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Emmy Aug 2018
There is no heartbreak like the heartbreak from loving someone who you can’t fully express it to.
You’re stuck, hanging, dangling from a rope.
Your palms are torn apart from grasping the rope so tightly.
Your fingers, purple from your blood.
Your emotions, blaring loudly cascade over you in flash floods.
Everything around you seems to be falling apart.
And you’re praying the only person you feel that can make it fall back together doesn’t let go of the rope.
Because the cracks in the sidewalk will swallow you whole.
Swallow you over and over until you are dust settled atop tectonic plates.
Jun 2018 · 441
Irreparably
Emmy Jun 2018
‪I was just a temporary relief,‬
‪from the places you really wanted to be.
An escape,‬
‪but it never set you free.‬
It turned out to be a place,
that chained you and me.
Only it chained us separately,
confining you and me irreparably.
Apr 2018 · 297
Sand Grains
Emmy Apr 2018
Waking consciousness only deepens the breadth of the sickening settling confusion that blossoms so heavily in thorny crowns around my hands so that they are pinned to my thighs like how beauty marks litter your skin from too much time spent in the sun. I spent too much time basking in your black hole confused about how the light wasn’t shining on me...instead my light was being ****** in. ****** from my veins so that eventually every inch of my body was decorated with black vestiges of the rivers that once flowed blindingly white. It’s been six months of half a year, and my body is still sectioned out in slippery squares that feel so impossible to stitch back together. How can I still drown in the valley of our broken love if the pitcher that filled it has crumbled into tiny grains of sand, that I cannot hold with my hands? Oh Lord, won’t you reconcile this desert that settled on my heart? Oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord. I want to be found. I want to be found. Can you hear all the sounds that ricochet like tennis ***** against the tennis court? Oh Lord. It’s deafening from down here.
Mar 2018 · 312
Hunny Junkie
Emmy Mar 2018
Loving drugged me, so suddenly
I couldn’t tell if you made it rainy or sunny
But keep talking sweet like that, hunny.
Cause I’m tired and hungry
Feigning like a heartbroken ******
Loving drugged me, so suddenly
Now I’m a heartbroken ******.
Mar 2018 · 431
A story
Emmy Mar 2018
She watched the shadows beneath his eyes
The way she would a sunrise
Pretending she wasn’t hypnotized
By how his smile fell across his cheeks
Feeling how it made her knees weak

He got lost in the shadows beneath her tree
Acted like he couldn’t really see
Pretending she was the one who could set him free
By how his smile fell across his cheeks
Feeling how it made his head silently shriek

She was deceived, he made her believe

And so she fell in love with someone who was in love with someone else
What’s worst of all, is that he half way pretended to break her fall
When in reality, he left her with nothing at all
Mar 2018 · 258
A plea
Emmy Mar 2018
I saw your flag stuck on the porch  
I thought it was white
But the closer I looked the redder it appeared
I grasped it and blades sunk into my palms
Which was never what I feared
I knew from my palms my heart would bleed
Until there was nothing left inside of me
A casket, sealed so tight it set me free

Set me free to run wildly across the shattered rubble of glass that cut my knees
Set me free to scream at the bodies who caged me
Set me free to cry rivers, lakes and seas
Set me free until I’ve exhausted the universe inside of me

With broken hands and broken knees
I stared at you
Silently shouting please
Praying for a plea
Praying for you to set me free
Praying you could fix my knees
But I choked on my own fingers
Trying to understand everything that lingers

I wonder why white flags turn red
I wonder why my broken hands feel like lead
But then I remember that I chose this casket as my deathbed
It’s walls strung from forests full of wood, composed out of all the things you said
The melody falling loudly like gravity struck God in the head
And it was then, I understood
Because my white flag turned red
Mar 2018 · 267
Blue red
Emmy Mar 2018
I felt like dusk at dawn
Ambiguous and shadowed
Almost here but not there
Completely covered yet bare
Strip stripped until I was so unaware

Smoke so loud it burned yellow red
All I saw was your handprints in her bed
sketched out in gray blue with all your words left unsaid
Jagged jungle waves lapping at my ocean
My slumber sour, like I overdosed on your potion
Torn apart like rhythms lost lover motion
Feb 2018 · 503
Trap Door
Emmy Feb 2018
Do you see me as a blemish?
Do you see me as a wreckage?
Do you see us as a fleeting second?

I reckon you don’t know the shape of my hands impression
Because you hazard hold on to her lesion-lesson
Well, if you could pay attention
I’ve got twenty one pilot pairs of scissors from Edwards hands
And magic from Peter Pan that I met in Neverland
That line Narnia’s closet door
Hidden in Alice of Wonderlands floor

Do you see me as a passing sigh?
Do you see me as replacement high?
Do you see us as a goodbye?

