i thought i knew
what it was like to be afraid

that was until
i heard the bone-chilling voice
of someone who hurt me.

i ran faster than ever,
i locked my door,
and i sat there, shaking violently.

this is what he's done to me.
that ******* of a boy.

I don't know
how I feel.

It's hard
to put a label
on what
I don't know.

So, I'll remain here
sitting
contemplating
and
crying

all over you.

i didn't think
a person could heal my pain
and my opinion
still stands

balloons slip
hand out of hand
childhood slips
away from you

bubbling
floating
small, low buzz

let myself
go numb for a while
in the warm waters

close my eyes
lose the ability to feel

you
are the black plague
and i
have caught
your disease

but this black plague
is lovely and wonderful
because this black plague
is attraction
towards you.

this blanket
you used
when you came over
now smells of you.

it smells good.

i know because i've wrapped it around me,
hoping to preserve its scent.

the words
on the rough page
capture my attention
more than anything else in the world.

i wish calm
was an easy outlet for me
but it's all but easy

Calm
I wish I could feel such a thing.

But with a mind like mine,
that's impossible.

Thoughts don't have the ability to stay 'calm'.

What even is calm?

Is it the rain dripping off of a sunflower's leaves as a night storm approaches?

The faint voices of teenagers singing their hearts out to Broadway shows they only dream to be in?

The whir of city streets, traffic, and crowds cheering for street performers?

The peaceful being of someone you love sleeping?

Calm.
If only I were to achieve this,
then, maybe, just maybe,
I'd be happy.

think of yourself
like a
candle.
even
if you
go out,
your scent
will
linger
for a
long time.

you
and i
are the crash
and bang
of two cars
colliding
going 150 miles per hour
on the open road
that is represented by our hearts
have you ever heard of the phrase
your eyes are bigger than your stomach
well, imagine that

but with us.
our hearts are too big
for our eyes to see
how corrupted this little thing is

and that is destroying us

it's not until now
that i've finally understood
the feeling of loneliness
in a crowded room.

these people know nothing about me
because i give them nothing
because i don't know how
to give them something.

but it's okay.
i'll sit in the sidelines
watching everyone get along
while i feel lonely in this crowded room.

there is something about the melancholy
i haven't felt in so long
that is so inviting

like picking needles from haystacks
i search for it, almost.
why is that so?
why must i search for sadness?

can't be put through the same thing again
i need a little change.

can someone or something come along
so that i can be free?

the golden horizon
reminds me of
the times we stayed awake
till dawn
and talked

you're my diamond in the rough

i feel almost
like that one night
where I sunk
down, down, down.

Every time my mother tells me
"Go outside, talk to people"
I oblige, saying I will.
But the screen in front of me
is relaxing.
It holds music, silence, sadness, happiness.
Sure, it may be a measly electronic device,
but it's just occurred to me
that my friends are this device.
People I've met on here,
people I've known.
I can access them at any time in the world.
And it may be destroying our social interactions,
but don't you think
our social interactions are on here, Mother?

eyelids get droopy
as work gets slowly completed
tired, as it is
but i've got 3 more assignments

i shouldn't be tired
but i am,
so
i must do this quickly

eyelids can and
will crack
under pressure
especially if that
pressure is
tiredness

the pang in my chest
for no reason
may be telling me
i'm falling again.

falling for you.

A strange quiet feel
is felt

Over the afternoon showers,
the rain hitting the sunroof
and the silence that fills the air.

It is felt with caution,
only because fear is what evokes it.

You can hear the muffled television
speaking from downstairs,
and the rain,
falling lightly on the windows.

But this is what causes the silence.
Noise.

Noise causes silence.
Silence causes fear.

And fear,
is what is felt.

I'd write out my feelings,
but I'm not sure if I can feel at all anymore.

the dusty fake flowers
on the grave
remind me of
how i thought you were eternal

what an understatment
it is
to say i am utterly worried
about you
and your perpetual sadness.

i want so badly
to turn that frown
upside down
but your lips
seem stuck in an
eternal
sadness.

the future
it seems so near
but i mean
is it really?

