for cas ~/ 20 1 7 with the class / 6 on the 10  was the day i saw you last / never thought id walk the stage / never thought you'd walk away / now im runnin every day / seems a step head is where my problems play / hopefully instead of in the sheets in wich we used to stay tonight will be the night i end up in the grave / im ****** Poppin pain pills / just to pass the days / painful ways / whats the point of life if we all pass away / smokin jays / high is how i like to stay / lets my mind run away / not gonna lie / im feelin so blue ~/ think i wanna die / when im here without you / never met a woman that / loved me like you do / **** / ever hear the one about the ***** lettin loose / somthin somthin somthin an~ now the ***** blu / try an crack a joke an hear the silence in the room / when you went away had no idea on what to do / feelin like here lately i been loosin all my moves / the smiles at the party man that mask is never true / i lost my since of self / traded in for wealth /  **** a title belt / problems stay in stealth / i need my ****** baby to keep me livin safely / kept the devil waitin now the due's is what he's taken / i said you must be mistaken see my life already vacant / so he took my one safe haven / yeah the drugs whent with my lady ~/ **** ~/ my life is crazy ~/ my mind is always hazy ~/ clouded with the deprications / getten ****** lazy  ~/ i need to get back out an quite depreciaten / lettin go of contemplatin / **** the need of validation ~/ yeah ~ /think its time to leave you in the past ~/ for cas ~/ my love / no more love ~/ forever always fallin fast ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last

My glass parachute
I love the way you lie
Telling me it will be alright
Just to let me down

Oh, how careless!
Packing up these shards
Expecting not to get cut
I wish i would have listened

Chase, chase, chase
I lust for the thrill
Pump, pump, pump
Nothing like a little blood

**** love
****, love
I love the way you **** me
We're ******, love

Staring at you
Ignoring percaution
You have me captivated
I love ever last hellish second

We were a dandilion
Together we grew
Seperated by the wind
To begin our new lives

Clumps together
They fell in patches
Yet i sit alone
No where to call home

As I lay I stare
Surrounded by the flowers
Blowing gently in
The tall grass
That waves back and forth
Brushing up against me
Like your skin once did

The slight cool breeze
The sun's perfect heat
A comfort on my eyes
From the clouds in the sky
My silent symphony
The closest synonym

It's the first love's last kiss
The last love's first kiss
The unanticipated memory

It's the happy moments turned into tear stains on my favorite shirt i wore just because i new i was seeing you

It's the first love's last cry
The last love's first cry
The moments we can't forget

It's reminiscing to a time you found out you were depressed because you had never felt true happyness until you met her

I'd never seen the sky
Cause i'd never looked up
'Till a pretty little bird
Called to me and
Opend my eyes to the blue
The clouds and the breeze
She showed me the sky
And let me love
Then flew away
To a place i could never touch

My heart wails a whales wail. The long range longing for long lost love. No amount of self distraction will free me from this prison. I'm lost in a forest with no trees. I've been standing in the feild all along.

"You only miss me when you're ******"
Like i only breath when i sleep
Or how i'm only smart at school

I don't miss you cause i'm ******
I miss you because i love you
I'm not stupid enough to tell you sober

I started smoking to quit my addiction
It's started to feel like my life is fiction
Where do i go to pay my commision?
I'm ready to go i've hit my limit
"What about everything you'll be missin'?"
Everything is born with a single mission
Survival of the fittest and reproduction
No deeper meaning it's how we're written
Earth doesn't need me in this rendition
Over populated and under provisioned
We need to loose a couple in this position
To most death seems so very distan'
Fearing death is like fearing ******'
Eventually you have to go so listen
Enjoy every moment you're given
Life has no meaning so enjoy your visit
Someday we'll all come to a finish
Extinction is enivitable so just go fishin'

Denial of service
Do not disturb
I reject the world
I'm afraid of hurt

Empty at a party
Lonely at a crowd
I blame the world
When i let myself down

As the grass grew
I cut it
I didn't think about it
I just shaved it
Again
Again
Again

Have you ever been outside?
It's slow.
Have you ever seen the grass?
It's slow.
I watched the grass for an hour today.
I didn't see any change.
Yet somehow the grass kept growing
Just to get cut down on saterday
Because when grass stops growing,
It dies.

