Nine AM
Morning coffee multiplies
Erratic thoughts in this sleep deprived head
So please excuse what is about to be
Quite the stream of unconsciousness
While looking out this window at autumn leaves
Thinking of how it is not just the seasons that change
Or is it they stay the same
Just stuck on repeat
I suppose it really is all in all equal
And there is a little of every season in one another
That’s why there are Indian summers
But it’s more than that
Really
It is the embodiment of the idea
That change is merely temporary
Just as the caffeine now waking me
Will inevitably deteriorate back into
A tired sleepless state

Dreams
Reoccurring or
One night stands
Cause a pondering mind
To recompense
Not because
That was done
But only
If dreamed of
Only once

And the dreams
Are just that

Controversially different in every single way
And these things that used to be merely extensions
Are moreover intertwined
Into what now is only so called life
So now really are we living or was it
At some point what we saw as life just
Simply changed or perhaps taken away
Yet we stay
Set in motion
Not even realizing what has came
And what is yet to come
Predisposed
To being perplexed
Preoccupied with insecurities
Addicted
To just the feeling of motivation
Being sickened by acting on it
Diseased by overnight success and lies about happiness

So
I do not wonder why
Some people have just simply
Turned around

Had a lot on my mind
Tried jotting it down
Now I'm facing a DWI
Told the officer
Sir I'm not drunk
I was just writing while I drive
So he gave me a WWD

I've been attending my funeral
In this new reoccurring dream
It seems even my subconscious
Is growing tired
Of this Low self esteem
And the man behind the gun
Is just the man in the mirror
I've even started praying to god
That  this muddled vision of my future
Might become a little clearer
Because this gift I've been given
Is like a malnourished seed
All this time waiting for flowers or trees
But left there at my headstone
Just a pile of weeds

These ideas
Like singularities
Infinitely dense
Violently
Collapsing in
And
The Mind
Is just another Universe
Dominated by
Chaotic
Contraction and expansion
Another thought is born
While another ends
And the gravity
Of some minds
Captivate
Others celestial bodies

Dreams have become
Literally
Quite lyrically
Lately
Drifting away
On a bed of melodies
Listening to the songs
Of past memories
Bringing around
An air of clarity
And it seems
The subconscious bleeds
Figuratively
Over into reality
As I find myself awake
Singing songs I've never heard

Grieve
Oh grieve
Sweet Remedy
And be carried
Off
Into the breeze
Be bound
Spell bound
My
Oh so Captivating
Sweet Remedy
That empty feeling
Is just
So let yourself
Be Illuminated
Sweet Remedy
And when
You're out on a limb
Remember
It's always on a swing
*Sweet Remedy

Lately
I've tried
To gain some clarity
In my life
I even stopped writing
But odd strings of sentences
Still haunt me
And sleepless nights
Seem to be filled with
Endless thoughts
Of nonsense
Even dreams are
Jumbled puzzles
Of misdirection
And I just smile madly through it all

So we live life
Live it with theses...
With these things...
These things...
So inaptly named
All the time
Wondering
Confused about things
Like why these photographs
Really aren't frozen memories
And looking back
On love and such
Realizing
It was so much more...
Much more than...
More than...
Words
Used to name things in the end

We often seek answers
To questions
Which should have never been asked
Ever since Eve ate the apple
The world has been
Afflicted
With whats seen as knowledge
And the curse of Pandoras box
Unleashed upon the world
A ravishing hunger
To capture questions
That as ignorant humans
We should never control
What we call intellect
Is an overzealous need for power
And we mistake knowledge
For answers to the mundane
Life would be so much simpler
If curiosity wained
And we never
Began asking unnecessary questions
In the first place

Will words ever explain this perpetual breakdown
A cyclic pattern of relentless wondering
How is it once an earlier bird
Suddenly a night owl
Pessimism tangentially transitioned
To something a little less like rhetoric
This spiraling lifestyle suddenly a little less sickening

Does this seem acceptable

To be and not to be
And it seems this mind lately
Is gathering its ideals from some new unfathomable philosophy
Still no excuse for such obscurity in ones life

