It's not that you don't love me,
I know that you do;
It's that you didn't love me
Back when i loved you.

My life is just like my poetry.

A dissapointment.

My love, my love.
You are a house made of cards.
Our love is built upon nostalgia.
I am starting to forget.
The love is fading,
The passion long gone.
It is time we acknowledge the wind has blown.

Wilting petals of my plants,
Show me how you do.
Barely hanging on to life,
I exist just as you.

Today i found that wells aren't eyes.
Empty eyes sting.

I feel within me an indescribable warmth.
It is the first kiss; the first love.
The first hello and the last goodbye.
The butterflies that flutterd for days.
The indescribable longing for more.

I feel within me her.
She was my first girl; my first hug.
The emodiement of perfection.
The butterflies that flutterd for days.
The one that stole my heart.

With eternal sentiment i sent you a note. "Dear lover, you have my soul." Yet as i sit waiting for response, i relize i wrote the wrong girl.

A slaughter house of emotions keeps my mind busy as this 145 pound meat bag just keeps getting heavier and heavier. I've begin to wonder if this is how it was always ment to be; trapped in my own thoughts. After all, not everyone gets to be rich.

Lets try something new.
I don't think i'll right about you.
Instead of red, the color of dead,
I think i'll write about blue.

See i have always preferred blue.
It doesn't seem so, but it is quite true.
Drugs and ***** represent the shades of blues,
But this is nothing new.

I could sit and cry,
I could try to die.
I could wallow in pitty,
And forget my pride.

Or i could live my life,
Even if i'm high.
Care free, carefully,
Experiencing new tragities.

It's hard to understand how i'm feeling. It's as if i'm the first person to ever be paralyzed from the neck down. Around me are people who keep telling me "just get up" or "go take out the trash" then getting angry when they can't understand why. All my friends think i must just hate them, because i never go out and do anything with them. Not because i don't want to, but because i can't.

It's as if i'm drowning in a sea, surrounded by mermaids, who don't understand why i can't "just breathe." These mermaids refuse to let me go back on shore to the other people like me, the people who understand, saying i'll ruin my life if i go back on land.

It's as if depression is viewed not as a condition but as an excuse.

I love you for who you are.

I love the way you fight for what you believe is right.
I love the way you can't hide your emotions.
I love the way you bounce on your toes when you get excited.
I love the twinkle in your eyes when you get happy.

Why do you love me?

"Look at all you've done for me."
"You treat me like a queen."
"You've changed so much just for me."
"You helped me in my bad times."

I did things for you. You love me for what i did. You changed who i was. You didn't love me for who i was. You loved me for who i could be. For who i am.

What have you done? You don't help in my dark times. You made me quit talking to everyone who did. You made me loose all my friends. You made me feel useless.

You love me because you can use me.

Why do i love you?

Imagine that randomly through out the day, your legs quit working. No matter how well you explain the science of it all, nobody really understands. "Why don't you just.. idk, stand up?"

Imagine that randomly through out the day, your nervous system shuts down. No matter what you say, explaining time and time again the science of it all, nobody really understands. "So you're telling me that you can't feel? That's stupid. Just start feeling. You're fine"

Imagine that randomly through out the day, you feel like killing yourself. No matter how many times you try to get help, nobody really understands. "Nobody just feels like killing themselves. You have a good life, you're happy. Just cheer up a bit."

If my disability was physical instead of mental, everyone one care alot more.

At 2 a.m. on a warm summers night, the thought of you still lingers in my head. The smell of that musky roof top brings back more than just memories. It's been years since the last time we've spoke yet i can't help but feel as if i still love you. You were my first. Somewhere, sometime, you'll see these skies and think of me. I'll be sitting here, thinking of you. Reminiscing under lonely stars.

Depression has me longing for the day that you walk out of my life again because atleast then i'll know why i'm hurting. Life drains me of my soul; you are pumping a desert, demanding water. I love you with everything i have. I hate the way you abuse it.

With the words i never said, i let you go.

It's just lost it's magic.
What you remember is it full of passion.
What you remember is what it's lacking.
That timeless action.
The one that kept you so attracted.
It's all just turned to chores and acting.

Where is my pride and joy?
Who took my youth from me?
Made it all feel make believe?
Reminscing painfully is taking all my sanity.
What a tragity, taking back my past from me.
I can't come to see what my youth has gone on to be.

I miss you.

She once told me that i should write about what makes me happy instead of what brings me down. I could write 3 works a day for my entire life and still not completely describe her to the paper. What a flawed system; setting unreachable goals.

You never supported me when i would show my true colours. All you wanted was for me to fly your flag. Play by your rules. I can’t tell between friend and foe any more. This civil war has been dragged on for far too long.

Even though it’s not true, it helps to believe some where, someone is going to look at my life, and get inspired.

Don’t nobody look at the **** i write. Not here, not in notebooks, not on poetry pages. Nobody looking, nobody judgeing, so why not?

