I am stuck in the same place
At the same pace
What's wearing thin is my patience
I don't have any time to stay complaisant
I need to find my placement
Put myself first, not in the basement
Some may not know what it meant
I however hold no sentiments
This is what I have to deal with
No one actually making things better for me
Instead I bleed
My marrow creating blood just abundantly
Just to keep the stream from weening
Disallowing the life in me to die out
I hate being disabled. But I'm getting help.
I don't know why
Can't even begin to understand
When I know you're about to kiss me like you want to taste and lick my soul
I don't bother to pull back
Never wanting you to stop
Never wanting you to end
Your smell, vibe, taste, sensation
Strumming on me
Making your favorite notes play your favorite tune
Fully clothed yet vulnerablely ****
Yearning for our bodies to match
Undoing my button brought me back to rational thought
We must stop
You must stop trying to **** me out of my commitments
My commitment to my heart
To starve the flesh
I lost it
I lost my poem mojo
Thoughts piled higher than an air balloon shaped like a kite
I'm scrawling all over the page
Just to say what is near the tip of my tongue
And only air is escaping my tongue's grasp
So the page ends up balled up
Spread into a crumble onto the floor
My day rinses and repeats
With my sprawlings traveling to the door
It is far too easy to become as nasty and as evil as our counterparts when they have treated you that way far too long
And it worsens,
As they deny the aftermath of this treatment to you
It's passed down,
Turmoil building turmoil, rolling it up to start the base of a snowman
It causes the destruction of our hearts, distorts our minds, to casually gloss over our eyes
Every generation is weaker than the last
*They think they're unpredictable and rambunctious, but they don't realize,
That this is controlled too
In order to be strong, you have to be weak
One does not exist without the other
In order to stay strong
You must have memerance of your weakness
I give you a grain of rock
And I tell you of the highest mountain, containing liquid gold at the entrance of the very tip
But you, throwing the grain in my eye
Choose not to believe me
Instead you choose to spew out the nastiness of your disbelief
Even after bluntly letting you know to do research
"I'm not gonna do any ******* research"
Well dear, stay blind,
I hope you fall on a cactus *** first
Bet that will open your eyes
This is a metaphor. Keep your mouth shut if you don't know what you're talking about.
You "Speak your mind,"
"Don't hold your tongue"
"Right is right"
"Wrong is wrong"
it is your child that is involved
You make up every excuse
While slaining others for the same?
Don't give someone a pill that you can't swallow.
Don't dish out anything you can not take
Stop salting your soil
Stop ripping your roots
Stop grating your grass
Start calling a truce
Start reeping what you sow
Start watering and it'll grow
Or the sun will
Make your shine.
It's inside you,
You're holding it all in your hands.
Mold your fate people.
Up and down my curve
In the nape of my knee
Stabbing the span of my soma (body)
Has my soma aching
*I just don't want to be in pain for the rest of my life
Worse than a diagnosal disease
Why did you have to do this to me?
I remember the spark of life in your eyes as you were choking me
Convincing me, it was a part of a dream that would not repeat
After the second time
After the third time
After the fourth time using your hands to paint me black and blue with your anguish
I could not be coaxed by your convention with my eyes swollen nearly shut and only red and bright stars were visable
You cannot buy my heart to break my spirit,
You cannot break my spirit and think buying my heart will heal it
While you're trying to **** it
I got out because I willed it
I still feel the anguish you painted on me
The black and blue went deeper than my skin
Deeper than my thoughts, it has painted my subconscious
Two cracking cackling clinging broom witches creaked into the closed cavern.
Combinding concoctions to create a cocktail of concretional chaos in their bodies. Coming time to close those crusty eye sockets, deathening sleep creaps on them.
Had fun with my c's as you can see
Everybody's out for blood in 2017+
Coming all at once
They scatter cackling, clinging with their 15 minutes of fame.