I reckon you don’t know how your thoughts could fly
Because you got glued down by the bad guy
Well, if you allow that glue to lessen
Ren McCormack would give you a dance lesson
And I’ll teach you how to be fluorescent
Like how jellyfish bioluminescent
We would never waste a second
Only love, would we beckon

Do you see me as a wreckage?
Do you see us as a fleeting second?
Feb 2018 · 187
Hell of an Angel
Emmy Feb 2018
Maybe you think I have a blind eye
That somehow you can hide
what you hold inside
But your vibe bleeds outside of the lines
Conveying everything you attempt to confine
The only solidarity your wall holds
is the transparency of your emotional threshold

Maybe you think I can’t see past
Your double mirrored glass
That the two of you move too fast
But your silence is so violent
Softly shouting the advent of your torment
Presenting everything you meant to circumvent
By building such an opaque tent

Maybe you think I haven’t been very far
But I’ve lived in a bell jar
Covered in scars
That roughly reads in sentences that repeat, “memoirs of o.u.r.s, fractured remnants of stars”

So when I **** my head
at how you whisper of being like an unwanted bag of luggage
Know that I’ve got shelves of garbage
that I cannot seem to cleave
That I have double mirrored glass
With scathing scribbled emotions
Burned into the retina of my eye
Making me anything but angelic
Making me mostly just hellish

And so, I ask you to look at your double mirrored glass
And I ask you to see whose staring back
Feb 2018 · 237
A Case of Nothing-Something
Emmy Feb 2018
I don’t know what I’m looking for
But I’m looking for something
And I keep ending up back at
“Everything is nothing”
Which means that nothing is something
And the thoughts refuse to stop coming
I know there’s no running

I cant escape being in this ring
Forever feeling like every direction is a haphazard swing
I can’t see a thing
Feeling like society’s puppet on a string
There’s a list I keep, sorta sloppy neat
But God tells me, “take a seat”
I yell back, “that’s no easy feat”

I don’t understand what all of this is for
Life feels like a game, except I can’t score
I can’t open the ****** door
They wanna say, “when life closes a door, it opens a window”
But all I see is a **** show
That’s not to say, I don’t see the beauty in how a river flows
That’s not to say, I don’t see the beauty in how the same river froze
You can tell me I’m dramatic, that I wallow in my throes
And yeah Lil *** told me, “that’s the way life goes”
But I’m fed up with everyone’s prose
I don’t want to believe that’s really how it goes

And so I sit with Robert Frost
At his two roads, curious at how he tells me he’s actually not lost
How it’s not left to the probability of a coin toss
That everyone just wants to be their own boss
Pretending that they aren’t nailed to their own cross

I don’t know what I’m looking for
But I think maybe I’ve been playing the game wrong
That there is no score which could lead to more
All I’ve got is a case of nothing being something
And that’s really nothing more
Than “everything is nothing” for sure.
Feb 2018 · 286
Spellbound
Emmy Feb 2018
I wanna make you feel waves of something
Waves unlike the motion of your sins

Let me strip your skin
Is that too deep? Cause from up in the trees, this path looks scary steep
Although I know, your laugh in my ear is something I wanna keep

I’ve had my eyes wide closed
My dreams colliding kaleidoscopes

I thought you were just a passerby but you said more than just hi
Sometimes I don’t know what to say
The words stumble away
Although I know, the feeling moves me like a drunk sway

Your fingertips brushed the shimmering sunlight dancing in between my trees
And suddenly, the tightrope time tied to me fell free  
My bare feet struck unfound grounds
Puddle colors exploded like how bass sounds
Although I still don’t know, where the music can be found
I do know, you’ve got me spellbound
Jan 2018 · 228
Mountains
Emmy Jan 2018
You’ve been running around my mind
I’ve been stuck trying to find
the right words this time

I’m not tryna make you stay
I’m just tryna get you to talk about your day
Maybe get a little intellectual foreplay

Lemme be your baby
Lemme be your sunshine
Lemme make you mine
I’ll show you how a real woman loves
Hold you tight
Show you this might be worth the fight
I got you and you got mines

You told me time travel exists
But baby, then there would be nothing to miss
There’d be no wish to be
Us caught up in the sheets

I’ll soak you in like a summer night
Cause your company is like how my bare feet feel against warm concrete sidewalks
Like I said I’m just tryna get you to talk
Maybe take a midnight walk

