All the things you said.
Echo through my head.

Repeating, repeating.
Hurting my head.

Everything you do.
Rings through my skull.

Repeating, repeating.
Churning my brain.

You live in my head.
Something parasitic.

Repeating, repeating.
Let me tear you out.

Repeating, repeating.
Get out of my head.

Repeating, repeating.
Let me out.

Please let me out.
Please.

It hurts.

A distant daydream,
a memory I can't escape.

No matter how hard I try,
It always catches up to me.

A garden that floods,
as soon as I'm awake.

The cheering of a crowd,
that I can't make out.

Loud noises,
distorting my thoughts.

I try to forget,
But I'm dragged right back.

Am I real?
Is this real?

I can't escape these dreams,
It doesn't matter if I'm awake.

So I go back to bed.

Some days I feel like,
nobody wants me,
nobody needs me.

Some days I feel like,
I don't matter,
nobody cares.

But every day I wake up,
I do my tasks,
I live on.

I'm scared that something will change,
I'm scared that by living on,
I'll witness something I shouldn't.

I cry.
I love.
And I wake up again.

Doing the same thing,
every single day,
maybe something will change.

If I just do it,
one more time,
maybe I'll find reason today.

It's hard for me to focus.

I don't hate the work.
I want to do it.
But I can't focus.

I fidget.
With my books.
With my pens.

It's not my fault.

I was always blamed.
I didn't try "hard enough."
I didn't "care enough."

I do care.
I do try.
But it's hard.

I'm really trying.
Please believe me.

Everybody has told me,
that I'm too thick,
that I'm too heavy,
and not good enough.

They told me,
that I'm disgusting,
revolting,
and annoying.

But, recently I've learned,
that nobody is perfect,
and everybody's ideal,
isn't the same as somebody else's.

I think perfection is an idea,
one we have fabricated,
'cause we can't handle,
the fact that we're disliked.

You can't please everyone,
that's what I've learned,
so I'll forgive you.
'Cause I'm an imperfectly perfect person.

You.
The sole reason for my suffering.
I hate you.

To look into the darkness,
and only find you,
is disgusting.

Nothing has hurt me like you.
I'd create a war.
Just to get rid of you.

But as I look back,
you treated me kindly,
am I the one to blame?

Thinking.
For a person such as me.
To be given a second chance.

It must be a joke!
But I see now,
oh, so clearly.

I wasn't looking in,
I was looking out,
and he was looking in.

The darkness was I.
I love you.

You're no good for me,
sweet like ice cream,
but just as cold.

You're only good for a week,
'cause all milk sours,
so I take you while you're good,
then I throw you out.

I can't even eat custard,
because it reminds me of you,
and my stomach starts to ache.

I should've known,
with just a taste,
that you're no good,
but I got selfish.

But never again,
you won't fool me,
I'm not that naïve.

'Cause first you're sweet,
then you're sour.

Pick it up.
The pieces of your heart,
that shattered long ago.

The dreams that seemed dead.
The lost and forgotten ones.
That never had a chance.

Pick it up.
The memories you discarded,
that you left to rot.

The ones with trauma.
The ones with love.
Put them together again.

Pick it up.
The hope that you lost,
that you thought was gone.

The determination.
The soul.
The strength.

'Cause healing starts now.

Round and round,
we go around,
on the carousel of love,
we'll never hit the ground.

Chasing a goal,
I know I'll never make.
Leading me 'round the nose,
but it's fine, I don't mind,
'cause it's you who's doing so.

Hey boy,
I'll be the jester,
entertain you,
just don't leave.

I don't care if you hate me,
just let me love you,
I'll beg on the ground for you,
just give me attention,
and you won't regret it.

But when I fall off the ride,
and bleed from my knee,
the hand that helps me,
why is it yours?

Picking at my skin,
making me bleed,
scent of flesh,
melting with the rouge.

Stuffing up my chest,
with a knife to my skin,
playing doctor one-on-one,
******* in my breath.

Am I pretty enough?
Are my thoughts pure enough?
Am I desirable enough?
Obedient enough?

Overemotional,
heart too big for my body,
keeps leaking out.
It's better with my mouth shut.

