She sits with one leg
Crossed over the other,
Her hair is parted
Off-center,
But not enough to be
Considered a side-part.
Her smile is a little crooked
Because of a surgery she had
Years ago.
Her gait is a little awkward,
Especially when she runs,
And her hips aren't nearly
As wide as her personality.
She has a birth mark that
Most people would not
Say is aesthetically pleasing,
But regardless of her imperfections,
She is perfect to me.

We're coming to an end,
We'll soon have a new beginning,
But as of right now,
It's we that are ending.

It's been forever,
Four painful and tiring years,
But in that time,
It's you that shed no tears.

I was broken,
I spent everyday crying,
I got so sick,
I ended up in the hospital, dying.

But you didn't care,
No, you just kept on with your life,
I don't stop thinking about you,
But you haven't thought about me twice.

You ended it,
And cut me out of your world,
Then three days later,
You were onto another girl.

It's been a long four years,
But that time has finally come to end,
And look,
We still have loose ends, that we never got to mend.

So long, my love,
Though you've forgotten I exist,
See you in the next four years,
I wish against it, but that's the plot twist.

There's a roof over my head
But it's got holes in it,
Everything in life pushes
Against me, makes me want to quit.
I just have to remember
To hold my head high,
And before I know it
Another day has gone by.
I've got people all around me
To help push me through,
Even if they don't know me,
They help, they really do.
Just because life gets ******,
Doesn't mean you should quit,
It means life's handing you a test,
You've got no time to study,
All you can do is do your best.

When I was younger,
I used to always see which raindrop,
On the window of the car would beat
All the other raindrops to the bottom
Of the window.
I'd sit there, watching, concentrating so hard,
Just to guess and be wrong,
As another raindrop would pull ahead
At the last second.
I was always so amazed by the raindrop
That won, that I'd pay no attention to the others,
In the same way, you're that raindrop that won;
You're all I paid attention to,
And now the only raindrops that win
Are the ones that fall down my cheeks.

Sitting in the local coffee shop,
Listening to coffee shop songs,
Doing work but simultaneously
Watching people.

Studying psychology,
Of the abnormal type,
Watching behaviors,
But not reflecting inward.

Sipping hot coffee,
Burning your mouth on it,
But trying not to react.
Someone across the cafe saw you; ****!

Studying people,
Drinking coffee nonchalantly,
Watching behavior,
Reflect inward, ******.
Reflect inward.

Don't promise me anything,
Because you wont be able to keep it.
We both know the truth,
It's not like it's a secret.

You're not a good person,
You only live lies,
So was it a mistake to let you
Come between my thighs?

I regret the past,
No more than the present;
And the future has been ruined,
By what you represent.

You took it all from me,
My heart, soul, and peace of mind,
I was left with less than nothing,
The night we were first intertwined.

Every day since then,
I've been spiraling down,
r-e-g-r-e-t,
Is the only thing I can think about.

But is regret the right word,
Or was it all just a mistake?
I gave you everything you wanted,
And all you did was take, take, take.

I'm upset with myself
And I'm upset with us,
For being so stupid,
Just out of lust.

I mean, love.

I want to be remembered.
I feel like it's so generic to say,
But my biggest wish is to be known
After my death;
And for people to wish that
They had the opportunity to meet me,
Have a conversation with me,
And really get to know me as a person.
I want to be accomplished,
Rather than a pile of ash
After death.
I want people to search my name
Looking for a biography online,
I want people to write reports about me
And read books about my life.
I don't want fame and fortune
During my lifetime,
But I want the knowledge of
Being acknowledged and remembered
Well after I am gone.
The wish is the easy part,
Making it happen...
That's a different story.

Confined to the four walls of my room,
Lost without you,
Locked away in my self made tomb.
Crying into my pillow
Til its tear stained on both sides,
Knowing that that was our last goodbye.
I miss you.
There is nothing left to do but
Reminisce you,
And I intend to.
You were my ******.
And when I was down,
You were my heroine.
But now that well is dry,
So I drown my sorrows in *****
And all I do is cry.
I don't know why you left me,
But it makes sense;
I'm depressing, you see.
But it's okay because
I have a lot of time alone,
To think of where I first went wrong.
But you're all I seem to want,
You're all I ever think of,
And your presence haunts my thoughts.