I think we already do
We’ve been climbing mountains, me and you
B
Jan 2018 · 295
Reds
Emmy Jan 2018
Some things happen without your full awareness. These things come slow and then all at once it’s like a river rushing over you and you panic for a second. Your heart races and you can’t understand how it happened but it’s happening and it won’t stop happening. You’re not sure if you’re falling or flying. Maybe a little bit of both. All you know is that it sort of feels like you’re climbing mountains together and the sunsets you’ve been watching every evening are cascades of reds. The only thing you’re really sure of is that red is your favorite color.
Jan 2018 · 297
Neon Signs
Emmy Jan 2018
Your world seems to be decorated by neon signs
But I know you escape it with the highs
I know you’ve got depths you think no one can touch
But I promise
There’s someone’s hands who can do that much

Your frustration at the labyrinth of your mind
Leaks out through your vibe
I know you’ve got depths in which you think you’re stuck
But I promise
There’s a soul here who wants their light to lead you into being lovestruck

No one else might know how lost you feel
But I promise
The man upstairs listens to every word you utter like it’s the script to a movie reel

I know you’ve got pieces you think no one could hold
But I promise you
There’s a heart who doesn’t need but once, told

Maybe you think your demons would devour more than just you
But I promise
That’s nothing but untrue

Maybe I’m wrong
To think that you believe those depths no one can touch
But I promise
There’s someone’s hands who can do that much.
For you
Jan 2018 · 238
Traces
Emmy Jan 2018
She was the first to hold my heart
But she left me in the dark
There’s been a couple
There’s been a few
In between her and you

I’m still lost at sea
But your lighthouse is beckoning me
I’m still lost in the unknown
But your warmth, is shown
In the traces-of your fingertips touch
On my heart

I felt my pulse start
You said, “I’m finally happy, I’m finally new”
Little did you know; how long I’ve been contemplating about you

She was the first to hold my heart
But you,
You have lit up the dark
Dec 2017 · 515
Chords
Emmy Dec 2017
Are people ever really whole?
Because we’re all so busy building homes
In other people
Who don’t understand how each board and nail
Are the chordae tendineae
Of our hearts
We don’t understand how building homes in other people
Leaves us in the dark
Dec 2017 · 287
Cries Wolf
Emmy Dec 2017
Restless is the pulse
Shaking in my ears
It’s only been three months but It feels like it’s been years
Confused is the air
Caught in my lungs
I scream that I’m riding the highs and the low
but It hurts so deep; I’ve got nothing to show
He said, “But you embrace the fear.”
Echo, their laughs do
Crippling are these fleeting thoughts of you
Am I truly tired of being lost?
Or am I the boy who cries wolf?
Dec 2017 · 194
Lead
Emmy Dec 2017
Like lead, you sit on my skin
encapsulating every beat, breath and emotion
My knees weak
My eyes swollen shut
Everywhere I turn something of you interrupts

The rapid fluttering in my chest
the tight heaving breaths

My mind clamors
every thought
so heavy against my ribcage

Like the poison you're drowning my veins in
I want to cross out your name
Rip you out from that moment
never to see, feel or hold again

My nerves ache
they scream to be let go
Dec 2017 · 204
Peace
Emmy Dec 2017
I wonder if you’ve found peace in her eyes
I never found peace in the goodbye
They say that’s okay
That I’ll move on one day

I wonder if these moments will ever not feel like my hearts been torched and sent up in flames
You hold your new girl
I wonder if I cross your mind
If sometimes you can’t sleep because
You and I
No longer sing the same lullaby
I wonder if you’ve found peace in the goodbye
Maybe you’ve found peace in her eyes
While I sit here some days and still cry
Aug 2017 · 401
Crows
Emmy Aug 2017
You and I
Used to be like two branches intertwined
Now we stand separate as two trees.

How can that be?
To be together, yet feel so lonely?

Two many crows sit in my leaves
My limbs ache
from holding so much weight.