The eternal drought brought upon by wasted tears has left me in a state of rememberance. No matter how high i get, your dripping love still has my mind captured. The wonders of your touch still keep my heart in trance. Your name no longer leaves my mouth in longing but in defeat. The night has grown to last all day.

It seems as if the lips around here are useless. After all, whats the point of talking when no one cares to listen? If words were thought about as much as thoughts leave the lips, maybe then i would open up. It's evident that no one cares, they simply want a "you are right."

No matter what, i'll still think of you every morning. I can't control it. You are everything my mind longs for. Everything my heart begs for. Everything my body aches for. My feul.

So gentle, so innocent. Young butterfly, i love your soul. Carry that nector, and carry it careful. Without you, life lacks beauty.

With knives to the heart you destroyed my mind, crippling whatever peace i had left. Yet here i am, running back to you.
Running back to the feeling you give me.
Running back to the past.
You're my worst enemy,
Yet my greatest friend.
I'm addicted.
*******.

The seed of passion is a delicate creature. Water it with to much love, and it will drown. Plant it in the roots of hate, and it will shrivle. The soils of time are the perfect location, yet too much soil, and the plant becomes smotherd. Give a good man all your love, but don't become dependant on him. I believe in you, young flower. Soon enough, you will be a giant bean stalk. All you need is right in front of you; if only you' be smart about how you use it.

I could always see her soul through her eyes. Those brown rings telling tales of passion. Love had never been so simple. Two kids, frozen in time.

I am a man of logic. I always have been. Equations and formulas and problem solving have always been my greatest strengths. I love myself for this.

I should hate you. Yet no matter how hard my brain begs, i will always adore you.

You are the bane of my existance. I hate the way i love you.

I have always been alive.
Before i was born, i was inside my parents.
A possibility, destined to become creation.
Before my parents, it was their parents.

I will always be alive.
When i die, i will decompose.
The rock cycle will rejuvinate the earth i occupy.
I will become one with the ever loving earth.

Matter is neither created nor destroyd.
Life is never taken nor given.
Why stay hurt, beat down, broken, when i can become something much bigger?

Yet as i cry myself to sleep, i cannot hate you.
I love you.
I am here for you.

You ******* destroyd me.

But i will always be here for you.
I will always love.
That ring on your finger is our forever and always.

You might not stay true forever, you might not always think about the things you're doing.
Yet even though you let him take your first time,

I will love you. Forever and always.

Nothing makes me love like in the old days
Nothing but my old ways
You got me changing all my actions
Now you wonder where my passion
You wonder why i'm slackin
I don't love you like my past man
Cause my past man got put on blast, then
My emotions whent to trash
Now i'm living in the aftermath
Void of all except for clash
My heart's been torn apart and slashed
My brains been turned to **** and bashed
My personality turned into ash

My love whent with my soal when you put it over gas

The first time you buy a painting, it is the pride of your house. You put it on display because this painting made your day. But as days turn into weeks, you get tired of Mistique, the painting of your dreams. You take it off the center spot and put it in a bathroom lot, where its beauty gets defaced and its colours start to fade. But Mistique is still standing. By month ten you've been through more then one painting, and Mistiques sitting in some old bend, remembering it's friend, just waiting for the end.

You're looking for some dread but found Mistique insteand and remember that first friend, who's torn apart by now. You tape a glue and colour it all new but on the inside,

Mistique is already dead.

Down a dark alley,
Your lies have taken my soul.
Life has become grey.

When i first saw you, i saw your soal in your eyes.
A soal that took my breath away.
When i first held your hand, i held safety.
The touch that takes away all thoughts.
When i first heard you say "i love you", i was afraid.
True love is petrifying.

As i lay here in my own self hate, remeniscing on what we used to have, i feel empty.

I wish you would scare me.
I wish i wasn't fearless.

Wake up.
Think of you.
Remember you've changed.
Video games.
Avoid texting you.
Video games.
Spend money.
Feel terrible.
Video games.
Spend more money.
Text you.
Video games.
Forget to eat.
Video games.
Ponder suicide.
Day dream about death.
Video games.
Feel ******.
You don't help.
Check fridge.
Drink.
Video games.
Think of you.
Drink.
Video games.
Drink.
Find my knife.
Drink.
Consider.
Drink.
Text you.
*******.
**** me.
Drink.
Just one cut.
Think of you.
Drink.
Drink.
Drink.

Wake up.
Think of you.
Ouch.
"Just one cut."
Woops.
Text you.
You still don't care.
Drink.
Nap.

Rinse.
Repeate.

A sky, once filled with your clouds from hell, has been replaced with my smoke stacks of lighting - ready to burn down everything you have built.
Dispite how you have ruined me, i refuse to ruin a house built on straws.
Despite how you crumbled me, i won't leave you when you need me most.

That's the differance between me and you.
That's the reason you no longer deserve me.

I finally achieved the woman so many ****** nights and ****** poems were wasted on. I thought this would bring utopia. The hardships have left a taste of malignity in my mouth. I don't want to be in "heaven" any longer.