Close your eyes,
Shut them tight,
Your mind is restless,
And it's late at night.

Your thoughts keep racing,
Your head is pounding,
And before you know it,
Your alarm will be sounding.

You need to rest,
Trust me, dear,
Go to sleep
And ignore your fears.

A new day is starting,
As this one comes to an end,
Gather your last thoughts,
And let the days mend.

You needn't worry,
Be anxious, or have fear,
No matter how far I am,
For you, I'll always be here.

You know how,
In those moments
Right before you fall,
The earth starts to
Crumble beneath you,
And you can see your fate
As it happens almost
In slow motion,
But not slow enough to stop it from happening,
Or even to brace for impact.
So there you are contemplating
Your fate of falling,
As it happens right before your eyes,
Unable to protect yourself,
Or prevent the impact;
Helpless in a sense;
Like a calf just learning to walk,
But it stumbles,
And you want to help it,
But you know that it has to learn
How to walk on it's own,
Or it will never be able to run.

I had one thing that I truly considered to be mine,
I had one thing that I truly owned
And in the blink of an eye, the beat of a heart, the snap of a finger
It was taken from me.
I was robbed of the only thing that I owned.
Sure I have a place to cry myself to sleep at night,
But the rent I pay is only for a temporary space;
I feel homeless, and helpless
I feel violated, insulted, and worthless.
Why is it that I try so hard to lead a better life,
I am trying to find faith again,
And work for everything I want and need
Yet I am stolen from, robbed and broken down?
It hurts, and in this pain all I can seem to do
Is watch the world I stand on, crumble beneath me.

As I read,
The words on the page
Turn into bugs,  
And crawl around.
I feel my heart beat,
In my head,
While my feet
Are on the ground.
My senses get mixed up,
I feel schizophrenic,
My heartbeat increases dramatically,
And I begin to panic.
I feel the air getting thinner,
With less of it to breathe,
If my heart stops beating,
Will there be anyone to grieve?
All this pain and suffering,
Was clearly meant to be,
But what I want to know is,
Was it truly intended for me?
Shots to keep me calm,
Pills to heal my pain,
So many perscriptions,
Just to heal my brain.
I'm scared of nearly everything,
From bugs to snakes to the dark,
To who knows what could be lurking,
Across the street at the park.
I try to conquer my fears,
At least one at a time,
The one fear ill never escape from,
Is the thoughts inside my mind.

As you pass by,
Your scent
Is carried through the air.

It wafts toward me,
As I smell it,
I'm nearly brought to tears.

Because you were mine,
All mine.
But now you're her's.

It makes me so upset,
Its hard for me
To put into words.

You broke my heart,
which ruined my life,
and then you broke all theirs'.

People think I'm overreacting,
Or crazy,
Or obsessed.

But they don't know
What love is,
And how it can be expressed.

She always seemed to be going somewhere,
She was always up to something,
But never told anyone what.
She had friends, but they were few,
She was always up to something,
But not even they knew.
She never stayed in one place long,
She was always up to something,
It was only a matter of time before she was gone.
Onto her next journey; her next voyage,
She was always up to something,
But no one could have seen this coming.
Right when everyone expects her to leave, she doesnt,
She was always up to something,
But she never left then.
She waited and waited until they would least expect it,
She was always up to something,
She wanted no trace to be left.
But she was always up to something,
Planning her escape,
And with that,
She vanished...

If you have too much ***,
You're a ***** and a ****,
If you don't have ***,
You're a liar or a baby, what?
Losing your virginity,
Is something you only do once,
If you do it too late or early,
You're a dunce.
Society pressures us
All differently,
But honestly, I'd rather be a *****
Than a "liar baby".

