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2.5k · Apr 2014
Destroying yourself is easy
Chalsey Wilder Apr 2014
Tear stained face
Blood shot eyes
Blood stained arms and legs

Destroying yourself is so easy it hurts

Hands are too slippery for the razor you try to hold
Blood turns brown as it dries
Trying to clean up the bathroom floor and sink so it's not so obvious
Nothing works
The razor can only make it better as it eats into your skin

*My legs are dangling off the edge, stomach full of pills that didn't work again.
Gone too far, yeah I'm gone again. It's gone on too long, I'll tell you how it ends. I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends. One's a bottle of pills and one's a bottle of gin. My frienemy's behind me, and his name is sin.
2.5k · Dec 2014
Not enough time
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2014
So many reasons why, not enough time
Never enough time.
2.4k · Jan 2015
You're so cliche
Chalsey Wilder Jan 2015
You're so cliche
Telling me that I'm fat and ugly
Telling me no one would ever want me
Cliche cliche cliche
Tell me something I haven't heard yet
Oh
Go **** myself?
Starve myself?
Purge myself?
And mutilate myself?
People say these things everyday
I know these things
These words sound cruel but they don't mean anything
Nothing to me anyway
You're so cliche
Go read a book
And if you don't have one
I can give you a book on how to learn any day
You're so cliche if you think that's the worse you can say
2.3k · Oct 2021
Frustration
Chalsey Wilder Oct 2021
I am stuck in the same place
At the same pace
What's wearing thin is my patience
I don't have any time to stay complaisant
I need to find my placement
Put myself first, not in the basement
Some may not know what it meant
I however hold no sentiments
This is what I have to deal with
No one actually making things better for me
Instead I bleed
My marrow creating blood just abundantly
Just to keep the stream from weening
Disallowing the life in me to die out
I hate being disabled. But I'm getting help.
2.2k · Jul 2014
I feel like
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2014
I feel like last place
Where you only get a thin paper metal
I feel forgotten and unloved
I feel useless and unattractive
I feel worthless
*And I am only remembered if someone needs help on the computer at home or if someone wants to copy my class/homework at school
I feel like that. Everyday.
2.2k · May 2014
Drip Drip
Chalsey Wilder May 2014
Drip drip
I'm lying in bed
It's freezing cold
With only a thin blanket to cover me

Drip drip
There's a window right beside me
The sun is rising
I can feel the light on my skin, but it gives me no warmth

Drip drip
I'm me
Then I'm my other me

Drip drip
I am so cold I no longer shiver
My lips are blue
My skin pale white porcelain
My body is stiff
Can't move

Drip drip
The heat from my body leaves me with every exhale

Drip...drip
I can't feel my body

Drip....drip
My eyelids close slowly
I'm sleepy

Drip.....drip
Am I dead?
Cause I can't feel a thing


Drip......drip
I can still hear the water dripping

Drip.......drip
I can't feel myself breathing

*
Thump Thump Thump
Cold death's door is waiting
I hear no dripping
I hear it no more
You would have to read my poem "When lamination" to get the line when I said "I'm me
Then I'm my other me"
But I hope you like this.
c;
Chalsey Wilder Jan 2018
It is far too easy to become as nasty and as evil as our counterparts when they have treated you that way far too long
And it worsens,
As they deny the aftermath of this treatment to you
It's passed down,
Turmoil building turmoil, rolling it up to start the base of a snowman
It causes the destruction of our hearts, distorts our minds, to casually gloss over our eyes
The consequence?
Every generation is weaker than the last
*They think they're unpredictable and rambunctious, but they don't realize,
That this is controlled too
2.2k · Jan 2015
How to change my mind
Chalsey Wilder Jan 2015
The only way you could change my mind is through my ice cold heart
It's pretty true.
2.2k · Dec 2019
Mojo-less
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2019
I lost it
I lost my poem mojo
Thoughts piled higher than an air balloon shaped like a kite
I'm scrawling all over the page
Just to say what is near the tip of my tongue
But...Air
And only air is escaping my tongue's grasp
So the page ends up balled up
Spread into a crumble onto the floor
My day rinses and repeats
With my sprawlings traveling to the door
2.1k · Jun 2013
My hurtful feelings
Chalsey Wilder Jun 2013
I want love, I want peace
But no uses of a dove, Just climb up the ladder of love
But it is hard for love in this century; just send me a piece of history
Just to see my story again, Over and over again a sin
To see what is wrong with me, I must plea what is against me
Not only for me to see, But for him to respect me
To see my story again, I must go to the beginning
To go to the beginning, I must have him with me
But not a chance
For he doesn't forgive me
For my father doesn't accept me, for whom I can truly be
For his daughter in need
I somehow find another reason to regret the day I was born
My father also agreed
Just by leaving me, alone how could he
I wish I could say something
But my life is finally ending, I say goodbye to my blessings
And all I have left to say, Is that I hate that day
That day was today
Today is my birthday, when we were finally meeting
2.1k · Nov 2015
What pretty is
Chalsey Wilder Nov 2015
I'mma tell you what pretty is

