Organic air art

“I wouldn't expect you to know beauty."
Beauty isn't ten pounds of make up, long hair, and thigh gaps
Beauty isn't the biggest ***** or **** you can find
Beauty isn't always short and petite

Beauty is her personality
It's her laugh, it's her smile
It's her ability to make you laugh for miles
It's her hugs that make your heart beat fast
And blushing madly when she grabs your ***
It's the way she loves and lives off of fun and enjoyment
It's the way she holds you during sleep over nights

She may be beautiful on the outside, but that doesn't compare to what I know is on the inside

It's gotten worse

I feel like I literally can't breath
My heart feels like it's trying to come out of my chest
I try to move, but every time I try to move it pulls on my heart strings in a bad way
Every time I try to breathe my heart feels like it's closer to escaping me and pushes at my ribcage violently
And it feels like someone is pressing down on my chest
Making the feeling worse

I've tried waking up
I've tried screaming
I've tried moving
But it hurts to even try to do anything
I can't fight
I can't move
I cannot do anything

Am I so messed up that I even get tortured in my sleep?

I haven't slept good enough in a while
These last for hours of the night

It feels like they're trying to **** me in my dreams
These nightmares
I'm always close to dying in them
I'm frozen in it
Never able to get out until I'm almost dead
And when it ends
I get back to my normal dreams
*Which I think is better

Stop salting your soil
Stop ripping your roots
Stop grating your grass
Start calling a truce
Start reeping what you sow
Start watering and it'll grow
Communicate
Appreciate
Never hesitate
Or the sun will
Not elevate

"What was it baby?"
"That I lost you for good."

Being alone and being lonely are two different things
Feeling alone or feeling lonely are two different things too
Alone, meaning no one is around
Feeling alone means there's people all around, but in you mind, heart, and soul you're all alone inside
Lonely, meaning you're single and searching
Feeling lonely means you're always alone, no matter the place or people

Alone
Or
Lonely?

I am both

I feel alone and I am alone
I feel lonely and I am lonely
My soul is cold and empty
But my body is warm and full
My body is heavy
And my spirit heavier
My mind the storm and my heart the war

Will it ever end?

The overcrowding loneliness and the loud silence that comes with it
Or the feeling that I'm alone

I cry
I mourn
But what am I crying for?
What am I mourning?
Am I crying for death to take me?
So that he can warm my soul and unburden my spirit?

Am I mourning the life I'm living?
Am I mourning the future I think I'll have?
Am I mourning that death doesn't want me, or that he doesn't love me the way I love him?
Am I crying and mourning the deep thirst I have for him?

I think I am
And I'm not sure if I'll ever get over him, or stop wanting him
He was my only solace except writing
He was the only thing I thought I could control
But I don't
He controls it
He decides whether to push me away or to bring me closer

This burden I carry
It breaks me a little each time I feel I should die
Why haven't I died? I think
I should be dead. Someone else who deserves to live should have the rest of my years.
I always think this
Then I think of others
The pain ebbs, but still flows much more greatly later, when I'm thinking too much, feeling too much
Am I alone or lonely?
I think I'm both
And as I said in one of my last poems: Am I trash or golden?
I'm not sure
Am I trash because I'm too broken, or am I golden because I'm broken in a beautiful way?

Do you know what it feels like?
To imagine killing people, and then feel slightly guilty after thinking so
Do you know what it feels like?
To hurt yourself feeling you deserve it, and afterwards you regret it
Do you know what it feels like?
To be a lesser being, to not even matter that the world doesn't hear you screaming
Do you know what it feels like?
To want to rip your own heart out, to stop the feeling, to stop the pain, to rid the burden, and the heavy rain
Do you know what it feels like?
**To be on the outside of every single thing

Letting go of a flower petal
And the wind picking it up for a ride to the unknown
Feeling something in your heart as you realize a flower petal has so much more freedom than you do
It can be who it is without a care while you can't
And flowers are loved for it while you aren't

You stand there wishing for a second, for a mere second you wish you were that flower petal
Then you look down then around and walk away, maybe still wishing you were that flower petal or maybe having it change you forever

If it ***** with someone's head,
If it breaks somebody's heart,
If it violates someone internationally or externally,
Why wouldn't you be a bad person for doing this to another?
*And then blame who you did it to.

