you slipped through my fingers like sand
but my hands weren't anywhere near you
i was on a totally different planet
you on the other side of the world
suddenly you weren't the only one not feeling so good

you are the soundtrack to my life.
your breath is the rhythm to my walk.
your heartbeat is my refrain.

and yet again, we're six feet under.
in too deep for the second time.
after all, what's the point in coming
back from the grave if it's where
you sleep at night?

You like to gamble.
I am the Queen of your heart.
You're risking it all.

The thing about time is that it doesn’t
Work for you.
Yours was bound to run out eventually.
It just happened to be sooner
Than you first expected.

I would say that I'm tired of being tired, but I'm really just tired of you.

Maybe the big picture isn't as pretty when you
look
up
close.
You can see how the colors have bled,
How the paint has chipped,
How the colors have faded.
Then, no one wants to look at the details.
They just want to see the pretty.
The distance-blurred scenery.
The seemingly sharp lines
And the seemingly vivid colors,
But the harsh reality is that nothing is pretty
When you look a little deeper
Or search a little harder
Because only then can you see
How messed up everything really is.

isn't it sad when
there's more equality
in the math on my paper
than there is
in the society of our country?

We tried so hard to escape.
I guess my heart got caught on the barbed wire.
I sat on the fence and watched you leave, watched you leave me behind.
My fingers locked in the chain link, my body paralyzed by the spotlights.
I’ll always be locked up in you.

my lipstick matches
the color of your blood on
my manicured hands.

There are four pill bottles in my cabinet.
1.) Vicodin for the pain, the agony that comes in the night, the suffering.
2.) Prozac for the numbness, the void, the grey space in my brain.
3.) Ativan for the insomnia, the late night tears, the constant thinking.
4.) Xanax for the panic, the racing heartbeats, the walls closing in.
I'm working on a couple more.
There are four pill bottles in my cabinet.
All of them are almost empty.

I'm here.
I am no one in particular.
I am a face in a crowd.
I am charted waters.
I am covered ground.
I am blurring into the lines.
I am collapsing in on myself.
All that I have left is my name.
I am not struggling.
I am not in love.
I am not fighting.
I am not feeling.
I am nothing but a name.

we both knew that we were in deep.
we knew before it even started.
actually, we're not even that deep.
only six feet under the ground.
prematurely dead and overly tortured.
both feet in the grave.
both with one hand over our eyes.
both with one hand over our mouths.
by the time we saw, there was nothing left to see.
by the time we spoke, no one could hear.
we were just that deep.
just deep enough that we can't go back.

the blood in my veins
is pumped by a heart that's in chains.
i'm bound by your love,
in a world that's devoid of
every color except for you.
and i wish that i could redo
the first day that we met.
i would've stayed in until the sun set.
to stay away from you and your
relentlessly
restricting
love.

Sometimes it seems like my nightmares last longer than my sleep.
Then I realize that I never slept at all.

ex-friend. boyfriend.
they both mean the end.
your love was fake.
we were built to break.
i flirt with people but
you act like you're not cut.
come on, boy, you know you're hurt.
upset that i got up and left you in the dirt.
watch me do what you thought i'd never.
obviously you're not the one named clever.
feelings can't fade if they never start.
not sorry if i broke your heart.

i'd love you, but i just don't.

anymore.

I've always thought that love was more like water than anything else.
It evaporates so fast, invisible to the untrained eye.
It changes with the moon, depends on the night.
It crashes so fast, eroding like the waves.
It stays unreliable, currents pulling hard.
It changes hands so easy, used by everyone.
It drowns you quick if you're not careful.
I guess that's it's sad that I'm afraid of the ocean.

I'll find a way to escape this, too.
Whether it takes me until the sunrise.
Whether it takes me until I'm at the end.
I find a way to circumvent your feelings.
I know you've got your heart set on love,
But I have to say, I'd really prefer your trust.

There's always beauty in the most insignificant thing.
The way your voice sometimes shakes when you sing.
The way the falling snow always collects on your lashes.
The way your face looks in the rain after lightning flashes.
I know this is cliche,
But you're most beautiful when you're not trying to be.

the good days burn out like matches.
sparking sleepless nights and bad dreams.
the force of trying to start it again isn't
worth the ephemerality of its effect.
you never should've played with fire.
it's (i'm) nearly impossible to put out
once i'm started

i look at you and see myself
you feel like home
when the furniture's pushed back
we fill the space
slow dancing to silence
barefoot on the carpet

i lock it down, can't let that go.
it can't hurt you if you just don't know.
things lose power when you say them out loud.
there are things i can't let go. guess i'm too proud.

i lie if it means keeping it away from you.
i lie, on my knees, at church, in the pew.
but honestly
the only honest thing
i'm saying is that honesty
is overrated
and i fake it
until i make it
but when my world's at stake
and i can't tell how much you can take
and its weight would push you
out of my life and too

far
away

I don't want anything from you.
I know that it sometimes seems like all I do is use you.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
You're so much more to me than that.
You raised me, for god's sake.
No one could ever replace you.
I need you so much, and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you.
The doctors can't get it right, and it keeps getting worse.
We fight all the time but I can't live without you.
I'm scared that those could've been the last words that I said.
I know I went too far, and I can't go back.
I can't apologize my way out of this one.
You think that I want to replace you.
I know that I act like I do.
I love you so much.
I'm sorry.
I rarely cry.
I am now.
Please.

You're committed. What's your crime?
I steal hearts, but I've done no time.
You guard your heart, but don't mind mine.
You let me in and now walk the line.