Every week when i cut the grass
I looked in the mirror
I shaved my beard
I didn't see any change
Weeks whent by
I didn't grow
Am i alive?

They drugged me to remove depression
Now i'm a druggy just to feel it again
I'll get down just to have direction
I don't know how to deal with being empty

I left her because i didnt feel a thing
When i left i didnt feel a thing
I ****** around and never missed a beat
My heart pounds on like it wasn't ment to be

Nobody understands when i tell the truth
Nobody knows when i tell a lie
I dance with the devil because i don't value life
When people question they don't get why

These thoughts in my mind make it hard to think
So i try to laugh to take away the pain
People always left red in the face
Comedy comes from the darkest place

I don't want to be alive
I don't care if i'm dead
But i find it very hard to die
Without a gun to my head

As if i wasn't good enough at baseball
I threw one through your window
Last month i hit mine
Nothing killed me more than
Planning to smash through yours
And with these holes in our houses
All i want is to go camping with you
Tell you how much i want to rent a condo
And you can help me pay for it
We'd only need one bed
How i long to dream together

Yet i threw away
I shatterd us
First my heart
Then yours
Because we don't work together
Love and life don't always match
Our highs were space ships
Our lows were mermaids
Our hearts were perfect matches
Our minds were mortal enemies

You kept me captivated
You kept me intrigued
You were my intellectual opposite
You were my curiosity

Yet

We couldn't understand each other
We couldn't co-operate
When i said left you looked right
When you said up i looked down

Heart over mind
Mind over matter

To my greastest challenge,
My best accomplishment,
My favorite memories,
And my hero.

You made me,
You broke me,
You loved me,
And you healed me.

I miss you.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Heart over mind
Mind over matter
You broke me
You made me break my own rules

Deep inside of me is a voice. Normally i can drown out it's constant talking. Lately the voice has been getting louder and louder. I feel as if soon that voice will spring free. My soul will scream to the sky and let loose the deamons bellowing below. Desire will consume me; my old friend has forced his hand.

I can't believe i'm actually thinkin bout leaving you. There's not alot i'm afraid of but that's some **** i'm unprepaired to do. I never thought i could see and end where i'm not right next to you but i've cheated yet again and so i think i've ended up ending up without and end with you. I'm a fool. I never should have fell for you. I hurt the ones i love so never will i lay sight to you. I'm sorry for all the things i've done i never ment them hurt to do . You're still my little baby girl even if you hate me please don't hurt yourself. All that i want is to see that smile on your face but there's things that i can't give you so it's best if i put some space. Ain't no way i'll say this to your face. It'd **** me if i was in your place so imagine how it feels to be the one that was suppossed to be your protector b! You were my ****** family! You built the walls of this house all around of me! I never ment to hurt you but thats all that i can seem to do so later i'll take a shot or two and let the pistol wring a few until my skull's split into two and maybe then i'll forgive myself for who i became. My ******* fall to fame.

Don't let your dreams get to far - remember you can't get the gold if you don't know just where you are. Id trade a leg and arm just to get the golden touch, of her heart. I lost a peice of me when she left - she made me bleed and now i feel i need a surgery or a drug or some kind of thing to make me feel like i am next to she - the one that got away. Never will i forget your face. You put me in my place and now i'm stuck forgot how to give a **** about myself. They come first. The ones around. It hurts me way deep down when i see a face i love put on a frown. It's more than just a brown it's a burn. I almost like the way it hurts. Conditioned by repition put me in this disposition so i write this written. I put the decision of who i am in another person's hands. I've lost my promised land. Lost my human rights. I've given up the fight for my life. Can't sleep at night. Round and through - pull it tight - get it done right - the tricky bit is when you get up into it and you start question if the noose is worth the conditions - can't stop now - won't start slippin - stick to the plan - you cant comply to lifes demands - if you dangle there's no repremands - step on down and be a failure yet again - no i can't - i won't do it - head whent through it - **** i blew it - the rope i knew it - broke in two, it - snapped at the base - landed on my face - hit the ground - still choking out - grab my kneck n' pull it out - **** what now - lets over dose like an auschewitz kid just got some chow - take enough to **** a cow - woke up in the icu - full of tubes - right here next to you - the dissapointment shows right through - don't deny it don't even try to hide it you know i know when you're lyin.

