents crazy.
Siblings laughing.
You crying.

Heart ache.
Lips shake.
Tears soak.
Thoughts loath.

Eyes tired,
Mind fired.
Life is quiet,
Feelings riot.

There’s never any pausing with you.
You’re always asking me to do more things for you.

I wish it were him instead of my blanket holding me.

I want to unfold,
Stand and raise up
I'll stretch so far,
I'll touch the moon and sun.

Every star will fall,
Crashing through me
I'll never collapse again
I'll never feel the burning left by shame.

I'll expand into space's darkness
I'll know just how everything's connected
and feel I'm home once more,
and never hide my own galaxies.

I'll become space dust.

you're my best friend
the one I feel comfortable with
just being together, even in silence.

There are days,
or maybe they're moments,
times where I wish I could forget
I want to have amnesia

I want to start over,
or maybe relive.
I want to push the button,
the one that changes it all

I can hit refresh
There's too many memories
I don't want to recall

We started out as friends in the south
Used to spend nights at each other's house
Over time our nights would be spent online
Thousands of miles apart; together inside
Many years spent making memories,
Somehow you got the worst and the best of me.
We were kids then but we're adults now
Our friendship is lost, will it ever be found?

I know if I don't sleep soon
I won't wake up until late in the afternoon
but I can't stop thinking about you
and how you smiled at me
as the distance between us disappeared.
I know it won't be much longer,
but I miss you.
I miss watching you sing
and hugging you until a song was over.
I remember your heartbeat
and feeling nervous as you found mine.
I want to be close to you again.

Broken up,
Crying inside.
Tears are falling,
You got pushed to the side..

You wish you were special.
What if you are?
Will you ever know..
You wish someone would show you the truth.
But it's so hard to tell what that even is these days.

I love being beside you
and seeing behind the screen.
Did you know, you make me
want to be the best person I can be?
I think that's really something.
How happy you make me.

I don't want kids if this is what's in store for them:
depression, diseases, anxiety, emotionlessness, goodbyes, heartbreaks, bullies, stomach aches, pain, sorrow, tears, anger, even happiness can be cruel at times it can be worse than having a life threatening fever. But that
doesn't mean I don't want the good things for them:
goodnight sleep-tights, I love yous, first words, joy, exploring, going out as a family, not having to worry about abandonment or exporation dates
maybe someday the world will be a good enough place to have you here.
But right now all that I see are terrible things and not-meant-to-bes.