when the sun dwindles
I'm left with a hollow feeling
what's in healing
when I still hurt

trying to break out
of this **** class
these tiny pigeon holes
I keep getting stuck in
I can get ****** in
to things I shouldn't
and when I look at my life
I ask myself
what to do with it

"Malodorous," Said from one with a stench.
And the bath was drawn
But the water was reflective,
So they chose only to stink
Rather than sink.
Their sin was antisense

tell me how
the thought alone
ain't killin' me right now
I guess I'm just glad I know
that life, up or down
is twenty times better
above ground

Sable & satin dreams
she's with me with eyes closed
but dissappears at the break of eve
at the brink of reprieve
you come back to me
every time,
what is it you seek

Better men have fallen before,
By word alone. Take these
Phrases in utter that matter not
To action, what man can judge
He who does, when he does nothing?
Mark the words of youth still young.
Tell me, when I have aged,
Have my thoughts & views really changed?
Have I any measurable way, what would the depth gauge read?
On the core of my character - my values & beliefs?
Field the breadth of life, would there be anything left in me deep?
Will there only be cold hard surface,
With nothing underneath?

Vanity, take your measurements -
Tailor me a suit to cover all character.
Take all discretion, only
As to whether I'm dressed pleasant
And wear a guise that's hygienic.
It's all very copacetic,
A couple of sweet words
More akin to syrup than cane;
Unnatural and fake.

its funny, how little love there is there
despite their protesting
you're a source of a amusement;
its a pleasurable kind of pain
that leaves you wanting and drained
but pleasure and pain
all the same

Eagles soar
Over broken day
And the cities are rubble
The fields are gray
Babes cry, mothers sway
The men have gone away
Rifles in their hands, boots on their feet
Off to some far flung land, in squads and fleets
In land, over sea, and through the air
At attention, every back and every tiny hair
For the coming tide
To wash you under

An irrational person, in my position
Put through the things I have been,
Might harbor hate or resentment
For the fairer ***.
Thankfully,  I have a better mindset,
And only hate you all

coming inches from fighting
every nerve
fires like lightning
who do they serve
when it's conflict
they're igniting

i stop looking back
looking forward
moving in the present
turning over
my being to the moment

baltimore
i don't know what it's for
but i refuse to stand down
simply lay down, and die
ain't it hard just to live?

The banality of only craving to capture,
Never to create.
Aperture into life behind the lens
The misery of the photographer
Is always being on the out
And only being a device when let in.
To be an archiver of the moment,
Truly embodying it in a single shot,
Is the greatest achievement;
For cameras can hope

You fear what you do,
Happening to you,
But do it the same.

I say I need space
You throw it in my face
And show me we'll never speak again

I will always love you

i'll do the duties
due to the son
but don't expect me to like you father
when you're bitter and mean
and ignorant, unwilling to learn
when you pride yourself in your superficiality
treating me like **** you stepped in
keep it up
we'll see who's around
in the twilight of your life

it was, first sight
and my heart was alight
my head was spent between pages
and lost in thoughts
leading a sad kind of celibate life
not that hands didn't reach out to hold
but their grip would feel loose
because only yours would be tight
wounds from abuse
stitches with a rusty needle
threading like barbed wire
i am bleeding
pulling them out
but i put them there
so i'll be alright
i've always been waiting
and feeling like a pathetic fool for it
so i just try to better myself
as i worsened

Starting gun;
Another run of
My fingers through your hair

Your cheek in my palm,
Resting my hand on your neck
Holding you again

In glass reflections,
An abstract of affection
When I see you everywhere

Fragments of when you cared

all is fair
is the quote shared
in love, and in war
but I ask
when they don the mask
how do you tell
heaven from hell
martyrs from a *****

how cruel
that it can tear you in twine
two, for twice the heaven
love split between divines

if i could do a thing for you
name it
if you have a price
i'll pay it
there ain't a thing too far flung
even give you the strings i strung
you just have to say it

Tread the mental waters to
Find the cave
Of hope and desire,
Of just things that are fair
And still grow in shade.
Hidden away, unless
You are brave
And face yourself.

The type to go
To die, "before his time."
If there is such a thing.
Sunglasses inside,
Though I'm trailed in shade
And trapped within,
Nights that rule day.