Now hush baby brother, dont you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Gotta toughen up my little buba, i told ya
I'll always be with ya in your mind
You'll hear alot of things but hold onto my good side
Dont forget you were my pride
It may feel a little painful, when the rain falls
But i promise the sun will always shine

It's using the post / instead of sending an email / or loving to sleep / instead of loving a female

Don't mistake it for lazy / I want to be active / it's harder in life than / it seems to be in practice

It takes your energy / and it uses it as shots / to shoot your motivation / believe me it's hard

It's waking up early / to go back to sleep / so you can work up the nerve / to get up onto your feet

Imagine you slept for / an hour every day of / the week all you'd want / to be doing is sleep

You'd be emotionally / unstable and very / unsociable / with stress feeling uncontrolable

You're number one struggle/ would be the simplest of tasks/ what you do in a day / would be cut right in half

You want to be able  / to do that witch you should / at work or at school / or where ever you stood

But all you could think about / would be ending the pain / wishing someone understood / what flowed through your veins

You can't control your lack of love / or low energy / all you want is nothing to do / for all of today

When just waking up is giving / your very best n' / nobody understands / that's clinical depression

I've gone from 2 cups to candies.
Whoops.
Took a few too many.
Looks like i'll be chasing ghosts
   ~From when i was a kid.

I was born with a glass cup.
My brothers and sisters,
They had plastic ones.

My older sister dropped her cup once.
She picked it up, washed it off, and filled it back up with water.

I too eventually dropped my cup.
I picked it up, washed it off, and cut my finger on the chipped rim.
I didn't understand why;
My sisters glass was fine -
     What happend?

One day I met a girl.
She had a glass like mine.
She showed me how to make it look like new - just hide the broken spots.

One day we were playing and i dropped my glass.
She picked it up, and cut her hand.
She left to get a bandaid.
I stay'd to run and play.

It's been 7 years.
Almost half my life.
The doctors filled my glass with cement -
So no more water would spill out.

She found a way to take her cup,
And dip it into plastic.
When she did she caught wind -
Glass is only for the problematic.

I hope someday she'll look at her hand -
That scar i gave to her.
Hopefully she'll not just remember me -
But forgive me for what i've done.
I never ment for this to happen.

I cut the tip of my finger off.
The pain took my mind off of the problems in my life for a bit.

I took a few pills.
The high took my mind off of the problems in my life for a bit.

Oh, so it only matters when you see it happen. I'll hide my self destruction in these gulps - just for you.

I had a dream last night
My mother put me in the pool
There were anchors on my feet
I struggled for air
Because that's what was expected
Eventually I drank
It felt good to be a fish
I don't have to hurt
If nobody wants me to struggle

I quit my swallows for the swallow that the doctor gave me. Never thought i'd see the day they told me getting high would solve my problems. It don't even work no more. I need my self medication.

I grew up in a blue house.
I never knew it, but I loved it.
When I was younger I had a dog named bob.
I knew I loved him.
I was walking bob when hailie left.
She never knew I loved her.

Little by little the pieces of this puzzle fell apart.
And they wonder why I relapse.
They wonder why I can't "just don't do it."
They wonder why I dream all day.

They wonder why sobriety is the my handicap.

The snow was heavy. It wasn't a storm, it didn't come down hard, but over the week the ground became plasterd in that thick blanket he knew oh so well. He lifted some in his palm and tasted it. It was inviting, sweet, yet punishing. He knew the sickness the world would bring but he couldn't resist himself. A snow man threw him a snow ball, and asked if he wanted to go sledding. He bit the bait then slid the ***** and a snow angel he became.