"Turn around,
Shut your mouth,
Sit up straight,
Don't look around.
Be a lady,
That's not ladylike,
Don't dress that way,
You look like a ****.
Hold your chin up,
That's not high enough,
Now that's too high,
Don't make this tough.
Just do things right,
Won't you learn,
Do it perfect,
Or you shall burn.
Don't let this scare you,
Just be proper,
If your eyes get red,
Use the eye dropper.
Brush your teeth,
And brush them well,
If they aren't white enough,
You'll go to hell.
Comb your hair,
Get all the knots out,
Just listen to me,
And I won't have to shout.
Just be pretty,
Just be perfect,
It's not that hard,
And it's definitely worth it.
No one likes,
Girls with braids,
Or buns, or ponytails,
Those aren't cool these days.
Powder your face,
Oily skin is a no-no,
Leave your face bare,
And you'll look like a hobo.
Stay in fashion,
And in style,
And you'll fit in,
For a while.
Until they notice your personality,
Sad as it may be,
You need to be different than yourself,
Heck, be more like me.
The more alike we all are,
The better it will be,
Because we'll stop being, him and her,
And we'll start being we."

I just wish for once, that someone would care about me even half as much as I care about them.
Just once. I just need to know what it feels like to be loved so much by one person.
Someone.
Anyone.
I cry myself to sleep, waiting for the day that someone truly can show just how much they care about me.
Prove to me that they actually give a ****.
Until then, ill be lying here, crying.

I never thought it'd be you.

I never thought I'd fall in love,
At least not after the heartbreak of last time.

I never thought I'd meet
Someone like you,
Who would change me so quickly.

Someone like you,
Who listens, knows, and cares
About what I'm feeling
And why.

Someone whom I can trust
And rely on, no matter what,
No matter when,
And know for a fact that they
Will never leave my side.

Someone like you,
Whom others would know
As a close friend,
Or maybe even a best friend.

I never thought I'd be saying this,
But you're more than a friend,
My love runs so much deeper.

I never thought I'd fall for someone,
As great as my best friend.

I never thought it'd be you.

It's in the time when you're surronded
By nothing but air
And no one to talk to that the
Pain becomes too much to bear.

It's when you need it most,
That no one is near,
You bottle everything up,
The pain, emotions, and fear.

Starting a new life,
In a place with no one you know,
Can be one of the hardest things,
But it's a fear you can't show.

You have to protect your brother,
He can't know that you're scared,
As if moving across the country wasn't enough,
Then your mom's health - you weren't prepared.

You suit up to take life head on,
Act as your baby brother's second mom,
Take care of your mom, the house,
And family, while trying to remain calm.

It's a lot to deal with,
A lot of pain to bear,
But you're stronger than you know,
And by this, I swear.

Your support stretches across the country,
You've got people who care and love you,
Life hands us things that aren't easy or a choice,
But we know you're strong enough to push through.

May God bless you and your family,
With whatever life may bring you to,
You are always in my prayers,
I put my faith in Him to take care of you.

They say, "if you love something,
let it go" and that, "if it returns,
it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was",
but does that saying apply to people?
Because I don't want to let you go.
I don't want to let you walk
out of the door to my life.
You won't come back, but it's not
because you never were mine.
It's more because you don't have family here,
and once you're gone you wont have a reason
to come back here.
And it's expensive anyway to fly across the country
just for a visit with someone.
But I'll miss you. I don't want to let you go.
*I don't want you to leave me.

I never learned how to swim,
And now I'm drowning in my thoughts.

My ears are full of water,
My side is cramping up.
The goggles you gave me are foggy
And my lungs are shriveling up.

I feel the water in my brain,
Swirling around my thoughts.
One moment I think you love me,
The next, you love me not.

And maybe if I learned to swim,
Maybe things would've worked out.
But I guess we'll never know,
My mind is now full of doubt.

But even great swimmers
Sometimes need help.
That's why there's lifeguards at the Olympics
Alongside Michael Phelps.

But I never learned how to swim,
And I'm drowning in my own thoughts.
But you said you would teach me,
It's too late, I'm seeing dark spots.

So let me sink to the bottom of the pool,
Where swimmings not important anyhow.

Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.

But what if the secret affects someone else?
What if the secret negatively impacts yourself?

Secrets, secrets

I try to clear my mind,
But it keeps popping up
Time after time.

Are no fun

I want to yell, I want to scream,
I want the whole world to know
What's eating me alive
And why I'm bursting at the seams.

Unless you share with everyone

I have been sworn to secrecy,
And I cannot tell,
I've sworn myself in,
And with this I dwell.

