Couldn't sleep again-
I woke up feeling lonely-
It's only Monday.

6:32 PM
11/2/20

I didn't think the
Earth had two moons,
but then I found you.
Each night you glow
as if this world wasn't
pretty enough.

2019 began
in a shimmer of hope, of peace,
a little light at the end of the tunnel
that was this decade.
And now it is time to
bid farewell,
to not only 2019,
but welcome in another year
and decade with open hearts.
Even if life didn't go according to plan,
I do hang on to the hope of a future
so very far from my past.

Arriving in Vienna
with a broken heart and
no place to place to go.
I wander the empty streets-
it's almost midnight and I
am in search of a distraction.
A bottle of wine later and
some good company by my side,
I think I might be alright.
It's one sleep 'til the new year and
I think I might be alright.

love is our only
reality so treat it
like the only one

6:15 PM
3/6/19

Sometimes the person
you want isn't always the
person that you need

9:49 AM
21/8/22

I didn't believe
in soulmates until I met
your beautiful soul

1:10 PM
17/7/19

As long as your love
is absent from your heart,
nothing can save
nor help you.

I can’t believe you-
I can’t believe those words came
straight out of your mouth

10:33 AM
6/10/19

I heard your voice
in the wind and you let me know
that you were saying goodbye.
I run for shelter,
fear of what comes next.
These nights have never felt so cold,
but all I can do is wait out
the impending storm.

If you pray
in the same tone
you speak to me,
I can understand why
the angels don't stop
listening to you.

If the stars
were to fall with
every thought of you,
the sky would surely turn
to darkness and despair.

If the stars
were to shine with
every thought of you,
the sky would surely turn
to the heavens above.

Sitting in the bar
in that town
you used to live in-
wishing you were sitting at that stool
of where we first met.
I would pull up a seat
let the sparks ignite
and do it all over
again.

This love
like sunflowers
withers me and covers
me in the fallen petals
of what we
used to be.

Be your own
flame in the darkness.
Celebrate the light
in your own life.

We have nothing
in common?
We had a history
in common,
a history when we thought
we had everything
in common.

What we desire
after midnight is seldom
good for the spirit

9:13 PM
7/3/20

All I want
for Christmas
is for my bed not to be
as cold as it has been
this year.

Am I any good for you anymore?
Do my words still make you smile?
Do you still dread my goodbyes?
or have they lost all meaning?

Your heart isn’t true;
not anymore.
And now this feeling of blue
leaves me unsure
because I can’t believe you;
can’t see you the same no more.

I have not been whole
in quite some time.
Too many nights spent
pouring my soul into songs
in hopes to fill those holes
you all left in me long ago;
words, chords and harmonies
that will never bring you back,
nor will it undo the past
or take me back in time.
And yet at this very hour,
these songs are stuck in my head
and I have no resistance
to their siren call.

Our tongues paint
watercolors over our bodies-
each stroke, more intricate than the last.
Fingers slide across smooth canvases,
and we are left with abstract
works of art.

A cold spring night
in a grim and dragging April
I am thriving everywhere
I am the dark, I am the shadow
I am the moon, I am the snow.
Do not talk of day
I’ve heard that word before
Now but a distant memory
Fading from my dreams
I am the wolf, I am the char
I am the storm, I am the stars
I built this sea of clouds
So that darkness may rule
I have no need for light
for I am the night.

I’m thinking about making another world  
to a world where my sun meets another sky.
Where your hands rest in mine
and I see your smile,
glowing as bright as my sun.
It was in this world
where I learned to adore you.
You were the light in my life,
the warmth in my soul,
the twilight every night.
the sun in my sky

These hands reach for warmth
in these dreary months of bitter cold.
Some of us don’t want companionship,
we just someone warm to lie next to
until the thaw.

I have been living
just north of nowhere and south
of everything else

4:03 PM
29/7/19

Three years already?
Ha!
Where did all
that time go?
And why do I feel so
empty?

You're so far away.
Are you even listening
To these words I
write for you?
Oh, so far away,
these messages in a bottle
are surely lost at sea.
Are you even out there?
I'm still lost and
alone and I
need you.

I wonder if you have forgotten me,
if I have withered from your sunflower
like a petal ready to discard?
Do I still cross your mind or
am I a forgotten memory
lost to the winters of time?
I still think about you from time to time-
I guess I have a harder time shedding
these petals I still hold dear
to this sunflower.

Self love is
that sip of tea
keeping you company
like liquid glee.
Self loathing is
that bottle of ***,
your only friend
to turn you numb.
Self love is
watching the clock
strike ten forty-five
and sleep like a rock
Self loathing is
3am coming violently
as your brain screams
ever so silently.
Self love is
putting down the pen
saving that next line
for who knows when.
Self loathing is
stabbing the pen
through the paper
again and again.
Self love is
waiting out the storm
taking a deep breath
and keeping warm.
Self loathing is
hating every raindrop
and begging for
this storm to stop.

Things are okay but
I'd believe it more if it
was coming from you

8:14 PM
20/6/19

Have you ever
heard a tale of a phoenix
falling in love with a
wolf in sheep’s clothing?
One was rebirth
and the other was betrayal.
What good could come of
their tangled and violent embrace?

I wish I had the
ability to touch you
just how you touched me

4:02 PM
30/6/22

How much good must I
do in order to redeem
myself of my sins?

9:29 PM
15/9/19

I fed the wolf too well
and now the beast barely
fits its sheep's clothing.
And now, the wolf must
hunt again to satisfy
its darker side.

calling it heartache
was a gentle way
of putting it.

It only takes three words
to ask “how are you”
but I'm so selfish to just do that
while all my attention is for you
and only you.

Ever since I've met you,
the more time I spend with you,
the more I feel I've become more like you
and I could not be happier.

They are
dreams and
nothing more.
Impossible ones-
simply illusions
that have worn
out over time.

Dear diary;
there's a musical riot
erupting in my
chest tonight.
My ribs echo
with the sounds of
chaos and harmony.

The shadow has lifted
releasing the light of life-
my soul is freed from darkness.
I feel alive again,
now my only fear is
until when?

Remember all the
good times you had and all the
things you hoped to be?

11:16 PM
14/9/20

Dear May,
You’ve been good to me so far.
The days last longer and the air is warming.
But most of all, you've brought clarity.
But these days,
though I am more at peace
I feel a storm coming;
a war within myself.
As good as you have been,
we know these days cannot last.
But thank you, May,
you’ve been good to me.

It's true,
muscle memory
is real and this heart
remembers
you.

do you ever get the feeling that
The closer you connect with someone,
the further away you feel?
do you ever get the feeling that
when you think of someone so much,
that every thought seems real?

It's when no one believes in you-
that's when you have to come through
but oh, it's such a hard thing to do.

I'm standing outside
under your star in the sky
please don't fade away

When you think of forever,
do you fear what lies ahead or
do you relish the endless possibilities?

Sometimes we never know
what to say at times like these;
just hollow thoughts
roaring through a hollow body
that didn’t want the awkward silences
to be their legacy.

I just want to say
from the bottom of my heart:
thank you for your love

8:35 PM
31/5/2019