I'll gloss my lips,
twisting up my insides,
I'll become all that you want,
until only a shell remains.

creaming soda is a pleasant drink, don’t you think?
the pink aesthetic of it, the sweet taste.
the way it tickles down your throat with each gulp.

it’s like a small exciting adventure every time you drink.
few things feel as good as drinking some creaming soda.
except, being with you.

somehow, for me, it exceeds the limits.
i no longer taste that fleeting sweetness.
it’s an overwhelming flavour that melts me down to my core.

i’ve never been much good at writing.
if you keep your pen in one spot, the ink will pool.
you and i both know that well.

but for you, i keep it moving.
whether or not the outcome is good.
i move my hand and write for you.

being with you feels like a time out of space.
a place that nobody except us can reach.
where we laugh, watch and love.

i bet you weren’t expecting this.
and i understand how you feel.
i just needed to tell you.

writing is a passion of mine.
so telling you like this felt right.
plus, you always said you liked to read what i write.

i would love to take you by the hand.
and dance with you, round and round.
until our heads feel heavy ‘cause we’re dizzy.

i know you don’t feel the same.
and that’s okay.
because as long as i can stay by your side.

i’ll be alright.

let us dance.
hands joined.
in the pink waves of an ocean of love.

Baby, you’re one of a kind.
Your eyes light up my dim night skies.
The way you blow into that flute.
Hypnotic melodies.

Your magic blooming like flowers in Spring.
Causing even the dead to dance.
Everyone is left captivated.
They’d all like a piece of you.

Darling, your mind captures brilliance.
The kind no other has witnessed.
You’re a piece of art.
One of a kind.

Even with cold flesh.
Your smile imprinted onto the Earth.
Wishing this moment could last forever.
A masterpiece dug into the dirt.

And on your grave, I plant these flowers.
You’ll be sent to Heaven, baby.
Where your flame will rise.
And your high will never get low.

Lying in a field of flowers.
I’m plucked by a needle.

Something sharp that was hidden.
Nothing I suspected.

Oozing with blood, the field stains red.
A reminder of the pain I went through.

I can’t look at daisies.
Without thinking of you.

Is this the curse I must bear?

I see your name in flashing lights.
Your face in the streets.

Every place we used to meet.
I drop down to my knees.

The agonising needle that pierced my back.
Corrupts my once pure heart.

Giving me chest pains.
I cannot endure.

I never knew death could taste so sweet.

As I lay here in pain.
I reminisce, my dear.

About the memories we shared.
The life we lived.

And as I hold your warm hand.
Within my frozen fingertips.

The needle falls.
On a bloodied bed.

Empty bathtub.
Where you and I sit.

The memories that were once ours.
Now stain the mirror in blue.

Slow dancing into an embrace.
Leaving marks on your neck.

No matter how much we touch.
I can never fill the gap.

How can you bathe without water?
We sit - exposed.

You kick me for something I did.
I light up a cigarette.

Screaming in my ear.
Something about cheating.

I pop open a bottle of whiskey.
And pour it in the bathtub.

You ask to break up.
You found another man.

When you leave I can finally breathe.
I stretch in the bath.

It feels a little empty.
I pour more *****.

So many people.
Have been bathed with me.

None with water.
None pleasantly.

Still, even now.
Every body reminds me of you.

I remember your smile.
Your smell.

I’m tired of this by now.
So I lie down in the bath.

And let it overflow.

Fingers intertwined.
Even on a hot, Summer day.

Kicking our legs that hide under tables.
Hands reaching for one another.

This moment.
Is brief.
I think I recognise this.
But how do I know?

Kissing under a pale moonlight.
Or curled up, binging movies when it rains.

Being competitive.
Being affectionate.

This brief moment.
Is so familiar.
I’m scared I’m getting ahead.
Oh, how do I know?

When you said my name.
For the very first time.

I saw a twinkle.
In your eyes.

This throbbing in my chest.
I recognise this.
Ah.
That’s how you know.

She’s your love.

I can feel my heart beat through my chest.
Engulfed with the loneliness inside.
I peer around, looking everywhere.
Where have you gone?

I play hide-and-seek.
With the demons in my mind.
They hide in the crooks and crannies.
Being impossible to find.

