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The world warps
And goes fuzzy around the edges
Like I am not real,
A place holder or chest piece.
My limbs do not move like they are mine,
As if they are foreign bodies attached to my trunk.
The floor is the only solace.
I melt into the stiff boards and rough carpet
Until the world tilts back and becomes
Whole again.
Gracie Sep 14
Alterations in perception
Leads to involuntary self-deception
Is this a dream
Is this reality
What if I am really dead
My sanity's hanging by a thread
I miss having clarity
Being able to differentiate
Am I lucid
Or delusive
I miss being able to truly say
I had a good day
At this point I'm not sure what I know to be true
I just know that I'm tired of trying to push through
And if anybody can hear me
Please help me understand
I'm lonely and scared
Can someone please
just hold my hand?
Only way I can describe my derealization
What is this feeling
I can't seem to shake?
I know im not dreaming
But i dont feel awake

I look all around me
But nothing feels real
My heart keeps on pounding
it's all i can feel

What is this feeling
that steals all my breath?
Whatever i do
it won't make me fear less

I look at the world
But it's just one big dream
Reality is fading
It's not what it seems

I call out for help
But nobody can hear me
The silence within
Is all that is near me

Im trapped in my mind
with no place to go
this life is an illusion
im all on my own
A poem about the struggles i used to have with derealisation, i also struggles greatly with depersonalisation and the feeling of being outside of my body and watching myself. It can be an extremely scary and frightening experience
Roro Aug 30
Sweet melting ice cream
Sunrise beamed in blue and pink
Snowflakes drizzling, a silent scream
Soft pillows for her cheek to sink
Scents filling her nose like a sweet stream
Lying in her same bed
Eyes open but not awake
Senseless to her frozen core
Not sure if it’s all fake
Her reality now a distant dream
Memories of the world she made, erased
The rainbow sprinkled donut that was her life
She couldn’t recognize or taste
Derealization can make someone feel the world and life they built around them is not real, like living in a hazy dream in an unrecognizable place.
thoughts just slip away
suddenly the whole world around me is spinning
and i’m stuck behind an invisible glass pane
i look down at hands that are now no longer my own
lights are blinding, voices overwhelming
demanding and persecutory
everybody hates me, i need to hurt myself
time is somehow suspended?
i can’t control it
screaming but nobody can hear me
i know that they’re all out to get me
running- not sure where
apparitions of the future
i’m dying
the darkness engulfs
Heavy weight on top of me
falling asleep
Eyes weak and droopy
Body in cement
My spirit floating on top of my lifeless body,
Death is that you?
Why must you come and visit me but never take me to your home?
And yet you won’t let me leave
I want to let go but it seems you have me entranced by your numbness,
I want to be light as air,
Not heavy like a boulder.
I want my spirit back
Why did you take it away from me
Why did you take the vibrancy
Why did you take my eyes to see
Let me go or take me with you
How I feel when I disassociate :)
Ale Jun 9
My body disintegrates
in front of my own eyes
And I slowly flow into the air.

I can see everything from up here,
from the bigger image
to the tiniest of details
The wind carries me through towns,
parks and houses,
oceans and deserts,
through the lives of many.

I live vicariously through your life,
your problems are my problems,
your feelings my feelings.
You mold my shapeless existence
around yourself.  

I am the scary waves
fighting against each other,
I am the sun
that burns your skin,
I am the rain that soaks
through your clothes
and leaves you cold and lonely.
I am the sunset
that softly paints golden the afternoon,
the moon that shines where lovers meet,
the worn out,
brittle pages that fill your heart with joy
and make your mind wonder.
Im am everything that exists
and ever existed
and I am nothing at once.
I am an empty shell
Resting at the bottom
Of the lonely, dark ocean floor
I feel nothing,
I am no one.
I didn’t pay much attention to the structure of this poem, sorry. Unfortunately, I waste the majority of my time asking myself existential questions that are always detrimental to my mental health, and there are times where I feel like am nothing at all.
they keep running out like roll film before me
pictures clicking away faster than i can see
never repeating old faces flashing by
who are you? perhaps seen once in a lullaby
projector is strangely static - the cartridge drops
still it’s going and it’s going and it never stops
nothing! nothing but it’s all over my fingertips
smudged on my forehead and dripping from my lips
i cannot perceive these silverscreens
tangible airs or figments of my dreams
going and going until it tears and rips
nothing! endless nothings all over my fingertips
Gracie Apr 11
Slowly options are being restricted
My body tells me I just can't
I must find alternatives to my habits
And I just wish that you could understand
It may seem trivial
To mourn something so little
But its not as simple as it seems
I'm angry
I'm sad
I feel helpless
As this illness takes more away from me
Sometimes I just wish I could do things everyone else can.
Julia Jan 12
i made you up
inside my head
all i can feel
is regret

and love for you
but is it you?
i don't think
that it is true

i made you up
inside my brain
you're making me
go insane

i fell in love
with the idea
not the person
i need to meet you

i made you up
inside my mind
i feel like
i'm losing time

my love is just
a complete waste
of all my energy
and your space
i fell in love with you without even knowing you
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