The past is heavy,
But secrets weigh more,
And with no one to tell,
My heart and brain begin a War.

I'm battling myself,
At every given instance.
And oh, how I wish
I could return to my days of innocence.

But I have been sworn to secrecy,
And now I cannot speak of it,
Such an invasion of privacy,
And a secret I can't admit.

But maybe, just maybe,
One day I will.
I'll get it off my chest
And will no longer feel mentally ill.

Secrecy does weird things
To a person,
And the longer it goes on,
The more their mental health will worsen.

Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.

Everyday she got yelled at,
Though she never knew why,
But nothing ever changed,
And she started to cry.
The shouting got worse,
She'd hold back tears; she'd try,
But everyday got harder,
And she started to cry.
Thee bruises she had,
Made others wonder why,
She kept to herself,
And she started to cry.
All the screaming and yelling,
She was lonely and shy,
With no one to call out to,
She started to cry.
Everyday got worse,
She wanted to die,
She hated going home,
And she started to cry.
Broken bones, scratches, bruises, and scars,
Everyone saw them, but no one asked why,
She had been so strong but was now so weak,
And once in heaven, she no longer cried.

Is it normal
To cry
For no reason?

Does anyone else
Sob silently
To fall asleep?

Do you ever
Get angry
And lose it?

How do you
Control it
Or does it
Control you?

Are you ever
Enraged; depressed;
Does it stop
Will it?

A text message that reads,
"I need you. Please help me."
Sends you back to me
Quicker than anything.
This isn't a love poem about
How I lost the love of my life,
Begged for them back and
They came back to me.
This is about a friend.
Someone who cares about me,
And puts me before them self.
This is about a best friend.
I try to blink away tears,
But they keep rolling down my face.
You call me in an instant,
As soon as you get my text,
I'm balling, trying to hold myself back
And you, in an eleven minute and twenty three second conversation,
Talk me out of what could have been.
From the darkest places I have been,
I would like to thank you
From the bottom of my heart,
Because if it weren't for you,
I wouldn't be alive today,
To write this.

Do you ever get that feeling,
You know the one I mean,
The one you can’t describe
Not even in your wildest dreams.

It kind of feels like drowning
While simultaneously watching yourself drown,
But there’s nothing you can do,
Just watch your body slowly sink down.

Or maybe it feels like...
Your stomach is full of lead,
Your knees are constantly buckling
And a baseball bat to the head.

Do you ever get that feeling,
You know the one I’m talking about,
When your breathing is shallow
And you’re full of self-doubt.

The constant storm of thoughts
That seem to take over your brain,
Overthinking every moment
Until it drives you insane.

Or the feeling you get
When your friend confides in you,
And tells you how
There’s nothing you can do.
Because the deed has been done,
And she’s trying to move on,
But you can’t simply forgive
An act that’s so wrong.

Do you ever get that feeling?
You know the one I mean,
The one that eats you alive
And makes you want to scream.

Death;
It makes most people
Uncomfortable or sad,
But not me.
Life;
Is joyous and great
For most of the population,
But not me.
Is death the
"After life" or
Is there even an
After life?
Or maybe life
Is the prequel
To death,
Who knows?

We go through every day,
With struggles and hardships,
Benefits and positivities,
All for what?

We seek corrections for our faults,
And some strive for perfection,
Others try to get by, unnoticed,
And without detection.

We breathe without thinking,
So we have time to know more,
But if we think without breathing,
We will be no more.

The point is, we're all here,
All on this earth,
All for what?
To end up buried in the dirt?

I'm just saying,
I don't see the point in living,
But if I die prematurely,
Will God be forgiving?

I know He's forgiving,
I've been taught that my whole life,
But you see, I'm having this
Battle inside me, or maybe it's a small strife.

I don't really know the point of this,
Or main idea, or theme,
I've just let a lot build up,
And now I want to scream.

It's like finding a lost puppy
That you want to keep for your own,
But you have to return it to
It's original home.

I don't know what's gotten into me,
I'm a wreck, a mess, ******* up,
I guess I just need to calm down,
Before I blow up.

Onward I'll go with my life,
Trying to make something good out of it,
Hoping I don't get torn down again, soon,
With every uphill, a downhill will hit.