I vogue with a tearstained face, but you'd still **** to take my place.

It's 11:32
I'm still waiting here for you
Made my way down city blocks
Ignoring people, kicking rocks
But you've reached the deadline
It's 11:59
And I'm still waiting.

i promise i'll save you
from this life you're made to
take part with these people who
don't know just what they do
we're not made to win
but i'll save you
save you from you

he moves in the moonlight
weekends, never all right
swerved and hit the curb
know better than to disturb
don't bother to watch his tone
got mad and shattered her phone
god, she wishes she was alone

We climb power lines and play Titanic.
We go to parties, but only for the free food.
We sneak out to people watch at Walmart.
We're the whirlwind couple everyone dreams about.
We're what they don't show in movies.

I want you to know that,
After you're found drowned in the bathtub,
It's not you. It's me.
After you're found face down in your kitchen, poisoned,
It's not you. It's me.
After you're found burned alive in your backyard,
It's not you. It's me.
After you're found mauled in your Porsche,
It's not you. It's me.
Sorry babe, but I think it's time that you take a break.
It's over.

in chlorine soaked clothes
we take our highs with our lows
you'll know when it shows

I'm wrapped around your fingers.
Your fingers are wrapped around my neck.
Choking the life out of me.
Breath by fading breath.
The Killers playing in the background.

grey skies and bold lies
our waves cut shallow and quick
dear god, we're drowning

her hair pulled back
she's photogenic like kodak
she's an alpha female
her power will prevail
she's fight flushed
she plays unrushed
she is femme fatale
she is us.

sometimes i find myself
somewhere i don't know
chasing fire with coffee

bodies in black in white
eyes in technicolor
we were picture perfect
but everything good fades
in time because
the vivid fades away
and vintage is simply
old and worn and used

a picture of Debbie Harry (by Andy Warhol).
a Stoneman Douglas awareness sticker.
a red Supreme sticker.
"favor" written in blue dry erase.
the queen of hearts from a pack of Aviators.
"still waters run deep and *****" in Sharpie.
and me. except that it's not me.
it's you. and it's not erasable.

they say that time is money
going bankrupt on you, honey
i might have to pull a loan, maybe
you got me going broke, baby
sorry, i'm broke(n)
sorry, we're broke(n)

I wanna die before I'm old.
I wanna chop off all my hair and dye it pink.
I wanna live in LA and go to art school.
I want the American dream that no one sees.
I wanna do dumb things with people I just met.
I wanna be a musician and play at bars with my band.
I wanna go to the beach at midnight and dance.
I wanna live while I can.
I wanna make it through the night.

The death of a sophomore.
Pull up by the side door.
You get what you ask for.
Guns in the bottom drawer.
****** floors in the drugstore.
A life for an even score.
A ****** at 5'4".
The drug lord of a drug war.

We're high enough without the drugs
So teach me how to forget you
'Cause I don't know how to forget you
Please just help me to forget you
All I want is to forget you
I swear.
Those five words buried deep within ourselves.
We paraphrase our hearts.
We summarize our feelings.
I'd never let you go because
I never loved you.
And that's the way it has to be.
The way it is.
From the last time to the first.

we built empires in our minds that no one else could inhabit
we had never seen the world that's outside of our walls
we hadn't ever let go of anything that we created
we couldn't have controlled ourselves after
we started something that wouldn't end
we hadn't had the chance to run
we were running out of time
we hadn't had any options
we were afraid of what
we had become
but after all...
we tried being what
we weren't and all that
we thought that we wanted
we slow danced in mcdonald's
we explored abandoned buildings
we had photo shoots in parking lots
we stargazed on the hood of your vintage car
we lived as much as we could because we knew
we wouldn't last much longer than the last ones but
we were at least willing to try and love before we ended

I swear I hate you.
I don't love you, too.
Amen.
Beyonce to the Black Parade.
Friendships badly custom-made.
Amen.
Empty walls and a mirror.
Lies've never seemed clearer.
Amen.
Lipstick and split ends.
Broken bottles and fake friends.
Amen.
A m e n.

We blew up over
Bomb Pops.
The red, white, and blue kind.
Our tears pooled while in
Swimming pools.
The chlorine kind.

Don't make me watch you,
Falling out of love.
Watching you fight,
It makes me miserable.
Just give up already.
You've got your rings,
And it's still not real.
Just admit it,
It's over.
Sign the papers, please, and
Cut the tie that binds.
It'll set me free, too.

She grew up on the walls
She grew up in the city
Against all odds she survived
The life that she was born into
She controls the alleyways
She is the orphan of understanding
King Jr. raised her
She is the essence of everything
That is street

She is the leader of a movement
That is ruthlessly and viciously her
She is undeniably cultured
That is the way that she thrives
She thrives off of opinions
She designed to push the pavement to the limits
Malcolm X praised her
She is the essence of everything
That is judged

She is the poster child of the ignorance
Of those who refuse to see
She is distinguished for her beliefs
She is set apart by her nature
That makes her so strong
She is the tie that binds it all
Differentiation never phased her
She is the essence of everything
That is individuality

She is forever infamous
She is running out of time
She is expunged from the city
She is excluded from the pavement
She is expelled from the walls
She is extracted from the alleyways
She is excommunicated from the people
She is exiled from their compassion
She is the unfairly judged individuality of the street

You smell like cologne and formaldehyde.
With your Day-Glo eyes, you knew I’d lied.
Green lights under ******, red skies.
No more cash in the bank, no more time we could buy.