there's something about the number 3
that makes me wonder why
you left me
at 3am
on the sunday of my brother's
funeral.

i guess you wanted
all of my pain to happen
in just one day.

how thoughtful.

I just want our love to be as infinite as the night sky.

roses are red
violets are blue
you may not know me
but I love you.

sunflowers are yellow
daisies are white
your whole being illuminates me
like a torch in the night.

hydrangeas are purple
orchids are green
I love your smile and your eyes
and everything in between.

I sit here, sit here all day.
I watch all the people laugh and play.
I feel my jealousy rising from within.
And in the end, it always wins.

My envy towards their happy smiles.
Their joy running for hundreds of miles.
And I feel my chest tighten, a few tears escape.
And around me everything loses its shape.

The world turns black, then red, then green.
I feel anger and sadness and everything in between.
My heart is hammering, but making no sound.
And everything melts away into the background.

Because you still haunt me,
Because you still daunt me,
Because of how much pain you caused me.

Because of the calls,
Because of the brawls,
Because I met my final fall.

My heart is shattered, can't be rescued.
But I know I'd still run back to you.

He remembers the lights dancing around in his vision.
He remembers the hot, sticky air clinging to his lungs.
He remembers the pounding of the bass ricocheting through his brain.

But that's all.

I remember the way he held me close like I was his most prized possession.
I remember his hand gripped on my waist, protecting me from everything.
I remember dancing with his arms wrapped around me, enveloping me into a safe haven.

But I guess that's what happens when you're in a lying state.

remember when you cared?
yeah, me neither.

it's hurt me.
it's burned me.
it's metaphorically killing me.

it's struck me.
it's stabbed me.
it's feeling like I've lost me.

it's twisted me.
it's changed me.
it's turned me into a different me.

it's destroyed me.
it's ended me.
just look what you've done to me.

long black hair and white pale skin
piercing eyes whilst sipping gin.
don't know what's happening but let's begin
our story.

flashing lights and thumping bass
I can't even feel my face.
I feel like I'm going into
dangerous territory.

now your putting your number in my phone
and saying that you need a lift home
but I can't see and my head
is blurry.

but you look so good so i give in
not knowing what's going to happen, not thinking
we jump in the car and begin
our journey.

we're driving fast through the hillside
then some lorry comes past and hits the side
of my car.

9pm I miss you.
10pm I need you.
11pm I hate you.
12am I loathe you.
1am I despise you.
2am I resent you.
3am I miss you.
4am I need you.
5am everything happened because of you.

there's this one person who just,
understands me.
there's this one person who just,
connects with me.

there's this one human who just,
gets me.
there's this one human who just,
feels me.

there's this one girl who just,
beats the rest.
there's this one girl who's just,
better than the rest.

meet my bestfriend.

loving you was
...complicated.

i was drunk off your affection and those times when
you held me close and whispered sweet nothings in my ear
and when we would stay up to midnight finishing the christmas film in march.

but here's the thing about alcohol
...it burns.

i was stung by your selfishness and those times when
you pushed me away because you felt like i was nothing
and when we would stay up to midnight fighting because i caught you with that girl. again.

here's the thing about you and alcohol
...you're both addicting.

watch me fall into your arms
even though they're made of thorns
all i can smell are the flowers.

watch me break down my walls
even though they're made of titanium
all i can see is hope.

watch me drown in your eyes
even though they're made of fire
all i can feel is the warmth.

Just because there's a flash doesn't mean that I'm blinded,
I see through the cash and the cars, I'm almost excited to
learn about why you hide behind the fame.
When you could use what you know to illuminate the way
for change.

But it was never for them, for us, or even you.
Just fill the void with powder and a drink that'll do.
Because the awards stay shiny and praise keeps coming,
the only thing you lost was your sense of belonging.

i was fire.
flames licking at my heart
burning me inside out.

i was fire.
heat spreading through my veins
flickering in my soul.

i was fire.
smoke clogging my lungs
extinguished by your ice.

me
+
you
=
a beautiful disaster

i like to think of goddesses.
they're pretty cool if you ask me.
i'm obsessed with three main ones in particular:

nyx- goddess of the night.
selene- goddess of the moon.
asteria- goddess of the stars.

and yes, they are from Greek 'mythology'.
but i don't see anything mythological about them.

so maybe you might think that Asteria riding across the sky with a chariot of the moon is a little, unusual.
and maybe you think that it's weird how there are different beings controlling different things.
perhaps it's the idea that history has told you that all of this ideology is made up.

and you can think that.
but i don't want to.

because i find safety in the fact that i have my full devotion in several beings, all taking charge of all aspects of my life.

it's quite liberating actually.

you can stand and watch, spectate it all
but you will see my final fall.
i'll break and cry, fall to my knees
my eyes will find yours, begging please.
and when i land, i'll fall apart
and it's all because you broke my heart.

I say I love you.
But really?
I love to break you.

i've always had this fascination
with the way the waves move in the great big ocean.
and i've always wanted a close relation
with someone who shares my love and devotion.

because there's something about my affection
towards the sea and its attraction.
and it might just be my imagination
but are we in this situation?

where we both have this love for the ocean
and it might be the symbol of our devotion
and I guess we both have the option
to give the sea our source of attraction.

but I don't care, it's our notion.
that our love is not a fiction
and that everything we do is down to our relation
and not just because of our ****** attraction.

i really miss those days when
i would lay in your arms and listen to your heartbeat
and breathe in your cologne.

i really miss those times when
we would sing along to the radio at the top of our lungs
on the way to the beach for a picnic.

i really miss those hours when
we would stay up to 3am to see the stars
and take stupid pictures together.

i really miss those months when
i spent every minute i could with you because
i knew time was running out for you.

and time ran out.

my heart is pounding
my hands are shaking.
my mind is spinning
my tears are leaking.
my pen touches the paper
the ink drips again.
reminding me
they're all the same, these men.