Let’s play tag.
One, two, three, go!

I caught my nostalgia.
Then my trauma.
They merge together.
Forming blacked out memories.

****** up memories.
I’d longed to forget.
It’s a bittersweet feeling.
Leaving a sour aftertaste.

They bound my wrists.
Unable to flee.

With two options in front of me.
I pick the easiest.
To drink the toxic drink.
To forget about them again.

With one swift gulp.
The memories faded.
Back in the darkness.
Back in the solitude.

With arms bound, and wrists blue.
I will always creep to you.

With a muzzle, like a dog.
I always treat you like a god.

Licking at your feet.
Gnawing at your meat.

You go in,  four fingers deep.
Your love what I yearn to keep.

When bound to you.
I feel so brand new.

Please hide me away.
Your bed is where I lay.

Legs stretching on silk.
As I swallow up your milk.

I need more.
I get down on fours.

You kick me down into the dirt.
It hurts whenever you insert.

Yet it’s your body I desire.
Moans in sync like a choir.

I can feel your heat deep inside me.
Nails on your back, digging with glee.

I fall asleep amongst the chain.
I wake up with the muzzle again.

Blaring sirens and flashing lights.

Make it hard to concentrate.

On the traintrack.

There are multiple paths.

I must decide which I go down today.

Tomorrow, again and again.

The road is covered in a thin layer of rain.

Making it slippery.

A dangerous ‘venture.

The horns blare louder.

The lights blur my vision.

If I can’t take a path.

I should make one on my own.

The train is coming.

The end is in sight.

And I jump down onto the tracks.

Sometimes at night.
I look at the glistening sky.
The sky shines bright with thousands of stars.
Each one of them reminds me of you.

One star is your eye, shining when you’re happy.
Another one is your mouth, your pearly teeth when you smile.
Yet another star for your big, blooming heart.
And one more, a flashing star, for your silky laugh.

Sometimes we meet in my dreams.
We hold hands and dance on a road of stars.
We count the stars as we step.
And by the end of the road, I’ve woken up.

These stars and these dreams are all I have.
Since you live across the sea.
But know that I would travel far and wide.
Just to hear your laugh again.

You make me so happy I can barely breathe.
It’s hard to describe the way you make me feel.
Even through poetry.
You leave me wordless.

That’s why this poem.
Is a bit messy.
A bit wild.
Pretty all over the place.

Because there are so few words.
To describe how special.
And important.
You are to me.

I know I say it a lot.
But I really do love you.
And the day you said it back.
Was the best day of my life.

These stars and these dreams.
They’re enough for now.
Because one day.
I’ll be there.

Taking a plane across the world.
Just to see you smile.
Then those stars won’t compare.
To the most beautiful sight before me.

All those nights we spent.
Watching movies and shows.
Sometimes just straight up skits.
I cherish them all.

Your smile.
Your laugh.
The way you make me feel.
Is unexplainable.

You leave me breathless.
It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment.
That I fell in love with you.

Maybe it started when we first spoke?
Your funny jokes, the stories you'd tell.
Or perhaps it was recently?
Because whenever you speak my heart pounds.

It's almost suffocating.
It's kind of masochistic.
How you make my heart burn and ache.
Yet I never wish for it to stop.

I lay awake at night.
Watching the shooting stars.
I wish for your safety, your happiness.
All of the above.

Maybe when I wish upon a star.
You can feel my love.
I hope that with every wish I make.
My love becomes more apparent.

I know, that across all timelines.
Across all universes.
My love for you will never falter.
You, to me, are the embodiment of hope.

The embodiment of everything good.

This poem was a little cheesy.
I'd apologise but my words are sincere.
There's still a weight pressed onto me.
So I'd let to let it out.

Thank you for all the laughs.
All the love you've given me.
The only thing I have to ask.
Is will you go out with me?

Counting the steps you take.
Your fingers touching mine.
These walls I built up over time.
Slowly, you take them down.

This violent facade.
Eating me up inside.
I want to scream but I can't.
This is who I am now.

I distance myself.
Scared of getting hurt.
But you approached me.
And became my world.

I still detest how I acted back then.
I pushed you away.
When you tried to understand.
But the facade I made.

