We didn't
take cover long enough
to miss the effects
of our aftershocks

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We made promises
but never with the intention
of keeping them

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10 days since
9 months over ruled
8 years of friendship bound by
7 promises over
6 countries and
5 broken toes in relation to
4 different accidents that left
3 scars on
2 bodies and
1 heart with
0 survivors

I can't sleep tonight
for when I close my eyes
I only see your face and remember the moments I didn't tell you
how much I love you


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It's a little funny
how
when I'm
insecure
you always
pull through
and manage
to make me whole
again.

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I'm happy
That you are moving on
From the devastation
You left me in

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I hate that even when I check
And you haven't responded
That I believe the next time will be
Different
Even though
It never is

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he said it was the biggest
lie
but it turns out it was our only
truth


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You try to encourage me.
Assuring ,
it will be alright with time
but for me
you are asking the world.
to change my view
from
prejudice,
to
adversity

I'm not sorry
that you felt you had no choice
I'm not sorry
you think that it is my fault
I'm not sorry
that the only way for you to deal was with the holes in the walls
I'm not sorry
that the bruises weren't covered easily under my makeup
I'm not sorry
you cannot take your words back
I'm not sorry
that you blame him instead
I'm not sorry
that enough was finally enough
I'm not sorry
you think its unfair
I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry
I'm not sorry
sorry

Beautiful girl
Do you know how much you are loved
How you stand at the summit
Would you believe it
If angels came down to sing your praises
Because even they would fail to express it
Beautiful girl
Would you climb out of that hole
If a prince presented you with a ladder
Can you believe it if he presented you with the world
Because that’s all he can give but you deserve the moon and the stars as well
Beautiful girl
Could you believe the things I say
Because
They are what you say to me
And I  
Don’t believe you

I wouldn't mind losing myself for a bit
maybe through that
I could gain understanding
and care more
about myself

her friend had vanished with him. leaving us alone on the couch. cautiously I turned to the blue haired girl. leaning her head back towards me, I wondered what was on her mind. asking and in her response she smiled. "I'm not looking for love or anything, just something to write about". so stupidly I kissed her. and she
broke my nose

I wonder
if you're love was real
or if I was just
a convenience


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The armour I built
meant so much to me
at 15 it was the stand I took
against all those who said I wouldn't, couldn't
shouldn't
Now I am older
wiser as the younger come to me for answers
Would they still if they knew
That I can't remove the little pieces of metal
I hammered into place
or the colours I spilt on me
To hide someone no-one had considered beautiful till they were there

I wonder what it will be like
To look back on those nights we spent
Talking about reality while chasing our dreams
I wonder if you've found it now
If you're still a dreamer like me
Or
Has reality taken you from me
Again?

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He was never in love with me
because I was never the real me with him
only the half that he wanted to see

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I don't know
why I apologize
for everything
even
loving you


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I wanted to be sorry
For not picking up this time
Or the last
I'm not for the time before that
But maybe again for the time before that

You wanted me to be sorry
To hold your hand when you were scared
To pat you on the back for any accomplishment
To lie when he asks where you are
To fight for the wrongs you felt were done against you

I wanted you to be sorry
For the first time and the times after
For ignored opportunities
For the hours I gave you instead of me
For making me feel that I
Wasn't
Good
Enough

But now

I only want to hear goodbye


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Thanks to her
I came to realize
How much of me
I had sacrificed for you

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I wonder
where, when and who
decided
that love
had to be held constant
never changing
to be considered
real
and true
when ours feels fluid
creating ripples
and sometimes waves
that I
would never trade away


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since we've talked
since you picked him
since my bones have healed
since I learned to love myself
since I left you
since you called me a liar
since I lost the person
I thought I'd love forever

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I like your nose
and how it is incapable of moving
unless you are really happy
I like your hair
how it always falls into your eyes
and you still won't get a hair cut
I like your hands
even though you think they're always too sweaty
If they are, I haven't noticed when our fingers are intertwined
I like your arms
because before a simple brush of them sent a shock through mine
and now they feel like home


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Trapped
between my thighs
****** out of our minds
we made promises
our kisses
made lies

It would be nice
If my demons loved me
the way I love them
If they curled up like cats
or ran to me like dogs
if the sang in they morning to wake me up
or howled at the moon signalling sleep
instead
they creep around the issues
afraid to accept
the love
I have
the understanding I've gained for them
or maybe its me
and even demons can't love me

Do you know
I like myself a little less
every time I meet you

Do you know
I hide so much of me
every time I talk to you

Do you know
I hate you a little more
every time I see you

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I should remember
you do not define me
even though you try
keeping me under control
oppressed with your words
cutting into my skin
bleeding my integrity
manipulation had always been your skill

I followed blindly
but I was just stupid
to trust the weasel in snakes clothing
do you remember how lonely it was
that made you come to me in the first place
do you remember the poison you spilled to make yourself happy
was it worth it?

was it?

And I only miss a memory of you
I can't remember your face
or the way you laughed
and the scars you left
have begun to fade

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When will I
                         no longer hold
                                                        myself back?
I need help
                                         I no longer know
what I am going to do

Save me

I wonder if I ever
crossed your mind
seeing as you've crossed mine
a hundred times


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I never believed them
now
they're the ones
who never believe me

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of the things
you used to say
but you're gone now
so why did the fear stay


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I've lost my way again
Time to try again
without you

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some how
the months have passed easily
in your absence

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our time always
was better spent
apart

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They told us
we have control
over how we are perceived
Your lies
showed me how far that is
from the truth

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She became a nightmare
dipped in gold
loved the wrong man
hoping to be everything he dreamed
without realizing
it had eroded all of hers

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even when I'm
with you

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For each new promise made
we broke the one before


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I wanted to walk away
The fear that held me back
was unbearable.....
It left me confused
to who I was
and what I wanted.....
Questions
the uncertainty
left me chained to you....
Only through her kindness
and patience
I learned myself worth
and I was able to leave you
in the ruin
you would have made me


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Chase me over the edge
fall down the rabbit hole
love the colours of my skin
born from people that I know

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Can you love me
and live in quiet moments
you lived so largely
could you be happy
with just me?


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How do I leave?
When my mind screams
for me to run  
my heart convinces me
each time we've parted
you may have learned something
and be the person I want you to be...
not the person
you really are...

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I spent a lot of sleepless nights
running over what you said
when it turns out
all it was
was empty words

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I wonder
if you conquered the fear
that kept us
tied together
like I have

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Dandelion girl
they think
you are easy to throw off balance
without realizing
their useless words
create the wind
necessary for you
to bloom again

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I am not beautiful nor important enough
For you to notice me
So how come it seemed like you smiled
At me?

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I don’t know how long it has been
Since I last saw you,
However,
It feels like no time has passed, since you’ve reappeared

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