The wind doesn't whisper
It's silent
Like the space in between
You and I.
May 2017 · 1.2k
Shackled
Emmy May 2017
My chest feels hollow
Spaces and craters
Where my lungs and heart
Used to be

My mind is seared
With images
I can't seem to shake
From the retina of my eye
Sort of like when you stare at a light for too long and then look away
A shadow of what once was, still there

When I look to my hands
They are shackled
To you
There's a lock
But no key

A whimper from the swollen part of my insides
Almost wants to say goodbye
But I'm shackled
To you
There's a lock
But no key

My toes burn
A fire engulfs my feet
I'm no longer a tower
I'm only crumbling to my knees

I wander
Lost at sea
Lost in you
Lost in me

I wonder
How to be
With you
Or just me

Questions
I can't answer
Haunt me
I'm shackled to you
With a lock
And no key
Jan 2017 · 722
You & you & you
Emmy Jan 2017
My heart is pockmarked
Like the face of the moon
Oh, from loving you
And you and you

The craters on my heart
Left, from the massive destruction
Of giving so much
In return, receiving nothing

From a distance
My love appears whole
But those pieces have been lost
Oh, to you
And you and you

Are hearts really pink?
Mine feels black and blue
Oh, from you
And you and you

My heart's fire
Burns passionately around the blackened craters
Oh, not for you
And you and you.
Jan 2017 · 366
In-between
Emmy Jan 2017
I'm stuck in an in-between
and it seems to me
that to be in the middle
of an emotion
of a fear
is more tantalizing
than the engulfment of a solid knowing

I'm stuck in an in-between
and it's paralyzing me
Do I harden the door that sits in the pupil of my eye?
Do I fall to my knees?

I'm stuck in an in-between
and there's all this tension seeping out of me
in smothering screams
Do I lessen my grip on your gravity?
or Do I give more of my naivety?

I'm stuck in an in-between
and it's gonna make a black hole out of me.
Jan 2017 · 410
Images
Emmy Jan 2017
I hope I make your hands tremble
Make your heart shake
Cause an earthquake in your veins
Come
Come
Let me in
To hold your heart
To hold your hand
Whisper taps on the window panes of my mind
Drop like droplets
On your skin
Bump, bump
Thump
Do I make your heart race?
Racing like the wind through barren standing silhouettes    
My hands warm in the radiance of your sunshine
Shine
Shine
Glitter glitch
Do I make your heart race? Your skin itch?
Sly, touch and smile
So soft, sensual
Your eyes speak melodies
Let me harmonize
To the breath your lungs breathe
Do I make your heart race?
Oct 2016 · 811
Lucid Dreaming
Emmy Oct 2016
I'm tripping over the cracks of this
foundation
My motivation is waning
I'm floating
soaking in anxiety
Am I lucid dreaming?
My shoulder blades
buried in concrete
My hands
Are the free?
Grab ahold of this heartbeat
it's tumbling
down the corridors of my mind
Jun 2016 · 436
A Bottle
Emmy Jun 2016
A bottle,
for your emotions.

Laugh they do,
"Bottling unable-impaired are we."

Deepest, softest, hardest
They cry.
Babbling, roaring waves waterfall into cascading hues.

Hues
A blind eye could see.
Color, color, color feeling
For vestiges of buildings and movie credits.

Bottle, bottle
Not me.