"The sun is always shining,
It's just covered by the clouds"
I know you're mad because I'm closed in tight
It's hard for me to express these feelings
I'm just not used to someone caring
I'm not used to someone taking the time to love me
To get to know me inside out
Believe it or not, it was easier to get in my body than in my mind
I know it's frustrating, cause you quote on quote, "I want to know what's in my woman's mind"
I couldn't agree more, it just takes me time
To get on paper what is in my mind
I'm just so used to closing myself off till I want to die
I still live day to day
I live with this weight on my chest
With it plastered in my mind,
Cluttered with it
Every gap has traffic in it
Every little thing you wouldn't want to remember
Whenever I'm alone,
Whenever I am vulnerable
It always ***** me right back
And holds on as tight as you do
It's crazy what people do in the extreme when they put themselves in the pit of it
"What was it baby?"
"That I lost you for good."
Some people don't realize they've had a good thing till it's gone.
Some people don't know they have a bad thing so long as it stays.
It just comes natural to me
To submit to a Dom
You're gentle with your roughness
Eat up all my wetness
Since you caused it
You can't tease me and expect me not to want it
You can't tease me and expect me to not be *****
Your thirst, I can never satisfy
Even when you eat my soul out of me
You still crave to eat more
To drink more
To do it all night
And all morning
Girl, don't you ever get tired?
It just comes natural to me
To submit to a Dom
You're gentle with your roughness
You're smart with your toughness
I love me a woman in control❤
I got off easy
I realized the consequences were so little, it could be nothing
If I wanted it to
It can easily never have happened,
If I wanted it to
I could easily get rid of this confusion
I know myself
Myself could never understand
But I understand this,
*You only exist when I want you to
At least it's easy.
I wished this
I wished that
I regret I let my tongue get caught by the cat
I regret I saw all the red flags
And ignored it
I've taken responsibility for that
I didn't make you do any of those things
I can't take responsibility for your acts
It took two
If only I wasn't the other half
At least it never got that bad
I know I'm slightly hypocritical
I'll still laugh at these ******* who choose to spread their own legs yet find every excuse to blame everyone else but themselves
I can't say I'm perfect
Cause there's no such thing
At least I can say, I'm better
I can't hold my tongue any longer
**IT MAY TAKE TWO BUT IT ONLY TAKES ONE TO WALK AWAY FROM THE CONSEQUENCES
If you don't want the consequences and the other person does or doesn't want them or care then it's YOUR job to walk away and YOUR choice to actually do it.
*Of course when you only think about yourself that is where the stupidest choices are made*
Today, you turn 13
13 years of living
You've made it another year cancer free
Let the rest of your life be disease free
Happy birthday little sister
Here's your present, now stop annoying me
Lol. My sister's birthday is soon
Forgiving myself was the hardest of all.
I forgive me.
Sometimes it's harder to forgive yourself
I never knew, I never thought
A kiss could make me so hot
To get closer to your soul
I didn't get the hype at all
It's just a kiss
Well, not at all
Your kiss just isn't a kiss
It makes me melt into a boiling puddle
What do you do to me!?
I can't even think when you connect your lips to me
It's like a hotline to a psychic's mind
I can't stop it
You've ****** me in with those brown eyes
I'll admit, what did most of the work were those soft sumptuous clever lips
Now I know the hype lol
"Tonight," you said, "I only please you."
"But, the catch is I'll start out slow, and when you moan I'll go faster. And if you talk I'll go faster than when you moan."
Oh, what did I do to deserve you
I thought, with a huge smile on my face
Can't tell that to a girl, and expect her to not get wet.
Not everything or everyone is for a lifetime
But for a season
Sometimes you come across them only for a certain reason
Learning is caring, cruel
Knowledge is carrying wisdom to the fool
The personal price is set once you take the risk
"At what price?"