Pretty is a standard
Pretty is a complement used to get into your jeans
Pretty is a goal that'll only leave a hole
Pretty is something never truly achieved in every beholder's eye
Pretty is a lie bought and sold
Pretty does grow old
Pretty is a truth if it comes from the right soul
"Pretty is a lie bought and sold" aka makeup and cosmetic surgery procedures.
2.1k · Sep 2014
Stolen like gold
Chalsey Wilder Sep 2014
You stole my heart like it was gold
But really it was cold
And you dropped it before my coldness conquered your warmth
Before my darkness conquered your brightness
Slowly your light moved in and slowly my darkness consumed you
You lit up my world while yours was getting darker
Slowly my world turned to gold while yours turned to cold rugged iron
And when you left you took the world of gold with you
*You stole me like gold
I just made it up. Not sure where it came from.
2.1k · Mar 2017
sumisión (submission)
Chalsey Wilder Mar 2017
It just comes natural to me
To submit to a Dom
You're gentle with your roughness
Eat up all my wetness
Since you caused it
You can't tease me and expect me not to want it
You can't tease me and expect me to not be *****
Your thirst, I can never satisfy
Even when you eat my soul out of me
You still crave to eat more
To drink more
To do it all night
And all morning
Girl, don't you ever get tired?
It just comes natural to me
To  submit to a Dom
You're gentle with your roughness
You're smart with your toughness
I love me a woman in control❤
2.0k · Jun 2014
Forsaken
Chalsey Wilder Jun 2014
Dying and breaking
Left in the desert sand
Left to bleed out and die for the vultures
No one
No savior
Is coming
Breath comes fast and dry
Is this what it feels like to be forsaken?
Left so alone that there is no one, no savior?

At least I'm good for one thing
Food
Food for the vultures
Thoughts of my old suicide attempts come to mind again
Maybe this is my time. Please please let it be.
My body I want to forsake
My heartbeat I want to escape
Eyes slowly drifting closed
Forsake forsake forsake my body
Leave it for the vultures that eat forsaken and deception any and everyday
This might be the last poem I post in a while. I hope you enjoy
1.9k · Jan 2018
Growing strength
Chalsey Wilder Jan 2018
In order to be strong, you have to be weak
One does not exist without the other
In order to stay strong
You must have memerance of your weakness
1.9k · Sep 2014
Express
Chalsey Wilder Sep 2014
I want to express what I mean when I say I love you, but there aren't enough words to express this need to love you
I'm not in love but...
1.8k · Apr 2014
People say I'm fine
Chalsey Wilder Apr 2014
People online say I'm fine

Is it fine that I am depressed?
Is it fine I hate myself?
Is it fine that I hate every, and I mean everything about myself?
Is it fine that I'm suicidal?