Color feeling instead.
Sep 2015 · 516
Branches
Emmy Sep 2015
Your words became brittle
Cheap, cheap words
I snapped them with my
Fingers
I cried out, whimpering from how they splintered my fingertips.
Sep 2015 · 891
Purple Joints
Emmy Sep 2015
It burns your joints
A silence, so loud, it ricochets off the walls in your mind
It is not a deafening silence
It is the kind that makes your ears ring
A quickening of the pulse
Invasive to the mind, like a dog's bark at 5:30 pm on a chilling December night
Your soul is screaming
Your toes are purple when you look down at them in the shower
It's all surrounding you
Pressing your arms to your sides as water runs over your mouth
Your pulse thuds in your ears so loud
It is equivalent to a locomotive train
It burns your joints
Mar 2015 · 1.2k
Shivers
Emmy Mar 2015
The steady thump sounds dull to my fingertips touch.
Shadows bend silently towards the spot in which I stand.
Rooftop corners morph into reaching hands.
Bare treetops beckon me.
Tiredness engulfs me,
Like the setting sunlight silhouetting the naked trees.
The tectonic plates beneath the surface of my skin shift ever so slowly.  
Allowing an ache to snake through me in whispers.
My blood gurgles in response to the changing sunlight,
To the rise in temperature.
My body ceaselessly remembers,
What my mind has tried so hard to erase.
So that I cannot pin the shiver that runs across my skin.
Feb 2015 · 654
Blurred
Emmy Feb 2015
I melt under your touch.
But I harden in split pieces with the you words speak.
I fall fast on my knees.
My head ringing round with echoing cries of pain.
My vision so blurry,
Each blow seems to come from the same hands.
Seared fingertips burn my lips flaming red.
But I convince myself it is only in my head.
A kiss cannot band-aid the fractured glass of doubt on my table.
This is a different kind of game.
One I have not played.
Twisted vines grip my limbs down.
I plead.
I pray.
I am ******* the poison out the best I can,
But I am bleeding from the outside in.
Feb 2015 · 596
Months
Emmy Feb 2015
Your eyes started to turn like the leaves of October.
By November a stillness settled around you.
The barren trees whistled your name.
My heart thudded in my chest.
December crept around.
Your gaze no longer held mine.
It snowed.
My hands were cold.
November 8, 2012
Feb 2015 · 393
Concrete
Emmy Feb 2015
You looked at me from across the car seat.
There was a moment of eyes meeting.
A soft drowning of thoughts.
I asked what you were thinking about.
You said, "Dying."
I said, "Don't, don't worry about it."
You said, "I don't want to die without you."
I said, "You won't."
I grabbed your face.
I said, "You won't die without me."
I've never meant something more in my life.
I've never felt so sure of something that fell off my tongue.
It felt concrete in my mind.
November 4th
Feb 2015 · 404
Sheets
Emmy Feb 2015
I lay in my bed as the heat seeps through the mattress. My hair sticks to my neck from sweat. The green blanket thrown over my window casts a sickly green throughout my room. Shadows dance and my mind grasps onto them tightly like a child on his mother's finger in an unknown place. There is a dead weight that lays across my body. A weight cemented into my skin that traps all the feeling inside of me....brewing a storm. Sobs shake my body as I scream into the corridors of my tunneled mind. Screams of "WHY!" over and over. Screams of your name, and screams of the pain you inflicted as you shoved your poisoned knife right through my heart with bloodthirsty knowing eyes. The lyrics to the song playing murkily float about my body. Rubbing salt in the wounds of your sick play time on my heart. The blanket over my window doesn't satisfy my hunger for the deep darkness my mind and heart crave so readily. So I grab the bottle of cough syrup with a tight face from salty tears and drown in it hoping your eyes will disappear for a little while and so will your name.
August 2012
Feb 2015 · 1.5k
Rusted
Emmy Feb 2015
The only faucet into which I pour out my inner thoughts
Has become silent
The handles are oxidizing and the pipes are frozen
Thousands of voices attack the metal walls in my mind
Bouncing
Echoing their thoughts until I swear up and down they're my own
October 10
Feb 2015 · 3.2k
Frigid Beauty
Emmy Feb 2015
The moon a bright, fat cauliflower in the early morning sky
Blistering cold seeping into the skin on the thighs
Burning in your fingers
A profound quietness blankets 7 am
Much like the soft snow blanketing the jagged black ice
Sky and ground synonymous hues of bluish white
Sleepy bark naked trees jut up from the ground
Whispering hushed things
Of frigid beauty frozen into the retina from a snowy night
Feb 2015 · 1.6k
Vacuous
Emmy Feb 2015
I'm in pieces
Smooth, jagged pieces
Vacuous spaces surround them
They are solitary islands
Of bulbous, fat, confused frustration
Heat rises to the surface of my skin
Itching, squirming feeling in my gut
My fingers find spaces to gnaw at
Trying to expel the gnawing embarrassment from my inner body
Feb 2015 · 587
Surging
Emmy Feb 2015
A tongue
Pressed against my teeth
My breath caught in my cheeks
Like a shiver rippling across my skin
Flashes of emotion
Burning tingling from within
Fire in my eyes
A heart beat so loud it's caught in my ears
It blew through me like a cold draft that numbs the toes
Spastic pulses of red
Reaching a scream
Surging like electricity throughout me
From the chained shadows it rose like a fog
Determination so rigidly starching
Softened smooth by a love so deep
Angelic angles of color so vibrant
Wrapped around you like atmospheres
Let me breath you in
Let me
Fingertips brushing
Bodies anything but hushing
A welling warmth so beautiful it feels like I'm lucid dreaming
Baby I'm color feeling
Dec 2014 · 2.2k
Color feeling
Emmy Dec 2014
It's so wonderful to feel mountains of emotions so moving in oneself
It creates valleys and volcanic eruptions
That warm the body so thoroughly you believe you may melt
Into a puddle of overwhelming love and joy
How beautiful it is
Like golden sunshine, warming the spots in between the tree branches Full of leaves in late spring
It eradicates the ashen hue in your veins with lavish reds
How warming to the soul to feel a tributary of trust
So deeply embedded in the wholeness of a love
Shared between two people
A strong sense of wanting to better yourself blossoms inside
True love bears vines and trees of fruit in the soul, mind, and body
It paints the dulling colors of the world so glaringly gasping to the eye
Filling one with colors
And out of all the feeling kinds
Color feeling is the loveliest one
Nov 2014 · 779
4AM spaces
Emmy Nov 2014
I realized today that there are spaces in letters
Spaces in atoms
Spaces between my fingers and my toes
Between the hairs on my head
Spaces in between the floorboards in my room
Wide open space
The kind where you're standing on a mountain
Trying to catch the stolen breath, beauty thieved from your lungs
There is blank space
The spot where you write your name at the top of a paper or the kind where complete bliss wipes the ***** chalkboard of thoughts in your mind
Space where the moon floats
The universe exists
Then there is the aching space between bodies
Clinging so tightly to one another
The kind that two souls eclipse in attempt to defy theoretical physics
I concluded space is an amusing thing
It makes you **** your head
Humans try to fill it up with their bodies, their thoughts, and their emotions
Space is like time
Both are concepts
And I will irrevocably attempt to fill the spaces between my fingers with yours and think about you at 4AM
Aug 2014 · 893
Saturated
Emmy Aug 2014
Engorged with night sky
The fire supersaturated your eyes.
Warmth cocooned me dizzy as you whispered slowly.
My skin lustfully shivered from your deep vibrato.
A migration of monarchs erupted in my stomach.