Crumbled down.

The only one I loved.
The only one I trusted.
You stood there, captivated by me.
Wishing I wouldn't go.

Everybody's words.
Like swords that cut deep.
I can't forgive them.
Can I even forgive myself?

So I let go of the anxieties.
Because despite my actions.
My true nature is love.
I love you, Shuichi - this is to be known.

These lies I built as walls of protection.
Break down and cover me.
Suffocate me.
I let myself be crushed under the weight.

Much like a hydraulic press.

Even after death, I will still love you.
You spoke to me, loathed me.
But I still love you.
And that will never change.

You ask why I lied.
I lie all the time.
It's my only defence.
From the people outside.

I know you don't understand.
Maybe you never will.
But that's okay.
My heart is open for you to accept.

After all,

"I" am just a "lie" that makes up "me."

Dancing in the rain.
With your coat drooping off me.

You smile at me.
And it shines like the moon.

Counting the steps we take.
Every minute feels like an hour.

Your hand in mine.
Makes my whole body warm.

I wish this evening could last forever.
With your lips interlocked with mine.

Poking at the fat on my thighs.
Laughing at all our quirks the whole day.

Binging movies and sharing drinks.
Playing with your hair during a thunderstorm.

Even though the world is cold.
You warm me up.

So I curl up with your wet coat.
And dream of that night again.

I can hear the crunching of your skull.
The remnants of it being split on the road.
I frantically take all the pieces.
And pull out my glue.

I can barely recognise you.
Your face is a mass of ****** and broken bones.
Your warm hand is now stone cold.
And your fingers feel like twigs.

The scars that cover your body are no more.
All the flesh you were full of is gone.
All that's left is skin and bone.
And your beautiful face remains in my memories.

I hug the rags that you wore.
They still smell like you.
But now I've stained them.
With tears like a salty sea.

I can't rebuild your bones.
Because I know I'd snap them accidentally.
My glue isn't that strong.
Because my heart's already breaking.

If you're a saint, I'm a sinner.
I'm willing to do anything for you.

Pools of blood drip from my wrist.
It's a spicy and agonising feeling.

You lick it all up.
Pushing me down inside you.

Love hurts like a *****.
Guess we must be sadistic.

Every morning is a break for the wicked.
Because I lay with you in comfortable silence.

But I know that you'll let go.
Untangle your fingers and flee.

But you'll always come back.
Because without my blood you're thirsty.

I have so many worries.
Anxieties.
That I just can't escape.
They flood my brain.
Controlling my memories.

I keep up the facade.
That I'm stable.
Happy, nice.
But I'm not.
I'm anything but.

I break down every night.
Because of you.
My tears stain my face.
Because of you.
I don't know what to say.
Because of you.

You never meant to hurt me.
I never meant to hurt you.
But in the end.
We wound up hurting each other.
We were the monsters they warned us about.

The dark clouds, wrapping themselves around us.
Only engulfing us in sadness.
So I keep on crying.
Because the more I do.
The more the dark lets go of you.

You don't know.
But I do.
With each tear I drop.
The monster consuming me.
Will eventually.
Swallow me whole.

What defines love?

It's viewed differently when compared to every other person.
I could say love is an intimate feeling.
While you could persist that it's non-existent.

What does love really mean?

I believe love means you're willing to devote your life to a certain person.
It's an intimate feeling - but it comes with stress and fear.
But you can rest easy if you know the other party involved loves you too.

What does it mean if you don't love someone enough?

Is that a real thing?
Because I tried my hardest.
But it wasn't enough.

An angel cloaked in black.
A crystalised sinner.

But I watch over a pure being.
Someone who can't be dirtied.
Not by filth or other humans.
A completely clean entity.

I wish for revenge against God.
The cruel God who abandoned me.
Who reinforced rules.
That only help him in the end.

So I combine my filthy soul.
With a clean vessel.
Me and the purity.
We become one.

A sinner cloaked in black.
A venomous angel.

Bright lights!
Neon signs!
Pounding sounds
with citrus scents.

Focus on me.
Zoom in.
Zoom out.
I'll be all they see.

All eyes on me!