Sleep like a pillow, no one there

In my heart, in my head

scrolling
past things that mean nothing
and do nothing
in the ways and means
of entertainment or pleasure
or even interest
and all food is gruel
tasteless, mealy gruel
i have meaning
i know myself
i know what i'm working toward
but what good does that do
for bills
for positions still out of my reach
simply by merit, or connection
competent, and true to a fault
smart?
i can't figure anyone else out though

want to leave
let me breathe
but i don't
it's contradicting,
it just won't,
for sure
the cure
this flickering
spark, in my soul

Easy to conceive,
The likes of thousands of souls
All as miserable as me.
In the likes of this world,
Like moss on a tree.
Stumped, but still living.

Memorizing license plates,
Every passing face,
Mental logs; time & date.
Act stupid to maintain,
This farce, this facade.
One fake one, one falsely named.
Living amongst shadows,
Only remnants remain

you can't fix me
i wouldn't want you to anyway
being with you
spending time together
that's what i want
i wonder
about all the things you do
and how you fill your time
god i'm pathetic

i don't care about your man
or blowing me off
just need you
can't you understand

a lot of times
i feel i need to prove myself
constantly trying to
improve myself
and lose myself
in pursuing
maybe i need
more focus on my health

i can do it

you'll take advantage
till the creekbed dries
crushing roses in your hand
and they would've wilted away
anyway,  you think you're so much bigger
I've got news for you
you can barely measure up
to the men next to you
you cut a small figure
and every time you open that mouth
all respect for you just dives south
***** no-good stinker

central park
midnight
can't stand
to be in others' sight

put me on my knees
you know what I need
extinguish the air,  take my breath
and never an answer to any plead
salty streams, and crimson bleed
what do they mean?
when the happiest I can seem to aspire for
that hapless sleep
forgone relief
called death

elsewhere
serenity rules me
and joy, like the tides of the sea
wash over me
continuously, rolling
into magnificent crescendos
of bright beautiful light,
colors endowed to me,
elsewhere

no, i care
but i have to end this
and thoughts of you
because
it's not a love you wish to pursue

does it come out wrong for you
it comes out wrong for me
but i try to take the time
to mend what i say
into what i mean
but you never did
so i stopped
and let it all jet
out long

You say things
Just in the aims
Of hurting another,
Even to your lover.
And what makes you so special?

i want this to stop

Infanticide,
More honorable these days than patricide;
And no one sees the irony.
Convince me why
I should care for your life?
And do it without words

Something to hold onto,
Pieces of this beating heart,
This bleeding hunk of meat
You pulled apart

Nothing to leave behind,
Emptied out old fool,
Call me crazy, act cool
I can recognize the signs

Along in the sun,
Along in the rain,
If you just believe
You can avoid so much pain

But I'm not able
Just to close my eyes
Push it deep down
And say I'm fine

and the pendulum swings
swings to a stop
and the clock turns, still
but the batteries are out
but the clock turns still

You joined their army
Their special forces
They told you, quid pro quo
You can go far, you know
Just bomb this village
**** their children
**** their women
And as far as land
It trades hands
Same with the resources
And if we can't win
We'll resort to making sure,
Really no one can

Snow ablaze:
What, that is desire.
No fairer sight, than to gaze
Through rosey red shades-
But risk being burned alight,
By arrogance and ignorance,
These frictionless fires.
Like night calls to day,
Egress, say my name.
Empty, hollow flame;
Bleeding quagmire.
As if a game to play,
The one to laugh last takes all;
Omission recusing the liar.

cronies spit on meritocracy
hucksters love the aristocracy
and grifters don't care
so long as things go their way
another check, another day
if you got them greenbacks
you get a say
otherwise, zip your lips
and walk away

i am sorry
i'm not mature enough
to appreciate your situation
and you are too immature
to get out of it
both still kids,
who feel too strongly,
with longing

i am so lonely

Every word spoken
I can treasure like a token
But what price do you put to it
Are they Benjamins
Or do you toss me only Lincolns?

What are the point to these words?
To anything of language?
For the same could be said
Of all of which we do;
For understanding,
For that is care.
That I want to hear,
To want to share,
That I wish I were there.
To express my love for you,
What that is my love for life.
That I lived & it was good.
What I think-
There were negatives,
But I developed my own pictures.