I thought I loved you.
I really did.
But when the bittersweet smell of roses and sweat hit my nose,
I could only feel the thorns.

I thought I loved you.
I swear it's true.
But you came barreling into my life,
I just, took the bull by its horns.

I thought I loved you.
But my soul was tired.
And now my heart is broken,
because it lost your touch; it mourns.

I thought I loved you.
But I fell so in love with the idea of loving someone,
I forgot that you weren't even mine.

you can beat me blue
you can kick me down the avenue
but i would still run back to you.

you can hurt me here
you can cause me tears
but darling, you're my puppeteer.

you can call me things
you can cut my wings
but i know that you always win.

you can tell me your mine
toast on some wine
but we both know we've run out of time.

It kinda ***** how
I'm sitting here writing a poem about how
I feel. And how
nothing ever seems right to me.

It kinda ***** how
my head is currently spinning in circles and how
my face feels tight from my dried tears.

It kinda ***** how
my inexplicable anger is taking over my body, how
it messes with my exams and social life and how
I push away the people I need the most.

It kinda ***** how
today is just never my day.

It's never my day.

i wanted someone to give the world to,
but all I got given was a cheating *****.

i could tell you all the things i love about you.

but i could just say

your everything.

her eyes looked liked oceans were trapped there:
stormy and tortured
beautiful and captivating.

her was like ribbons running down her face:
smooth and flowing
stunning and graceful.

her smile was like flowers blooming in the Spring:
sweet and adorable
amazing and loved.

everything about her was lightning:
scary and sharp
intriguing and electric.

if i kick and shout and scream
it's my way of showing jealousy
off seeing her with you
and me
without you.

i remember those nights when we used to sing
along to the cd we bought on a whim.
and i remember those times when we used to smile
whilst sitting on the beach which stretched for miles.
and i remember those hours when we used to cry
at 3am about our lives.
but you have probably forgotten; what else can i do?
i was just another girl who fell in love with you.

so you may not be the kinda guy
who'll sit there and hug me as i cry.
and you might not even find
the whole idea of being consoling remotely kind.

so you may not be the kinda guy
who'll pop around and just pop by.
and you might not even find
that when i accuse you of something that you're tongue-tied.

and now i know you're not the kinda guy
who'll sing with me to fireflies.
and i can't believe i didn't find
that you didn't care about me, i turned a blind eye.

you would look at her face and think
she's got a perfect life.
but the thing is
she's
f
a  
l    
l      
   i        
n          
g

love is a lemon- bitter and sweet
and chaos is a friend of mine.
anger's bottled up inside of me
and tonight is an endless night.

i love a good blanket of flowers
and life is just a mere dream.
i always sense the smell of fear
but maybe it's my cloudy memory.

i don't understand my moral compass
and i often get cold feet.
i really love the sweet smell of success,
now run away and tell the marines.

I think you're mistaken.
I care about loving and the heart of another.
I need to make up for the loss of attention from my mother.
I think you're mistaken.
No one could ever love me.
How could they when I was abandoned at three?
I think you're mistaken.
Your mind is blind.
You think I'm cruel and ruthless and I'll give you no time.
I think you're mistaken.
You don't know me well.
Because I'm confined to this space, trapped in a spell.
I think you're mistaken.
I'm antisocial because I'm 'glued' to my phone?
Well, it's not my fault I'm always alone.

Alone.

i'd rather be dead
than be played by you again.

i'd rather be dead
than listen to your ******* again.

i'd rather be dead
than hear you fake apologies.

i'd rather be dead
than let myself fall for you again.

I really liked the idea of you and me together.
but turns out, I also
really liked the idea of being hurt and humiliated in the worse way possible.

I hate you and your
fake *** lies.

their passion was red
a ball of fire encasing them in their own world.

their love was orange
a feeling of warmth and security brought them close.

their minds were yellow
a continuous loop of positivity and prosperity flowed between the two.

their thoughts were green
a field of images from the future and the growth of their relationship.

their future was blue
a vast ocean of love and loyalty.

their child was indigo
a mixture between the love and sadness of society.

their life was violet
often mistaken for a darker colour.

merci.
mon monstre.

i like silence.
i like silence because.
i like silence because it.
i like silence because it helps.
i like silence because it helps my.
i like silence because it helps my creativity.
i like silence because it helps my.
i like silence because it helps.
i like silence because it.
i like silence because.
i like silence.

a cloud is everywhere.
it's consuming me and drowning my mind.
it's suffocating me and making my vision blurry.
it's encasing me and forcing my body to convulse.
a cloud is everywhere.

and i can't escape it.

i have this strange fascination with space;
it's infinite.
there's so much left to find;
it's mysterious.
all these natural phenomena broaden my mind;
it's inspiring.
and yet, no one really understands it;
it's confusing.

i have this strange fascination with the ocean;
it's infinite.
there's so much left to find;
it's mysterious.
all these creatures broaden my mind;
it's inspiring.
and yet, no one really understands it;
it's confusing.

i have this fear of the unknown;
it's terrifying.
there's so much no one knows;
it's unsettling.
all of this mystery makes my heart hammer;
it's petrifying.
and yet, i still love the ocean and space;
it's amazing.

just
the thought
of you makes
me hate the world
a little less than i
did a month ago.

I wish that we could run away
just to a little place
where everything is all okay.