When will I
                         no longer hold
                                                        myself back?
I need help
                                         I no longer know
what I am going to do

Save me

To you,

We've just met today
for the first time
but I have to tell you
A year from now
I'll realize my feelings
for you and I hope
that you will hear
them then

Lovingly yours,

-em vidar

I so desperately
wanted your love
that I thought it was what
I needed to be happy
turns out
you were only
in the way

-em vidar

You say it's real
but he thinks
my face
goes with your heart

-em vidar

I wouldn't mind losing myself for a bit
maybe through that
I could gain understanding
and care more
about myself

Do I exist
at the edges
like you do

-em vidar

Today you spoke first
Grimacing as you do
Knowing, nobody means anything to you
even me because how could I


-em vidar

I'm happy
That you are moving on
From the devastation
You left me in

-em vidar

The colour of your skin
masked the marks
you had left
while mine bared it all
hidden only by the
lies
I allowed myself to tell


-em vidar

He was never in love with me
because I was never the real me with him
only the half that he wanted to see

-em vidar

I wonder
where, when and who
decided
that love
had to be held constant
never changing
to be considered
real
and true
when ours feels fluid
creating ripples
and sometimes waves
that I
would never trade away


-em vidar

I think I keep my poems short
because your words
always meant less
the more you said

-em vidar

I wanted to walk away
The fear that held me back
was unbearable.....
It left me confused
to who I was
and what I wanted.....
Questions
the uncertainty
left me chained to you....
Only through her kindness
and patience
I learned myself worth
and I was able to leave you
in the ruin
you would have made me


-em vidar

we thought it would be easier
time would change it
now all we have is time
and i only feel
left behind

-em vidar

I wonder
if you were looking
to be saved
the way
you always claimed
you were doing
for me

I like your nose
and how it is incapable of moving
unless you are really happy
I like your hair
how it always falls into your eyes
and you still won't get a hair cut
I like your hands
even though you think they're always too sweaty
If they are, I haven't noticed when our fingers are intertwined
I like your arms
because before a simple brush of them sent a shock through mine
and now they feel like home


-em vidar

he said it was the biggest
lie
but it turns out it was our only
truth


-em vidar

I wonder how much
we say to each other is true
You always say the right thing
and I doubt your sincerity
It's not like
I'm always on the ball
I'm human and stumble sometimes
but you
never falter
and I wonder
if I'm insecure
or if
I don't know the truth


-em vidar

I wonder
when I switched
into the poisonous snake
you've claimed me to be
I wonder if
I was always that way
you just helped show me
or if you were the cause
Because He tells me
that there is only good
when you told me
their was only pain,
and suffering,
and heartache, but
that didn't matter
Because I did not feel and you
were what was good for me
because
despite all the flaws you would point out
you claim that your love was
unconditional
and I  would find no one else
that would love the broken mess
that I had become
and when you shattered me more
in hopes of keeping me
in your little box
He stormed in
and let me out
and waited
patiently,
until I was ready
to accept his
type of love

You claimed
My freckles were like the constellations
However, All stars
fall

-em vidar

You only seem content
If I am poisoned
Against
myself


-em vidar

You try to encourage me.
Assuring ,
it will be alright with time
but for me
you are asking the world.
to change my view
from
prejudice,
to
adversity

Keeps moving differently
with phases where
you exists
and better days
when you don't

-em vidar

we try so hard
to follow a timeline
someone else
has decided on

-em vidar

We loved in a way
even I don't understand
and we left each other
you for another
and me
to save the pieces
he hadn't broken yet

-em vidar

she needed to hear
silly little words
that would have made
everything
different

-em vidar

When do I stop hoping
for the apologies
I know will never come


-em vidar

You've got me
in a void
no where to see
the light


-em vidar

Do you know,
you only call me
when no one else
picks up

-em vidar

Thank you
for welcoming me
with open arms
and tear filled eyes
as we attempted
to fill our hearts
and find who we were
and where we
were going next

-em vidar

We made promises
but never with the intention
of keeping them

-em vidar

I think you act
the way you do
to attempt sincerity
only a broken heart could know

-em vidar

Is it alright
to wish you well
when I know the truth
you chose to ignore

-em vidar

Thanks to her
I came to realize
How much of me
I had sacrificed for you

-em vidar

It was always a losing game
when two people
could never be honest

-em vidar

how are you doing these days?
It seems like so much has happened
and you used to play a big part

-em vidar

I'm learning
I didn't deserve
your type
of love

-em vidar

As we lay
our bodies intertwined
She looked up and asked
"How much do you love me?"
Tracing my pinky finger from her lips
down to the crescent birth mark over her heart I said
"As many atoms that exist from here to there".


-em vidar

I think you’ve cut your hair
Because
Her fingers look different
As they run through


-em vidar

I liked his unwavering
ability to have courage
and how he was more bitter
than me
for it

-em vidar

When did
my dreams
drift so far
from yours

-em vidar

I'm not sorry
that you felt you had no choice
I'm not sorry
you think that it is my fault
I'm not sorry
that the only way for you to deal was with the holes in the walls
I'm not sorry
that the bruises weren't covered easily under my makeup
I'm not sorry
you cannot take your words back
I'm not sorry
that you blame him instead
I'm not sorry
that enough was finally enough
I'm not sorry
you think its unfair
I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry
sorry

I wonder what it will be like
To look back on those nights we spent
Talking about reality while chasing our dreams
I wonder if you've found it now
If you're still a dreamer like me
Or
Has reality taken you from me
Again?

-em vidar

Beautiful girl
Do you know how much you are loved
How you stand at the summit
Would you believe it
If angels came down to sing your praises
Because even they would fail to express it
Beautiful girl
Would you climb out of that hole
If a prince presented you with a ladder
Can you believe it if he presented you with the world
Because that’s all he can give but you deserve the moon and the stars as well
Beautiful girl
Could you believe the things I say
Because
They are what you say to me
And I  
Don’t believe you

Made even
the sweet memories
have a bitter aftertaste

-em vidar

You've become
the voice in my head
telling me
it's never good enough

-em vidar

We didn't
take cover long enough
to miss the effects
of our aftershocks

-em vidar

As you rack up
the body count
did it occur to you
only you cared
about it

-em vidar