No
I don't think it is
Whether or not it's my fault I'm not sure

But I'm not fine
I'm not beautiful
Not in my opinion
People say I'm fine, that there's nothing wrong with me, that's not true at all.
1.8k · Nov 2015
No inch is safe
Chalsey Wilder Nov 2015
Not an inch of this world is safe
I couldn't imagine living in this beautiful ill ridden place.
The earth is a beautiful place, but most the people on it aren't anymore.
1.8k · Jul 2017
Mouth
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2017
You "Speak your mind,"
And,
"Don't hold your tongue"
And,
"Right is right"
And,
"Wrong is wrong"
Until,
it is your child that is involved
You make up every excuse
While slaining others for the same?
Ha
Ha
Ha
Absolute moot.
Don't give someone a pill that you can't swallow.
Don't dish out anything you can not take
1.8k · Jul 2014
Blackened heart
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2014
Burned with the evil fire of deceit and betrayal
Fallen angel tears spilt to put it out
Blood running down your body
Stitches that the cuts made
The scars they left behind show your shame
All that's left of your heart is the blackened ashes the fire left
All that's left of your body is the stitches and scars
All that's left of your ego is the shadow of your newfound shame
Blackened heart
Shadowed shame
Broken ego
And your body a reminder
*The ashes blew away and your blackened heart never healed back to a loving red...
1.8k · Jun 2014
Me
Chalsey Wilder Jun 2014
Me
I don't even matter anymore
So why can't I walk out that door
Why can't I just give up without failing to do what I set out to do
*I don't matter to myself
So I don't matter no more
1.7k · Dec 2015
Abuse
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2015
Years of neglect is abuse too.
She's just like Dex
1.7k · Jan 2018
Grain of rock
Chalsey Wilder Jan 2018
I give you a grain of rock
And I tell you of the highest mountain, containing liquid gold at the entrance of the very tip
But you, throwing the grain in my eye
Choose not to believe me
Instead you choose to spew out the nastiness of your disbelief
Even after bluntly letting you know to do research
"I'm not gonna do any ******* research"
Well dear, stay blind,
I hope you fall on a cactus *** first
Bet that will open your eyes
This is a metaphor. Keep your mouth shut if you don't know what you're talking about.
1.7k · Sep 2014
Staring at the ceiling
Chalsey Wilder Sep 2014
I lie here staring at the ceiling
Thoughts flicker across my mind's eye clouding my world's eye
I imagine the person I want to be
I imagine everything
I even paint the pictures out on the ceiling
I see everything I want to be
I see the truth and the lies
I see how I feel inside