There was a man with massive plans - he was going to change the world. He laid it all out, started his route, then remember he never began. His great great grandfather was shot and became martyr to the racism that's still alive.

I watched a show with a ninja who killed for gold and i didn't care. I watched a show where a movie theater was shot and i got real scared. But just like the ninja i didn't believe - that could never happen to me.

I whent to walmart to pick up some milk and saw a man with a gun to a head. They gave him the cash and whatever he wanted in hopes to not end up dead. I've lived in this town for nearly 18 years - born, raised, and lived.

This is Belmont, the town i grew up.
I could be on cnn.

Drugs don't numb what cant be touched but you can't cut it out eather.
Beauty occurs when you forget you exist.
I choose the life of insanity.

When i was a kid
I thought i was the ****
Alchoholic wanna be
More ****** up
Than you or me
Who am i?
Is this a dream?
Blissful wishful
Wanna bee
9th grade
Started ****
Depression made me
Lead to lean
Clean cut
Double cup
Every night
I'd get ****** up
Who i was
Is who i am
But less drugs
Am i a man?
Just hidin it
I'm still a kid
Crack my top
Pop my lid
Underneath
You'll see what's hid
All the things that
I done did
Never wanna see again
Those memories
I need stitches
This bleedin wont
Start stopping
Now the dripping's
Got me dropping
Got me pleeding
Barely breathing
Touched my head
Felt the pain
So ****** up
My fall to fame

She smelled like memories
 Her eyes a shade of trust
Those lips lathered in poison
 Her taste is more than enough

The song she sings at closing
 Is a tune well carried on
Originating in wallows
 She sings the song of sirens

Alas the day break ends the stretch
 She receeds for the world's awake
Her love is gone - replaced by pain
 Yet she will return again by night

Her thoughts have seem to lost their ways,
A beautiful kind of strange
Reminds me alot of myself,
Like minds dervied from dark times
Eccentric little craze of mine,
Your love is unreplaceable

Quick little jolts of thought,
Undeniably we assertain
Inseperable are our wants and wishes
Not an angel or a devil
Namely, you are my Harely Quinn

Sleep.
First a wink,
Then a peep.
Neverland with general admission.
Slipping by in a second,
While taking it's time.
Proof time is long,
But short in memory.
Proof that they grow up so quick.
Evidence that death,
Is always right around the corner.
I can't get to sleep;
Sleep is getting to me.

A drip dropped down my window today.
 I dabbled in doubling the distance.
  The yesterday of tomarrows before,
    Left me stranded in the way.

I know.
It takes more than a minute to burn down a forest.

What about a sappling?

We were in the cell
Coated in shades of orange
I was afraid of her
She was entertained by me

We were in a park
Together, planting flowers
I was entertaining
She was entertained

We were just realesed
Laying in that familiar place
I was madly in love
She wished she could say the same

I was in a cell
Coated in shades of grey
I was madly in love
She had ran away

It's dark, even though all the lights are on.
I never thought i would end up in this room again.
Trapped, by my own **** self.

I was told to quit drinking, quit the robo.
So they gave me differant, "okay" drugs.
I'd rather be high or wasted.

Why wander aimlessly through this maze?
Whats the point of drawing inside the lines?
Nothing matters when it's over.

Just an other puzzle takes it's place.

She was a cloud in the sky.
Drifting, changing,
Becoming and going where ever she wanted.
He was a field of flowers.
Bright, happy,
Giving warmth and happyness to whoever crossed his path.

One day, the cloud and the medows met.
They gazed upon each other;
Traded secrets, traded beauty.
Then she left.
Drifted with the wind.
Found an other feild.
He stay'd.
Waited for her.
Missed her shade.
Was prepaird to even take her storm just to see the rainbow she would make for him.

And she drifted.
And he waited.