Use me,
Abuse me,
Don't look at me,
Just through me.
Force yourself
Ontop of me,
Then let me grieve
Quietly.
I lay there crying,
Soaking the sheet,
The uneasiness within me
Starts to repeat.
Hit me,
Quit me,
Don't love me,
Don't lust me.
Break me,
Shake me,
For God's sake,
Heartbreak me.
Tell me when it's over,
Tell me when you're done,
And as long as I'm crying,
Just know that you have won.
My body's weak;
You make it weaker,
But you keep taking,
You push deeper.
And then at once,
You're up and gone,
They ask for a description,
I tell them, *"the Devil's spawn".

Painkillers intended to numb the pain
But they numb the heart from beating.

Administered to the ill and injured
Resulting in worse illness or injury.

An injury to the heart beat
To the collapsing lungs,
The vital components of life.

Without the medications,
The symptoms return
Full-fledged.

But with them, the ability
To function normally
Is absent.

The question at hand is
Whether it is better to suffer
From pain or numbness.

As I sit there on the floor of my shower, Letting the water that's pouring over me turn from hot to chilling cold, I hope the water can hide my tears. I hope it will wash away the faint pink lines that cover my arm. But most of all I hope the hours spent curled up, there, on the shower floor will wash away the pain.
I don't mind seeing those faint pink lines across my arm every so often, They help to remind me of all the battles I've fought, Though they are the remnants of the battles that I lost. Those battles have shaped me physically and emotionally. But those battles brought along struggle, Struggles that people who aren't facing them don't understand, Impossible to explain to someone who hasn't been through it all already, Struggles that bring along pain worse than any physical pain imaginable.
That is the pain I wish to be cleansed of.

When I close my eyes,
I can feel you beside me.
When I sit in utter silence,
I can hear your heart beating.
When I breathe in,
It's you that I smell.
And when I smell your jacket that I still wear,
I can taste your lips on mine.
And when I taste your lips,
It sends shivers down my spine.

I miss you.

Sometimes I catch myself
Thinking about things,
Nothing specific,
But everything all at once
And I wonder if you
Ever do the same.
Not necessarily if
You think about me,
But if you find yourself
Spending hours just sitting there,
Or perhaps laying there,
Thinking.
And maybe I cross your mind
Every once in a while,
Or maybe I don't,
But if I did;
I'd sure hope so,
I wonder what about me
You're thinking of.
The way we used to be best friends,
Or how we started to
Fall for each other
All those years ago.
Maybe you think about
The way I used to kiss you,
Or how I breathe in deeply
Just before I begin to cry.
Do you ever think about
The way we used to cuddle,
Or watch movies--
Though they are one in the same.
I used to think we were
One in the same,
But I guess now we are both
Our own "one".
So yes, I wonder if you think of me,
Because I think of you,
But I don't just think of all the people I know,
I think about the way you looked at me
Before every kiss,
The way you held my hand,
Even though your arms were too long
And mine too short, so we had to walk
Kinda funny to make it work,
But we did, because we cared.
I think about the way you smelled,
The messy, neatness of your hair,
How your boxers used to stick out of the top
Of your shorts about 2 inches.
I think about your favorite brown belt,
And your lunch box and backpack.
The way you used to look at me,
And the feeling I got in my stomach
After every glance from you.
So tell me,
Do you ever think of things like that?

I fell so hard for you,
And you just let me fall.
I was in love with you,
I was in love with it all.

From your first "hello",
To your last "good night",
I was in love with you,
And it all felt right.

Looking back;
I knew I was in love,
You were my last thought before sleeping,
And my first when I woke up.

The way you smiled,
And talked, and walked,
The way you held my hand,
And got us lost in the dark.

It was all perfect,
Just right, to say the least,
I couldn't imagine my life without you,
But it all happened so fast and those moments ceased.

I miss the way you looked into my eyes,
And how you kissed me good night.
I miss the love we once shared,
The love that always felt so right.

And now you got my heart hurting,
From spending all night with those memories.

Looking down at my hands,
I can see the power they hold,
The ability to show strength,
Or bring pain to the body, mind, and soul.

As I stare at my hands,
The makers of pain,
I wish to myself,
That those scars weren't the same.