Breakups aren't that bad
I hated I ever met you
I hated I didn't cut things loose
Honestly, I can't even say I hate you though
It was my responsibility to tell you no
I hated my gut was screaming at me, by making me ill
And I still didn't decide to listen, sit down and chill
The solution -the cure- was pretty **** simple
And I am an overwhelming complicated thinker
Who has learned to simplify her mind
If I ever hear my gut whimper
My gut was just looking out for me. I don't even remember what was going on in my mind back then, but I wish I hadn't of flat out ignored it lol I felt so stupid for not saying what I really wanted to say. I met someone special because of you. Thx:)
PS, you make an *** out of yourself when you ASSume, so I'm not assuming anything
If it makes you feel better that you think you have a "hater" so be it. Keep thinking it, you need it more than me
Dark skin* always out for blood
White skin* assumed to be filled with hate and guilt for not wanting their blood *drained
"Non-white people can't be racist, only prejudice."
a person who shows or feels discrimination or -prejudice- against people of other races, or who believes that a particular race is superior to another.
showing or feeling discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or believing that a particular race is superior to another.
You're walking a part of the road I left far behind
I'm a hypocrite,
But not as bad as one as you
You brought yourself as low as the people you talk about
Does the taste of their lowlyness taste good to you?
Let me rephrase,
Does the taste of their lowlyness feel good in your heart?
I didn't think so
But you say it like you do
Who are you?
You are whom?
**The people you talk about, *boo
Inspiration from ugly online arguments.
And I love it when people say "Mind your business" when they weren't minding theirs in the first place. ❤❤❤
I had not said yes
The relationship was toxic,
it was my poison
I thought the fantasy of us was amazing, but void
I wished I had told you when you asked..
When you forced me to be engaged to you,
To **** your **** self **
Should have sent all of that out the door
I cared when I shouldn't
I knew I never loved you, knew I never could love you
I felt I had to fake it
There is one thing I will never understand though
Why did I try to save you?
I knew you were lightyears away
Why didn't I recognize the symptoms right away?
For months I was sick from consuming too much of that *******
I was telling myself something before I arrived out of the hospital
I was telling myself it should be done
But all I was doing was playing along with *******
Harsh I know. It's just how I feel. You shouldn't threaten to **** yourself to force someone to do anything.
We are here today to join together
To join you in love
To join you in heart
To join you in mind
And to never tear apart
In sickeness and health
We'll stay together
Whether rich or poor
We'll stay together
No law tells us we can't be **one
Your insecure *** thinks I want your wo/man?
Oh oh oh oh
You ain't gotta worry
You can keep em
Wrap em in a box
Put em on your doorstep
And they'll go show up on somebody else's doorstep
Saying, "Hey how ya doing?"
And they'll be back by the time your alarm clock goes off
Like they never left
And I don't want any part of it
You can keep em
You can stay
You ain't gotta worry about me any day
"He ain't got no loyalty
He ain't got no respect
All he got is money and a ****
You can keep him
He ain't ****"
"She ain't really nurturing
She ain't really fit
She wants to control everything
It's out of my limits"
This **** is gonna blow up the fan
A judgement is still an opinion
And you have a right to it
But no where in your rights does it say it has the right to bother me
Good day you.
There you go.
Uncontional love doesn't mean unconditional relationship
Some people get the meanings mixed up.
I need to practice the art
Of letting go irrelevancy
My mind is overthinking my past
Overprocessing my future
I'm keeping myself in a constant loop
And getting absolutely nothing good from it
Maybe I should try to stop thinking for a while, but it's hard not to.
The first little piggie bought all he could afford
Made a house of straw
Knowing it was temporary
And that it would fall
The second made a house of sticks
It was all he could work with
He knows it's more stable than straw
But all it takes is a flood to make it flow away
Made a house of stone
He said "No one is gettin into my home"
He put in more effort for the comfort of stability
The third pig has taught me
That's the way I want to be
I really need to build up my motivation and ambition.
She taught me that if the first one isn't just right try again
She also taught me that each try that you risk could be fatal or peaceful
She taught me you can't walk into the beast's home without being aware of it
These stories have been giving me comfort the past two days.
What you have taught me is
Ignoring the red flags
Will allow the wolves to consume you whole
I never realized what the story was truly teaching. People sometimes come into your life, make you feel a certain way, put on a mask that gains your trust, only to **** the living life out of ya, and if you don't look at the warning signs and get out, it will consume you.