Wet cement!
Handprints!
Deafening silence
with the smell of freshly burnt oak.

Focus on me.
Flashing lights.
Blinding colour.
I'll be all they see.

All eyes on me!

Big billboards!
Magazine covers!
Spotlight on me
and the crew sets up scene.

Focus on me.
Dig your nails into me.
Leave your scent on me.
I'll be all they see.

I'm everyone's favourite.
I'm in control.
The society is crumbling.
They hum a lulling beat.

With their eyes on me.

Pools of ink drench white paper.
Darkness covering a world of light.

Your piercing red body shone through a bleak world.
And as you approached me I turned blue.

You were the only colour in a world full of white.
Every time it rained you never got stained in black.

The ink never touched you.
Never filthied you.

You always stayed vibrant.
That perfect scarlet red.

You finally approached me.
A pastel blue boy.

Your smooth, tender hands all over my body.
Marking me in lilac bites.

The dull world outside shunned us.
Because we were different.

But I find comfort in your coloured arms.
Because when I'm with you, I'm no longer blue.

When you touch me, I explode with colour.
I become a lilac man.

Your voice.
The way you smile.
You sing.
I love it all.

I bow down to you, my queen.
I'll do anything you ask of me.
I tenderly kiss your hand.
Because I am your mere knight.

Your laugh.
The way you dance.
You see.
I love it all.

I'd lay down my life for you, my queen.
I'll do anything you ask of me.
I'd die just to feed your smile.
Because I am your mere knight.

Your love.
The way you hug me.
You kiss me.
I love it all.

But I know, my queen.
If I died for you.
You'd mourn and weep.
You wouldn't be the same.

Because even if I live to serve you.
You live off my affection.
My love for you.
So don't cry, my queen.

I'll love you until death do us part.

When you're cloaked in darkness.
I'll be your lighthouse.
I'll wrap you up tight.
Give you the light.

I always thought constellations were a bit overrated.
Seeing pictures out of stars?
How delusional.
However, that has changed.

The shivering human in my grasp.
The kisses, "I love you"s you give to me.
They're all real.
I can hardly believe it.

I always looked at you.
I knew I needed you.
But I was scared.
I didn't want to hurt you.

I didn't want to engulf you in the black mass inside me.
But the sadness goes away whenever you're here.
So I started needing you more.
Wanting you more.

It was a pounding feeling in my chest.
Made it hard to breathe without you near.
I was scared of being hurt.
But I loved you ever since way back when.

Now when I look at the sky, I can smile.
Because my world is just a tiny constellation.
And you're the biggest star.
Making my world a little brighter.

And I know, when I'm cloaked in the darkness.
You'll rise up above all else.
You'll be my lighthouse.
And let me in.

Crying softly, I rest a hand on your cheek.
"Everything's going to be okay."
"You didn't need them anyway!"
Until your face turns into ashes.

An unrecognisable mass that once was you.
What happened to the you I knew?
I hear glass shatter.
As your silhouette gets further.

I don't understand why you always look so sad.
Life would be so much easier if you were glad.
But when I touch your pretty face.
Your porcelain skin starts to break.

I look through the glass.
"I'm doing okay.
I am okay.
Even though I needed them, anyway."
Then the glass breaks.

Words echoing through the cave that is my mind.
Trying to put all the pieces back together.
But they can never fit just quite right.
It's always you, but not the one that I knew.

"Today is a good day."
I lie.
"You can do it."
I lie.

"You're stable, happy with life.
One day, you'll make the perfect wife."
I look into the mirror.
Then my face turns to black.

You don't have to say
"I love you."

Because when you take a kiss from me.
It's just us filling this landscape.

Colouring the outlines of a dull world.
In bright pastels.

Our entire life is one big memory.
Reliving our love over and over.

Please rely on me a little more.
Don't go crying in a split second.

You don't have to say
"I love you."

Because when you take a kiss from me.
It's just us filling this landscape.

A dream world that consists of only us.
This world is a story about us.

Please don't leave me.
Where did you even go?

Life flashes before our eyes.
Running by so fast.
So I press pause.
And rewind back to the start.

You don't have to say
"I love you."

Because when I hear it I go cold.
It's only us.