As if I didn't feel
Mentally disfigured enough,
Now physical deformities
Brought upon me too;
I've had enough.

I can’t stand how I look,
I hate the way I feel,
I can’t take the judgment,
It’s too personal and real.

I feel like my brain is imploding,
It’s quickly shutting down.
I can’t help it
But my brain’s first reaction
Is to block out all sight and sound.

I watch those faint markings
As they dance around my hands,
They remind me of who I was
And where I've been,
But not who I am.

Those markings resemble
The battles I've lost;
I always tried to win,
I've always put up a fight
Regardless of the eternal cost.

Those lines and patterns,
They show where I've come from,
But not where I’ll go,
But then again,
At this point,
Who really knows.

How do you react
But with utter sadness
And sorrow when
You're given a time frame?

When there's a time stamp
On your life as you know it,
How do you act around
Your family and friends?

Do you spend the six weeks
That you've got left,
Moping and sulking,
Or making the most of every moment?

It's hard to focus on success
When you know the ultimate reality
That you're being faced with,
And quite frankly, it *****.

Your life went from whatever
Normal may be for you,
To living every moment
On a severely impairing time crunch.

Six weeks, seven at best,
But regardless, it's not enough time.
You need time to cope,
Time to heal mentally.

You need time,
But that's the one thing you don't have.

It was your average heartbreak,
Except it wasn't really all that average,
And only one heart broke,
But can a broken heart break again?
Because if not, then there really
Wasn't any bloodshed...

It was complicated you see,
Because I loved her and she loved me,
But she didn't think it was right
Or meant to be,
Or something along the lines of
We shouldn't be a "we".

But that's not all, that story is plain,
You see, now we're long distance,
Five and a half hours via plane.
Not only that, but no one knew,
They didn't know about me or you
And certainly not us two.

But I was in love and I gave you
Everything that I could afford.
I gave you my soul, my love,
And bought gifts til I was poor,
But it wasn't enough
To keep you on board,
So you left.

And when you left,
I became severely depressed.
I locked myself in my room,
Taking pills around the clock
Smothering myself in a hazy gloom.
I stopped eating because I could,
People told me to get help,
But should I? I should.
But I didn't
Because the only opinion that mattered
Had up and left me on the floor,
Tears streaming down my face
As you walked out of my front door.
You walked out on me that day,
And you've never come back since,
We were going to live life like a fairy tale,
Two princesses, no prince.

But now I lay here,
On a bed made for two,
And only one side gets slept on.
If we meet a genie and get three wishes,
I only want one thing,
To move on.

Much like being trapped in an elevator,
Awaiting your rescue,
Wondering if you should be the one to save yourself,
But you start panicking once the doors wont open,
You feel yourself shrinking,
Drowning in your thoughts,
Internally collapsing from the stress,
You begin to hyperventilate,
But not audibly, no, it's completely silent,
The utter silence itself is deafening,
You question the stability and structure
Of the suspended room that your life is being held in,
Back to the silence, was that a creaking sound
Or are you just starting to become paranoid now,
Is someone on the outside trying to pry the doors open
To help rescue you, and get you out,
Or is someone simply mindlessly hitting the elevator button
Waiting for it to come, though it never will,
Surely they'll become annoyed and just take the stairs,
But how are you supposed to get out of this situation,
This state of complete panic, you start to sob,
And that's when you realize that this is what anxiety feels like.

If I could somehow turn back the clock,
I would change a lot of things.
I wouldn’t tell my parents how much it irritated me when they chew,
I would spend more time praying and trusting my faith.
I would still go to church and read my Bible.
I would slurp spaghetti, one noodle at a time.
And I wouldn’t waste my entire high school career moping over you. You aren’t dead, you weren’t stripped from me. You chose to leave, at that’s that, your choice. We all make choices that hurt other people, and unfortunately for me, I’m the one that got hurt. I spent so much energy, cutting into myself, and sobbing into my pillow. I blew everything out of proportion. I missed you, but that was no reason to hate my friends that you also dated. I was a *****.
If I could somehow turn back the clock,
I would fix all of that. From the moment you broke up with me, I would’ve tried to fix things between us, and if it didn’t work, I would have moved on to avoid my whole depressed phase. I was a *****. If it were possible, I’d stop that from ever happening.

