Naïve
Yet
Perfection of
The unknown

-em vidar

Tell me those lies
only I get to hear

-em vidar

I don’t know how long it has been
Since I last saw you,
However,
It feels like no time has passed, since you’ve reappeared

-em vidar

I wonder
if you're love was real
or if I was just
a convenience


-em vidar

I wonder if it would have been easier
If we had ended hating each other
instead of feigning indifference
and having our moments
slip into only memories

-em vidar

Each time I end up here
your words ring in my head
"only the insane, keep doing things the same"
however,
you never said anything about what happens
if heart break comes
from different pains.

-em vidar

I wanted to be sorry
For not picking up this time
Or the last
I'm not for the time before that
But maybe again for the time before that

You wanted me to be sorry
To hold your hand when you were scared
To pat you on the back for any accomplishment
To lie when he asks where you are
To fight for the wrongs you felt were done against you

I wanted you to be sorry
For the first time and the times after
For ignored opportunities
For the hours I gave you instead of me
For making me feel that I
Wasn't
Good
Enough

But now

I only want to hear goodbye


-em vidar

I don't remember
when I needed your words
to feel whole.
I only know
now that I don't,
you've become
spiteful

-em vidar

She gives me
the appearance
of sanity
A lie
I wanted to
continue

-em vidar

Shallow and content
With stolen glances through windows
In halls
Or simply not at all


-em vidar

I do not know why
I have to be sorry
that I
did not
fall in love

-em vidar

It would be nice
If my demons loved me
the way I love them
If they curled up like cats
or ran to me like dogs
if the sang in they morning to wake me up
or howled at the moon signalling sleep
instead
they creep around the issues
afraid to accept
the love
I have
the understanding I've gained for them
or maybe its me
and even demons can't love me

I never believed them
now
they're the ones
who never believe me

-em vidar

I hate that even when I check
And you haven't responded
That I believe the next time will be
Different
Even though
It never is

-em vidar

The armour I built
meant so much to me
at 15 it was the stand I took
against all those who said I wouldn't, couldn't
shouldn't
Now I am older
wiser as the younger come to me for answers
Would they still if they knew
That I can't remove the little pieces of metal
I hammered into place
or the colours I spilt on me
To hide someone no-one had considered beautiful till they were there

It's a little funny
how
when I'm
insecure
you always
pull through
and manage
to make me whole
again.

-em vidar

I reside
in the valleys of my mind
because you exist on the ridge
ready to push me over the edge
anytime
I get too close

-em vidar

I have evidence,
of a time I don't remember existing.
We've drifted so far
from that moment
we are no longer
tethered to it

-em vidar

some how
the months have passed easily
in your absence

-em vidar

Thank you
for telling me who I was but
loving me
anyways

thank you
for telling me
my worth
of what you deemed it to be

thank you
for showing me
how to spot a person
who doesn't love me


-em vidar

Can you love me
and live in quiet moments
you lived so largely
could you be happy
with just me?


-em vidar

Chase me over the edge
fall down the rabbit hole
love the colours of my skin
born from people that I know

-em vidar

he wanted
romantic poetry
and thats something
I'll never be

-em vidar

The biggest lie
I have told myself
is that I am honest.
Which is true,
Except when it comes to you.

I don't know if we could ever be honest.

-em vidar

and then
we stop

-em vidar

I let you take my voice again.
Even though
I had promised myself
I wouldn't.

-em vidar

I've lost my way again
Time to try again
without you

-em vidar

I wonder when I became too anxious
to express my thoughts
the blatant way
that you do

-em vidar

I convinced myself,
I loved you.
longer than I should have.

-em vidar

I spent a lot of sleepless nights
running over what you said
when it turns out
all it was
was empty words

-em vidar

I should remember
you do not define me
even though you try
keeping me under control
oppressed with your words
cutting into my skin
bleeding my integrity
manipulation had always been your skill

I followed blindly
but I was just stupid
to trust the weasel in snakes clothing
do you remember how lonely it was
that made you come to me in the first place
do you remember the poison you spilled to make yourself happy
was it worth it?

was it?

I wonder
if you conquered the fear
that kept us
tied together
like I have

-em vidar

even when I'm
with you

-em vidar

Something always comes in
and knocks me off my axis
just when I feel
like I have both feet on the ground


-em vidar

When love turned
a shade of blue
our end
was inevitable

-em vidar

Like the sun and the moon
who chase each other to sleep
we always were
on opposite sides
never able  
to meet in the middle

-em vidar

They told us
we have control
over how we are perceived
Your lies
showed me how far that is
from the truth

-em vidar

I still have things left to say
even though I no longer know you.
Have you escaped this trap
we created for ourselves?

-em vidar

I wanted to write something for you
but all I can think about now
is how I wish I could have bottled your voice
so I could hear you again


-em vidar

Its a drug
writing words
not caring who sees it
just knowing
you've created something

-em vidar

Forgive and Forgive
do you also forget?
Is that way there's always a space
for him to come back?

-em vidar