Sunlight dimples the floor like the freckles under your eyes.
Surging electricity burning, tingling spastic from within.
Revolutionizing the way my lungs fill with oxygen.
How the blood pulses through the veins in my body.

Waves lip grainy sand
Making love over and over again,
Married to the moon's tide.
But my desire is not periodic
It incessantly permeates my being.

Lucid like soundless motion,
Distance blurred what tumbled from your teeth.
I knew what your tongue spoke,
But I, masqueraded as fool.

A breath caught in my cheeks.
Bright cauliflower moon hanged over you.
I swallowed it all whole,
Struck by our elephant fluttering erratic heartbeat.  

The sky swaddles swollen in sunshine.
Clouds soothe mountain peaks.
But you drift irrevocably across my atmospheres.

“I love you.” So buttery on my tongue,
Such a waterfall set at an astounding height.
Watch my words pour over the edge,
Glistening in the reflection of the wildfire you have lit across my skin.

Darling, there is something remarkable in the way stars kiss the blackness
Of midnight, endlessly forever.
This is you and me.
Jul 2014 · 1.3k
Swings
Emmy Jul 2014
I'm sixteen
I still can't exactly swing on a swing without being scared
I suppose it's a metaphor for life
To have fear of such a childish contraption
I'm afraid of the motion
I'm scared of falling off
But I'm not scared of falling into you
I will do it over and over and over again
I will collide
I don't fear it
I don't fear you and I
I was swinging yesterday
My stomach felt awful
I told myself to stare at something
To get lost in the thought of you
Concentrate on what I was doing
It was nice to drown in something for once
To not hate the feel of not being able to breathe when I thought of something
Maybe because it was not something dark, it was you
I drowned in your magnificence
I probably looked like an idiot sitting in a swing, smiling like a giant goofball
But I didn't really care in that moment
Because even though you were not there in person
I held you in my heart
My mind
My smile
Nostalgic settled upon my bare shoulders
Like the last rays of sunshine
A profound hush smothered my neighborhood  
I never had a swing set when I was a kid
But ironically now that I'm sixteen there is a swing set
In my backyard a couple years too late
Another life metaphor
Sometimes the best language is the unspoken kind
But I'm here screaming out with every word
That I love your everything in the loudest voice I can
The miles between us might muffle my voice
I just hope you can feel my heart beating as loud as a locomotive train
Jun 2014 · 412
The Paradox Box
Emmy Jun 2014
I've been boxing with the pain for the past couple days and nights. I'm so scared, so scared of letting it win. I don't ever want to experience darkness to that depth again. I never fathomed the immensity of my fear until I awoke with its vice grip around my throat, making my vision blur with dots. I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back. The future seems to be a looming monster that feeds off of broken hopes and dreams because it's truly only the past. If time is a flat circle and it just keeps going in loops it's not present, there is no now. Now can't exist because as soon as now is now it's the past and it's gone. Then again maybe it's not because of the one uncountable instant that now seemingly happens and is the present. What exactly do I fear? Is it really the depth of darkness I fell into or do I fear the fear of it because that means I had no control over something in my mind? Do I fear the fact of my self absorption that leads me to admit that I'm powerless against the mechanics and systematic happenings of happening? Why am I so desperate to control the trajectory of my future? Because I know I'm powerless against the will of happening. I'm so desperate to control the uncontrolled and to prove what? To prove what? That I succeeded in bending the trajectory of something I shouldn't have? To prove that I have power? It doesn't work that way yet I will still sit in my stupid box pretending to be afraid of the darkness of which I evolved from, the darkness that I'm a product of. I will sit with a blindfold across my eyes with the stupid idea that my future is something to be controlled by sheer force of will.  Why am I so human? I guess I should say I'm fond of paradoxes.
May 2014 · 2.9k
Yellow and Green
Emmy May 2014
Trusting steady for flower petals floating on moonlit beams.
Fractured cracks running into sewn seams of honey-colored threads.

