I don't know
how I feel.

It's hard
to put a label
on what
I don't know.

So, I'll remain here
sitting
contemplating
and
crying

all over you.

everyone and everything
around me is whirling
i can't look a certain way
without my vision swirling
i need to go lay down
but i can't and i won't
i need to stay strong
i need to stay afloat

think of yourself
like a
candle.
even
if you
go out,
your scent
will
linger
for a
long time.

slow mornings are my favorite
for i can simply stare out the window,
drink coffee,
and think.

whether it be cloudy or sunny,
it's always nice to bask in the low light.

Every time my mother tells me
"Go outside, talk to people"
I oblige, saying I will.
But the screen in front of me
is relaxing.
It holds music, silence, sadness, happiness.
Sure, it may be a measly electronic device,
but it's just occurred to me
that my friends are this device.
People I've met on here,
people I've known.
I can access them at any time in the world.
And it may be destroying our social interactions,
but don't you think
our social interactions are on here, Mother?

when you typed those words
"we have all the time in the world",
i became so happy
that tears made their way out of me.

i love you.

when you sleep
you are so unaware
of your beauty
that i have to remind you
every morning
that you
are the most beautiful person ever.

You tell me things
Things I don't even believe
You tell others
rumors
that aren't even true
and you,
you criticize me
for being me.

And I've had enough.
Everyone around us,
they may side with you,
but I am still,
still furious,
still relentless.

Everyone only asks how I'm doing
because of what you did to me.
You,
you turned everyone against me,
and they're criticizing me
for being me.

And I've had enough.
Everyone around us,
they may side with you,
but now, someone's with me.
And soon,
the whole school will be too.

You tell me we can work it out,
but I don't need someone like you
anymore.

it feels crazy
how much i love her
how much i want to be with her forever
and how much i want to break the distance between us.

she is everything to me,
and i want her to know
that i love her so, so much.

lips long for lips
like the sea longs for sky
like hearts long for love
like candles long for burning
and i long for you
just as much.

you
are the black plague
and i
have caught
your disease

but this black plague
is lovely and wonderful
because this black plague
is attraction
towards you.

god, i've dove in deep
to the waters of love
and now i can't think a thought of her
without my heart fluttering
and me feeling so happy.

what have you done to me, love?

Find two best friends
with one common link
Add the stresses of a nation
that can fall in a blink
A flag’s in there, too,
with more meaning than you’d think
One that wears down in time,
that makes your heart sink.

Add the influence of another
one with the power to disrupt
A touch of manipulation,
a touch of corrupt.
Mix it together,
you’ll find it won’t be smooth
But nothing can help this,
not a hand nor a tool.

Now separate those best friends,
place them miles apart,
all because of bad actions
made at the start.
Assure those friends miss
the times that they had,
but keep them apart,
keep them feeling sad.

Eventually, one will begin to rise,
and then, you’ll want to twist
your words need be like silk,
but need hurt like a punch with a fist.
Soon, you’ll see, the rising one will grow
but with all bad feelings,
with good feelings, no!

It’s now just how you want it,
he’ll begin to bubble
he’ll become more rash,
he’ll get in more trouble
Then finally, he’ll snap, and your work here is done
You’ve created a villain,
now you’d better run.

we are on opposite ends
of opposite worlds
of opposite universes.

i've never met someone
as different as you are from me.

normally, opposites attract,
but right now, i could not be more repulsed.

balloons slip
hand out of hand
childhood slips
away from you

the golden horizon
reminds me of
the times we stayed awake
till dawn
and talked

the pang in my chest
for no reason
may be telling me
i'm falling again.

falling for you.

i'm almost sure
the times we're close
are just platonic to you

but to me
when we're close,
so close we touch
i feel fireworks explode in my stomach
and butterflies flutter away

and when you held my hand those two times (so far)
yours were so warm
and they caused me
to warm up with them

it's all platonic, though

but i'm still fine with that

This sick feeling
In my stomach
I don't know why I feel it.

It could be anxiousness
or a bit of self-doubt.
It's really not worth
blabbering about.

It's probably nothing
just a cramp or my period
But I can't help but feel
it's more than that.

I shouldn't have to feel
so nervous late at night.
For the night is for sleeping
there's nothing to fright.

Now I feel cold sweats
on my forehead and face.
But it's not hot out
or cold even.