The ones that claim to love you give you the most misery.

I will never be enough
*When I'm never enough for myself

I don't want love out of life anymore
I don't want anything out of life anymore
I just want to walk in the river of souls
*And let myself go

You don't know how lucky you are*
You're innocent from the terrible things I've been through
You're the ******* cheerleader
And I'm the ******* freak
You fell in love with a creature incapable of loving back fully
And I fell in love with a fragile fairy so trusting
Here we go again
Into a story told a thousand times
Into a poem told with a thousand rhymes
Here I go again breaking another heart
Here I go again tearing my soul apart
For something I think I deserve I make myself incapable of loving myself or another

I'm not the same girl you met freshmen year
She caught emotional cancer when you first kissed her
That was her very first kiss
And it became very fatal when you took her virginity
And when you broke her heart she was too weak
She died, and I was the only one at the funeral to say "goodbye"
I never saw you there
Then I truly knew that you didn't love me the way I love you
And when you broke her heart
A new girl was given that heart
She was given that heart to ignore
And now she realizes that the broken heart she chose to ignore it still loves you
And whenever she's around you she knows that she'll never stop loving you
But she tries, she tries really hard to stop loving you
But she can't
She can't
She never thought she would fall in love with you and stay in love with you
She doesn't want to be in love with you anymore
But she is
It's amazing how you broke that girl's heart
And that other girl's who has her heart now still has that original girl's love for you
And no matter how broken my heart is, or how shattered it is
I'll always love you
I know I will

Everybody says "It's your life, take control of it."
Yes, quite indeed it's my life
And naturally, the controls comes with limitations
I keep falling back into bad habits
And each time I fall in I only get worser
"But Chalsey, you shouldn't let life limit you."
Limit me?
Well, I don't know how much of me there is.
Maybe this is all anyone gets
Maybe there isn't much more to me
*Maybe I am at my limit

“I hope you go to heaven so that I'll never have to see you in hell!"
OR
“I would rather live in hell if it's never to see you again!"

I am ashamed to be human in this world today

It takes a lot more than a month and two pounds of **** to get over someone you really had feelings for.

We never know how fast we're dying
We never know how hard we're crying
You never know how when I lie awake
I think of things that make me quake
We never know how tired father time is
We never know when mother nature's time ends
We never know anything
We never know who someone truly is

A heart isn't a game
*** isn't a game or a gamble
Tears are potions of frustration and pain
*** was never intended to be physical gain
I could knock on this ****
Point out everything not worth it
But still no one would ever get what my mouth tries to say
This age, and this day
Nothing but a petty game I'll have to play

My darling, I'll do all the flicking
Since it's your cherry tree I'm picking
Don't get worried if you start shaking
It's merely just the earthquake my tongue is making
***** taste sweeter than nector
I do all the neck work
I'll put her on my face and make an effort
Flood me when you arch, girl

Do you think you can revive me, when I'm half dead?
No
I'm just half full of life
So I can not be revived when I'm technically still half alive
You might **** me with your electricity
Doesn't matter I'll be the same
Never noticed
And half dead
Always ashamed of my half life
Always waiting for my half death to become full
Or maybe for my half life to become full
if at all possible
And live it till it's gone
My brain's been half gone
It's waiting to either be brought back or for me to come with it
I'm not sure what happened to it
It just was never there
So can I be revived, when I'm half alive?
No don't try it
Your electricity might **** me
But either way
I'll be the same
Unnoticed
And half dead
While I lay in bed

A whisper
So faint
So near
It came right up next to my ear
It said come with me, I need to show you something
What do you have to show me? I ask

I stood at the edge
It was a dark beautiful waterfall

I was so amazed
come near. it whispered

I came closer
closer it said

I came so near that my ear almost touched the water
Then I noticed there was no sound of the waterfall