Then the outside world comes crashing in and pulls me back to reality
*To the reality I've always tried to escape endlessly
1.6k · Jul 2014
One last time
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2014
One last time let me see you smile
One last time let me hear your voice and feel the warmth of your hug
One last time just one last time let me believe you'll never leave
That you actually love me
That you never meant to ever hurt me
One last time just look at me and don't say a thing
*Just one last time say goodbye and mean it
Just one last time
1.6k · Jul 2014
Last wishes
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2014
I don't care if I die a ******
*I just wish I could meet my true love so that something will make me not want to die
1.5k · Dec 2016
Self-Rev
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2016
We are here today to join together
To join you in love
To join you in heart
To join you in mind
And to never tear apart
In sickeness and health
We'll stay together
Whether rich or poor
We'll stay together
No law tells us we can't be **one
1.5k · Jun 2013
A lover that cease to exist
Chalsey Wilder Jun 2013
She is lonely
Her heart, body, and soul
Screams to the heavens and to the underworld for a lover
Looking for someone to love her and to want her
Not only physically, but emotionally too
For someone to notice her when she's out of balance and out of care
Someone who will free her from her mind
Someone who will make her heart a whole
Someone who will appreciate her, respect her, care for her
Someone to give her heart to, and more
Someone to be free and open with
But no matter how loud she screams
It hasn't came yet
Her lover ceases to exist
And she remains to keep herself locked up inside
And let her silence intensify
1.5k · Jun 2013
secrets
Chalsey Wilder Jun 2013
My secrets whisper inside him
Whispers so faint, on one could hear them but me
My secrets should never be told
Only two people know of one
And I doubt the person who did it would forget
My secrets so fragile, harsh, and embarrassing
But I can’t put them away, or bury them nicely in the ground
But I try to forget them and try not to mention them in mind or reality
But they always come back to eat at me more than they did when they came last
But it seems every time I deal with them they won’t disappear
Until… until I set them free
And it knows I won’t, so it tugs at me everyday
My secrets, the ones never spoken
They still whisper inside of him
He carries them around hoping it’s not written on his face
Our secret, I wish we’ve both forgotten
But it’s not
My secret, his secret, our secret
Something I regret everyday and every time I close my eyes
My secrets unspoken, have made me more broken
Something no one should ever deal with
So I’ll tell them, but not them all
And everyone will see it on his face
But that won’t make me feel better
So it remains hidden, because of what I won’t do
And because of what they will do
Creating havoc in his life and pity in mine
That just makes it all worst
For me and everyone around me
That secret will always follow me, anywhere I go it’ll still be with me
It’ll still be there when I say it, and it will be everywhere surrounding me in its deafening grip
Pulling the life out of me until I’m stiff with the numbness of a dark, cold soul
Those secrets, my secrets the one's unspoken
Makes my humanity break inside and my heart disappear
1.4k · Oct 2014
Lost and forgotten
Chalsey Wilder Oct 2014
I stare at myself in the mirror a long time
Wondering why I'm here and not out living my prime
The girl under this make-up, lost and forgotten, she always wears this mask that covers her mass destruction
She destroyed herself to make herself feel loved
She starved herself
She purged herself of everything society saw bad
She covered up her insecurities with concealer and mascara
She put on a smile to cover her frown
She covered every bit of herself up and suffocated her slowly
Now the girl in the mirror, she's always remembered, but the girl under her body and personality mask is now lost and forgotten
1.4k · Oct 2015
9/12-15-22-5/25-15-21
Chalsey Wilder Oct 2015
If you want the truth
I will tell you
As much of it I will let through
There are things I wouldn't even admit until I'm lying on my deathbed
But it's pretty irrelevant
I only need to admit it to myself
The only way I escape it is by denying it
But to tell you the truth
Denial is not an easy force of truce
It's a pretty hard thing to tussle with
I feel it in every breath I use
Forever can never be promised, cuteness
At least in some form I still do.
1.4k · Jul 2014
It's not a sin
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2014
Love is not a sin
So why is being gay a sin?
Why is being lesbian a sin?
Why is being anything other than heterosexual a sin?
Love is not a sin
So why do we treat gay guys holding hands like a disease?
Why do we treat transexuals like they shouldn't exist?
Why do we treat people badly just because they chose to be who they are?
Love is not a sin
Do I have to say this again?!?
LOVE IS NOT A SIN
Being yourself is not a sin
Do you really want to know what's really a sin?
Pretending to be what you're not
That is the real sin
1.4k · Jun 2017
Sinuous sting
Chalsey Wilder Jun 2017
Pinching pins,
                               Up and down my curve
Napping needles,
                                In the nape of my knee
Sprouting stings,
                               Stabbing the span of my soma (body)
Swelling sores,
                            Has my soma aching
Psychologically speaking,
*I just don't want to be in pain for the rest of my life
1.4k · Jul 2017
Fate
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2017
It's inside you,
You're holding it all in your hands.
Mold your fate people.
1.4k · Dec 2015
Honey
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2015
Mmmm. You taste like honey.
Well, I sort of put some on earlier.
Really?
Yes, really.
Her grin wasn't innocent-
Time for me to have some honey.
Honey is good for your skin cx
1.4k · Jan 2015
Winter is my twin
Chalsey Wilder Jan 2015
My body is like the winter
Not cold, but barren
My heart is like a snow storm
Not only freezing, but icy chaos
My soul is like the winter
*Something you'll wish you never went through
1.4k · Apr 2017
Two witches
Chalsey Wilder Apr 2017
Two cracking cackling clinging broom witches creaked into the closed cavern.
Combinding concoctions to create a cocktail of concretional chaos in their bodies. Coming time to close those crusty eye sockets, deathening sleep creaps on them.
Had fun with my c's as you can see
1.4k · Dec 2015
Judgement
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2015
If I don't want to be judged for being me,
I can't judge you for being you.
But you gotta return the same thing.
1.4k · May 2014
I need something new
Chalsey Wilder May 2014
I need something new
A change of scenery
I need a good change,
and live my dreams in reality
I need new feelings
New body
New concepts
Sometimes I get them
Sometimes I just remember what I already knew
New things rarely happen
And I'm just tired of the same things
I feel like everyday's the same and I'm left to discover on my own
I feel like everything is grey and there's no color to behold
I need something new
And I've waited 16, almost 17 years
My whole life
And the only new thing that has happened is my body and mind
*Which I don't like
....……
1.4k · Nov 2015
Finding my funnies
Chalsey Wilder Nov 2015
I find it kind of funny
That people care after it's too late
I find it kind of funny
When people care about **** they're unable to do anything about
I find it kind of funny
That people can care about people they never knew existed, but most likely wouldn't do **** to help them
I find it ******* hilarious
That people care what I do with my life
It's not funny but at the same time it is I call it life humor. I wish I could take Kermit's job
1.4k · Jun 2014
Bare
Chalsey Wilder Jun 2014
You left me feeling bare naked even when I was clothed
The look you gave me
The instant connected feelings left me feeling halved when you looked away
It left me bare naked
And I felt the draft you left behind
The feeling was so strong it made me want to cover up everything
I could see he saw my whole story
And I saw his too
We left each other bare
We left each other chilled and afraid of being vulnerable
And we had only walked past each other on the subway
I have never been on a subway..hm
1.4k · Aug 2014
Never Again
Chalsey Wilder Aug 2014
Never again will I say it
Never again will I put myself in bars and chains
Never will I ever let others disappoint me
Never will I completely trust again
*And I just lied to myself again
I just put the bars and chains back on me. Oh ******* well
1.4k · Dec 2014
I let go
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2014
I let go because you never had me
Never did never will
1.4k · Nov 2014
Hope
Chalsey Wilder Nov 2014
I still hope
         *Even when I tell myself not to...
I'm trying to break this human emotion. But it's hard though.
1.3k · Dec 2015
My advice to myself
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2015
Let go
Don't worry
Fix what you can **now.
I'm trying to follow my own advice first. Cause it's all my fault.
1.3k · Dec 2015
Seating arrangements
Chalsey Wilder Dec 2015
Where you choose to sit is where you choose to listen.
Don't like what you hear,
You change seats.
"I refuse to sit here and listen.."
Go on about your business sweetheart, no one is making you sit here but you.
1.3k · Oct 2015
Smoke
Chalsey Wilder Oct 2015
Organic air art
Just my thoughts I guess c:
1.3k · Mar 2014
Sleep paralysis #2
Chalsey Wilder Mar 2014
It's gotten worse

