and now the four of us
are like strangers.
with our secrets,we don't let them look past the curtains.
we smile for the pictures and act like we're perfect.

Creams to reduce eye puffiness
Give it a few hours, she'll be a mess.
She does her make up with dexterity
Her tears will smudge them soon.
But she's gotta maintain her popularity
She puts that neon pink lipstick on
Gives the customer want they want
She is beautiful without being ******
They say her name is of that if a flower
I observe her closely
She takes out a cigarette and places on her lips
The same one in which I always wanted to kiss
Her face I can never forget
Pretty girl is gonna die soon if she smokes too many cigarettes

I follow her in the alley
She notices me and laughs half-heartedly
I shuffle past the drunken men
I want to know her
We have never met.
She runs away from me and laughs
"Go home, handsome!  You'll get lost in this boulevard."
She offers me a cigarette
"Doesn't taste that bad, helps me forget"
Pretty girl is gonna die soon if she smokes too many cigarettes.

"Hey, hey, hey it's going to be just one shot."
I give her a smug smile.
"Tonight, you will be my boss."
I feel the drugs permeating my system
She ends up crying
She wants someone to listen.
Goes on rambling about her problems
and an ex called Wilson.
Influenced by drugs
I tell her to do the wrong thing.
"If you think drugs are the solution,  you should do it!"
Traces of her eyeliner on her lower eye lashes.
"That *****'s outfit hardly matches!"
She gives me one last hug
and places a cigarette on her lips.
I master the courage to give her a little kiss.
Her alcohol breath isn't the best.
Pretty girl is going to die soon if she smokes too many cigarettes.

Her lipstick on the outer edges of her mouth.
Her laughter a little bit too loud
All the curves in the right places
Her love of alcohol and cigarettes
Drunk in our own promises
Letting the drugs take over what ever is left
She just woke up
and lighted a cigarette to her lips
Sound of sirens that dips
It's been 12 hours since we've met.
Her face I can never forget.
Pretty girl is gonna die soon if she smokes too many cigarettes

My perfect man
Shall know all about my past
and refuse to judge me about it.

My perfect man
Shall know about my obsessions
But by no means Jesse Pinkman and Aaron Paul will spoil our relationship.

My perfect man
Doesn't need to have six abs
Or a tall build
But that doesn't mean he chooses an unhealthy lifestyle

My perfect man
Should be able to make me laugh
Should be able to hold me when I cry
Should know that I am one of the most shy humans on this planet
Should know that I will always love him
Should know that I can sing songs to him in my raspy voice
Should know that if he is trying to play
His heart is the one which goes for the ****.

It’s 2:00 AM,
There’s a dangerous level of alcohol in my system
The only thought on my mind is you.
Your smile
Your laughter
Your kisses
You
And now i am drunk and angry that someone else has you

It’s 2:20 AM,
The stars have come out to play now
They watch me crying into a stranger’s chest and ranting about you
My mind can’t decide if I should let you go or let you stay
Remember when you asked me to write you a song? I am doing it now.

It’s 2:40 AM,
I vomited all of my dinner
And I kept thinking of you,
A stranger held my hand and promised me it’s gonna be okay.
A woman who I had just met told me about karma.

It’s 2:50 AM,
A Tibetan man bought us all beers,
And talked about a home he had never visited,
He is an alien on the papers and an Indian in his heart,
He knows all the secrets of the colony of refugees,
He knows his land just as much as I know you,
Enough to adore, not enough to make it a home.
The Buddhist flags, the stars, the cracked walls and smuggled liquor
know our story.
Do I leave a message for you here, hoping that you’d find it?
I don’t remember anything else from that hot, summer night.

It’s 3:00 AM,
My heart knows love the same way Tibet knows peace.
The man yearns for Tibet the same way I yearn for you.

he told me he'd love me for a million years.
he took my hand and showed me the whole world.
a million years later, we remained the same. we were reduced to nothing but skeletal ashes.
still, our hands were linked together and our hearts continued to beat as one.
the ink on our skins had faded a long time ago. we were tied to each other with our promises.
he told me he'd love me for a million years.
he loved me for a million more

ashes cover my bones

i stare at the fire i started

my past lies behind me

my swords are not blunt anymore

my shield is destroyed

smoke rises up

blinding the rest of the world

slowly, i rise

i stand amidst my remains

naked and pure,

stronger and wise,

my swords are not blunt anymore

now,i watch my story unfold

I tell myself I will write something new everyday but it's all a lie.

Oh dear, I have become a monster to my self.

