We wanted to fly,
We did.
We wanted to touch the heavens,
We did.
We wanted to know more,
We did.
We wanted to live our dreams
We did.
I wanted to speak out my love,
I couldn't.

Pain has its pleasure.
Tears have a reason.
My sadness I deserve.
And suffering I must endure.

I sat on one of the brown seats and watched a lavish show...
Singers, dancers, lights, cameras....
Flowers, costumes, colours, and viewers...
Everything was perfect...
As it should be.
However, a sudden movement crossed my eyes.
Behind the curtains, I saw a girl peeking inside.
She had two tiny ribbons on her unkempt hair.
And a shabby dress she had put on.
Her twinkling eyes and naughty nose
Were the only jewels she wore.
The angels on the stage were a facade...
And here, this girl was an angel in herself.
Shining...smiling...and wondering.
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But she was driven away...
As always...
After all, she was destroying the perfection so perfect.
But, how didn't they realise, she was the only perfect piece out there?!
Her beautiful eyebrows bend themselves downward...
And her lips curved on the wrong side.
She dragged her feet and went behind.
My eyes were back on the stage where everything was so not true...
I saw people hide their pride behind the generous song of the flute.
Then, a gentle wind swept past the hall
And the curtains started dancing about.
My eyes went back to the spot where that angel stood.
I noticed, that behind the curtain something moved.
And on looking closer, I saw the angel swirling around and around.
She danced around with a laughter I could only see...
She tapped her foot with the rhythm which was her's only.
Her joy was not her's alone.
As she had given a share of it to me as well...
Her show was the perfect of all
And more so bcause of her jewels so pure...

"Peaceful Kings are always destroyed.
Only discontent can lead to happiness."*



~Extract from the Mahabharata

That night we went out for a long drive.
Me and my beloved.
We exchanged sweet words and melodies.
We knew we were the best buddies.

Suddenly there was a blazing light.
And I saw a truck comming for our lives.
I knew it was too late...
I clutched her hands tight.
And then, for the last time
She looked deep into my eyes.
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I got up from a deep slumber.
Feeling numb, feeling nothing.
Then suddenly her body crossed my eyes.
She lied there in a pool of blood so bright.
I stood up in an instant and went by her side...
And then to my horror I saw my body lying beside.

I tried waking her up.
I attempted to take her hands into mine.
But my fingers passed through her hands so divine.
I shouted my lungs out...
But all I could hear was the silence of the night.

Then an old man...Perhaps God himself
Parked his car and took her to the hospital.
I walked beside the car which ran at infinite speed.
The next day I knew it was time for me to leave.

She slept on the hospital bed...
And illuminated the room's thousand corners.
She was the divine goddess
And I was the sinful Ghost...
She was the brightness of the lights.
I was the darkness of the shadows.

A few days later,
She was rendered physically fit.
But her heart was incomplete.
Coz during one of those good days.
I remember her giving me a piece of her heart.
For me to keep it safe and protected.
I wanted to return it.
But they didn't allow me to come down to earth.

I always knew I am a sinful man
So why did heaven take me in.
Then I remembered its becoz'
I loved her so deep.

Years pass by
And I watch her toil deep within.
Her diamond-like tears
Wet her bed every night,
And she keeps talking to me
Without getting any reply.

One day I decide to defy the heaven's rules
And walk down on the earth so beautiful.
They punish me to die everyday in hell.
But how can that be as this heaven is my hell!

I visit her during her sleep
And before returning the last piece
I kiss her forehead
And get a taste so sweet.
The next morning.
I see her smile return.
I see the girl who is jolly and fun.
She notices a locket on her neck.
A heart shaped one...with our pictures on either side.
She takes it off
But keeps it safely beside the white roses.
I am a memory now.
A beautiful memory.
But only a memory
Nothing more than that.

She soon leaves for work
But on the road she stumbles and falls.
First I run but then I stop.
A tall young man helps her up.
First she hesitates, but then takes his hand.
I smile and stand still behind.

Now she has a happy home,
And I walk the roads of hell alone.
I have gone out of your sight
And you've me out of your mind.
Thank you his beloved for forgetting me.
Thank you his beloved for saving me.