I never want to wake up.
From this dream-like escape.

Don't take me from your warmth.
Close the blinds - the suns too bright.

Give me five more minutes, please.

Why do I live?
I can count the number of times I've been happy on both hands.

Why don't I die?
It would be really easy to **** myself, I realise this.

But when I press the cold steel to my flesh.
I hesitate.

Death seems to be the ultimate thing I crave.
But my greatest fear.

I've spent too many nights sobbing into my pillow.
So I ask myself.

Why do I live?
I like seeing my family happy.

Why?
I like seeing my friends happy.

Why?
I like seeing anybody happy.

Why?
I hate seeing them upset.

Will I ever be truly satisfied?
I doubt it.

But, I want to try.

Why do I live?
I live not for myself. But I live for others.

Why don't I die?
Even though I don't believe it, people will be upset once I'm gone.

So when I press the cold steel to my flesh.
I put the knife away.

Death seems to be the ultimate thing I crave.
But if I let the urge completely erode me I will never be happy.

Happiness doesn't start once you die.
It happens when you learn to live.

Scream.
I.
Scream.

My throat hurts.
But the scream was soft.
My pillow holds all my screams.
So they can never escape.

I feel better.

Cry.
I.
Cry.

My eyes burn.
But my eyes won't water anymore.
My pillow holds all my tears.
So they can never escape.

I feel better.

I go to punch my pillow.
I need to vent.
Let it out.
Out.

Bleed.
I.
Bleed.

My knuckles are bruised.
The kid in front of me is crying.
Where is my pillow?
Where am I?

I feel awful.

Scream.
I.
Scream.

But this time.
Everyone can hear.
My pained cries echo the streets.
I can't hold it in anymore.

Blood trickles down my throat.
My eyes are red and puffy.
My knuckles are ****** from punching the pavement.
I can't stop.

I keep crying.
I keep screaming.
I keep punching.
I keep doing it.

Breathe.
I.
Breathe.

I can finally breathe.
After all this time.
I finally realised.
My pillow was suffocating me.

A dull world.
Lit only by the coins, the bling of the masters.

Every action I do hurts me.
But there's nothing I can do to stop the pain.

I could end my life.
End the torment.

But even if I did that.
It's just bailing out of a battle.

I want to try to survive.
So I can go down with pride.

No matter how many times I am used.
Stripped, cut or burned.

I will get back up again.
I am scarred but still standing.

Everything leaves marks.
I'll make mine battle wounds.

What's the difference between an angel and a devil?

Both have powers and are worshipped.
Both have powers unthinkable to mankind.

Both can look illegally beautiful.
Both can have wings.

When you think about it,
Lucifer was just a fallen angel.

Perhaps every "demon" or every "devil."
Is just an angel in disguise.

They didn't want to live constricted.
They lived in a cage that God had built.

Even the scariest demons have some light.
So look inside yourself.

Find redemption.

Isn't it funny how a lot of fears.
Have never been seen in reality?

They fear clowns.
But have never seen one in person.

They fear the ocean.
But have never drowned.

They fear heights.
But have never fallen.

I think it's funny.
Because a lot of people fear demons.

You've never seen a demon.
Yet, I have.

Demons aren't that scary.
They're just like you or me.

They long to be loved.
To be appreciated.

They want to feel valued.
They want to feel worthy.

At the end of the day.
Don't we all want that?

So put down your pitchforks.
Put down your torches.

Grab your closest demon.
And give them affection.

What does it mean to be good?
What does it mean to be human?
My body may be an abomination.
But my heart is as pure as a saint.

You can't say all humans are good.
Because you know they aren't.
You can't say all demons are bad.
Because you haven't met them all.

I never asked for this power.
The power to **** with just a flinch.
I used my power for good.
I protected those who needed protection.

But if you look a certain way.
You're classified as bad.
Everyone calls demons monsters.
Because they don't understand them.

But I think.
The cruellest monsters.
That still breathe today.
Wander around Earth.

Cold, violet skin.
Red rose petals fall from my wrist.

The scent is pleasant.
It makes my head spin.

I spew eucalyptus leaves into the overflowing river.
Oleanders flow down my throat.

I puke out the petals, now stained red.
The river flows red as the lilypads sink.