I met a dancer once
She looked at me with her twinkling eyes
ready as a bird for her flight
She moved swiftly
like water reaching the shore
She came to me and asked
if I'll catch her when she falls
but she is so elegant with what she does
how could she ever fall?
'Sometimes, it happens J. Now wait for my call'
she moved gracefully
destroyed imaginary barriers
Kicked her demons away
I met her out of luck.
She then danced to the beat of my words

He tells me to paint him a picture,
paint it with strokes bold
I nod and cover the canvas in gold.
I throw some red in there to show my beating heart.
He knows nothing, not even our start.
Our love's purple, a war between red and blue.
When we dance, we're red
like the devil's tune.
We're splattered colours and broken palettes.
We sit at beaches waiting for our fates.
He could choke on his own cigarettes
but I won't leave him
till he tells me to paint another picture
with strokes bold
till the air in our rooms is no longer cold
till the fire has destroyed our pretty pictures
and his ashes cover my bones.

I can see that you're stuck in a rut.
You are desperate to get out,
but you choose to sulk.
The darkness inside clouds up your mind.
Can't think straight
Put on that fake smile
People tell you to stop being stressed
They don't know that they are the reason for this mess.
They have seen you smiling,
but never cared about the tears inside.
You tell them you're okay
when you're thinking of giving up the fight.
One day everything will be fine
your smile won't be fake anymore
We were beaten up
but we're still whole.
In the end, we are broken machines waiting to be mend.
I am a few steps to closer to recovery
and I believe I will make it to the end.

we're the same level of insane
we take pictures and lock them away
let's run through this city with stars in our eyes
prank strangers and trust frauds
lose our minds
pass out in an alley
let's be free
for once
because these shackles
won't break themselves
and if we make it out alive
we'll be jumping past the fence

I am turning into the person i detest and i have no control over it.

i don't want to be like this.

wind blows through the flowers,
her eyes follow the clouds
she's been telling me about her childhood,
telling me about her exes and foes
squealing with joy when a memory comes to her mind.
she's been planting kisses down my jawline,
been tugging at my hair,
teasing the bulge in my pants,
biting my lip when we're kissing
she's my happy place
and she's drives me insane

We're tied by fate
marching with promises sewn over lips.
Our minds shut
and controlled.
They call us imperfect
if you can deny.
Sunken eyes and faded skin
we are the things you crave from within.
The city is disgusting.
A corpse of what it used to be.
We're aloof.
We let the drugs permeate our system.
We stay high.
The ground is caked in dirt and rust.
We are worth your trust.
It's feels sick when we think about what we used to be.
We are your twenty one broken dreams.

I pick up a pen
to let my emotions flow
The ink has dried
The paper remains empty.

I cry.

she lays under the stars
wondering
how did it all turn out like this?
a year ago, she was fighting
and now she rests
with her wounds open,
her heart on her sleeve
staring at the passage where her dreams meet

I am the nicest mean person you will ever know
I can **** around without being a *****.
I am shy at first, but once they get to know me I am the loudest.
I am that kid in the class who doesn't get attention
I am the one who hates or loves their reflection.
I am the deep thinker or carefree.
In my world,  there is no stability.
I am fault finding or appreciative.
I feel denigrated.
I am the pessimist who is an optimist.
I make mistakes, enemies and friends.
When I write poetry,
I don't expect it to trend.
Named after the Indian goddess of victory
I am not always sweet.
I am perfect yet imperfect
as we all can be.

You came into my life, closed my wounds and set me ablaze
Now,the fire has died,you're gone and the wounds have opened again.

A,
I have never been a fan of letters.
I rewrote this multiple times.
but here it goes..
would you listen to me if I sang the same words to you in different melodies
or different words in the same melody?
would you giggle everytime I hold your hand?
or sing my favourite songs with me?
I'm thinking about you while writing this, you are in my thoughts.
you're a wonderful person amongst many other things
look at you now, scaling heights,conquering peaks.
isn't all of this fun?



I have forgotten what happened between us.
It's weird,
Two years have gone so fast.
I am better now. More versatile,angry and intuitive.
I restrict myself from feeling emotions.
I am try to make myself better every moment.
I have been self harm free for a year.
Sometimes, I sing.
I am strumming random chords in my head.
I listen to a German band now.
I have a crush on a Norwegian chess player
That's all about me, how have you been doing?
Did you get to visit the places you wanted to? Did you get any pets?
You're turning eighteen in May! That's awesome!
I am happy for you.