Layering sunlight of emotions,
Rip-tide oceans hold your boulder heart open.
Velvety warm blankets shimmering with lavender energy,
Of a silence unspoken.

A roar within of a constant fiery flame.
A warrior armored with stars and an army of willowy trees.

Song buds upon lip, striking a symphonic flowery melody.
Eyes sparkling, you captivate with an alluring smile.

Flowers intertwined within your raven locks.
Summer night of fireflies and dancing bees,
Forgiveness never a weakling of knees.

Soft spoken heart beats.
Sun-fire but shaded with purpling blues.
Steadying hands even though your lips may frown.

Ever present is the sleepy shadow of a sugared temptation,
That only the befallen will know.
A darkness muddled into the after-hours of dawn.
Self-pity wars that your feet danced into nothing, no more.
You let the colors become vibrant yellows, even greens.

A warrior surrounded by atmospheres of light,
Tinged with the milky blue hue of night.
Oceans come and gone but forever in your heart is song.
For Alyssa
Apr 2014 · 405
Moon Smoke
Emmy Apr 2014
The decibel of your voice out beat my heart
I smoked you in with every pull of your toxic love
I exhaled you out with dull eyes

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was the moon
To make love to the tide on your shores
All I wanted was for the sun to shine
Where I stood
But the decibel of your voice out beat my heart

I screamed into the twilight corners of my room
I destroyed myself with pills
With hopelessness cough syrup
With colorful memory alcohol

All I wanted was to touch your skin
To breathe your scent in
All I wanted was to show you the lights of your shadows
All I wanted was you
"ALL I WANTED WAS YOU! YOU!" I scream at your picture on my wall.
"All I wanted was you, all
I wanted...." I whisper through cracking heaves of sobs.

Where did it go wrong
Where did it go wrong
Go wrong
I'm lost in translation
I'm sky high in breaking my rib bones
But the decibel of your voice still out beat my heart in your ears
It still out beat my heart
It still out beat
It still
Still
Still
Apr 2014 · 941
When
Emmy Apr 2014
When does it stop
When does being lost in translation stop
When does the reality of temporary become permanent
And reality a finality of time
When do shadows stop eating at the nothingness of everything
When do the questions stop and become the answers
When does relief come
Or does relief just falsify into a cast of the illusion of okay
"When does it stop?" I ask you.
"WHEN DOES IT STOP?" I scream at the shadow of your profile in the depths of my painted wall
And my skin feels tight as it is suffocating my shackled veins
"It doesn't, does it?" I ask you.
"IT DOESN'T, DOES IT?" I scream at my shaking hands full of fury and broken glass
I said I was sorry, that I didn't mean it
You said I did, you said I did
You said it was okay, you said it's okay, you said it's okay
Okay is nothing but an illusion of this fragmented world
It's not okay.
It's broken, it's fury, it's shackled and turbulent
It's glass in my palms made of tiny pills
That cut my throat as I swallow you down
In hopes you'll love me again.
Apr 2014 · 456
9 PM Thoughts
Emmy Apr 2014
I stared at the ceiling and I watched shadows dance
I begged them with silent lips for cover of comfort in the light
I laid un-moving as the concrete of your words settled into my skin
Like the cement of a sidewalk
I did not gasp for breath nor let my heart beat
I became the stone you thought you wanted
You made a wall with four words
It's stopping me from reaching for you
Every time I think to lunge forward
I pull back so fiercely as if burned by the heat of a flame
You should watch what you spill from those lips of yours
I'm no good at cleaning up messes
Because I'm a mess myself
The funniest part of it all that keeps me up at night
Laughing in spite of you, is the power struggle
Of a situation uncontrolled by your hands
Of which you so desperately try to control
You will break yourself down into a dust of a million tiny fractures
And I will still sweep you up
And hold you as if you made the sun shine every **** morning
Apr 2014 · 6.0k
Warm
Emmy Apr 2014
Her heart was warm
Knifed cuts bled shivering blood outside in
But her heart whispered screams warm.
Your fingertips warm, softly etched words in a language unknown
Confusion sat upon a throne and ordered darkness her heart a home
Yet her heart fought on, still warm.
Seasons blurred by in sunsets warm, her hands may have been cold
Her story silently untold as fury shook her hands
But her heart was always warm.
Coldness hid the light of a muddy warm
Tangled words told and mangled thoughts sliced skin
Morose shadows truth and her heart is still warm.
Forgiveness feels sunshine fall lightly on two worlds making it warm
Your fingertips no longer touch her heart
But sit quietly upon her fingertips, palm to palm
Her hands are warm.
Mar 2014 · 465
Swallowing
Emmy Mar 2014
You sent tremors of earth-quaking nerves through me
My tongue burned
My hands shook
Breathing was slow, fiery heaves of hopelessness