She cannot see what I see,
I cannot show her what I see.
I show her the trees and the mountain sides,
She shows me a Lamborghini passing by...
I show her the sun set on the horizon,
She shows me a luxury cruise on the ocean.
I tell her how good it feels  to have a coffee on the roadside bench with friends.
She tells me, how great it would be to have a chat over tea with the President!
I show her the openness of the vast sky,
She shows me the confinements of a villa by our side.
Then she says,
"You cannot see what I see".

Why did I run from the people I love?
Why did I expect them to understand the unspoken words?
Why didn't I cry when I knew they'd soothe me?
Why didn't I let go of myself when they hugged me tight?
Why was it that my pain always took the form of rage?
And my unspoken sweet words acted as knives piercing their veins?
Why did I tell the unforgiveable truth instead of telling the divine lie?
Why did I make such mistakes
And why don't I realise?
Why is it that they still stand next to me and say
"We'll always be by your side"?

They say trusting is a virtue
I say its a sin against myself.
They say loving is a good deed.
I say its heart breaking and greed.
They say its godlike to forget and to forgive.
I say I am human enough to cry with the painful memories...
They say I am a cold heart
I say its a survival skill...
Years back I trusted, loved and forgave.
Years later I doubt,  hate and punish.
I know, its God's work to punish.
But isn't it also God's work to forgive?
They say heaven is not for me.
I say my heaven is this...
They say my soul will travel to hell.
I say my hell is this...

She came and she went.
Like all others did...
With a smile so beautiful and deep.
A God's child she was,
Gleaming with joy and beauty.
Sparkling eyes and tousled hair,
A girl of eleven or twelve...
Touched the heart so beautifully.
I stared at her and felt my smile return.
She peeped into my car window
And looked deep into my eyes.
She made me see through her,
An innocent face and naughty eyes.
I tossed a coin at her and she returned a smile.
I gazed at her for a moment and watched her say goodbye.
Then she ran along with her playmates...
Lighting every corner of the streets.
I smiled at her dissapearing figure as long as I could....
But soon the road was left far behind.
My mind kept wondering....
Will she always be the girl of the street?
Will she too follow her destiny alone?
Then I became busy...
And left the girl behind again...
Afterall who cares for a girl of the street....

Human relations....
Two words, many meanings,
Two words and many feelings...
These two words were present in every corner of my life so far...
These two words were a part of me so far...and I really do hope they remain a part of me forever...
But even after being so deeply involved with these words for years,
I do not understand them...
I cannot explain them...
And that inability causes a sensation so strange,  
I keep musing, whether I should try again...
At times, I find myself so very drawn towards one person...
But as time passes things change...
Our paths change...
At times, I feel I can trust the whole world around
But then again,  things change and those feelings drown...
At times, I feel friends are a reality,
But then betrayal makes me discover the world's cruelty....
Sometimes I get detached...
When things don't click the right way...
I cannot explain it yet, coz I don't understand it yet...
Sometimes I go far away...
Away from people, away from friends....
Just to discover new ones perhaps...
I know, that's just not the way...
But that's the only way...
For a person who discovers a new 'himself' every time he meets a new face...
For a person who sees a new reflection in each face...
For a person whose heart is of a traveller's and whose eyes are those of a wanderer's...
Searching for new mirrors...

Life's what we think of it...
Life's what we make it.
Life is indeed a mirror,
A mirror reflecting us...
Reflecting our thoughts and our visions,
Our dreams and aspirations.
Those small desires...
And those beautiful laughters,
Those weird imaginations
And those amazing destinations...
They are all a part of us...
All those people who create magic in our lives...
And all those who help us revive....
They are indeed what makes us and our life.
Those moments of joy and laughter are more valuable than we can think of.
Those human bonds are immortal and above all...
There are moments as well
Of pain and struggle,
Of injustice and betrayal...
But without them,  there is no us.
Those moments are the reason for a balance,
An indirect reason for our happiness...
Enhancing the taste of a joyous moment
And helping us learn our lessons.
They give us a share of our sadness
And make us realise the value of real happiness...
Such is our life...
A coin with many sides...
Creating a rhythm so beautiful,
And striking a beat with the great soul...