We say goodbye
early in the morning.

It seems we cannot sleep
without a gentle goodbye.

We tell each other to sleep well
though the sun is coming over the horizon.

We'll be sleeping until late in the afternoon.

And then,
we'll meet again
until early morning.

my heart is crashing
thrashing
and i can't do anything
about it

you and i are done
i thought we'd be forever
and boy, was i wrong.

this feeling won't fade
you've gone; i must accept this
somehow, it's all wrong

my eyelids heavy
i try to lift dead weight i
was not destined for

what's funny is that
they tell you
you can do anything in life
but when you tell them
what you want to do
they laugh at you and say
you don't have the tiniest chance
people themselves are hypocrites
it seems that if
you think you can do anything
you're a fool
and don't deserve
to ever think anything of the sort

my idol
makes me so incredibly happy
but
since i aspire to be like her
and i know very well
that that might not happen
my thoughts are flooded with
her
and even more tears want to come
because i aspire
but know
it probably won't happen

it feels crazy
how much i love her
how much i want to be with her forever
and how much i want to break the distance between us.

she is everything to me,
and i want her to know
that i love her so, so much.

when you typed those words
"we have all the time in the world",
i became so happy
that tears made their way out of me.

i love you.

i miss her
like you do
when someone dies

except she is not dead,
her beauty lives on,
she lives on

it is simply
how she feels about me
that is dead.

I thought I would love you
from the days we were young
to the days we were old
and our hearts were unstrung.

I guess that I was wrong yet again.

i sit here
dysphoria within me
plaguing me like a sickness
i wish everything they said was true
but people are people
and people lie
there's nothing i can do
about the lies people make
the lies that tell me anything is possible
should be replaced with
the truth that life is life
and that you don't get what you want
the lies that tell me to dream
should be replaced with
the truth that dreaming gets you nowhere
and dreaming can hurt
and the lies that tell me to pursue my hurtful dreams
should certainly be replaced with
the truth
that being anything i want from a figment of imagination
is not possible
and that the world lies.

lips long for lips
like the sea longs for sky
like hearts long for love
like candles long for burning
and i long for you
just as much.

when you tell me
you love me
i don't know what to say
because with something as intricate
as those three words
i don't know what to do
without breaking you.

the scent of the winter-esque candle
spreads through the air
like a thick heavy fog
the heat laps upward
as do the flames
and the wax melts away
as does my stress.

my eyelids still heavy
with the memory of crying,
i only let more tears
make their way down my face.

there's something about
old, repressed memories
that makes them want to emerge
from our bodies, minds, and souls.

if you're brave enough, go ahead.
open a scrapbook, a photo album,
play those old songs you listened to as a kid,
do things because you want to remember.

we are on opposite ends
of opposite worlds
of opposite universes.

i've never met someone
as different as you are from me.

normally, opposites attract,
but right now, i could not be more repulsed.

eyelashes damp,
i listen to the music
and my thoughts
and the wonderful words you've sent
to me
to try and calm me
but all of it is so overwhelming
and tears rush down

the panging feeling in my chest
is trying to tell me something
but i'm not exactly sure what

-alexa

nothing feels exactly right
for i rush between the days

it's hard to see your future's bright
when it's muddled in so many ways

How beautiful she is
The lace dress fitting to her body.
"A floral dress
would have looked better"
says the mother of this girl.

The girl's face is pale
but somehow she feels fine.
She's used to feeling nothing by now.

She watches as her family argues,
cries,
wishing they'd stop.

They say things like
"Her spirit is with us now"

She wishes they'd stop
that they'd put her lifeless body in the ground now.

She doesn't want to be reminded
of her brutal death.

She wants peace.
Peace at last.

i'm almost sure
the times we're close
are just platonic to you

but to me
when we're close,
so close we touch
i feel fireworks explode in my stomach
and butterflies flutter away

and when you held my hand those two times (so far)
yours were so warm
and they caused me
to warm up with them

it's all platonic, though

but i'm still fine with that

Skin so soft
Smile so big
We hold hands
And are happy

You radiate happiness.

Although we're just friends
You are the best thing to happen to me.