I feel like I literally can't breath
My heart feels like it's trying to come out of my chest
I try to move, but every time I try to move it pulls on my heart strings in a bad way
Every time I try to breathe my heart feels like it's closer to escaping me and pushes at my ribcage violently
And it feels like someone is pressing down on my chest
Making the feeling worse

I've tried waking up
I've tried screaming
I've tried moving
But it hurts to even try to do anything
I can't fight
I can't move
I cannot do anything

Am I so messed up that I even get tortured in my sleep?

I haven't slept good enough in a while
These last for hours of the night

It feels like they're trying to **** me in my dreams
These nightmares
I'm always close to dying in them
I'm frozen in it
Never able to get out until I'm almost dead
And when it ends
I get back to my normal dreams
*Which I think is better
My normal dreams are random and weird. Sometimes I don't remember them.
1.3k · Jul 2016
"Someone else has it worse"
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2016
"Someone else has it worse!"
Thank you for making me feel better
Cause, since someone else has it worse I should be happy now, right?
My problems don't exist because someone else has bigger ones

Because someone else has it worse, it gets rid of my problem?
I'm getting the feeling each time someone says that, they believe that saying that makes any problem disapear
Because please,
Please
**Why must I always find joy or gratefulness in the pain and suffering of others?
"You must be positive"
1.3k · May 2017
Hurt
Chalsey Wilder May 2017
It burned,
Worse than a diagnosal disease
Why did you have to do this to me?
I remember the spark of life in your eyes as you were choking me
Convincing me, it was a part of a dream that would not repeat
After the second time
After the third time
After the fourth time using your hands to paint me black and blue with your anguish
I could not be coaxed by your convention with my eyes swollen nearly shut and only red and bright stars were visable
You cannot buy my heart to break my spirit,
You cannot break my spirit and think buying my heart will heal it
While you're trying to **** it
I got out because I willed it
I still feel the anguish you painted on me
The black and blue went deeper than my skin
Deeper than my thoughts, it has painted my subconscious
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