I used to be a god of words.
I now pray to god someone even notices my writings.
I used to be a friend to many.
I now have troubles befriending myself.

I love unconditionally.
A love that could outlast infinity. Burning stronger than a planet of coal set on fire. Focused only at one, for only one loved back. A true love given, a true love recieved. But then everything changed. The oxygen left. I could not breathe, let alone show my burning love. She left. She returned, only to dump pollution. 1, i still loved her. 2, i didn't mind. 3, for old times sake. 4, i'll just start drinking. 5, i'm hate you. 6, i can't stop drinking. 7, i can't stop hating you. 8, you return.

As if nothing ever happend, i attempt to reignite the fire. A fire without oxygen. A fire without fuel. A fire without heat. A fire in a pool of water.

I used to love unconditionally.

Repremands for experiencing out weigh living in fear of punishment.

The bottom of a bottle doesn't seem so scary when your thoughts are full of fright.
Take my too my special tree and tie the knott up tight.
Sober i can feel the pain so sober i take flight.
Dangling for infinity makes the bottle quite alright.

A single slip,
ever so slight.
Another cut,
not quite so light.
Tally your **** ups,
let's set them right.
Draw your blade,
it ends tonight.

On the brink of lies holds a whipped hearts confession -
Here in my arms is the girl of obsession

Yet pain is void from her beautiful lips possesion -
Love has returned to beat my depression

And as clouds formed, all I wanted was you.
And as rain poured, you walked away.
Down my cheeks, clouds where emptied.
Down my chest, a heart was broken.

The sky has never been so blue.

Fake people in a fake town, wearing fake smiles, hiding real frowns. Plastic toys in a garbage bin like people in a school (where  education ends.) Drill the facts and **** creativity, paint the plastic and bull doze the nativity. Humans in a system like monkeys in a cage. Yet this is how we are expected to behave.

Snow fall in a desert would be a new type of nice. Yet i just keep raining on my own paradise. Let the winds guide me to my cubicle downtown, where fake people smiles turn into real people frowns. Yet "life is good!" wrings high from the voices, just who's in who vile screaming senseless rejoices. The sun will die, and with it our lives. What is the point when we all end in time? Why do we sing when the christmas tree burns? When little suzzy was ***** and thing three killed before born?

The world is dark like the back of the moon. The dawn is coming though not to be soon. I work to bring light, but what about you?
Let the fake fade when you decide what to do.

im no jesus but i can turn water into koolaid. take a hit of this blunt then i'll forgive you of your sins. show me how to swim on land and i'll show you how to walk on water. im no god, but luke i am your father. just go a little farther down the road so i can pretend we look related. i just masterbated. it feels pretty good to be athiest.

I regret every second I am asleep because nothing hurts more then waking up to find out it was all a lie.
You are not mine.
You don't love me.
It's not three in the morning, you're not asleep beside me with one hand on my chest sending chills of fire straight through every bone, every vein, every single cell of this wretched body.
I am not sober, hearing your voice tell me that you could gaze into my eyes forever, thinking about how badly I want your soal to coexist with mine for the rest of time.
Your breath may not be mine but my thoughts are all yours.
Your touch may not be mine but my memories are all yours.
My infatuation is all yours.
My love is all yours.
My insomnia is all yours.

I drink away the pain because I can no longer cut it out but give me a chance and I will carve your name.
I think about the day because I no longer remember the nights but give me a chance and I will forget the days too.
I smile when I remember our memories because they have always been my favorites but give me the chance and I will forget them all.

Let me stop drinking.

I am a fire.
A mighty fire.
I burn on passion.
You bring me hell.
Hell,
a fire pit of eternal pain.
You bring me a passion that hurts more than any other ****** up lie i have been lead to believe.

Love.
Joy.
Happieness.
Wanting.
Care.
A willingness to sacrifice everything to see you smile.
- The definition of passion.
You give it to me in over doses.

I love you.
So ******* much.
I hate this passion.
Because i am nobody to you.
Just another guy.
Another relationship.
Another "love of my life."
Another ******* lie.

Just a guy from the past.
Living in lost time.
Reminicing to a place Where he felt cared for.
Where he felt that passion.

Passion.
A beast to conquer all.
Brought down by the smallest of things.
Brought down by lies.

My fire is brighter then ever with you.
I love it.
Your touch burns down clouds.
Your absence brings the fire men.

Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe I don't love you.
Just the love you gave me.
Just your passion.

There was happieness,
then
everything changed.
It
beat
the kid.
The lonely kid
wanderd into
a mindest,
desperate for it to stop.
The kid did what it said,
and
he cut every day.
He could
not
stop.
He beleived he couldn't.
He eventually died.
Depression finally beat him.
He has always struggled.

or

He has always struggled.
Depression finally beat him.
He eventually died.
He believed he couldn't
stop,
not
he could.
He cut every day,
and
the kid did what it said.
Desperate for it to stop,
a mindest
wanderd into
the lonely kid.
The kid
beat
it.
Everything changed.
Then,
there was happieness.