I've been told that a catapiller wrapped snuggly in it's cacoon like the bed-time burrito of my youth feels very simular to the feeling i give when i hug. I've been told that i squeez just right, with the warmth of a summer night. I've been told I hug like a lover seeing her soldier for the first time in years. The few people i hug ask me how i hug so well.
I don't.
I hug with the pain of yesterday.
I hug with the scars on my wrists and the blood on my legs.
I hug with the overdoses, the addictions, the emptyness, the abondonment.
When i hug, i send a message.

The smell of the night make the feelings come fast
Cup full of dels bring the memories back
Im chillin and trippin
Your touch i am missin
Up under these stars my soul found a new mission
Ive already submitted myself to submission
I text you i call you
You bring no response
What the **** happend?
Are memories lost?
Did you forget who brought you up off the falls?
Made you feel happy
And after it all
You said you"d love me till death due us part
Yet im still relapsing
While you party hard

You said together we'd conquer it all
You were the one that made me so strong
*******
I miss you
Back at it again
Caught in the feels that were all just pretend
Why can't you see that this is my end?
Without you i cant seem to find who i am
A lonely boy walking under these stars
Pretending that you still were
(Pause)
who you are (pause)

But you're not.
You're gone.
And i'm still motha ****** here.

Clocks talking their tick tock disturb the innocent mind of hers.
With nothing but the undefined lying ahead she screams.
The chatter grows louder as the 8th voice grows closer.
Unrealizing her past is a painting on the wall
    Gazed upon by the talkers near by
            The clock falls off at 7:55
                    Shattering on the floor.

I thought the pill would bring me happyness but all it did was occasionally remove depression.
She was all i knew; there's nothing left to feel.

As i watch her walk away, i wish i could cry.

A cloud drizzles drops of dew on a hypothetical mans head.
The car doesn't drive the engine,
        The engine drives the car;
A realist paints with love.

I dream of a day where days fade away into nothing but obscurity. The time flies faster than a bullet shot on a train heading south bound to florida.

I dream of a moment. Not a second long or a minute long but weeks long. Years long. The entirety of a life span.

I dream of a cloud. My empire in the sky. Where she and I can ride and fly and nothing matters but the love in her eyes.

I was driving down I-85 when all of a sudden I got stunned by a view over a bridge and nearly slammed into a feline leaning against the railing, lost in the view. Lordy, my engine shut down real quick. Neither of us were damaged, but rather impacted. I said my goodbye with an apology tagged along and whent on my way home. Every day i drive that strip, seeing the view, passing by my old friend. Never again did we collide. Every time i passed by, my engine stalled. I wanted so badly to honk, swerve, pull over and talk, anything.
     Yet i kept on driving.

Fields of flowers.
Partitions in the mind.
A dew drop on a blade of grass.

My oh my,
how the world changes.

Upon a shooting star i ask -
Send me under the graveyard's grass.
Yet though my wish has been granted -
It was my heart that whent while
My brain stay'd planted.

Intricate thoughts matter more than repeating instructions taught by instructors.

Time affects existance, therefor ideas do not exist. Gravity is more delicate than ideas. Give me your money and i will give you bread. Give me your time and i will give you ideas. Evolution began with a daydream.

Hey there ******* get the **** up out the chair because i know that you're not perfect but i don't really ****** care. Today you gon be perfect - quit cha *******, get to smurkin. Get to lurkin ******* you're about to do some hurtin. The meanest ******* looks him right into his eyes when he takes him of his soul and then destroys him of his pride, cause the meanest ******* aint a ***** - he won't go hide, he won't go cry, he'll stick it through, yeah, he'll fight until he's blue. Because the meanest ******* got the ***** of ******* steel he doesn't talk he uses fists and thats what shows that he's for real.

My garden was once beautiful, filled with the most loveliest of colours. Red for the roses, of witch i particularly loved. Yet as the years go by, my rose bush has wilted; the reminance of nothing but thorns has given me inclination to replant some where else - in a better field, with stronger soil. Yet still i sit, holding on to this old friend, pretending what i loved still exists deep within. Dew drops on my leafy cheeks fall like drizzle rain on a sad sunday afternoon. If only i could learn to let go.