Can I ask for love
Without the romance
Without the slow dance
Without the holding of hands
Give the kiss, a miss
necklace and jewelries
without the emotional abuse
The manipulation we use
like flowers or presents
The chocolate selections
The dinner pretension
The relational misuse
and the facade we choose
When love in truth
is the exception

I found myself a seat at the table
among greens and violated vegetable
and I’m wondering if I am able
to stay calm and sit there stable
while staring into a Buddha bowl
searching for some peas in my soul

I’m looking down so hungry
the side dish appearing so angry
like that smashed green avocado
near the pile of mashed potato
and the cut and diced main dish
beside the chopped chives
and sliced spinach Quiche

These vegetarians are not so nice
beating the egg and whipping the rice
and this fruit punch I’m drinking
by dessert, has me thinking
they’re as aggressive, and more
violent and cruel, as a carnivore

I’ve been asleep
inside my head
my pillow is soft
but my blanket like lead
falling off
it slips
I doze
My feet come cold
my toes
exposed
I tug and turn
inside my dream
I pull and stretch
and tear the seam
And in my sleep
I spill the wind
dreams of
frosts that ****
and a sun that grins
Now with the chill
against my chest
I wake with eyes
that find no rest
between winter sheets
I’m as cold as dead
It’s just a leak
in my waterbed

A silver spoon
still never feeds the soul

A silver lining
still cannot hold back the rain

A silver moon
still brings on the howling

A silver chain
still holds the weakest link

You were the best of me
I was the worst of you
we mixed together tints and tones
and shades of brilliant hue
you, a rose with the red
I, the violet with the blue
and that perfect purple Iris in between
inside ‘me’ and ‘you’

A lizard and a tatt!
imagine that…
his lover left before she came
gone on a whim
leaving him
with a tattoo of her name

now full of regret
but soon will forget
when his words finally come true
his promise of change
never too late to arrange
a shed of skin and off with the tattoo

anything that reflected you
from glass to a mirror
I would shine and polish
till I saw you clearer

anything that sounded like you
from a poem to a song  
I would sing and recite  
and quote you all day long

anything that resembled you
a painting, a clipping, a frame
I would keep, collect, store
and label with your name

Yes, anything
absolutely anything
that came remotely close to being you
made up my life and all I ever knew

my whole being was all of you
and you were all I became to be
It’s no wonder now without you
I spend my time in search of me

the wind whispered me a secret
and I hid it from the sun
buried beneath the shade of a shadow
only till the passing light is done

yet a falling star flickered a rumour
till all sparkled the same lie
whispers spread across the heavens
and a black veil covered the sky

the secret lay buried in dark deception
amidst the still night of hidden lies
where the stars shine in secrecy
as to why the sun will no longer rise

She hides waterfalls
behind her eyes
The taste of oasis
between her lips
Her ******* are a valley
of delights
Sun caressed cliffs
form her thighs
The wide skies hang
beneath her brow
southern cotton fields
clothe her golden soft skin
while oceans east swirl
at her curls and curving hips
the harvests ripe upon her lips
and if one asks me, “who is she?”
I reply,
“She’s my world, can’t you see…”

I am not afraid
to send you my ❤️ in a text
if you ignore or delete
it is not the one in my chest

that is for one and my only
it will not go to waste
like the ❤️ in this message
I can copy and paste

so if by chance you reply
with a real kiss
without an emoji, you win
my real heart, like this

Trying to get my  .                                across

There are those who know of pain
Often and always take time to heal

There are those with promise broken
Often and always need time to seal

Yet, there are those whose hearts forgive
Often and always will

“Why do you always do that?”, she asked

“What?”, I replied

“That thing you always do! Even when I say don’t!”

“Am I doing it now?”, I asked

“No…but when you do…don’t!”

“So, when I do it, you want me not to?”

“Yes!“, she exclaimed

“So for me to stop doing it…I’d need to do it…right?”, I asked.

I can hold on
when you hold me right

I can hold long
when it’s all your might

I can hold strong
when I’m all you hold tight

I am
alright

…tonight

like I was
okay

…today

as for
tomorrow

…who knows
the sorrow

…

but hey

“I wish you well”
said the wishing well
to the old man with the coin
“Don’t wish for me
I’m old you see,
just a wistful wish for my boy.
My life is done
his, just begun
a wish for life and health.”

And with what’s left of his money
he flung his last penny
giving all for a son’s
wisdom and wealth

What becomes of a mind
when the thoughts that you bind
are filling up a cracked shell
and every moment of dull
poured into the skull
will only implode if you don’t tell

So if you’re falling apart
pour out your heart
or that too will fall out of place  
speak and reveal
all the hurt that you feel
let it beautifully leak from your face

they call it gloom;
that room across
the corridor
between
you
and doom

that feeling
of despair
the damp air of
musty fumes
and rusty hues
of care, where
feelings there
dare to never
ever bloom

Don’t be ******* yourself   self
when you talk   talk
imagine what you would look like  like
if it were a walk   walk
you’ll be pacing back and forth   forth
tripping over of course   course
but only to get up   up
and you will get up   up  
because you can   can
you know how to repeat  Pete
if you’re as good as  as
your talk   talk
up on your feet   feet

the same knife
can ****
or feed you

The same fire
can warm
or burn you

The same smile
can hide
or heal you

like the same heart
can hurt
and hold you

When I said I love you
I never considered the day you would part
You packed my soul in a suitcase
and locked the door of my heart

When I said I love you
I didn’t think by now you’d be gone
You filled my head with darkness
Left me in my head alone

When I said I love you
I never saw the day you'd leave me blind
You stole my sun in broad daylight
and turned the light off in my mind

Momma said
Daddy’s dead
I’ve buried him in the back

Get the cash
From the stash
Throw it in the sack

Grab the keys
Quickly please
And in the car you get

Take us far
Drive that car
We haven’t got there yet

Take a pill
Let’s just chill
It’ll  be alright

In the motel
We go to hell
Just for the night

This is the first poem I wrote after I died
I am thinking of the next line
like my life no longer depended on it

The second poem I wrote, I am searching  through words I had said and lied

By the time I finished my third poem
all I find is regret and reason to put my pen to rest, lay my papers aside
and could have just simply said
“I love you”, while I was alive

How can I
stop you
from not
leaving

I don’t want
you
not to go

You say my
words are
confusing

What can I
not say
to
have you
stay