Monkshood flowers cast shadows over my porcelain skin.
I pluck and I pluck and I pluck.

Until my fingertips are stained purple.
I lick them clean.

I weep tears that take the shape of an angel's trumpet.
They sing me a soft lullaby as they seep into my skin.

Pretty foxgloves draw me in closer.
I touch their shell and inhale their scent.

My stomach turns inside out.
Skyflower petals seep from my mouth.

I hadn't noticed until now.
That my entire body was a wilted rose.

In this day and age.
We're all pressured to write something original.

But with every piece of art in this world.
Every single thing being written.

We're inspired by different things.
Isn't everything fan-fiction?

You've got my eyes.
Captured my heart.

As if a love deity chose you for me.

You always lie.
But I cover it up.

You always cry.
But I cover it up.

Your lips drip red with all the things you spew.

You've got my eyes.
Captured my heart.

As if all the stars in the sky pointed to you.

You always hide.
But I cover it up.


You're always blind.
But I cover it up.

Lungs filled to the brim with lies.

You've got my eyes.
Captured my heart.

My entire being is owned by you.

You always lie.
But I cover it up.

You always cry.
But I cover it up.

Choking on your lies, burning from the inside.

Standing at rain-covered train tracks.

If you were a god, what would you do?
Make a perfect world?
While everybody claps along.
Then disappear without a trace.

Nobody will notice that you slipped away.
You smile.
You say you're fine.
You're fine.

But you're not fine.

It's hard being a god.
The entire world in your tiny grasp.
Mistakes being made everywhere.
So disappear without a trace.

Nobody will notice you slipped away.
They never liked you anyway.
You're fine.
You're fine.

You smile and lie.

I'll kiss your tongue.
Make everything better.
Feed you kerosene.
So you'll slowly wither.

Nobody will notice you slipped away.
They never knew you anyway.
You say you're fine.
You claim you're fine.

You scream and lie.

Spitting out your toxic drink.
You know the answer now.
You can fix all your mistakes.
The god of this world.

Nobody will notice you slipped away.
What's a god, anyway?
You say you're fine.
Close your eyes.

And step in line.

"Why are you crying?
You knew it was going to die."

Humans are strange creatures.
I've known that from the start.

You were no exception.
For the time being.

You cried over everything.
Animals dying, falling over.

Whatever it was, you'd cry.
In a way, I thought you were pitiful.

But I have grown since childhood.
Remembered who I was, once upon a time.

I'd cross worlds to protect you.
Even though you contradict me all the time.

You don't like what I say.
I never understood why.

I killed all those humans for you.
Those heathens.

But even then, you cry.
You cried and cried until no more tears would flow.

I remember the words to spoke to me.
Each one slipping out on a sharp tongue.

You had no more tears.
They had run out.

You hated me.
Despised me.

So we fought.
I thought we could reconcile.

Begin again.
Life brand new.

But when I turned to you to speak.
What stared back at me was dull.

A hollow vessel.
Void of a human heart.

You wouldn't speak to me.
You wouldn't breathe for me.

No matter how much I yelled.
You would never hear.

And for the first time in my life.
I cried.

"Hey, Akira,
What are these feelings?"

I trusted you.
You came into my dark life.
Brightening up the world.
Like throwing open curtains.

You tinted my world a pastel pink.
Every word you spoke to me.
Was like music to my ears.
Was it like that for you?

But when I turned around, it was all dark again.
You were the stage-light, casting the play.
Making me happy every single day.
You turned my stomach, made my heart flutter.

I never knew love was so bitter.
I trusted you.

I know you didn't love me.
But I was alright with that.
I knew you liked someone else.
But I was alright with that.

I know you hurt my friends.
I'm not alright with that.
You played with my heart every single day.
What the **** were you doing?

This isn't a play.

You knew about my feelings.
You said it was alright.
But you kept drawing me closer.
Like a moth to a light.

I know what you did.
You hurt everyone.
Stop beating around the bush.
Take the blame.

My heart aches writing these words.
I thought you were different.
That my voice was heard.
It went in one ear and out the next.

My heart sinks deeper into my chest.
Wet eyes and shaking lips.
My knuckles are sore.
I need a rest.