I breathe you in
Like the chemicals I inhale,
In a sad attempt
To forget you.

The thought of where
Your hands used to be,
Wrapped around my waist,
Now feels so ghostly.

I hear your laughter
Ringing through my mind,
Cluttering my thoughts,
Thoughts of when we were intertwined.

He runs his fingers through my hair
And kisses my mouth and neck,
He whispers in my ear
But it's not him I'm thinking of, it's you, dear.
He caresses my body
As I lie next to him all night,
He gets reactions out of me,
But I wish you were beside me.
I hear his heart beating fast
And as the night goes on it gets faster,
But he isn't the one I need beside me,
It's you that I need.
You're the one that I love,
He simply is in my bed with me,
But you, you're so much more to me
Than any other guy could be.
I was too stupid to realize
Just how much I need you,
I was too caught up in attention to realize
I want to be with you.

Some people are pig headed,
Others are good for nothing,
Losers, Jerks, *******, etc.
But you, you're more than all of that,
Or should I say, less.
You don't even deserve to be called anything,
You are nothing to me,
Except the ruiner of all things good and holy,
A destroyer of innocence.
I hate you.

My head is pounding,
My mind is screaming-- let me out,
The tears and the pain,
That I've kept inside and told no one about.

Secrets I hold dear to myself,
Secrets that no one else, can know of,
The biggest thing to bring me pain,
Must be deprivation of love.

Words rumble through my mind,
Thoughts and experiences roam about,
The voice inside my head keeps screaming,
It makes me want to rip my hair out!

What is right?
And what is wrong?
Does anyone care about me?
This can't be where I belong.

So i'll wait,
For something to change,
Something that matters,
To change all by itself because I can't,
Because this is not where I belong.

Are roses really red?
Are violets really blue?
Of course not, they're violet,
A shade or perhaps a hue
Thats purple and blue.

So do roses express love?
Or do they express anger?
Red can mean either,
So how do we know if roses portray
Love or anger, or maybe neither?

But what do violets represent?
Melancholy, depression, or resentment?
Or does it even matter?
Do violets have a meaning,
Or do they exist to fit the rhyming pattern?

In a garden full of roses,
I am a violet.
In the world full of love,
I am the resentment.
Are we all one or the other?
Maybe thats what they represent.

So when you take the next girl,
To the "special romantic place",
And surprise, its the rose garden,
Ill be there, a violet, disguised as a rose,
Red for you may mean love
While in me, the anger grows.

You are kerosene,
I am a match,
Ill burst into flames,
With one small scratch.
You douse me in yourself,
You cover my every surface,
Now im a wet match,
And wondering my purpose.
I begin to think of
All the problems you create,
Strike me against the rugged box,
Wait, dont do it, hesitate.
Now that's something you'd like to see,
Isn't it?
My match set ablaze,
You can watch me burn
In a fiery daze.

We can be taught
How to read and write
And cook meals
And ride a bike;
We can be taught
Simple things
Like running, swimming,
And going high on the swings;
But no one can teach us
How to love and cope
Or mend a broken heart,
Or hold onto hope.
And no one tells us
How it will feel
When you're in love,
In love for real!
Or how to handle
A lying cheat
Whose poisonous words
Are full of deceit.
Or what to do
When your heart is full
And the one you love
Has your heart strings to pull.
Or when you're in their grasp
Running on their track,
With love in you're heart
But they will never love you back.
Because the thing about love
Is that it's followed by pain,
And when you're in love with the wrong person
It will drive you insane.

As I sit here in silence,
Waiting, waiting, waiting,
Hoping to write about something new,
Or at least, something that's not you.
I hear nothing,
The silence is piercing,
But my brain is ringing with the sound of your name,
It's hurting my head, and is causing me pain.
I just want to move on,
I wish for new beginnings,
But you have become the center of my world,
And I am, for you, just another girl.
Help me move on,
Get out of my head,
I want you out of my heart,
Because you're tearing me apart.
But it's not a tear
That you get after
Constantly folding a piece of paper before
Ripping it.
It's more like a tear,
Jagged and rough,
With angled ends,
And no way to mend it.
Because of you,
That is what I have become.