With rage and love,
J

"Wake up!, it's six thirty already!"
I groan and get out of the bed
only to know that she woke me an hour early

i asked you the meaning of your name
and you said it means
the stalk of a lotus.
i think of all the times you bloomed before me,
thriving despite the negativity.

i didn't know what compassion meant
until i met you,
as i raged, wept and cried in despair,
you waited and held my hand.
i had forgotten what vulnerability meant
until i met you.
you showed me that we often love the wrong people,
we often show them the sides of us they never wanted to see.

the lawns of the school of economics
hold the memory of us bonding
over broken hearts and broken knees.
we laughed when our insides were breaking,
we tried to heal each other's wounds,
hoping that our words would be of some comfort for scars
left by former lovers.

we learnt how bad unrequited love hurts together.
when the spring arrived, i cried over a boy who never loved me.
you cried over a man who pretended to love you.
the commuters on the train may have overheard us maundering
did grief bring us closer?

i remember the sound of your laughter
during our phone calls.
i probably said something about my ex and his small *****,
your ex and karma. oh and our discussions on karma,
i can't wait till she gets me.

i remember when you held me tight
and promised me that it was going to be okay.

with time,
i have learnt to let go of certain memories
but i know i won't let go of you.

Would you listen to me if i sang the same words in different melodies
or if sang the same melody and different melodies?
Would you care if i told you about how you influence me?
I have a riff stuck in my head, care to write a song out of it?
It's all you,
with your cheekiness,bluntness and rage.
It's all me,
with my anger,awkwardness and determination.
Would you care to sit beside me and look at the stars?
Would you care if I told you about my past?
You wouldn't.
You don't even exist.

Everytime I look at you,

My heart skips a beat.

In this lost city of dreams,

we are the ones who roam here without a clue.

It's weird how we never talked

but now we stay up every night

Hoping to see each other's face in the light,

and watch you hold my heart which you caught.

Let's light this place with the fire in our eyes

We are lost birds but yet we continue to fly.

The spark of rebellion inside us refuses to fade.

Go ahead and try,

We will never be trapped in chains.

Maybe someday we might forget how we used to be

begging to the cold hearted for mercy.

Memories of yesterday will live on in our minds,

we vowed to change the world

and never pick up a fight.

So here's to us and promises to last forever,

it may take us a while

but we will escape from this glimmer.

he broke me, he repaired me, he changed me.
i would do anything for him. he seemed like a responsibility. i needed to be there for him, i needed to be his shoulder to cry on,i needed to laugh with him to make myself feel better.
he changed and i didn't.
he intoxicates my mind like a drug i have never taken before. he charms me with his sweet voice and music. he can't be my shoulder to cry on, he can't talk me out of my sadness, he can't cheer me up on my bad days.
Sometimes, a certain line will take me back to when we were happy. i bet he can't identify where it's coming from.
our conversations are bland now. with blue ticks by each message showing that both of us don't care anymore. one of us is burdened with the thoughts and memories of the other, one of us can't give a ****

why does his presence linger in my poems and stories?
why does he become a reason for me to write?
why does he make me question my emotional state?

I have a million reasons to love you.
I will find a million more.

what was easier?
leaving you or forgetting you?

A bittersweet fruit
If you must know
I can be a friend
or a foe.
There are so many things that I deplore
Writing about them is how I let go.
I don't listen to soft music when I write
It's a man screaming about his lost fight.
The pen's ink and my blood are same to me
They were there when I was jovial
or filled with misery.
If you must steal a of my words
Prepare to bid adieu to your world.
Pointing out my flaws won't get you anywhere
I live to create my own world.
You're not the one I choose to mitigate
My words aren't always resplendent
They are often about people
or some bad days
Alas! I am a mystery in my own self
Their are so many ideas wish to promulgate
I bid thee farewell
I have a lot to write
Of course you can come close!
I don't bite.

Pointing the gun on my head.
Thinking that it could be a big mistake.
No one would care If I am dead.
Maybe they will celebrate.
I take one last breath,
knowing that they will
find me in my bed.

I glance down at the bottle of pills,
Consume a little bit more of it and it kills
I don't see my life going forward from this point,
Tired of being spun around like the useless coin.
Wonder how do these pills taste,
a little by little I put them all in my mouth
and hope to forgive myself for this big mistake.

The razor's on my wrist.
Today I am gonna quit.
My memories are shattered.
My face is battered.
Tired of being called ugly
Tired of being called fat.
I want to die but no one knows that.
Tomorrow I will be gone.
Find me, among those shattered bones.
Meeting people like me.
and people who don't  judge.
My death won't be an answer to this.
I keep the razor down.
Thinking it was a big mistake.

A/N: I wrote this when I was like 12 so yeah its kinda ******...