I carry a chest that is gutted hollow
Filled with leaden sadness
I choke on with each swallow

Silence muttered tears of shame
It cackled disappointment in my ears
You knifed words into my chest
Cracking my ribs
Tearing my skin
Tattooing my heart with your name
Although you swore you weren't mine

I'm sick of thinking about you
Thinking things over again and through
I broke me before you could
I tore my veins out
Ripped my seams
Shattered my skin
Reminded myself of all the things that couldn't have been

I carry a chest that is gutted hollow
Filled with leaden sadness
I choke on with each swallow

I released storms of pain
Letting it wreak havoc inside my brain
Self destruction
Build up
Break down construction

I'm tired of having you on my mind
Tired of your name on the tip of my tongue
Choking with every word expressed
Twist tied wrists
Bleeding ears remiss

I carry a chest that is gutted hollow
Filled with leaden sadness
I choke on with each swallow

Raw hurt blooms softly in my chest
With each morose, ragged breath
Everywhere I turn
You blur my vision purpled grays

You consume my head
As a drugged smoke
Seeping into my nerves
I scream hoping to shake you free
I sob hoping to rid myself of your toxic love
Desperate with each heaving shove

I carry a chest that is gutted hollow
Filled with leaden sadness
I choke on with each swallow

Silent rebellion of loud tears
I crumple to the floor of my heart
My hands shake
Breathing is slow heaves of fiery hopelessness
I swallow you in tiny circles
My hands shake
Breathing is slow wisps of death
Feb 2014 · 565
Feathered Sunlight
Emmy Feb 2014
I hold your hurt and happy
Your loss and gain
Your moon tides
Goodbye lullabies

I cradle care
Protect at the cost of my
own
shell
being crippled
force fields being punctured

You throw your rock pain
hurl it at my face
I stand and wrap you up in me
you release your bow
sending arrows with ease
I

  fall


        fall
to my knees

Grasping the thin strings
that stretch from target to release
I breathe wisps of love into them
hoping hard for you to receive

softly I carcass your face
you sleep
I hold you feathered in my hands
open the hinges of my heart
place you inside

You forget in dreams
the sinking pain
that will bloom
as you open your eyes
thunder cracks across your eyelids
electric lighting electrocutes my mind

Your smoke fills my lungs
clouds my vision
peaceful descent into nothingness
I fade from your side
as the sunlight tickles my face
I kiss your head softly
embrace your pain
ripping it from your veins

Sunlight explodes
sparkling streams of rainbow torture
I disappear into the shadows of dust
watching you wake up
forgetting my warmth
forgetting my slightest touch
Feb 2014 · 1.1k
Dynamite
Emmy Feb 2014
Overpowering urges self destruction
numbness c ra cks and reseals
deep
    trenches
cut out
in the shape of your name

The feeling's queasy
somersault through my
twisted veins
blind rage encapsulated by a sad
blackened
frame

Bruises and scars fade
but the        coursing
pain will
forever    remain
a dark
heavy trotting
reign

Horse hooves crater my heart
collision beat
of a marching bands feet

my heart
my heart

is screaming in the dark
the shadow slightly falls

my heart
my heart

Inject your unknowing poison
I feel the sting
as it rips fire to my insides
your hands leave chemical burns
as you squeeze my lungs

I fall to my knees
weakness writhes in numb defeat
pull the tide
hold it in my hands
sending it crashing
to wash over you again

That's when I first tasted the burn of this world
the bitter taster of disappointment
the stabbing of my heart
the waterfalls of sorrow

My eyes have died
their light no longer lives
I shrivel and crumble
with a slow
dull
ache

I do not scream out
destroy my sand castles
burn my bridges
knock my buildings down

dynamite love
dynamite love

I wander with a brain blown to bits
I scavenge every
scrap
          of m u t ilated so-called-love
I am dynamite
          you are matches
all that stood between us
was a wick of string
          and time.
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