It whispered
A sound so faint and small
But what it said was loud
My worst nightmares and my darkest thoughts that were forcefully unfinished, they were whispered in my ear
Word for word I could not stop listening
It whispered welcome to immortality

That is my whisper of darkness

I know how maddening it is to listen
But it's ten times worse when you're the one talking

Crazy talk right?
It's even more questionable when you walk it
So unbelievable to the non-crazies

Hopefully my memory never fails me

When lamination slowly starts to creep
We weep
We seek
To release
We're meek
Helpless
Sleep sleeplessly
Terrible dreams
We seek what they mean
Froze
Stuck
In our lamination
Paralyzed in our dreams
Rainbows and unicorns were not in them
And if they were they were what led me to these nightmares
Nightmares when I try to run
Try to scream
Try not to stare at the rising sun
My lips blue
lying on the beach
Skin pale and sand smeared lips
Eyes unblinking
almost vacant, but not quite

There's still life!
My body rarely barely breathing
So still that it's eerie
My brown eyes almost vacant and unmoving
I know I'm there
I can hear the ocean
I can feel the morning breeze brushing my sand covered face and the strands of my hair
The problem is that it isn't me
There's no way I'm this beautiful or pale
Yes, I'm almost dying
But she's not me
Her skin is a white porcelain
Her eyes are the only thing of mine that's hers
Her hair brown
Her figure slim yet curvy
I'm in her body
I remembered
My body changed
But not my soul
This is me
The opposite of me
In a parallel universe who almost succeeded in what I did
*My soul was showing me what my other me did too

It's crazy what people do in the extreme when they put themselves in the pit of it

If there's one thing I know
This world is living backwards
And we're in the middle of it in its war

Life's a terrible nightmare
A terrible dream
That keeps on going
Going till you leave
Death is your wakening for the real thing
*Death is the truth the moment you die, the moment you leave

No one gets to come in
I am trapped inside my everflowing heart
The way it flows with my emotions it feels like I'm drowning
I'm drowning in envy,hate,and depression
My everflowing heart is drowning me in its boiling waves,snuffing out my every breath of relief
It pulls me down in its ever changing current
pushing and pulling my mind out of the equation
pulling me out from inside,I try to escape my everflowing heart
My heart traps me in these rushes of icey and lava showers and currents
And I can never swim away,it grabs hold of my arms and legs and pulls me down
It pulls me down till I'm almost crushed with its weight
The weight of all the pain and the hurt,the misery and the rush
My everflowing heart
Boils on the embers of my pain and weariness
And freezes on the ice of my fears and losses
The fears that crawl into my heart and creep into my mind
My everflowing heart freezes me in my fears, freezes me in my losses
Under its weight I'm frozen,it shifts its current and breaks me to pieces
My everflowing heart
it boils and freezes,
it pushes and pulls,
and breaks and shatters me apart
with its currents and an ever changing moon that controls it with a broken heart that once belonged to someone else

Everybody's out for blood in 2017+

Sorry I'm not good enough for you
How am I suppose to be good enough for you when I'm not good enough for me?
I can't satisfy society
Can't satisfy anyone, not even myself
~sigh~
I'm not sated,  neither is society and society never will be
No one will ever stop being thirsty or hungry or greedy
No one will ever be sated
I want  be sated but I don't know what I want anymore
Our generation wants everything and even when we get it we'll never be happy with it
We'll never be sated or happy
Cause having everything is nothing
Because we can have everything we thought we wanted and not want it anymore
Cause if I really wanted to be sated
I would have everything I need....not what I wanted

"The sun is always shining,
It's just covered by the clouds"

I'm driving off the cliff into the oceans of insanity

I've a heart full of dead roses
For lost loves I've never chosen
I pleaded with death and jumped over the devil
I'm telling you now, it's a whole bunch of trouble
Keep in mind, I am insane
I told you, I poured the pills down the drain
Please believe me
This disease is so ******* deadly
My mind, it totally upsets me
Cranking me down into something so deathly
Can you see me, when I'm just around the corner of your eye?
Truth comes proden sly
Can you hear the ringing inside?
If you do, that's just a sign
You're going insane with me
The flowers fill out and cover the smell of the deathly