After some time of reflecting
Understanding nothing you do on purpose is an accident or mistake
-Whatever you want to call it- but what you do on purpose is not a mistake
I could explain all day
I have complained in past days
But I'm the only one I can ultimately blame
I still made the choice
Too late to cry and complain
But every time I notice
That I regret it
And try to convince myself
I didn't mean to do it
And that life's always unfair
I have always been a hypocrite to be truthful, but everyone has, that is the good thing about learning from your regrets and learning from our history/ancestors/other people's choices. If we never learn from our regrets and try to get the younger generations to understand that and change we will never get better as a species. All I keep seeing is that we're copying so many of the wrong things. I can see it's effecting everything. I'm not claiming to be a human making perfect choices, but dang. Sometimes the choices we make make our lives come off unfairly.
I'm just simply getting a better understanding of choices.
Why do your lips feel so warm and sweet
So soft and voluptuous, your togue thrusts so deep
In my throat, you're starved and hungery
Now I'm woke
Your arms wrap around my waist
Bringing me closer
My mind is strong
But my body's weak
The anticipation has me beat
I know I couldn't stop her if I tried
I didn't want her to
But thank goodness she keeps herself controlled
When you just want to lose control.
I should have listened to my gut
Felt so sick and starved that I wanted to give up
I just wanted to erupt
My mind went through hiccups
Laughter is my pick up
I promise to listen to my gut
People underestimate their gut. I won't anymore.
What about yo **** self?
What you been up to lately?
Who YOU been ****** with?
Why are you concerned about me,
and what I'm working with?
Tell your story before you start scribing fibs of my life
Your life is no better than mine
For this I don't have the time
But I do have the pleasure to write
Loving this much feels like a federal crime
Everyone's so concerned with what's mine.
Inspired by my morning chill session
I thank you for helping me reflect and comprehend
I sink further into my skin
"Do I really want this again?"
I don't need my skin purpled, blackened or blue
That's sure as hell what my head is going through
Don't bruise my mind
Don't belittle my soul
I know why I used to miss you, but not anymore
My heart desires something so much better than a *****
So that my mind doesn't get bored
And when we kiss my knees buckle to the floor
Then we made love till I couldn't scream anymore
My birthday was this month
I feel kind of old
I feel like I should be somewhere else
But literally nothing I can choose makes sense to me
But it makes no sense to choose nothing...
*There's really not much of anything
I have so few choices to choose from. My mild scoliosis effects everything. I can't walk for more than 15 max, can't sit down 15max without the most painful numbing feeling from the waist down, and I can't stand up for more than ten minutes without pain. ****, finding a career for myself in the long run is going to be hard. Smh. I am really considering being a mail woman, only thing I can think of that won't bug me.
I hate you.
I'm not hurt or bitter-at best I'm just confused-, but I just hate you.
I wish I had not met you.
But what I wish I had done most of all was telling you "I don't."
You taught me you are the weak *** female I will never want
You taught me you are the kind of person bullshitin on Jesus's cross
Love has no condition
But relationships do
*I can be kind while being cruel
I learned something. Back then, I could have sworn I would have seen it within a mile. Now I am cautious, with a tedious smile. That kind of character has my mouth full of bile and my mind's written you off as vile.
It takes more than love to make a relationship work. It takes hard times to strengthen the bond. Believe me, I'm not getting into a relationship with anyone till I'm ready and I'm not goin into **** with someone if I see red flags like so many idiots do.
As for the last line, I feel what it means but I couldn't explain it to you.
I need to clear my head of all this demise
I just don't have the time
I need to focus on me
But honestly, I am limited in my choices
Just got diagnosed with mild scoliosis
Knew without knowing all along, had it for years and just found out.
I am really thinking hard about college.
You know it's you.
Who I am talking to.
You don't have to listen to how I choose express myself.
If you don't agree, that's you, but don't be rude.