“Be where your feet are”

I didn’t realize
how much Time
my mind spends
in the past or the future
And rarely in the present

Makes me wonder
If this has always been the case
or a recent occurrence

Fix me Lord
Fix my broken heart
So I can help
Other broken hearts

It takes courage to live
Even if you have to
Take it one day at a time

Each moment you try to survive
Takes you closer to the time
When things will be better

You are remarkable
Don’t forget it

The world
May tell you
You are not good enough
to be there

But listen to the
Little voice in your head
Saying
You don’t need the world
You have you
And your tribe

Learn to love yourself
Before you love
Anyone else

Patience
The word is easy to say
But hard to master

I pray for patience
But then turn around
and wonder why
I haven’t received
My reward

I want it now
But am I ready?

Eyes are so simple
Yet so mysterious

A quick glance can tell you
What they're conveying
But the longer you look
The more depths
You discover

He laid there seizing in pain
Because of an addiction
Gone wrong.

You could have said,
How can we help you get better?
You could have said,
We are family and
We are here for you.

Yet you said nothing.
You just laughed at his pain.
You ridiculed him as if
His pain was not worth
Your attention.

Why am I so drained?
It feels like a pile of bricks
On my chest

Not matter how hard I try
To push them off
They want to stay
It’s their home
They say

I don't know if
I can do this
It feels too heavy

I know I can handle it
My past
Can attest for that

But I feel my hand slipping
And I need to hold on

What if I let go?
Will it be as
catastrophic as I think?

Why is forgiveness important?

It’s not for the other person
But it’s for you
You need to let go of the pain
So you can hold
Something else instead

Father
Please forgive me
You asked me to be
Your vessel
In this world

But How can I be of help
When I am so broken
And cracked?
I can barely contain
myself

Why do we expect everyone
To react to
Trauma,
Grief, and  
Celebration
In the same way?

Each person is different
And so is each circumstance
So how can we expect the
Same reaction?

Normal days are the hardest
to remain close to God

On good days
There is something to
Celebrate with Him

On bad days
There is something to
Cry to Him about

On normal days
Everything feels good
That I forget how much
I need Him

Where am I going?
Do you know?

If you do
can you tell me?
Because it all looks
Foggy from here

They say
On the road of life
The most important
Thing you can do
Is keep walking

I may have missed
The day when
This saying was said

Because I'm right here
Sitting
In the middle
Of the road

I look back and see
My life play out like a movie

I want to change some things
So desperately
That it aches my heart

But other things
I want to keep
so badly
that I will fight
even angels

I am randomly getting feelings
of impending doom

As if the world will
End tonight
As if someone I love
Will leave me today
As if there is no
Tomorrow

I have always wondered
What I will look like when
I take off all of my masks

As I am slowly taking them off
I see scars that
I'm not proud of
But there is more beauty
Than I originally
Anticipated

I don't want to be happy
I want to be content

Happiness is too fleeting
Dependent on
neurotransmitters

Contentment on the other hand
Is more viable
It's being thankful for where you are
And with what you have
Without getting too comfortable
In that place

Have you ever wished time would stop?
Like everything coming to a
Standstill

Just so you can have a moment
To catch your breath

It’s going a little too fast
I am desperately trying
To find the reduce speed button
But it’s nowhere to be found

I want to be hopeful,
I want to dream
Of a simple
Yet bright future

But the fear of
It taken away from me
Is as real as
The stars in the sky

I came to your doorstep
When I was a broken and
Dripping in pain

You kindly took me in
And repaired
Me into the woman
I am today

Granted I am still broken
In places
But less ashamed of the
Things that broke me

There is still a long
Journey ahead
But I know I have you
By my side

Why do I need to be shackled
To man’s identity?
Is that all I’m created for:
To get married and live in
Someone else’s shadow?

I’ve had this recurring
Dream ever since i
Was young

There was an infinite row of
Spanish Style houses
Cool and fresh air
Whistled through the
Palm trees
Sun's warmth coated me
Like a warm hug
There was no noise or clutter
Just peace

I felt at home,
At ease
In that paradise

Never ignore your fear
It takes one moment of
Repression
And before you know it
It's got you by the throat

I remember praying a long time ago
For a place of belonging
And A clan
I could call my own

Words are not enough
To describe the emotions
Stirring in my heart
As I see the prayer being
Answered

Have we gendered the earth
As a female
So we can control
And own her?

I am sorry
If I hurt you

I was trying to protect you
And me
And ended up hurting
Us both

I try, I try
To get out of the darkness
But one foot is in light
and the other in despair

Why don’t I want to be
fully immersed in light?

Maybe I don’t want others
To see me stripped bare
Or
I don’t want to acknowledge
My own ugliness

What happens if
If I can’t go on?
What happens
If I lose my strength
To follow my dream?

It's peaceful today
No overwhelming emotions
Trying to leak out

It seems balanced
Life is not perfect
But it's not chaos

The more poems I write
The more I realize

They help me
Give a name to
The sea of emotions
brewing in my mind

Once they have a name
They can be understood

Father,
Thinking about your
Majesty and splendor
Always bring a smile
On my face

Oh to think
How would my soul
Feel when I get
To see You
Face to face

The peace You provide me
Is not comparable to
Anything this world provides

I want to be free
as a child
Running though a meadow
With no fear of tomorrow

I want to fly
Like a ballerina
Leaping in the air
With no fear of landing

Why is it so hard
To tell people how we feel?
The society has messed us up
So much
That even talking about
What's breaking our hearts
Seems embarrassing

Stress keeps piling up
I adjust
And make room
For it
So it’s all manageable

At this point it feels like
All the domino chips
Are lined up
And I’m just waiting
For a flick
Till it all comes crashing
Down

Take a moment and
Look back at your life

You’ll find a string
Of beautiful experiences that
Placed you where you are today

Storm clouds are lifting
I can see the shore
The doubts are fading away
I may actually get there

I want to look down from
Where I am on the mountain
Called life
And see
Everything I've conquered

And still have the courage
To look up
And keep climbing
Despite the fear of falling

I love you, you know
But sometimes you do
Things that hurt me
And you don't seem to notice

I think I have to let go
Because it’s starting to hurt
But the what if’s
Make the blisters bearable

I will take it
one
step
at
a time
If I have to wait,
Wait I will

All my life I’ve heard
That I’m not enough
I’m not fair enough
I’m not tall enough
I’m not skinny enough
I’m not smart enough

Enough is enough

I have learnt to
Be enough for me
And that’s all that matters

And here I stand
On the edge of change
Should I dare?
Should I dare take a step?

I don't want things to change
They say change is for the best
But is it really good
If I am unrecognizable
To myself?

Thinking about you
And what you represent

My head is spinning
Out of control
Thinking about everything
That can be
And could be

I walk home in the
Dark of the night
From the school to my car.

Terrified I call my mom
And now I feel a little safe.
I think,
"Who's gonna hurt someone
Talking on the phone?"

Still it's not enough,
I look back
Every chance I get
To assumed my scared heart
That I'm safe.

The dimly lit street
Don't help!
The horror scene
In my head continues
To unfold.

Finally,
i get into my car
and drive home safely.

Maybe I need to
Stop watching thriller movies
Or
Maybe women's safety needs
To be taken more seriously.

Do you know those
Little music boxes
Where the ballerina
Starts spinning as
Soon as the music is played?

That’s how I would describe
My childhood
Dancing to someone else’s
Tune
While completely
Mute