Love me till I'm gone and my blood is spilt
Love me till I'm no longer breathing and our time is jilt
Love me even when my soul travels to where it be
*Love me
Love me while I'm still here
And I will love you too

Let your delicate fingers trace and study every inch of my body
Be surprised that no one else knows it
How else do you want to study?
******, darling?;)
Or on hands experience, baby?c;
If you want it both ways, you'll have it down in no time
Let'***** the headboard big-time
We are inseparable
Completely entwined

He has a hold on it
It feels cold and hot with the intensity of it
My heart
it tricks me into thinking it's love, while he squeezes the life out of me
And then he lets me go
I feel nothing
I am nothing
I feel every pain I felt since I was born
I am the the pain I was given
It overmelms me
It crushes me, liquifies me
But this pain is nothing compared ot the broken heart he gave me
The hold he has on me is strong and unbearable
Tearing me apart while I try to pry his hold off of me
I feel it
Every rip and tear he makes on my soul, while I hear the horrible sound of my broke heart
Broken, torn, and ripped up
I fall
I fall into his arms of crushing betrayal
And I fall in love all over again
And his hold on me will never let go

Make me disappear
Make me go away
Make me understand this brand new place
Make me fall in love and melt my misery
Make me never leave this scenery
Make me see without my eyes
Never spill those little white lies
Make destroying me look beautiful and destroy me with the most beautiful hurricane ever seen

I laugh to replace the tears I need to cry.

My muse is the last of life I have left in my heart

Why can't I dream for one night
Without seeing someone's after life

Why can't I dream for one night
Without seeing someone's future in my mind

Why can't I dream for one night
Without knowing what I dream

Why can't I dream for one night
Where what I dream ~even the nightmares ~ is better than my reality

Why can't I dream for one night
*And and never wake from it again

I don't know, maybe you were fooled
I'm a new student, I don't follow the rules
Forgiveness is a tool
And I don't mean to be so cruel
But I ain't in control of my heart
The place you were is now a hollow part
Leaving nothing but to let in the ****
My heart bought it all at the breakup mini mart
I used to wish it was smart
But it's been hit by poisoned darts
Ain't no forgiveness in this heart
It makes no exceptions,
My forgiveness is forsaken
You're gonna need a girl with low expectations
Your greatest weakness is the temptations
My greatest weakness is my mental mutilations
Neither are in relation
I was pointed out by my mind's creation
Who I am when we're together is who I shouldn't be

If it's true you ever loved me,
If it's true you ever cared,
Swear on my life you did.
I quadruple dare you to.

The less I have to do with it
The less drama I'll have to deal with

When I get a bae
Don't talk to meh

One two three four on the floor
Open up the ******* door
If you don't you'll surely die
We'll mourn your death until death cries
When death weeps we'll be on our knees
We'll cry out and our voice will be full of glee

One two three four in the sky
Now open up and don't be shy
Now write your heart out till I bleed
You'll never hear my silent screams

One two three four five six seven
When the clock strikes one you'll surely be savage
Now don't be scared to show your scars
I have them too if you've looked in my eyes

One two three four on the floor
Open up the ******* door
If you don't you'll surely die
We'll mourn your death until death cries

One two three four I'm insane
Cause this song is stuck inside my brain
I made it up just today
And now I'm going mad cause I can't think
Lets hurry up and take a drink

Hmm hm hm hm hm hm hmmmmm
Hmm hm hm hm hm hm hmmmmm
Hmm hm hm hm hm hm hmmmmm....

My mind is in-between
In-between hell and insanity
In-between heaven and solitude
My heart is in-between
In-between hoping and wanting
In-between sorrow and self punishment
My soul is in-between
In-between hell's cold fire and heaven's pure indifference
In-between my mind and my heart's in-betweens

I'm a hypocrite,
But not as bad as one as you
You brought yourself as low as the people you talk about
Does the taste of their lowlyness taste good to you?
Let me rephrase,
Does the taste of their lowlyness feel good in your heart?
I didn't think so
But you say it like you do
Who are you?
You are whom?
**The people you talk about, *boo