Surely

What is life without something bigger
Are we at the top of the food chain
Or just larger than life
Or to obsessed with it
These mentalities are exasperating

Philosophically speaking

We’ve barely scratched the surface
Of what is called humanity

Honestly

Poets do not work everyday
They write continually
But
To a poet
Antagonizing over paper
And word is life
And the words never cease!
Poets take obscurity
And slam it into reality
Like a ****
Simply
Growing out of the sidewalk
Is not just a ****
But a metaphor
It is almost maddening!
A love hate relationship
As cliche as they come
But poets carry on
And find hilarity in madness
And truth
When there is not much else

Presence
It is always about presence
But everyone
Is a little absent
Of mind
A little absent
From time
To time

Once I was absent
In high school
Fiction lit
The teacher
Said I wasn’t present

Really I was
But I still got wrote up

I didn’t protest
Because his perception
Was absent
And I didn’t care much
Who thought I was
Present

Not a wink
Of sleep
Mind wondering
To some new
far off place
a map
with routes
I cannot retrace

The mask of society contorted and beautiful
Its wondrous looks and estranged stares
So hideous it looks, speaking harshly its gentle lies
A kindred glance of utter despair
Angelic ears that do demons work
Seeking only to perform the kindest hardships amongst its people
Can you see the beauty?

The mask of society bare and voluptuous
Speaking only the most deceiving of truths
Hears secrets to tell others only in the most entertainingly sincere nature
A kind word of loving hatred
Wonderful smiles full of disgust
It only wants to cast a kind glare of unfair judgments
Can you see the beauty?

Blind eyes and deaf ears
We know the beauty is there
Not possibly deceived
Where is the beauty?

Living in a world
Suffering from Empathy Dystrophy
More concerned with their reality shows
And clean windows
While others live in trash
With people throwing away things
Others would **** to have

When work needed done
We used to pound the pavement
But now we just punch keys
We're living in the digital age
Full of neon signs and L.E.Ds

Some say it's the future
Some say it's a disease
I say *it's okay in moderation
Just take a moment
Unplug
And Breath

Perfection
Is the mirror image
Of a soul
The same
But opposite

That reflection
Is who you are
And
Who you are
Meant to be

Stuck on this voyage of time
With the entire world
And my erratic mind
A voyage testing endurance
Measured by the end of lives
The sirens call out
And in blissful ignorance
Another accepts their fate
And joins the ranks of yesterdays
The others left to carry memories
In hopes to hold off misery

What did you hear that
No? It’s just the voices in my head again
They tend to act drunk and slightly belligerent
So excuse what I’m saying
I’m getting at something that they contemplated
If time is of the essence then we’re bound by intrinsic nature
A clock might have hands but the feeling couldn’t be stranger
Of the time slipping by even though my watch went dead
Did I finally **** time or was all it in my head
So we redefine what we think of these seconds
Measuring life merely bound by cosmic predispositions
So wait let me prepare a transition
About human nature and constructs of life
Does it all mean what comes from our head is true all the time
And what can be thought can exist in multi-dimensions
Are these words all made up
Or is that too odd to mention

They talk about love like an atlas
Places visited
Things done
Like love is a line between new places
And they often forget
About everything in-between
Destinations, fascinating and beautiful
But really how did you get there
What about all the wrong turns
And nowhere towns
Clear travels and gravel roads
See
Love isn’t an atlas
It is the rumble of the tires
A window rolled down
A road trip breeze
So forget about where
And ditch the map

She said I love you
Staring down at her feet
As he drove off
Into a dusty cloud
Of past regret
*Idiot

Love isn’t a good morning text
Or some other slanted
Minuscule gesture
It is a presence looming
Craving to capture you
Envelope you in your entirety
But here we are waiting on a rose
Or a gift
A letter
Perhaps if that’s what love has become
Then I will hope I find something better

Pretending used to be so innocent
You would play pretend doctor
And oh how brilliant
A flawless performance
And all those years not a patient lost
Ahh the pretend heroes we were

Now it's a little more sinister
We pretend we are busy or sick
And we think we are intelligent
Like no one will know
And year after year we fill with lies
Pretending to still be super heroes
When we really turned into bad guys

