i am more than myself.
the sum of my parts;
brain, liver, heart
only make up a fraction of what exists within this body.
would i understand this better without the prison of thought?
would i feel more without glands and adrenaline, or less?
i dont ever 'believe' anything.
instead, i 'know'.
there are colours we can't see,
a whole world is hidden to me,
yet my father still believes i am insane when i tell him about the universe.
we can't prove we're the only one.
the world i was born into is a prison; why was i born here?
why was i born me?
why do we like some rhythms better than others?
i only had two things to list, but two is a bad number.
why do we sleep?
because we get sleepy, but why?
i feel like a five year old searching for answers that no one has.
nine billion people in the world...
chances are someone has to know, right?
sometimes i get depressed and existential and my dad makes me justify why i believe in a soul. i think we can answer every one of the 'whys', but only if we ask them in the first place. science and spiritualism arent enemies.
Why the perfections seem imperfect
When the perfectionist perfected the perfection!
Why is the soul seems empty
Even when everything's around
Why is the heart feels so void
When desires fulfilled
Why the inner self seems neglected
Even it's respected
And why the world seems so empty
When its creations are perfect!
Why everyone's restless
What's really missing?
I want to run away
Abandon everything that I've built up
I want to tear down my own creations
The products of my pain
I want to let go of everything
Throw myself into loss williningly
I want to start again from scratch
Or not start again at all
I want to blow through the sky as a cloud
I want to wander with my feet damp from the dew of the grass
I want to feel the cool night air
The glow of the moon bright on my skin
Illuminate those stars in my eyes again
I want to burn down my house
So I can leave no traces
I want to vanish back to where I came
I want to become life itself
One with all once more
I want the sun on my back
the rain on my skin
the breeze in my hair
the chill in my fingertips
I want to be no more than a spirit
A wandering soul
Seeking nothing and losing all
I want to leave this place
break loose from all my bonds
and start again as if I never had a 'before'
Don't worry I'm not suicidal I just don't like having responsibilities or possessions or anything other than emotions really
Mistakes are teachers
Life lessons learned
Unseen doors opened
From bridges burned
Allies turn enemies
Friends become foe
Death do us parts
Now have knives in tow
Brown eyes on faces
Green with envy within
Bestowed the smallest of power
True colors now show
Virtue is earned
Loyalty shines bright
When you're the lowest
Stalwarts join the fight
Brutus now exposed
Healing has began
The ides failed in their treachery
Adversity defines the man
Now rise, rise up
From the ashes of hate
Your future has just started
With happiness it's never too late
Destiny is determined
There'll be no eternal bliss
Fate was sealed with it's fatal kiss
No longer thinking for yourself
Letting it's calling
Be your compass
Surrendering your mental fortitude
Allowed it to be broken down
From a constitutional latitude
Diagnosed as terminal
Malignant raging attitude
Againgst all humanity
Expressed in displays of moral turpitude
Hope's light is fading
Darkness moving in
The battle is waged daily
Never seen but alone
The screams are empty
From a voice without sound
For this battle is my own
I wore a smile
To cover the stain
Swam in the bottle
To ease the pain
Quick with a quip
Ready with a joke
My anguish never passing from my lip
Levity my cloak
Smiles became heavy
Strains bled thru
In the mirror a shell
Of a man I once knew
The light house has gone dark
No guide in this storm
Acts once unheard of
Now are the norm
Where is my savior
The light to lead my way
Where is my Angel
To lift this endless night
And resurrect the day
I am a work in progress
Sometimes every step forward
I counter with two in regress
My insecurities come out
At my weakest times
When I feel trapped, insulted
Blindsided by my own reactions
They never show any signs
Assess before replying
I need to step back, take a breath
Instead of lashing, and yelling,
Giving stares of death
I am surrounded by great supports
Those that forgive my weaknesses
Pick me back up when I've tripped over my own landmines
To them I'm eternally thankful
Their kindness I can never repay
I am a work in progress
Doing my best to make them
And myself proud of me everyday
Long after I’ve gone –
As if that wasn’t bad enough –
Billions of years from now
The Earth will be engulfed by the sun
Which by then will be a red giant.
If not swallowed, then badly scorched.
Hopefully “We” will escape before then
With all our “Goods”.
But Trillions of years later
There surely will be no escape
When The Universe falls apart completely.
For it will thin into almost Nothing:
All our history, art, literature
Death of Deaths.
No more Shakespeare, Beethoven, Einstein, Curie.
No Britain, America, World.
No Human Race.
Is there any hope of salvation?
Nothing in the Material World it seems.
Only, perhaps, a “Spiritual Solution”.
© PB 29\12\2017.
Sorry for being gloomy.
I'm crossing an ocean of faith
Riding upon the secrets I hide from man
For the vessel is what grace is made of
It is not sea worthy
Nor navigable by sight
I am only drawn towards the other side
I watch wondering of the hold
Will it fill with water?
Will the holes in my spoken words
Reveal themselves to me once again
And though the mariner knows my haste
The waterline draws near
But I see the shoreline before me
Will forgiveness reach for my bow too late?
Will unworthiness drop its anchor too soon?
Spare me this quest
Relieve me of my fears
Will I sink
Or will I land leaving behind my confessions
For they are of no use to me now
You are not moved
And God already knew
I ponder, about the stars in the sky
and the endless expanse of space.
It's complete silence and variation in states
I ponder, what are we doing in this place?
We seek light and desire sound,
But it's all dark and silent all around.
What is it that distinguishes day from night?
How is it that wrong is never right?
I ponder what our true nature is.
Is it chaos? Or is it peace?
Are humans really natural and rational?
The body is superficial and it's peripherals;
We contradict everything in the universe.
Our intellect only makes it worse.
We ought to be silent and at peace,
While we're noisy and fight for piece.
Why is it like this? I think I know,
We've ignored a tiny detail called the soul
The body which you constantly love;
Is actually the peripheral of this soul.
The soul is a universe in itself,
Maybe a reflection or a workstation of it.
It's in perfect harmony with the universe,
It's silent, it's peaceful. The only wait: is for us.
-The Silent poet
The purpose of an introverted mind and a shining soul. Cut off from the mainstream and submerged in solitude. Such a peaceful life it has been!