I tolerated you.
Loved you.
And this is what you do?
**** up everyone's life.

You were the sun to my Earth.
You cast warmth to me.
But now I see you never intended.
On setting me free.

All your lies taste bitter on my tongue.
I hate that I loved you.
That I had once loved.
My poem I wrote, I shared my feelings that day.

But what do I do now?
I don't know what to say.

A crumbling god lays in my grasp.
As he lay coated in my tears.
I can't help but hope they heal him.

He said we'd ascend.
We'd leave our flesh vessels.
To watch over them like gods.

Yet, with all the power I've consumed.
Why is the body I'm holding stiff?
I've become a god, all you've ever wanted.

When you said you could join me.
Was that just a lie?
You said we could rid the Earth of filth.

What do I need to do to tell you I love you.
Would it take mere words to bring you back?
Ashes to ashes.

A tall man came today.
Coated head-to-toe in black.
He said he could bring you back.

For one small price.
If I gave up my name, my identity.
For that, you would return.

I accepted.
I await your arrival.
While you rest, I caress you.

I need to rest, I've been awake too long.
You may not remember me.
But that is alright.

For you see, my dear.
As long as you are here.
We can be gods all we'd like.

I can play any part.
If that's what you want.
I can do anything you ask.
Nothing but machinery.

The gears and cogs turning in my mind.
Get muddled when you speak to me.
I've built myself from the ground up.
Then you swing into me, crashing me down.

I can be your everything.
Make myself dependant on you.
I can do anything you ask.
I'm nothing but machinery.

My fuel's running low.
My springs are popping out.
Your lies to my face.
Your knives to my heart.

You can pick me up and repair me.
Or toss me out with the other garbage.
I always thought I could take it all.
Whatever you had, you could lay it on me.

But when I cut myself I bleed.
When I fall down, I get *****.
I crash.
I break down.

My blood is not black.
It is not a thicky, oily mass.
My skin is not metal.
It will scrape and produce wounds.

I thought I could do anything.
Anything you asked of me.
But turns out I was human all along.
Made out of flesh and blood.

The people talked to you again today.
You said they made fun of your body.
The only thing in your eyes was humiliation.
You told me they make you feel ugly.

But baby, I know you don't see what I do.
Because anything that is beautiful.
People want to break.
Unfortunately, you are beautiful.

You told me that you're ashamed of your body.
They said you're disgusting.
They told you that you were fat and unworthy.
But I'll love you no matter what form you take.

But baby, I know you don't see what I do.
Because anything that is beautiful.
People want to break.
Unfortunately, you are beautiful.

You need to realise one of these days.
The body you have.
Is the perfect one to me.
You are beautiful.

Sticky bodies.
Collided with sheets.
White sticky substance.
All over the screen.

They moan and bounce to and fro.
Violet stained hands covering their skin.
Her throat looks dry so he spits in it.
She screams, more white.

My grainy television screen jumps.
I whack it a few times until I get a clear picture.
Crimson sheets.
Moans with a blade.

Screaming as something makes her weary.
Being ****** with a knife.
He traces her thighs.
Letting himself inside.

My body is heating up.
I bite my lip and **** my head.
I reach to my hips.
Everything is hot and fuzzy.

She bites his neck.
Blood drooling out.
He hits her.
She moans.

White screen.
Insides leaking.
A crime scene, it should be.
But why is my hand all white and sticky?

White wings.
Desperately flapping.
Living its life.
Pure soul.

You rest upon my shoulder.
You're so light.
But my chest feels heavy.
I cross my legs.

My face warms up.
Can you hear my heart beating?
Give me a moment.
I'm a bit ****** up.

White butterfly.
With a blade to its wing.
Cutting a slit.
Kissing it.

I'll stick my tongue in it.
Make sure you can feel it.
Right down into your stomach.
Crimson cheeks.

So fragile.
So beautiful.
So weak.
So innocent.

You trace my limbs and lips.
You raise a blade to my skin.
And begin to cut little slits.
You open them with your fingertips.

It's such a delight like this.
You say this is the love everyone should find.
So don't cry.
Don't worry.

You're supposed to bleed the first time.