This sick feeling's taking over me
I can't control it now
I'll find a way to stop it
I will, but how?

eyelids get droopy
as work gets slowly completed
tired, as it is
but i've got 3 more assignments

i shouldn't be tired
but i am,
so
i must do this quickly

eyelids can and
will crack
under pressure
especially if that
pressure is
tiredness

candle wax drips
onto my soft hands
burning through,
it seems

but after a while,
i do not flinch
for the pain has become bearable,
feels good, even.

my idol
makes me so incredibly happy
but
since i aspire to be like her
and i know very well
that that might not happen
my thoughts are flooded with
her
and even more tears want to come
because i aspire
but know
it probably won't happen

what's funny is that
they tell you
you can do anything in life
but when you tell them
what you want to do
they laugh at you and say
you don't have the tiniest chance
people themselves are hypocrites
it seems that if
you think you can do anything
you're a fool
and don't deserve
to ever think anything of the sort

this feeling won't fade
you've gone; i must accept this
somehow, it's all wrong

eyelashes damp,
i listen to the music
and my thoughts
and the wonderful words you've sent
to me
to try and calm me
but all of it is so overwhelming
and tears rush down

A strange quiet feel
is felt

Over the afternoon showers,
the rain hitting the sunroof
and the silence that fills the air.

It is felt with caution,
only because fear is what evokes it.

You can hear the muffled television
speaking from downstairs,
and the rain,
falling lightly on the windows.

But this is what causes the silence.
Noise.

Noise causes silence.
Silence causes fear.

And fear,
is what is felt.

We say goodbye
early in the morning.

It seems we cannot sleep
without a gentle goodbye.

We tell each other to sleep well
though the sun is coming over the horizon.

We'll be sleeping until late in the afternoon.

And then,
we'll meet again
until early morning.

the words
on the rough page
capture my attention
more than anything else in the world.

i sort of feel unneeded
'cause it seems that no one cares
and by no one, i mean the friends
who i thought cared
but now i'm not so sure.

one apparently cannot stand me
ranting to her

another seems quite bored

and some i can't trust enough

but still, i can't help feeling
unneeded there.

this blanket
you used
when you came over
now smells of you.

it smells good.

i know because i've wrapped it around me,
hoping to preserve its scent.

i miss her
like you do
when someone dies

except she is not dead,
her beauty lives on,
she lives on

it is simply
how she feels about me
that is dead.

How beautiful she is
The lace dress fitting to her body.
"A floral dress
would have looked better"
says the mother of this girl.

The girl's face is pale
but somehow she feels fine.
She's used to feeling nothing by now.

She watches as her family argues,
cries,
wishing they'd stop.

They say things like
"Her spirit is with us now"

She wishes they'd stop
that they'd put her lifeless body in the ground now.

She doesn't want to be reminded
of her brutal death.

She wants peace.
Peace at last.

what an understatment
it is
to say i am utterly worried
about you
and your perpetual sadness.

i want so badly
to turn that frown
upside down
but your lips
seem stuck in an
eternal
sadness.

you and i are done
i thought we'd be forever
and boy, was i wrong.

my heart hurts
i don't know what to do
the sensation of sadness runs warm within me
and i am left, in bed, alone, as i'm left with my thoughts.

nothing feels exactly right
for i rush between the days

it's hard to see your future's bright
when it's muddled in so many ways

the scent of the winter-esque candle
spreads through the air
like a thick heavy fog
the heat laps upward
as do the flames
and the wax melts away
as does my stress.

you
and i
are the crash
and bang
of two cars
colliding
going 150 miles per hour
on the open road
that is represented by our hearts
have you ever heard of the phrase
your eyes are bigger than your stomach
well, imagine that

but with us.
our hearts are too big
for our eyes to see
how corrupted this little thing is

and that is destroying us

i sit here
dysphoria within me
plaguing me like a sickness
i wish everything they said was true
but people are people
and people lie
there's nothing i can do
about the lies people make
the lies that tell me anything is possible
should be replaced with
the truth that life is life
and that you don't get what you want
the lies that tell me to dream
should be replaced with
the truth that dreaming gets you nowhere
and dreaming can hurt
and the lies that tell me to pursue my hurtful dreams
should certainly be replaced with
the truth
that being anything i want from a figment of imagination
is not possible
and that the world lies.

I'd write out my feelings,
but I'm not sure if I can feel at all anymore.

the future
it seems so near
but i mean
is it really?

i know that
in the past i've
said that
love could not heal
nor help me
but now i
believe i've been
saved.

I thought I would love you
from the days we were young
to the days we were old
and our hearts were unstrung.

I guess that I was wrong yet again.

you.
are.
the.

stars
stripes
red white blue
banner
hanging outside
someone's
house
house is a home
as long as you call it
that
if you don't
it's not the one for you
you.
are.
the.
stars.

i didn't think
a person could heal my pain
and my opinion
still stands

my eyelids still heavy
with the memory of crying,
i only let more tears
make their way down my face.

when you tell me
you love me
i don't know what to say
because with something as intricate
as those three words
i don't know what to do
without breaking you.

can't be put through the same thing again
i need a little change.

can someone or something come along
so that i can be free?

all it takes
is one kiss
to fall in love

to say this
is quite wrong
what is found in love,
to me, is

entangled limbs
as skin pleads for skin

kisses in the morning
and the afternoon

falling asleep upon a
rising and falling chest

and much, much more.

a.m.

my heart is crashing
thrashing
and i can't do anything
about it