Have I repented
To the point of fault
Am I blind
To my own goodness
Do I not
Want to let myself succeed
Perhaps all this time
It has been myself
Who consistently disagrees
With my own ideas

I must be resistant
To my own existence

Political system
Bred off disagreement
And those instigating change
Only do so out of hatred
People just regurgitate
Networked Ignorance
Align yourself
With the Great Jumbo
Or the all Knowing ***  
What a circus act

My mind, Far from
A clear crystal lake
More like
A murky stream
Or muddled drink

Thoughts come,
Rippling away
Or perhaps
They were the pebbles
Causing the wake

The true trouble,
Discernment

As the seasons do change
My breath carries as fog
As I answer in vain
To the questions
Of my memories
Because now it seems
I've misremembered some things

Dear Disinterest,

I must
                      Protest
Your sudden
                                   Prevalence
You've got my mind
In a metaphorical state of
                                                        Ambivalence
And I think it best
You relocate        

Rearguards,
A More Interesting Life

Do I cross your mind
From time to time
Is it some stupid joke I told
Or a smell in the wind
For me
It's a dream keeping me up at night
As real and constant as your laugh
Although I feel thoughts of you with a pang of guilt
Wondering how I Should actually feel
We fall so easily for new faces
But it is more
It's brushing past one another
And deep silent looks
Sharing stories like childhood books
This seems almost too cliche
Maybe it doesn't exist
Except in dreams

I have come to realize
This perpetuated feeling
Is neither unhappiness nor lack of joy
But a feeling of my own creation
That of boredom
Seeking out the next thing to fascinate
Only to yet again become bored
You see
I don’t really think sadness is a lack of happiness
It is a lack of fulfillment
It is the fact
That time and time again
Generation after generation
We teach happiness through gratification
Society has taught us to stop thinking
To stop feeling happiness without the minutia
The results are a stratification of people
And a difference now in
Humans
And Human Beings

In my mind I have fallen quite far
quite further than my mind once thought
So like Alice into
                             the
                                   rabbit
                                               hole
                                                       I go
Chasing what was once my shadow
But now it seems to have become my ghost
And how it haunts me these days
Laughing as it taunts me in endless shame
Yet hopelessly I
                            chase
                                      it
                                         down
                                                    further
Not becoming any closer
Just further away
Always just close enough
But to far away from



What Matters?

Hang on here I go again
A thousand foot inside my head
Dwelling on my thoughts of sins
No wonder why my soul feels dead

Inner peace I'll never know
In these deep reaches of my mind
A dark curse on me bestowed:
Answers I seek I never find

I’ve been reduced
To watching limbs dangle
From trees
Outside these windows
And the dogs
They chase each others tails
We’re not that different either
Approachable
Loyal
Yet ignorant
But I feel
More sorry
For the man behind a desk
Doing relentless work
For supervisors
Really just
Shoveling excrement

I guess I envy the dog
At least they enjoy
Chasing each others tails

My answer to When did love begin:
Possibly when nature had no man
And then peace was first to love
It loved harmony and in return
Harmony loved peace
Until man traipsed in
And glimpsed his pale reflection
In the deep blue waters
Then peace found conflict
And harmony found discord
Love was lost to the lust of man

Silence is the sound of wisdom
And as the wind died down
And nature slept
I listened
Silence spoke

Do not mistake the
verbose for intelligent
and do not be quick
to break the quietness.
For quiet often
what is missed
is that which lies
between the noises.

And I was quick
To apologize to Silence
Telling it
*You're all to often
Mistaken as awkward

She was a collector
Of broken dreams
And misplaced things
She put them together
To make her heart compete

*No wonder why
She loved me so much
She told me
I was the final piece

A social disease
A tragedy
Against the wondering minds
A complete unawareness
Of the limitless possibilities
To spoiled by instant gratification
Living with to many
Of a short hand nature
Literally caught in the moment

In  
      sight
                 Exists
                        Significance
Insightful
          ­       Significant
                                   Existence
Signifies
                Existential
                                  In­sight

*Insignificant Existence