i have a time machine in my head a perk of being human and not yet being dead called the default mode network made by evolution or by god it tethers me to my self in space and engenders a temporal circumvolution of my present place in time mostly the revolution's fine but sometimes while in the past i think of all my selfs that didn't last or that never came to be and feel a sadness which presently cannot pass of all the good that could but isn't me which the doctors call depression and i my own war of the austrian succession in which the pain of each ****** campaign finally resolves in stalemate of the brain of memory and— it's time to take the pills again: SNRI which stands for i no longer want to die for now for my dmn takes me away to a future of everything that could still be all the possibilities for death for guilt for shame is it insane to forecast each day a rain of every way to fail, and in failing stain the sky which looms across tomorrow or at least tomorrow as imagined by the brain in permanent gloom or anxiety, the doctor's say or weak besieged khartoum the mahdi pounding on the walls and we huddled starving in the dark waiting every day for the end, violently delayed but inevitable anyway, a massacre of all bodies laid one upon the other until they form a hill their shadow paints me cold— time for another pill: SNRI i no longer want to die my time machine my i my perk of being human of living and of having not yet died time for another pill: time travel makes me ill
A contract with a God I signed A contract with the wide skies I was a knot - all tense and *******
And I came happily undone and it feels this twitch is the toll Hey you ******! Whoever you are I am neutering you, I am keeping you down I'm marching for the Sun Was it Prometheus or was it God? I paid the price full for those hidden magic pills This is the small penalty for being free Dystonia - for a perfect fit
On how I feel about my neuroleptic created dystonia.
The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for regulations unconsciously transpiring within the organs and the glands of the body. Such as: urination, salivation, digestion, defecation, and lacrimation (noun. ‘the flow of tears’. Latin. from lacrimare (‘weep’) and lacrima (‘tear’). It’s why I cry even when I don’t want to. You are the parasympathetic nervous system.
The (ortho-)sympathetic nervous system is responsible for the mobilization of the fight-or-flight response and constantly maintaining homeostasis within the body. It acts rapidly, enacting an attempt at stability and the necessary and critical ability to suddenly escape on pulsing legs or cling to survival through brandishing adrenaline-doused knuckles and dilated pupils. It’s why you live even when you don’t want to. I am the sympathetic nervous system.
The parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems are two of three essential nervous systems which compose the autonomic nervous system (a part of the peripheral nervous system) that manages involuntary functions of the body. Such as: swallowing, perspiration, arousal, breathing, and heart rate (noun. ‘the speed of the heartbeat’. usually expressed in beats per minute. mine speeds up when I see you). Individually these two systems oppose but compliment each other like our hands do— pressed together and omitting equal force; veins meeting at the fingertips and throbbing at the wrists but running amuck on our respective digits otherwise. You are the invariable and unspoken reminder to breath, love, sweat, and live. I am the sudden snap of reality always aiming to save you but grudgingly willing to fight you and ready to leave.
From the deepest lower half of my brainstem and from every nerve in my cycling body, I’m sorry. From all of my chromaffin cells and from the truest parts of submandibular ganglian,